


Pretty When You Cry

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, BDSM, Drama, Established Relationship, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Kinks, M/M, Romance, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-14
Updated: 2011-11-18
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:27:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 39
Words: 90,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8703055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: AU: Dean Winchester is a rich businessman who's going for a business trip, and he needs someone to introduce as his boyfriend. So he finds Samuel Daniels, a hooker, and hires him for the whole month the trip is going to take. Sam has heard rumors about Dean and is slightly worried, but he really needs the money and Dean is paying good. Sam has no idea what he has gotten himself into until it's too late to turn back, and Dean finds himself in a situation he never thought he would. Is it lust? Is it just sex? Or could it be something more...? Co-authored by Persephone.





	1. The Proposition

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** This started as a roleplay with my dear Persephone but we never had a chance to finish it, so the conclusion was turn it into a fic. Mostly from Sam's POV, but Dean's POV's that were necessary to make some sense into the story until chapter 18 (when I went rogue...) are awesome handiwork of Persephone. Thanks Persey.

Sam had never thought that he'd end up as a hooker, but thinking about it, it wasn't that bad... most of the time. He had the looks to be selective with his clients, he didn't do slimy old men. Most of his clients were older, but not that much, and they treated him with respect. Sam was their little secret, a way to have fun before they returned home to their wives and kids. And that was fine. Most of the time he even enjoyed the sex, and if he didn't... well, he was a damn good actor. Never had left anyone cold, so to speak. He knew how to use his body, his mouth, and everything else as well. 

 

And most importantly, he didn't have a pimp. He found his clients himself, or his clients found him, and if there was mutual interest, then a deal was done and Sam made thousand bucks at best nights. But lately the business had been slow. His usual clients were out of town and there was no guarantee when they would return. And to be honest, Sam started to be a little short on cash. He would have to figure out something soon. Really soon if he wanted to keep his apartment. 

 

He was walking down the street, deep in his thoughts. It was dark but Sam wasn't worried, he knew how to defend himself, thanks to the years spent living in the streets before he had found out that rich men were willing to pay good money for a night with a good looking young man. Sam had boyish charm and he knew how to use it. But the problem remained... He would have to find out a new client, and soon. 

 

Sam was so deep inside his own head that at first he didn't even notice the car that slowed down next to him. Then he snapped out of his thoughts and noticed that the car was a new Mercedes, expensive looking, and Sam couldn't think of but few reasons why the car was slowing down, and the reason surely wasn't that some good Samaritan wanted to give him a ride... Well, a ride maybe, but not that kind of ride. Could this be a possible client? 

 

Then the passenger's side window rolled down and a hand appeared from it to beckon him closer with a curl of his fingers. Sam went, a small smile on his face. Sam wanted to see the face of the owner of the car but the windows were tinted and it was dark so he couldn't, but he heard a voice, a man asking what his rate was. Sam smiled a little. He was that obvious, huh? Well, it didn't matter. The man had a nice voice, a little rough but still smooth, and Sam thought, 'why not'. 

 

"Depends on what you wanna do." Sam said with a smooth voice, not too smooth though. This was business after all. "Five hundred for a fuck, includes blowjob. If you want something extra, that's gonna cost more. Bondage, S&M, kinks. I don't however do watersports or other stuff like that. And I don't do bareback. Anything else... You name it, I'll do it." Sam leaned a bit closer to the car. "So. Still interested?"

 

"Get in." The man said, unlocking the passenger door. Sam climbed in and the man started driving. Sam stole glimpses of his new client. It was dark inside the car and Sam couldn't see much more but his side profile, but the man looked good. A little younger than Sam usually had, but it didn't bother him. He couldn't wait to get a better sight of the man who's voice was like whiskey and burnt sugar 

and just the voice alone intrigued Sam enough so that he had stepped inside that car, even when it was probably stupid, since he didn't even know where the man was taking him. 

 

It was a twenty minute drive before the man pulled into the garage of a building, led him to the garage elevator, and Sam followed the man to the elevators, watching as the man pushed his keycard into the elevator slot, heading up. He stayed quiet with Sam there right next to him. In the elevator Sam got a better look of the man. He was shorter than Sam, maybe few inches, built as far as Sam could make through the clothes the man was wearing, and he had a gorgeous face. If he even was good in bed...? Maybe that was too much to ask, and it wasn't really about that. It was about money, a deal, and he still had a feeling that the man was evaluating him, considering if he was worth the money. Sam didn't mind that either. Either he was what the man was looking for, or he wasn't. Simple as that. 

 

As soon as the elevator doors opened, they stepped right into a huge living room. Everything looked classy and spoke of money. There were large ceiling to floor windows looking out to the entire glittering city. It looked beautiful.

 

"Clothes. Off." The man ordered, not wasting any time and turning around to regard Sam, apparently ready to look at the goods. This was nothing new, and Sam wasn't embarrassed in the least. He started unbuttoning his shirt, slowly, first looking down at the buttons he was opening but not showing a sign of insecurity or embarrassment. After unbuttoning his shirt he let it slide down his shoulders and down to the floor. Then he looked at the man, smiled a little teasing smile before taking his t-shirt off with one smooth motion, letting it fall down to the floor as well. He kept his eyes on the man as his hands went down to his fly, unbuttoned his jeans and stepped out of them, kicking his socks away at the same time and standing there in front of the man in just his tight black boxer-briefs that were so tight they left nothing to imagination. Then, slowly he pushed his fingers under the waistband of his boxers, lowered them just enough that his dark pubic hair showed a little, and then pushed the boxers down his hips, letting them slide down and pool around his ankles before stepping out of them. 

 

He stood naked in front of the other man, expression calm and warm as he tilted his head. "So? Like what you see? Or am I not your type?" 

 

 

The man smirked, stepping closer to Sam and sliding one hand up his stomach, over his chest and up to the his neck. He wrapped the hand around the back of Sam's neck, tugging him down so that his lips were near Sam's ear. "You'll do." The man whispered into his ear, bringing Sam close and grabbing his arm, tugging at him towards the bedroom. 

 

"You'll do." 

 

Sam let the guy lead him into the bedroom, smirking slightly when the man didn't see. Usually the cocky attitude annoyed Sam, but with this guy... It fit him. It wasn't the kind of cockiness that most men used to hide their insecurities, no. This guy was confident and obviously knew what he wanted. Sam liked that. 

 

The bedroom was big, and there was a huge bed with black satin sheets. The carpet was so thick and soft that Sam felt his bare feet sink in it. The guy didn't let go of his arm, instead he suddenly turned Sam around so that they were face to face. The guy had green eyes with a hint of gold in them, and Sam could see a fire burning in those eyes. So, he'd do, huh? 

 

The man leaned close to Sam, lips almost brushing his but not quite. "I want you on the bed. On your back." Sam stared into those eyes with same intensity and obeyed, getting on the bed and laying down on the black sheets. "Touch yourself." The guy said next, and Sam smiled a little, took his cock in his hand and started stroking himself slowly, teasingly. 

 

The man watched him from the end of the bed, eyes going down to Sam's cock and then back to his face. "I don't want pretenders." The man said. "Everything that happens here tonight is gonna be real. Every moan, every scream that I'm gonna pull out of you will be real. And you will moan, and you will scream." 

 

In some other situation those kind of words would have annoyed Sam as well, but coming from this guys mouth they only turned him on, and Sam realized he was hard. 

 

"That's good..." The man muttered and started taking his clothes off. Sam kept stroking himself slowly, watching as the man shed his clothes, revealing pale golden skin, lean, hard muscles and finally his cock. It was big. Beautiful. When the man was naked, he crawled into bed and took Sam's hand off his cock. "Hands above your head. Spread them." Sam obeyed, and the man leaned over him. Before Sam even realized, he was cuffed to the bed and the man smirked. "There... such a pretty sight." 

 

Sam swallowed but hid it well. He had never met this man before, didn't know what he was up to, if he was some kind of pervert... or worse... Still he didn't let himself panic. He had said himself that he was up to bondage and even S&M, and he wasn't going to take his words back. 

 

"Oh." the man smiled. "One more thing..." Then he was back at the end of the bed, looking at Sam with those intense green eyes. "Spread your legs." Sam did,but he hadn't expected what happened next, because the man cuffed his ankles to the bedposts so that Sam was spread eagle, and yes, helpless. "Better..." The man smirked and crawled back up, on top of Sam and even higher until he was sitting on Sam's chest. "Now. I want you to suck me. And then I want to fuck your mouth." Sam smiled. This he could do. The man lifted himself up and leaned against the headboard, bringing his hard cock to Sam's lips. "Open up..." He whispered and Sam did, taking that big cock into his mouth, licking the length at first before sucking deep. He knew how to give a blowjob, this was what he was good at. He licked and sucked, swirled his tongue around the hard shaft, dipping into the slit and licking the underside of the crown before swallowing the whole cock deep again. 

 

"Now, don't move." The man ordered and Sam stayed still. The man let his cock stay inside Sam's mouth and pushed a finger in there too, feeling the hot wetness of Sam's mouth and the hardness of his own cock. and then he pulled the finger out and started thrusting, fucking Sam's mouth hard and deep. Sam relaxed his throat and felt the thick cock sliding down it, deep and demanding. the guy was breathing a little heavier, but he didn't leave any other sounds, just stared down at Sam, his lips that were stretched around the big, hard cock that was fucking his mouth, thrusting down his throat, and Sam wondered idly how long the guy could go on like that without coming. 

 

Just then the man pulled away, licked his lips and sighed. "You have a sweet mouth... tight, hot and wet. Let's see what else is tight..." Then the man was gone but returned soon with a condom and a bottle of lube. "Don't worry. I'm gonna stretch you open for me..." The man smirked and Sam just stared at him as he knelt between Sam's legs and opened the bottle, coating his fingers with it. Sam couldn't see what the man was doing next, but he knew that he had never been stretched open like this. The man pressed his thumbs inside Sam and started stretching him open, coaxing the tight rim of muscles to relax. Sam gasped and a moan escaped his lips, and it was a genuine moan of pleasure. 

 

"Told you..." The man said as his thumbs kept opening Sam up. "Everything you feel with me is real." 

 

Then the fingers left Sam's ass and Sam was already sweating and panting. He felt his ankles getting released, and then the man was on top of him, letting his wrists free as well. Sam lifted his head and watched as the man ripped the foil of the condom and then rolled it on his cock. "I want you on your hands and knees." 

 

Sam was still shivering but forced his body to move, got down on the bed on all fours and waited. He didn't have to wait for long when he felt the man behind him, and then a thick cock was pushing inside of him. Sam gasped, eyes closed and jaw clenching as the man thrust inside all the way at once, burying every inch of his cock inside Sam's ass, and didn't even wait for Sam to adjust before he started fucking him, hard and fast and brutal, and Sam screamed. 

 

"Yes, scream for me..." The man laughed and Sam moaned as the cock kept hammering inside of him. Then it hit his prostate and Sam screamed again. 

 

"Like that?" The man asked but Sam couldn't answer, he could hardly breath. The man set a brutal pace, hitting Sam's prostate with every thrust, and Sam screamed, he moaned, he whimpered, feeling the orgasm building inside of him. 

 

"I want you to come now." The man said. "Come. Now." 

 

And Sam did, he came so hard he saw white, screaming again, and at the same time he felt the man going rigid behind him before his hips started spasming and Sam felt his hipbones digging into Sam's ass cheeks. Then the man pulled away, and Sam collapsed to the bed, his whole body weak and limp. 

 

"Yeah... rest." The man said, getting up from the bed. "What's your rate for the whole night? Nah, doesn't matter. You'll be mine tonight. All night. So rest, you're gonna need your strength because that was just foreplay." 

 

Sam would have blinked if he had energy to do so. Holy shit... what had he gotten himself into? 

 

Sam was too tired to move. Well, maybe not too tired, but the rough fucking had really worn him out and he felt too good to move, so he just lay there enjoying the sweet ache that was spreading all over his body, the slight burn in his ass, everything. Then the guy who's name Sam still didn't know came back, naked and his hair wet, looking absolutely gorgeous and Sam felt a new wave of desire washing over him. The guy was good looking, confident and amazing in bed. Sam wouldn't mind to 'serve' him more often. 

 

"Now I'll ask you some questions... and you better answer them. Truthfully." The guy said then, voice breaking no arguments before he threw his wet towel on a nearby chair and climbed over Sam's sprawled body. He looked down on him and Sam raised his brow, curiously. The guy bent down, nipping Sam's jaw. "Why hustling?" He breathed against Sam's skin as his hands rubbed up and down his body, finally resting on the sharp angles of Sam's jutting hipbones. 

 

"Why?" Sam asked. "It's pretty simple. It's an easy way to make money. With my looks I can pretty much choose my clients. I've never done anyone I didn't find attractive." Sam smiled. "Also, I have managed to gather a regular clientele, most of them businessmen who just want to have a break from their everyday life. I spend a night, occasionally two with them, after that they return home to their families and everyone's happy. No one forced me to this. It was my choice. Usually the sex is good, and I like sex. And what's better than getting paid for something you like to do anyway." Sam raised his eyebrows again. "Next question?" 

 

"Lazy." The guy pointed out easily, sliding on top of him again licking his earlobe, pulling the soft flesh into his mouth and Sam let out a breath that was half full of arousal and half full of laughter. "Any family?" The man asked next and Sam stiffed for a second before relaxing again. 

 

"No." He answered truthfully. "My parents died when I was little. I hardly remember them. No siblings either. No living relatives." Sam looked at the ceiling, wondering why the guy was making all these questions. It didn't really matter though, he had nothing to hide, and if the guy was curious then Sam would satisfy his curiosity. True, not all his memories were happy ones, especially the ones from his teenage years, but those times were far behind now and there was no reason to dwell on them. 

 

"So, anything else you wanna know?" Sam asked, taking his eyes off the ceiling and looking back into the man's eyes. 

 

"What did your parents do? Have you had any education beyond high school?" The man asked, climbing off of Sam and sitting down next to him so that they could talk easier. 

 

"My mother was a teacher. My father was a psychiatrist." Sam didn't remember his parents but he knew what they had done for living, what they looked liked, even if it was just because of the photographs. "After high school I went to college, psychology and philosophy were my majors. I graduated, top three of my class, so this hustling thing is not because I couldn't do anything else. Like I said, it's a choice." Sam frowned a little. "You're very curious, aren't you. That's kinda funny since you haven't even asked my name yet. But that's okay, names are meaningless. More questions?" 

 

The man grinned, which was kind of confusing. "You're hired." The man told him, and Sam frowned. Hired for what? "Assuming you take a thousand bucks for a night, double that for the day and adding tips as well as other expenses to it, I'll pay you a hundred grand for the next month to be my escort at a business trip." The man told him before pursing his lips. "Unless you have a different price, just name it." 

 

Sam's eyes widened. Hired? A hundred grand? A month?? Was this guy serious? Sam looked at him sceptically but the guy looked honest and serious, and Sam was even more confused. 

 

"You're serious." He finally realized and was quite stunned. 

 

"I'm serious." The man confirmed. 

 

This was almost too good to be true. There had to be some kind of catch. But still, this was like an answer to all of Sam's prayers. A hundred grand would solve oh so many problems, including his apartment that he would lose if he didn't make money and soon. 

 

"I'll do it." Sam finally said after a long silence. "On one condition." He gave the man a crooked smile. "Tell me your name." 

 

The guy crawled back on top of Sam, lying down so that every inch of their bodies was touching and Sam could feel the guy hardening. Sam was still slick and loose from before, and the guy slipped on a condom and slid in half hard. "Dean." He groaned out as he hardened fully inside Sam's ass. "Winchester." 

 

Dean... Later Sam would remember that he had heard that name before, but right now all his thoughts vanished as Dean fucked him slowly, lazily. Letting the heat and arousal creep up slowly. "And what's your name?" Dean asked, pulling out almost entirely before sliding back in deep. 

 

"Sam..." Sam choked out when Dean slid so deep inside of him that it was hard to breath, the arousal and desire drowning him. "Sam Daniels... Oh God..." Sam panted and arched his back, meeting Dean's slow thrusts, eyes half-closed and lips parted slightly, small moans and whimpers escaping him as the slow rhythm was driving him insane. Sam threw his head back, baring his throat and closed his eyes. Dean felt so good inside him. Hard and hot and huge... Perfect. 

 

"Oh fuck..." Sam breathed. "Fuck... So big... nghh..." 

 

He was going to go insane if Dean didn't speed up soon and fuck him into the mattress. But Dean just went on so slow it was almost agonizing. Sam's every nerve end was on fire, and when Dean's cock rubbed against his prostate lazily, Sam's mouth opened and his eyes flew open, a shock of pleasure so visible in them that Sam had never felt that naked before. He was a hooker for Christ's sake. He wasn't supposed to lose it completely, even when his client seemed to know exactly how to drive every last ounce of possible pretending out of him, leaving him naked to the soul, bare and raw. 

 

"I'm going to fuck you so slow you'll be crying to come by the end of it." Dean promised, voice low, again that smooth and rough purr, whiskey and burnt sugar, and Sam keened low in his throat, looking into Dean's eyes, his own eyes wide and glassy, and he didn't think for a second that Dean wouldn't bee able to do that, make him cry and beg and plead. 

 

This was insane... Usually Sam was the one doing all the work, making sure his clients were sated to the bone after he was finished with them. This? This was different. But Sam didn't complain, didn't even have a chance to think of it when Dean rubbed against his prostate again, making Sam whimper and writhe under him as much as the shackles allowed him to. 

 

Dean put his hands on either side of Sam's head, resting his weight on his arms, watching Sam's reactions, and Sam let him see everything; his lust, his desire that was bordering on despair, how even the slightest movement made Sam feel like he was going to die, the pleasure growing higher and higher but never reaching the edge that would lead to completion. Dean's hips rolled slowly, not even pulling out of Sam anymore as much as just writhing in place and Sam let out small choked sounds, his skin was flushed and sweaty, his muscles hard and trembling under Dean's body that knew exactly how to drive him mad, and he was almost ready to beg, ready to pray Dean to let it all go, lose control, push them both over the edge and let them fall to the abyss. 

 

"Just say the word Sam." Dean whispered, breathing deeply in and out. He shifted his weight to one hand, using the other to reach down and slowly tug on Sam's cock, feeling the hard flesh slipping through his fingers, lubricated by copious amounts of precome flowing from the tip. Dean swiped a thumb over the head, pressing it into the slit and rubbing in the precome that leaked from there. Sam whimpered. "Just beg and I'll let you come." Dean hissed, slipping out of Sam till only the head remained inside before slamming in hard to let him know what Dean could give him, and the sudden hard and fast thrust ripped a scream out of Sam, his eyes almost rolling back in his head. Dean returned to the slow slip slide of earlier with a pained groan that was echoed by Sam's own groan, a sound of frustration and need and lust. 

 

It was pure torture, to be fucked oh so slow without a chance to take matters into his own hands, to turn them around and ride them both into oblivion. But no, he was tied down and completely on the mercy of the man who had a face of an angel and smile of the devil. Sam cried out when his prostate met a slow, lazy attack of Dean's cock again, and he broke down, gave in and opened his eyes to look into Dean's, admitting his loss. Dean had won. 

 

"Please..." Sam choked out and cried out again when Dean brushed against his prostate once more. Seriously, how could anyone last sane in this kind of lust filled agony?? 

 

"Please," Sam whimpered and stared at Dean with desperate eyes. "Fuck me, hard, fast... Please, give it to me, fuck me so hard I wont... ngghh... that I won't even remember my own name anymore. Please..." 

 

The last word was almost a sob. 

 

Dean leaned down, kissed him, tongue-fucked his mouth, and Sam didn't even bother to think that he usually didn't kiss his clients. Kissing was in a way so much more intimate than fucking, and Sam hadn't done that with anyone of his previous clients, but he didn't think of it now. In fact, he wasn't even able to think as Dean's hips snapped hard and fast into Sam's, and Sam cried into Dean's sinful mouth that knew exactly what to do. Fuck but he was an amazing kisser... 

 

Dean fucked him so hard that the cuffs were the only thing keeping his body in place, and Sam's eyes rolled back. Sam was shaking with the forces of Dean's thrusts and then he couldn't think of anything anymore, he could only feel as everything vanished into the crimson haze of insane pleasure. His insides were burning, his cock so hard it was going to explode, muscles trembling and sweat flowing down his face and his body. 

 

Dean slammed harder and harder, and Sam screamed, he really screamed as the insane pleasure reached a new level of insanity. 

 

"Fuck... fuck..." Sam heard Dean panting but couldn't speak himself, only moans and cries and sounds of pain bordered pleasure leaving him. The pressure built, Sam's abdomen was burning, his cock was on fire, and when Dean leaned down and wrapped his arms tightly around Sam, he couldn't hold it anymore. He came with a full body shudder and a loud scream, felt his ass clench around Dean's cock and then he felt Dean's cock pulsing inside of him, hips jerking and stuttering, and he threw his head back and whimpered, every inch of his body pleasantly sore and totally fucked out. 

 

Dean was lying on top of him as they both tried catch their breaths. Dean's head was resting on Sam's chest, hair moist with sweat, warm breath caressing Sam's skin. After a while Dean slipped out of him and reached to the sides, releasing Sam's wrists but leaving the ankle cuffs in place. Sam didn't even find strength to move his arms, he stayed spread eagle under Dean, sated to his very core. 

 

"Walker is going to eat his own shit when he sees you with me." Dean muttered quietly, and Sam was too fucked out to even wonder who this Walker was. 

 

"So..." Sam said, still a little out of breath. "When is this business trip of yours supposed to start?" 

 

Dean groaned and rolled off of Sam, sat up and uncuffed Sam's ankles. Sam moved his legs a bit, muscles a bit stiff for being tied up for quite a while. Then Dean grabbed a still wet towel from earlier and cleaned them off before lying down on the bed and stretching. 

 

"The trip starts next week. It's a cruise." Dean said. "In the meantime, we'll get you new clothes, shoes, underwear, everything. While you're with me, you won't be hustling anywhere else. For the next month, you won't sleep with anyone but me. Understood?" Dean said, voice commanding as he looked hard into Sam's hazel eyes, and for the first time Sam really was annoyed. Hustling anywhere else? What did this guy think he was, some kind of nymphomaniac who couldn't keep it in his pants and had to fuck everything that moved. 

 

"I thought that was pretty obvious." Sam said with a sharper tone. "As I got it, we have a deal now, and I don't know what kind of deals you're used to, but when I commit myself to a deal, it means exclusivity, even if it's a whole month." Sam sighed. "And really, the kind of money you're paying... you think I'd feel the need to make few hundred extra bucks when you're practically paying me a fortune." Sam sighed again. "For the next month? All yours. Satisfied?" 

 

Dean grinned, obviously satisfied. "You'll stay here. You need anything, let me know. I'll take care of all your expenses while you're under my care. Feel free to explore this place as you want, other than being obviously intrusive." Dean explained, crawling under the covers and holding one end up for Sam. "I'll be completely honest and say I've never hired a hooker before. Always had escorts who knew exactly what this entailed but escorts are also more... frivolous and money driven. Shake cash at them and they'll fuck anyone." Dean laughed a little. "Oh my god I'm talking about this with a hooker." He said, rolling his eyes. 

 

Sam rolled his own eyes. So, was he supposed to take this like hookers were not talk-to material? Whatever. Dean was paying good, and that was good enough for Sam. So he slipped under the covers with Dean, ignoring the slight annoyance still stirring inside of him. This was just a job, after all. The fact that Dean was amazing in bed was just a bonus. 

 

"I have to pay the rent of my apartment before we leave." Sam said quietly. "And don't worry, I won't snoop around your things. Most likely I won't even use other rooms than bathroom, shower and kitchen. I can cook by the way, so, if you want I can do that." 

 

Dean looked at Sam. "My place is your place for the next month, or rather the next week anyway. If you want to cook, go right ahead." Dean said with a yawn, patting Sam's hard stomach lazily before settling down for sleep. "There's games and a PlayStation in the living room, if you're into that. Poke around to find something to entertain yourself while I'm at work. I can imagine the place gets quiet behind me." Dean finished, rolling onto his stomach and pushing his hands under the pillow. "Night." He mumbled, dozing off. Sam really wanted to take a shower, but he was tired and his muscles still felt like jello. Well, a shower could wait. So he closed his eyes and relaxed, denying the fact that Dean's warm skin against his own felt better than it had any right to feel.


	2. Dress Me Up With Seed of Suspicion

Sam stirred when a loud annoying noise rang through the room, realizing that it was an alarm clock. To be honest, Sam didn't even own one because he mostly worked evenings and nights. There was a pat on his shoulder and a soft voice telling him to go back to sleep, and Sam idly remembered that he wasn't home, and that's why there was an alarm clock ringing at this inhumane hour. Sam muttered something like 'mmmh' and was back asleep before Dean even left the room, and he didn't even wake up when Dean left the apartment. 

 

Sam woke up sometime between eleven and noon, stretched and smiled as he felt that pleasant soreness all around his body. He got up and padded to the bathroom barefoot and naked, took a piss and washed his hands and face with cold water to rip the last remains of sleep off of him. He found a toothbrush still in its covers and decided that if he was supposed to be like it was his place, then he was certainly going to wash his teeth. 

 

After that he looked around and found the shower, spending a good thirty minutes under the spray, washing his hair and body and simply enjoying the feeling of water floating down to his sore muscles. There were clean towels piled on a small cabinet in the bathroom and Sam took one. It was soft, so soft that if he still wasn't a bit sleepy, he just might have gotten a hard on from the feel of the fabric. 

 

Next? Breakfast. Sam went to the kitchen which was well equipped but still made Sam wonder if Dean actually ever cooked. He opened the fridge, took out fresh orange juice and few bagels and made himself breakfast that most of the people would consider as lunch. 

 

After that he walked around the apartment, found a nice living room with even nicer soft couch, some magazines and books, and before he even realized, hours had passed and he had read a whole book. Sam laid the book down and went back to the kitchen to check out what there was or if there was anything he could use to make dinner. He found ingredients to make decent pasta and started cooking. Soon the delicious scent of garlic and tomatoes filled the kitchen, and Sam boiled water and filled the kettle with spaghetti. It was getting hot so Sam took his shirt off, he had dressed at some point but was now wearing only worn jeans that hung low on his hips, revealing his hipbones. Then the elevator doors opened and Dean got in. At least Sam thought it was Dean because who else could it be? 

 

"You said I could cook so I did." Sam said though he couldn't see Dean from the kitchen. "Hope you're hungry. There's plenty of food and I have to watch my weight if I want to keep these absolutely gorgeous abs..." Sam smirked. 

 

Dean chuckled and Sam looked at him, looked at Dean untucking his shirt from his pants as he went to Sam's side. He put one hand on the small of Sam's back and Sam sighed contently. "Smells great." Dean said, leaning forward to kiss Sam's neck and Sam closed his eyes, feeling the familiar sharp sting of want somewhere low in his abdomen. He felt Dean's tongue licking his neck and then him sucking the skin into his mouth as he bit and nipped at it. "Tomorrow, I'll come back around noon and we'll get you clothes and stuff." Dean said into Sam's ear, placing a kiss to the shell before he headed inside and Sam knew he was going to take a shower. 

 

"Dinner's ready when you come back from shower." Sam said after him, voice a little hoarse. Damn but the guy could set his skin on fire with just few well placed touches and a touch of his mouth... 

 

While Dean was gone, Sam finished cooking and set the table in the living room. There was a big table and Sam thought it would be a shame if it wasn't used to dine and wine. The lights were dim and for a moment Sam wondered if the atmosphere was too romantic, but he was hungry and didn't really care. He went back to the kitchen, found a wine rack and chose a bottle of red because he felt like it, even when white would most likely be more 'appropriate' with pasta. Screw that. The table looked good, the food smelled even better and Sam sat down to the couch, waiting for Dean to come back from the shower. 

 

And maybe, just maybe, he was also waiting for what the next night would bring. And if he was honest, he really hoped that Dean would fuck him from behind, wrap his arms around Sam and take him like a wild animal...

 

Dean got done showering, pulling on sweatpants and no underwear because really, he didn't plan on having his sweats on for too long. Bypassing wearing a shirt entirely, he headed to the living room, seeing the dimmed lights and the red wine and he was surprised. The atmosphere was a tad romantic for his tastes but he had to admit Sam just glowed in this light. So he ignored the atmosphere... or rather, didn't comment on it, and sat down across from Sam. 

 

"I know you said you cooked but this? Wow." Dean whistled, impressed. He looked at Sam, seeing the way his hazel eyes glittered in the dim light and he couldn't help but smile at him. "This is amazing. Thanks." Dean said with a small smile, because it had been a while since someone cooked for him. Dean cooked, he had to because he lived alone, but he didn't do it well and he didn't like to do it at all. Other than making a mean barbecue, everything else was lost to him. 

 

"No problem." Sam answered to Dean's thanks. "I like cooking but since I live alone... It's kinda boring to cook for just one person and to be honest I'm pretty sick of takeout." Then Sam took a good look of Dean and swallowed. Dean's skin looked so smooth and golden in this light, his eyes dark and deep, and Sam had noticed he wasn't wearing any underwear when Dean had came back from the shower. The guy's hair was still moist and looked dark and shiny in the dim light. 

 

Sam looked as Dean took the first bite of the pasta and smiled when he saw the look on his face. "Sorry 'bout the red wine, I know white would fit better with pasta, but I kinda had this craving for red so if you don't mind...?" Sam said and filled their glasses before taking a sip and moaning. "Mmmm, this is good..." Then he dug in his own plate of food and ate, and he really was hungry. And looking back at Dean and remembering the obvious sight of no underwear woke up a new kind of hunger in him. 

 

After the dinner Sam leaned closer to Dean and looked him in the eyes, lips curling into a small smile. "What would you like for dessert?" 

 

Dean grinned at Sam. "C'mere." He said, beckoning Sam closer until he could reach out for him. He twisted in his chair, sitting sideways and tugged Sam down to his knees. Dean wrapped his fingers around Sam's neck, pulling him closer so that he could kiss him, and damn it felt good. Dean moaned as he licked into him and Sam moaned back, the 'no kissing'-rule totally forgotten as Dean kept ravaging his mouth. Dean kissed him hard, there was a battle of tongues as Dean's hands went everywhere, feeling Sam all over and in seconds Sam was panting into Dean's mouth. 

 

Then, way too soon, Dean broke the kiss. "Since you're the one getting fucked..." Dean started, leaning forward to press another kiss to Sam's lips. "You get to choose, the bed? Or right here in the middle of the living room?" Dean's voice dropped to a breath, his lips pressing kisses to Sam's mouth after every word and Sam was ready to wipe the dishes from the table to the floor and beg Dean to take him right there, on the table, hard and bestial. 

 

"Here." Sam breathed against Dean's lips, got up and pulled Dean up with him, leading him to the couch and pushing him down before getting on to his knees between Dean's legs, looking up at him and smiling. Then he yanked Dean's sweatpants all the way down to his ankles and off. Taking a moment to just look at the engorged cock before him, he licked his lips and bent down, taking Dean deep into his throat with one smooth move, swallowing around the hard shaft and humming. But this was just foreplay, so Sam returned to lick and suck the head, teasing the sensitive bundle of nerves under the head with his tongue. After a while he let Dean's cock slip out of his mouth, jerking him light and slow with his other hand while the other rested on Dean's muscular thigh. 

 

"Since you're the one doing the fucking..." Sam smirked. "You get to choose. On the couch, on the floor, on the table, from the front or from behind... So choose." 

 

Dean chuckled, amused by his own words being parroted back to him. He reached into the side table next to the couch, grabbed a foil square and the small tube, throwing them both on the floor before he grabbed Sam, twisting him around and forcing him to bend over the coffee table. He forced Sam's head against the cool glass, keeping him down. "Stay." Dean growled before he reached around Sam's hips to unzip his fly, pushing his jeans down and off. "Don't move, or I'll have to punish you." Dean promised, his voice low with lust and Sam shivered with anticipation, enjoying his new dominated position more than he would have thought possible... But there was something about Dean, his voice, that made Sam obey eagerly. And it was his job, to fulfill each and every desire of his clients, with few exceptions but this was not one of them so Sam kept his head against the cool glass, waiting for Dean to put on a condom and fuck him raw. 

 

But Dean didn't do that, instead he pressed his palms against Sam's ass cheeks, pushing them apart and Sam closed his eyes, breathing heavier. He could feel Dean leaning forward, bringing his lips close to the small puckered hole, and the sensation made Sam shiver some more. 

 

"Are you clean?" Dean asked, a thumb rubbing the wrinkled flesh and Sam couldn't help but moan. He wanted that finger inside of him. And he wanted so much more inside of him, everything Dean was willing to give. 

 

"Yeah, I'm clean..." Sam breathed, his ass moving involuntarily against Dean's thumb, small motions, making very clear how turned on he was. "Why do you think I don't do bareback? Not worth the risk... Oh fuck, do something, anything... Fuck I want you..." 

 

Suddenly Sam felt a kiss against his hole, and then something hot and wet and firm. Dean's tongue. Oh God... Dean was licking him and Sam moaned as Dean's hand reached down between Sam's legs to cup his balls and playing with them. And then Dean's tongue was laving at Sam's sensitive hole for a good long while, and Sam's breathing got faster and faster. No one had ever done this to him before, but hell, he wasn't going to tell that to Dean. He was a professional, he could act like one. Except that soon Sam found that impossible as the tip of Dean's tongue pressed inside of him, again and again, making sparks of pleasure grow in to full flames. 

 

Then, without a warning the tongue pushed so deep inside him that Sam couldn't keep quiet anymore, and he wondered if Dean even wanted him to. Sam groaned and then cried out as the tongue pushed inside of him again, hard and deep. Dean wiggled his tongue inside Sam, and Sam was sure he was going insane. 

 

Dean forced Sam's legs apart wider while his other hand found Sam's leaking cock and started pumping it. Dean licked a stripe from the back of Sam's balls all the way up to his hole and then back down again, and Sam was panting and trembling, letting out noises of pure pleasure; moans, groans, cries. Sam felt Dean licking the same path again, but this time he stayed down, took Sam's balls into his mouth and sucked, making Sam whimper. His cock was gripped, twisted back and then he felt Dean's mouth on him, lips sealing around his aching flesh, and even when the position wasn't the best for this, it still made Sam see stars. 

 

"Ready?" Dean asked, voice hoarse with desire and Sam could only breath the word 'yeah', everything else would have taken too much effort. He heard how Dean ripped open a condom foil, pressed another kiss to Sam's quivering hole before he got to his knees behind him, leaning over his back and wrapping his arms around his waist before sliding in in one quick move. Sam gasped loudly. Dean didn't give Sam too long to adjust, just started pounding into him hard and fast. He growled as he fucked so hard into him that Sam slid across the coffee table. Sam's head was spinning. Dean slammed into him, harder and harder, faster and faster until he was yelling out every spike of pleasure. Dean bit the back of Sam's neck and Sam tilted his head, giving Dean a better access. This was usually on Sam's 'no'-list too, biting and marking because it was rude to meet a client looking like he had just been with someone else, but considering that Dean had hired him for the whole month it didn't matter now. And Sam liked biting, he liked being bit. Slick with sweat and precome, the glass on the coffee table grew slippery and they slipped off it, tumbling to the side and Sam tried to grab anything to keep himself in place and from falling. Lost cause. 

 

Dean slipped out of Sam as they landed on the soft plush rug, Sam on his side and Dean on his back behind him. Not wasting anytime, Dean rolled to the side, grabbed Sam's thigh and hitched it up before sliding back in, all the way in. Sam was panting and moaning, Dean's cock so deep inside of him that he could have sworn he could taste him in his throat, except that there was a condom that made it impossible. Dean wrapped one hand around Sam's hips, grabbing his cock and pumping as he fucked hard and fast, and Sam cried out, his muscles trembling before his whole body went rigid and he came with a shout. Sam was still half-unconscious from the force of his orgasm when Dean quickly pulled out of Sam, tearing the condom off, shooting all over Sam's back and ass, and Sam's hole felt wet, now painted white with Dean's come. 

 

"Mine." Dean growled as he came, sinking his teeth into the muscle where Sam's neck met his shoulder and Sam didn't know where the word came or why, but he whispered "Yours." and collapsed, totally boneless and out of breath. His heart was pounding in his chest and it took a while before his breathing calmed down enough for him to speak again. 

 

"Yours." 

 

Dean heard Sam whisper back and Dean looked at him, shocked that his claim had gotten a response. Slowly the shock faded away and Dean felt a smile bloom on his face. He didn't know why he claimed Sam as his own other than the more literal own-you-for-the-month thing he had going on, but he just... 

 

Then again, Sam was pretty much the prettiest thing to ever grace his bed and it's a shame he'd have to let him go at the end of it. 

 

That's it. That's why Sam said he was his, because he actually was his for the next 29 days. 

 

"I think I found my new favorite dessert..." Sam smiled lazily. "You. Now, how 'bout a shower..." He thought for a while. "Well, as soon as I can walk again." 

 

Dean laughed, obviously finding the whole thing funny and Sam couldn't help but laugh too. Then Dean pressed a kiss to Sam's lips. 

 

"You can walk just fine." Dean said, getting up on shaky feet and helping Sam up to stand as well. He supported Sam through his phase of jello legs and led him to the bathroom. There he switched the shower on, pushing Sam into the standing shower before closing the clear glass doors behind them. Under the hot steaming spray, he pressed his mouth back against Sam's, not demanding, just kissing and Sam realized just how much he liked kissing Dean. So there they were, just standing under the shower just kissing, and Sam couldn't have imagined it would feel this good. 

 

Sam let his hands wander around Dean's body, down his chest and even lower to his abs, then reaching behind and sliding his hands up and down Dean's back, tracing his spine with his fingertips. And all this without breaking the kiss. Sam removed his other hand to search for shower gel and heard few bottles dropping on the floor during the process because he wasn't looking, wasn't ready to stop kissing just yet. Then his fingers curled around a shower gel bottle and he popped the cap open, freed his hands for the brief moment it took to pour some gel into his hands, and then his hands were on Dean again, this time slick and slippery. He massaged Dean's muscles gently, and soon they were both slick with shower gel, bodies sliding against one another. Sam didn't want to break the kiss, but the floor was getting slippery as well, and he had to pull away before they both would slip and fall. 

 

"Mmm..." Sam hummed and looked at Dean with hooded eyes, his body sated and comfortable. "Gotta rinse the floor before one of us breaks bones or something..." Sam took the shower handle and bent down a little, washing the extra soap off the shower booth floor. 

 

Suddenly Dean gripped Sam's ass and slipped inside him again and reached around for Sam's cock, jerking him to full hardness as he fucked into him. "Fuck, can't stay away from you..." Dean hissed and Sam groaned, his ass was pretty sore from earlier but that made the sensations even more intense, and when Dean hit his prostate, all Sam could do was to grunt and moan and lean his hands against the shower booth wall so that he could meet Dean's thrusts, Dean's cock abusing his prostate the sweetest way with every deep and hard push inside him. 

 

"Oh god you drive me crazy!" Dean grunted, rubbing his hands up and down Sam's torso, pinching his nipples and rolling the little nubs between his fingers, making Sam gasp. Their feet slipped on the slick floor but Dean grabbed onto the shower handle with one hand and wrapped the second around Sam's waist and concentrated to fucking them both to oblivion. And it was working, Sam couldn't think, he couldn't speak, the only sounds he was able to make sounded more like of an animal than human. An animal in heat... His whole body felt like it was just one big sensitive nerve end, and San knew neither of them couldn't last long, but it didn't matter, this fast, brutal fuck was better than most of the things Sam had ever experienced. 

 

It didn't take long before Dean was coming into Sam, and Sam felt hot wetness filling his ass, realizing that something was different but unable to think it much more because he was so close to the edge himself. Dean turned him around and got to his knees taking Sam into his mouth and sucking him, and fuck the guy had an amazing mouth, it was practically forcing the come right out of Sam. Sam came with a muffled cry just as Dean pulled away, jerking him off through his orgasm, milking him to the last drop until he was empty and spent. 

 

After a while Sam's head cleared enough to realize why this fuck had felt so different. They hadn't used a condom. This was the first time Sam had ever went bareback with any of his clients, but thinking of it... He'd had Dean's tongue up his ass before, and he hadn't even thought about it then. Sam leaned against the booth wall, warm water still falling down on them. He closed his eyes. 

 

"I'm clean." He said, a little out of breath. "And I assume you're too, right? So I don't see a problem here, and to be honest... that felt so much better than with rubber between us. And since I'm yours for the next month... I've never made this offer to anyone before, but if you want, we can forget about condoms. Now, how 'bout going to bed." Sam smiled a little, eyes still closed. "I'm spent." 

 

Dean smiled, nodding. "Yeah... yeah, sounds good." He quickly rinsed them both off, switching the shower off and grabbing the towel from the towel rack. He handed the towel to Sam, letting him towel up while leaving the bathroom himself. Sam dried himself and walked to the bedroom, slipping under the covers next to Dean. He really was tired so he fell asleep quickly, the last thought in his mind before drifting to sleep being that this felt too good, to sleep next to someone, and even if it was just for the month, Sam was happy. 

 

He woke up around ten, noticing that Dean was gone and a little surprised that he hadn't woke up to the alarm clock. Well, he had slept like a dead man, not even seeing dreams, and he felt good and rested. Then he felt something weird on his forehead, reached up and noticed it was a post-it note. 'I'll be home around noon to take you out. Be ready. -D'. Sam read it and smirked. So, Dean wanted to make him look presentable. Sure, why not. 

 

Sam got up and made some coffee with his usual orange juice and bagels and sat down to read the paper. It was open on the business section, and some thought tried to reach the surface of his mind, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Then it struck him. That name... Dean Winchester. Sam had heard it before... and suddenly he felt a bit weird. He would have to meet one of his friends. The friend who had told him about Dean Winchester, a long time ago, but the memories of what the guy had told him didn't leave him alone. He would have to talk to Will. Ask him a few questions. 

 

The time went quickly and before Sam even noticed it was almost noon, so Sam went back to the bedroom and got dressed, and just as he was coming out of the bedroom he heard the elevator doors opening and Dean's voice. 

 

"Hey Sam! Ready to go?" 

 

Sam came out and smiled. "Sure. Let's go." 

 

Dean frowned when he saw Sam coming out of the bed room. He saw that Sam was wearing the same clothes he had been when he had seen him on the street side for the first time three days ago. 

 

"You're not going in that." 

 

Sam groaned when Dean told him that he wasn't leaving the house wearing his own clothes. Hey, they were comfortable! But he didn't protest when Dean dragged him back into the bedroom and forced him to sit down while going through his closet, finally taking out a grey sweatshirt and a pair of dark denim jeans. 

 

"If you don't like the sweatshirt, I have a black t-shirt too from my college days. We'll get you some casuals today too, remind me." Dean said, as he handed everything to Sam. Sam looked at the clothes. The jeans were nice but he didn't really like the sweatshirt. 

 

"T-shirt." Sam decided, putting the sweatshirt aside before stripping down. He pulled the jeans on, and they fit perfectly, making Sam wonder why Dean owned such jeans since there was at least few inch height difference between them. But never mind, the jeans hugged Sam's ass just right, showed his slim but firm thighs and Sam figured he could live with the fact that those jeans maybe had belonged to some of Dean's previous lover. Then he pulled the black t-shirt on. It was quite tight but Sam didn't complain. He knew how his body looked and he also knew that the shirt showed his pecs nicely. 

 

"Better?" Sam asked with a smirk and made a full turn before Dean like he was presenting clothes on a fashion show. 

 

Dean should have guessed that his shirt which was just about right on him would stretch across Sam's broad chest and look indecently good on him. Mouth going dry he nodded to Sam's question, reminding himself that they were supposed to go shopping to keep himself from jumping Sam's bones right then. 

 

"Alright, let's head out." Dean said, clearing his throat and trying to keep himself from staring at the way Sam's chest pushed against that shirt. He loosened his tie in the elevator, popping the top two buttons of his pale blue shirt because he really couldn't spend five minutes with Sam without thinking of sinking into that perfect ass. Sighing, Dean closed his eyes and went over the number of ways Gordon Walker has tried to humiliate him in the past and that really killed his libido effectively. 

 

They hit the high-end men's suit retailers first. Dean got Sam suits in every shade of gray and black, bought him several shirts that fit him so perfectly that he gave in and groped Sam in the changing room at one point. Buying loafers and covering the formal part of the wardrobe, they then headed for buying Sam high quality jeans and t-shirts, sweaters and just because Dean hadn't forgotten his own love for boots, cowboy boots for Sam. 

 

Buying underwear turned to be fun because Dean had a thing for men in boxer-briefs but then again, the merits of walking around in boxers was not lost on him. So he bought him both. He knew he was playing dress up with Sam but he couldn't help it. The guy was just too pretty. 

 

To be honest? Sam didn't like wearing suits, they were usually uncomfortable and felt way too formal, but then again, Sam figured the suits were the necessary evil if he was being Dean's 'escort' on a business trip which most likely included spending a lot of time with the rich and privileged. And to his big surprise, the suits were actually kinda nice. Even comfortable, which really wasn't a wonder considering that they cost a small fortune. Dean seemed happy to buy them for him, so Sam didn't complain. And when Dean shamelessly groped him in the fitting room, Sam was ready to let Dean dress him in a gown if he wanted to. Well, or not. But it was still fun. 

 

Jeans and t-shirts, sweaters, casual jackets, shoes and even cowboy boots that actually were kinda cool. Sam almost waited Dean to buy a stetson to go with the boots. And then Dean bought him a huge pile of underwear, boxer-briefs and boxers, and for a moment Sam felt like he had fell in the middle of Twilight Zone and turned into a doll Dean was happily dressing up. When the shopping tour was finally over, Sam was exhausted and hungry, and very happy when they headed back to Dean's. 

 

Two mind numbing orange slushies later, Dean pulled into the garage. 

 

He reached into his jacket pocket, taking out a second keycard. "Here, I got you this. Now you can leave the apartment while I'm gone." Dean said, handing it to him. "Hope you had fun today," Dean said with a grin, "I'm gonna have to head back to work, I'll probably be home late. See you, Sammy." Dean said, leaning across the seat to kiss the side of Sam's neck before letting him go with a smile. 

 

"Thanks." Sam smiled and got out of the car after kissing Dean which was so unprofessional it wasn't even funny, but on the other hand very enjoyable. Sam headed into Dean's apartment, heated some leftover pasta and ate by the kitchen counter. Then he remembered his thoughts from earlier and decided to call Will. Will answered his phone almost right away, wasn't working at the moment and promised to meet Sam in a nearby café. 

 

Will was an escort, a high class one, and Sam had met him when he had tried that job for a brief while but it hadn't been what he wanted so he had quit almost right away, but him and Will had remained friends, even when they didn't see each other that often anymore. 

 

"Dean Winchester." Sam said, sitting down to a table with Will and taking a sip of his latte. "What can you tell me about him?" 

 

Will frowned. "Why? And how do you know him?" 

 

"Just answer the question." 

 

Will sighed. "I'm not allowed to speak of my clients, no matter how long ago I was in their service." 

 

Sam sighed back. "Well, better break that rule now because he has hired me for a whole month and I want to know what I've gotten myself into." 

 

"Sam. No." Will suddenly looked very serious. "Don't do it. That man is dangerous." 

 

"Why do you say that?" Sam was curious. "In what way?" 

 

Will looked away and cleared his throat. "He can be... a bit sadistic. Likes to play... rough, if you know what I mean." He looked back at Sam. "Don't do it. He'll chew you up and spit you out, and he'll hurt you. Trust me." 

 

"No." Sam said, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth for a while. "I need the money. And he's paying good." 

 

Will shook his head, looking defeated. "your funeral, pal. Do as you wish." 

 

"Don't I always?"


	3. Confusion

Sam returned back to Dean's place, Will's words echoing in his mind. 

 

"He'll chew you up and spit you out, and he'll hurt you. Trust me." 

 

Sam shook his head. No, he didn't believe it. Then why was he suddenly slightly worried, thinking that he'd spend a month with Dean. On a cruise. Most of the time there would be nothing but water around. No escape. Then he shook his head again to push those thoughts away and decided that Dean would be hungry when he'd come back from work, and so he started cooking, which was also one way to calm him down. He made grilled chicken and a cheese salad, and Dean arrived just in time after Sam had set the table. 

 

"You look tired." Sam said softly but couldn't hide the suspension Will's words had planted on him,even when he tried. "I made dinner. Come, it's already on the table." 

 

"Something wrong?" Dean asked, noticing something had changed but not bringing it up, just taking off his jacket and putting it on the back of a chair, swallowing down a glass of water before spying the food that looked absolutely delicious. Seriously, Sam could have been like... a stripper chef. He would make millions. But he was getting distracted. Dean could see the worry lines on Sam's face and he wondered what had happened in between the orange slushies and the grilled chicken. 

 

"Nah, I'm fine." Sam assured. "Just met an old friend while you were at work and he wasn't in a very good mood." That wasn't exactly a lie. "And I'm a bit tired, I'm not used to four hour shopping tours." He grinned at that. "But it was nice. Thank you." 

 

Sam went to Dean and kissed him softly. He still couldn't believe that what Will had said would actually be true. Still, why would his friend say something like that if it wasn't true? Sam decided that he needed to talk with Will again, this time to get some clear answers. 

 

"Now, let's sit down, eat, and go to sleep. You look like you could fall asleep standing there. Come on." He took Dean's hand and led him to the table. 

 

Dean found the whole thing just so warm and the atmosphere so homey he wondered for a moment how he'll go back to not having Sam around in four short weeks. And that thought made him want to forget the fact he had even thought about it at the first place. So, he concentrated on what was on front of him now, pushing aside every thought about the future, because seriously, he didn't even know Sam, not really. All he knew was that Sam was a great cook and a great fuck, and that was enough. It had to be. 

 

The food was delicious, as he could have guessed and Dean chose to forgo the shower for the bed instead. Brushing his teeth and splashing water on his face to make himself feel more human, he crawled into bed in his sweatpants and a long sleeved t-shirt. They ate and went to sleep, this time with clothes on, though Sam didn't bother with a shirt, just borrowed Dean's old and comfortable flannel pajama pants that were slightly too short but it didn't matter. Somehow the borrowing of Dean's clothes was really intimate, but Dean didn't seem to mind, just kissed him gently, lazily in bed, just lips moving over lips, hands cupping Sam's cheeks lightly until he fell asleep. Dean sighed. If he wasn't careful, he could fall for Sam, and that wasn't an option. He really should think twice before hiring people as gorgeous as him. They messed up his thought processes. 

 

Sam was tired but stayed awake for a while longer, thinking. This felt too good, all of this. Sleeping next to Dean, having dinner with him every night... It was somehow so... domestic. And it felt too good. Sam would have to take a grip of himself before he'd get emotionally attached to Dean. He had to remind himself what he was; a paid companion, and when the month would be over, he most likely wouldn't see Dean ever again. 

 

He had to stay professional and suppress any feelings he had for Dean before they even started. 

 

And Will was wrong, Dean couldn't be like Will had described him. Sam had to believe that, even when it would have been easier if Dean really turned out to be some sadistic bastard. Sam closed his eyes, wondering how it was possible that in just few days things had become this complicated. He'd hold up his end of the deal, sure, but if he had to fight this hard to keep his stupid dreams of a future in bay, then after a month... Then what? 

 

This thing, this thing with Dean, was something Sam had never experienced before. Dean made him forget about his principals way too often, and every time Dean kissed him or touched him, Sam was lost. It just felt too good. He had to remind himself that if things seemed to be too good to be true, they usually were.

 

It didn't help, not when Dean's sleep-warm body was so – too – close to him. 

 

Finally Sam fell asleep, arms around Dean's body, and he allowed himself to enjoy the closeness, even for a while.


	4. Off To The Sea

Dean slept deeply, until he was woken up the alarm. Tiredly he noted that at least it was Thursday already, so just one more day and he'll get to sleep in. He repeated his everyday routines and headed to work. 

 

Gordon was getting curious. Apparently he had been sniffing around agencies, wondering who Dean was bringing with him so that he could one-up him but of course he didn't find anything. So halfway through the day he got a phone call from the almighty Walker. 

 

"Ready for the cruise this Monday, Winchester?" Walker said and Dean sighed, giving up on the file in front of him for the moment. 

 

"Yeah. Why're you calling me?" Dean asked. 

 

"No reason. Why? Can't a friend check up on a buddy every now and then?" Gordon asked and Dean rolled his eyes. 

 

"We're not friends, Walker." 

 

"So who're you bringing to the trip?" 

 

"Aha! That's all you wanted to know huh? Eat your heart out, Walker. You'll meet him this Monday." And Dean ended the call, feeling smug and this time, he got through the file that had been boring him to death earlier. 

 

Today, he managed to get home a little earlier, the elevator doors opening to his penthouse at 7:30 instead of the usual little after 8pm.

 

Sam noticed right away that Dean was somehow different as he came home that evening but didn't make any questions. He had tried to call Will again but only reached his answering machine, and so he didn't have any answers to the questions he really wanted to ask. 

 

Time flew, and before Sam even had time to consider if his decision to do this was wise it was already Monday, and he found himself standing beside Dean on a deck of the most expensive yacht he had ever seen. It was a massive ship, with swimming pools and bars and everything. So this was it. Three weeks with nothing but water around them, and Sam still couldn't help but wonder why Dean had picked him. A guy with looks and money could have got anyone, so why Sam? And still Sam had a feeling the trip would maybe not be that bad at all. Their luggage had been hauled away to their cabin before they even boarded and was likely waiting for them. It was late afternoon, and people were still getting here. It would be another hour before the ship set sail. 

 

He didn't have too much time to dwell in his thoughts though, because suddenly there was someone approaching them, or rather Dean, and Sam steeled himself. If he was completely honest, this was something he had ever experienced before. All these rich people around, most of them making his usual clients look like secretaries. 

 

"Ah Winchester! You made it!" Said a guy who looked African-American, sauntering towards them in an expensive Armani suit as soon as Dean and Sam boarded. The guy who had greeted Dean was on the deck, looking as though he was waiting for them. Sam noticed his saunter fail a little when he saw him next to Dean, eyes widening and Sam felt strange kind of satisfaction. He felt confident in his new suit that Dean had picked for him, and he knew he looked good. And the way Dean looked, so sexy and handsome in his own suit, Sam knew that they were quite a couple. 

 

"Gordon Walker?” Dean smiled but there was something strange hiding underneath that smile. ”Meet Sam Daniels, my escort. Sam? This is Walker, CEO of the Walker Petrochemical Industries." Dean introduced them, grinning. So, this was the infamous Walker? Sam wasn't really impressed. 

 

"Nice to meet you, Sam." Sam's name was a purr as Gordon held out a hand, "I must admit, you are a very fine looking young man." Gordon said smoothly and Sam was suddenly rather amused. This Gordon guy wasn't really that smooth, now was he. More like see-through and quite slimy if you asked Sam. Still he took the offered hand and gave it a firm shake. 

 

"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Walker." Sam said with a polite voice that didn't hold any awe. "I have a feeling that this cruise will be really great." But instead of looking at Walker, Sam looked at Dean and smiled at him. Play your part, Daniels, that's what you're paid to do. 

 

Dean was impressed by Sam's polite dismissal to Gordon and more than a little smug. 

"Maybe we'll meet later." Sam said, bringing his attention back to Gordon. "But now I think we'll check out our room with Dean." Sam removed his hand from Gordon's, politely too, and went back to Dean's side. "Shall we go?" He asked Dean, giving him a look that was full of admiring and affection that couldn't go unnoticed by Gordon. "I want to kiss you senseless but not here..." Sam said with a quieter voice, almost a purr. Probably slightly see-through, but as far as Sam had noticed, the 'dates' of other people on board were not there for lovey-dovey romance either. "Don't want to seem inappropriate..." Sam added quietly, giving Dean his most seductive smile.

 

In front of them Gordon was amused. This new kid? He was interesting and Gordon was interested. "Oh sure, don't mind me. I'll let you two be." Because really, that lovey-dovey look they had just exchanged? It was a load of shit. Sam was a hired escort, paid to pretend to love. And if paid enough, his love would shift. So Dean better be careful or someone might outbid his 'lover'. 

 

Sam didn't pay much attention to the tone of his voice. Turning around Gordon left and Dean led Sam to their room, that was really a suite with a living area attached to a bedroom that was attached to a large bathroom. The suite looked amazing. 

 

As soon as they entered the suite, Dean pushed Sam up against the door, kissing him deeply and Sam kissed him back with the same ferocity. Breaking off the kiss, Dean looked deep into Sam's eyes. "Stay away from Gordon, alright?" Dean asked. "He always, always harasses my escorts. So just... try to keep your interaction with him to a minimum." Dean said, kissing Sam's lips again. Dean's words left Sam wondering, but not for long as he let himself drown into that kiss, tasting Dean and he wanted more but he had seen the schedule of the day and knew that they didn't have time for anything else than kissing. A shame, really, because Sam really wanted a test drive on the huge king sized bed in their bedroom. Will's warnings or not, Sam was pretty much gone every time Dean touched him, and that was scary but as long as Dean kept touching him it didn't matter.

 

"Don't worry." Sam whispered against Dean's lips as he finally, reluctantly pulled away just half an inch. "I wouldn't mind if I never saw that guy again. I didn't like he way he was talking to me or looking at me..." Sam gave Dean a small last kiss before pulling away. "To be honest? There's something shady about him. Something not right, and don't forget that I have a degree on psychology. I can read people pretty well." 

 

It was true. Something about Gordon Walker set the alarm bells ringing inside Sam's head. There was something about that man. He was too polite and at the same time slimy as a snail. That was never a good combination. 

 

Still Sam didn't want to linger on that thought for too long, not to even speak about darkening Dean's mood, so he smiled to lighten the atmosphere. "So, when's the lunch? I'm starving." He grinned. 

 

"Mm." Dean hummed, kissing Sam's mouth again because really, that mouth was just too pouty to not kiss. "As soon as it sets sail." He kissed him again. "Let's go out to the deck, I'll introduce you to some people." Dean said kissing him one last time before opening the suite doors. He grabbed Sam's hand, winding their fingers together and tugging him out through the hallway and stairs up to the deck. 

 

It was much more busy now, and Dean dragged Sam from this guy to that, all owners and CEOs and founders and co-founders. Every one of them was with an escort, male or female.

Sam was being introduced to what felt like a million people and he couldn't remember half of their names and less of what they did but he didn't mind. He was a visitor in this world, and to be honest? These people meant nothing. Three weeks and they would all be just a distant memory. 

 

Like Dean... 

 

Sam shook the thought away and concentrated on being polite and charming, but not too charming because some of these people seemed like real sleazebags and he really didn't need any big-bellied corporation boss or some silicone-pumped CEO to try and hit on him. He was with Dean, and he was working. And these people obviously loved a bit of drama, Sam could almost feel the anticipation sizzling underneath it all and figured that for most of these people this cruise had to be the highlight of the year; to come and show off their escorts, and stare with hungry eyes if they found that someone had a nicer toy. Because most of these escorts were hired, Sam could see that clear as day. Toys. Hired, so temporarily their property. Sam did not want to find out what else they would be ready to do besides staring. 

 

Sam saw Gordon with a young man who was more a boy, barely legal if Sam was right, or at least looked like that. He was following Gordon around like a well trained dog, but when Gordon wasn't looking the boy looked like a kicked puppy. Sam felt bad for him. It maybe went unnoticed by others, but Sam noticed how the boy was limping slightly, and Sam didn't think it was because the boy's legs hurt. That only reaffirmed Sam's earlier suspicion that not everything was right with Gordon. 

 

But then again, Will had said pretty much the same of Dean... 

 

Dean was chatting with a woman, Andrea something, when the horn blew and the ship left the dock. Sam could sense the undercurrent sizzle of excitement going through the crowd, and the idea that it was because they would spend most of the next three weeks on sea, without a getaway, on this floating meat market... It made him feel slightly ill. 

 

Then it was lunch time and Sam wasn't really surprised when as soon as Dean had left for a moment to go to the restroom, Gordon appeared, slipping into Dean's seat. Sam kept his expression cam and collected. 

 

"You've been avoiding me." Gordon said easily, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. "How'd you like the ship? She's a beauty isn't she?" He asked, grabbing Dean's glass of red wine and swirling it in the glass. Sam smiled a little. So much about manners... He didn't point it out though, no need to give Gordon anything to bite on. 

 

"She sure is." Sam said just as easily and took a comfortable position on his seat. "A bit crowded but I guess that's the point." Meat market for the rich and almost famous. "So, where's your boy?" Sam asked then, looking curious. "He might get lost if you leave him wandering around like that." Though Sam didn't say that he'd rather see a man over board -meaning Gordon- so that the poor boy would get a break. 

 

Gordon chuckled lightly, sipping from Dean's glass. "Dean always goes for the feisty ones." He said with a laugh. "My boy? He's in bed... he's feeling a bit... sea-sick. If you know what I mean." Gordon answered easily and Sam felt a bit sick himself but not because of the sea. "He's not as strong as you are." Gordon smiled slowly, taking another sip from Dean's glass. Sam watched him with a small smile on his lips, slightly amused of Gordon's 'I own the world'-attitude even when he still felt ill about the man, the way he thought everything could be bought and sold, even people. 

 

"So what agency do you work with?" Gordon asked, still smiling at Sam because a beauty like that? As soon as Dean's contract was over he was hiring Sam to be his. "I might require your... services soon." He said with a lewd grin. 

"I don't work for any agency." Sam replied, still smiling a little and taking a sip from his own wine glass. "And I'm not for sale." 

 

God, Sam had never been happier that he really didn't work for any agency because that way he had the freedom to choose his own clients, and Hell would freeze all over before Gordon would become one of them. 

 

Sam kept his smile on his face when Gordon raised an eyebrow. Thought I would be that easy, huh? Sam thought but didn't let any of it reflect from his face. No smugness, no disgust, just platonic politeness. 

 

"Well then, I'm curious about the terms of the contract between you and Dean Winchester." Gordon said, leaning back and weaving his fingers together in front of him. Sam had no intentions of telling that man anything. Dean was right, Sam should avoid this guy. Not because he was afraid of being harassed, but because the guy irritated him and Sam was pretty sure the rest of the crowd wouldn't be very happy if Sam was the one to throw Gordon over the board... 

 

Suddenly Gordon seemed to notice something behind Sam, smiled wickedly before turning to look back at Sam, reaching across the table and grasping Sam's hand tightly, using his surprise to squeeze his fingers. "Unfortunately I have to go now. I'll be seeing you around, Sam." Gordon said, getting up and heading around to his own table.


	5. One Step Further, Two Steps Back

Dean stormed to Sam's side. "What's going on?" He growled, sitting down at his chair. "What did he want?" He asked Sam, grabbing his glass of wine, ready to drink himself to oblivion. 

 

"What did he want?" Sam laughed a little. "Me." Then Sam turned serious. "not going to happen. The man is a walking pile of... I won't even desecrate myself with saying what. And oh, I wouldn't drink from that glass. Gordy there decided to have a taste and I wouldn't be so sure where his mouth has been, and to honest I don't even want to know." Dean put the glass down like he had been burned, frowning at it. Sam sighed. "You were right. I don't wanna see him again. Let's get you a disease-free glass and enjoy the meal, okay?" Sam asked, a little worried seeing the murderous look in Dean's eyes. "Hey, take it easy." Sam reached over the table to twine his fingers with Dean's. "Yours. Remember?" 

 

And maybe Sam was losing his mind, but a part of him wished that that simple word, 'yours', would include more than these next three weeks. Once again he reminded himself to take a grip of himself. He was a professional, and this was a job. When the contract would be over, Sam would walk out of it a wealthy man, and they would both go on with their lives. 

 

Dean tightened his hold on Sam's fingers, rubbing his thumb over the back of Sam's hand and Sam breathed a little easier. "Yeah." Dean said softly, pushing the glass to the side. "I don't get why he goes after me, ya know? Like there's dozens and dozens of businessmen and businesswomen here, I don't get why he singles me out and goes after the people I come with." He held his hand up for the server, grabbing himself a new glass of wine, shuddering about the fact that he had drunk from it earlier and then Gordon had put his lips right there again. Talk about indirect kisses. 

 

"Jealousy could be one thing." Sam said, falling into his thoughts. "I got a feeling that his escorts are usually very young and practically scared to death of him, which tells me that either he likes the power he has over them, or that he can't get himself a companion that really wants to be with him." Sam took a sip of wine and thought some more. "I really can't say more until I know a little bit more about him, like how long you have known this guy. Have you always been rivals? In that case, it just might be that he's taking all this personally and has remained in a child-like state, you know, when he sees a nice toy, he has to have it, even if it belongs to someone else." Dean snickered at the thought of Gordon being child-like. There was nothing child-like about him. 

 

Sam smiled warmly to Dean. "Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. I'm here with you and only you. And I like it that way." Dean smiled back at Sam, thinking of how lucky he was to have gotten lost that particular night, simply because he had turned his GPS navigator off, took a wrong turn, and then found this beauty walking along the sidewalk. It also reminded him that Sam was a hooker and for all Dean knew, all Sam's affection was bought. So it would do him good to remember that. 

 

Just then the waiter came to serve their food. The sea bass was delicious and Sam enjoyed the meal, but to be honest? If being on a cruise meant that majority of the meals would include seafood then Sam would really start missing a good steak. 

 

"If they're gonna serve fish the whole trip, I'm gonna cook some big mean steaks when--" Sam's mouth snapped shut. Fuck, he had almost said 'when we get home'. God. "Nevermind. Wanna circle around some more, or go to the suite? I think I saw a jacuzzi in the bathroom." Sam smiled wide, his dimples showing. 

 

Dean gave him a smile back, even when his mood had dampened a bit. It wasn't very hard to finish Sam's short-cut sentence in his head. "The uh..." He frowned, trying to get his thoughts back in working order from their rollercoaster of emotions that went from happiness at seeing Sam's dimples and down in the dumps with the reminder that Sam was being paid to be nice to him. "They serve other meats," Dean said with a smile, back in his element and forcing troublesome emotions to the corner. "The menu changes every other day, and one of these days you'll get a menu inspired by Arabian cuisine, and then there'll be french and Italian and so on and so forth." Dean explained. "The first day or so they have a Mediterranean cuisine in place so you'll have to suffer through fish for a bit longer." Dean said with a grin. 

 

Finishing their meals, Dean got up, grasping Sam's hand. "Let's head back." Dean said softly, pulling Sam close and whispering in his ear, "I want to fuck you in the jacuzzi, and then I want to break in the bed." Dean purred, kissing the shell of Sam's neck which made him shiver and leading them to their suite. 

 

"Arabian?" Sam asked before they entered the suite. "Wow. Never had that before and I've tasted almost everything. Nice." Sam removed his tie once they were inside. He hated ties. Might just as well put a hangman's noose around his neck. He continued with throwing his jacket to the chair and then unbuttoning his shirt, followed by the pants, boxers and socks until he was in front of Dean, naked as the day he had been born. Dean watched, entranced by every inch of skin revealed and his fingers twitched with the need to touch. 

 

"Take your clothes off." Sam said softly and moved closer to Dean, helping him shed his clothes until Dean was naked as well, kissing and caressing the golden skin that was revealed from under the fabric. "I love your body..." Sam muttered between kisses on Dean's skin, going on his knees and kissing Dean's stomach and the soft skin just above his pubic hair. Dean combed his fingers through Sam's hair, his nails scratching against Sam's scalp lightly until he looked up. "Come on." He stood up and took Dean's hand, leading him to the bathroom. 

 

The jacuzzi was huge and already full. There was some kind of heating system because the water was warm and nice, and Sam stepped in, pulling Dean there along with him. 

 

"Sit down." Sam whispered and pushed Dean down before sitting down himself and climbing on Dean's lap, pressing their bodies together as the warm water caressed their skin. Dean was usually the one who took charge of his fucks but this was nice, letting someone else take over for a little bit. "Let me... Please?" Sam asked, lips brushing Deans. Dean nodded, pressing another kiss to those lips. "Yeah, anything you want." He whispered.

 

Sam reached out to the side and took the tube of lube he had stashed there when Dean hadn't seen. He smirked, waving the tube in front of Dean. "Waterproof." Dean chuckled lightly, reaching out to cup Sam's cheek, thumb brushing back wet strands of hair sticking to Sam's forehead and cheeks. 

 

Sam backed off a little, bent down under the water and took Dean's cock in his mouth, and Dean watched surprised until Sam sucked it and he gasped, the sensation of Sam's hot, wet mouth on his cock competing with the hot water jetting around them until Dean couldn't think. Sam sucked until his lungs burned and he had to come up for air. Taking a deep breath he repeated the action twice more. Dean threw his head back, resting on the cool tiled floor as he concentrated on the feel of Sam's mouth on him underwater. He kept his hands to the side, fisted for fear that he would grab Sam's head and keep him down until he drowned. 

 

Sam smirked when he came up for the last time before popping the cap of the lube open and pouring a generous amount of it on his hands. Then he reached down under the water and slicked Dean's cock, and Dean groaned again, breathing going harsh. Already Sam's touch was familiar and addictive, making him need more the more he got it. Sam reached forward, licking and nipping Dean's lips and climbing back to his lap. He didn't want prep, not now. He just wanted Dean inside of him, so he lifted his hips, took Dean's cock in his hand and positioned it against his hole. Then he looked Dean in the eyes and sank down on the hard shaft, eyes squeezing close as Dean's thick cock sank inside of him to the root. Dean was caught by surprise when instead of prepping himself, Sam just sank down on his cock, looking him in the eyes and Dean felt something inside him twist. He stared back at Sam, looking so deep into him while Sam's eyes squeezed close It burned, and it felt good. Sam was tight and Dean was huge, and Sam had to take a second to breath, leaning against Dean and burying his face against Dean's shoulder. 

 

Dean moaned, Sam's ass squeezing him so tightly he couldn't think. He gripped Sam's hips tight, keeping himself from just lifting Sam up and fucking into him. He gave Sam a second to breath as he leaned against Dean and buried his face against Dean's shoulder. Dean reached up, cupping the back of Sam's head as his own eyes slipped closed. He had never felt so close to another person before. He had fucked around a lot, and yes, he had fucked around in jacuzzi before too but this... just being inside Sam with Sam leaning against him was so... 

 

Close. 

 

Sam sat back up and looked Dean in the eyes. Dean gave him a shaky smile, pushing his thoughts away. Sam's eyes were wide and filled with lust mixed with pain bordering pleasure. Dean rubbed his hands down, massaging Sam's lower back trying to ease the pain that Sam must be feeling. He started rocking back and forth, writhing on Dean's lap, grinding his hips down, feeling Dean's cock rub his insides and Sam moaned. Dean stopped thinking. He was surrounded by Sam, feeling him all over himself and his eyes slipped closed, concentrating on just feeling and hearing Sam. After a while Sam started riding Dean, the water making the movement easy and weightless and Dean moaned, grabbing onto Sam's hips and feeling the muscles shift with every movement. Then Dean's cock brushed against Sam's prostate and Sam cried out, arched his back and threw his head back, still riding Dean. Dean's eyes flew open, seeing how Sam arched his back and threw his head back, giving him a spectacular view of his glistening body. His muscles were trembling but he kept riding, harder and faster, back still arched and throat bared, eyes closed and panting heavily. Dean watched, panting at the sight because oh god there was so much he wanted to do to Sam and not nearly enough time for it. His muscles were trembling and he was so wired up he knew he couldn't last much longer, but he wanted to drive Dean over the edge as well. So he kept riding, harder and faster, back still arched and throat bared, eyes closed and panting heavily. 

 

He looked back at Dean and ground down on his cock few more times, hard, clenching his ass around the hard shaft, and when he saw the look in Dean's eyes he knew they had reached the edge and let himself lose it. He came with a cry of Dean's name on his lips just as he felt Dean spilling inside of him. 

 

Sam stayed rigid for a moment longer, aftershocks making his body spasm while Dean watched , and then he collapsed against Dean, his head on Dean's shoulder, panting against the hot, wet skin. 

 

"Christ that felt good..." Sam whispered against Dean's skin, eyes closed, sated and boneless. 

 

Dean turned his head, kissing Sam's lips so softly that it was barely a brush of lips. 'God I love him', Dean thought affectionately before the words filtered through and he... well... he panicked. 

 

He pushed Sam away, slipping out him much too roughly before Sam was falling backwards into the pool of water. "Sorry... I gotta... I gotta go." Dean said, getting out of the jacuzzi like he had hellhounds on his ass and went straight into the bedroom. 

 

He changed quickly, putting on gray slacks and a pale green shirt so fast he didn't bother buttoning it before he was heading out of the suite and out. He didn't know what he planned on doing, but he needed to nip this affection, this... 'love'... in the bud before he ended up getting hurt. Sam couldn't possibly care for him like that, he was just doing this because he was being paid to do so... 

 

Yes. Nipping was a good idea. 

 

So Dean went, fully planning on finding someone willing to share their toy with him. 

 

Sam was confused. One moment they were there, enjoying the afterglow of their orgasms, and the next moment Dean was practically running away. Sam let him go. He had no claims over Dean, and Dean had no obligations to him. So he stayed in the jacuzzi, only bothered to move a bit to gather his own come floating in the water and throwing the watery ropes to the sink. Then he lay down on the jacuzzi, closed his eyes and tried to relax, which was stupid because he should have been relaxed after being thoroughly fucked. But he wasn't. In some level Dean's quick escape hurt him, and wasn't that just dumb? This was business, Dean had only hired him for sex and to show him around to other businessmen and women. So why did it feel so bad? 

 

After maybe thirty minutes Sam got up, dried himself and went to their bedroom. He figured it was late enough to abandon suits and dress casually, which was just fine. Sam dressed in dark jeans and a black button-up, slipped his feet into black leather sneakers and combed his still moist hair back before heading out. He wanted a drink. 

 

There was a bar on the deck. The sky was getting dark and the deck was lit with light bulbs of every color of the rainbow. Sam idly wondered how something that cheap could look so expensive on a ship like this. 

 

Sam ordered a whiskey sour and went to the railing, staring to the ocean. The water was dead calm and dark, beautiful. Sam glimpsed to his side and noticed the young blond boy who had been with Gordon a little further away. He went to the boy. 

 

"I'm sorry." Sam said quietly when he leaned to the rail next to the boy, who looked up at him, surprised. 

 

"For what?" 

 

"Gordon." Sam said softly, his voice showing that he meant no harm. "I'm sorry he's hurting you." 

 

"That's none of your business." The boy said with a cocky voice that didn't fully hide his insecurity. "I suggest you mind your own." 

 

Sam sighed. The kid reminded Sam of himself when he had been younger. Before college. "What's your name?" 

 

"Ben." The boy said and seemed surprised that he had actually answered. But the defense mechanism struck back on right away. "Why? What do you care?" 

 

"I have my reasons." Sam said quietly. "I'm Sam, by the way. Just promise me one thing. Gordon hurts you, you tell me. Okay?" 

 

"I don't trust you." Ben said and refused to look at Sam. Sam sighed again. 

 

"I used to be like you." He said quietly. "Then I learned that in order to survive, sometimes you just have to trust someone. I did. It helped me to get through." 

 

"You don't know shit." Ben spat out. "You don't know what it's like..." 

 

Sam smiled sadly. "Actually, I do. And when you are ready to drop that attitude, seek me out. We can talk." 

 

With that Sam left, found a quiet spot at the end of the boat and continued to stare at the black water. 

 

Gordon was on the deck as well and saw Ben talking to Sam, and his mood darkened. As soon as Sam turned away, Gordon went to Ben's side and grabbed his hair, yanking him to the side. "What did you tell him?!" He snarled into his face and Ben whimpered. 

 

"I didn't tell him anything, I swear!" 

 

"You better not have." Gordon warned and Ben visibly cowered. Smacking Ben's back hard enough to send him sprawling, he gave a disgusted huff and walked away. Not one of his boys could stand up to him, could take a little beating and still be able to walk straight. It was disgusting and pathetic. 

He looked up and saw Sam at the corner of the boat, looking down at the dark water. Now there was a man who could take a bit of pain, he bet. 

 

Sam didn't even realize it first, but then he heard it. The steps were quiet, barely audible, but Sam heard them all the same. And when a body pressed him against the railing, leaving him no escape, Sam only rolled his eyes. Dean's body had become so familiar during the last week, that Sam instantly knew that this wasn't Dean. And the hand that curled over Sam's ass, squeezing while the man leaned in confirmed it. "I see Winchester let you run around without a leash." The man said softly, whispering in Sam's ear. "I'll give you a thousand bucks for a kiss. Not bad, huh Daniels?" He proposed and Sam smiled slightly. 

 

"Gordon." he simply said. "Let's make one thing clear. I don't work for any agency. I make my own deals. I choose who I want to be with." Sam forced Gordon to give him enough room to turn around and face the man, effectively forcing him also let go of Sam's ass. "You? Sorry, but you're not my type." 

 

Gordon was surprised for only a moment because he had started to expect Sam's spunk. He liked a bit of a challenge, enjoyed fighting for what he wanted because when he got it, victory tasted that much sweeter. 

 

"In your line of work, you don't have a type." Gordon said smoothly, curling his hand around Sam's hip, feeling the sharp hipbone underneath and loving the feel of it. 

 

"In my line of work?" Sam hummed. "See, that's the moment you made a mistake." That didn't seem to stop Gordon who curled his other hand around Sam's hip. 

 

"Just a kiss, hmm? No strings attached. I just want to taste you." He whispered, leaning in, breathing on Sam's lips, inches away. "Name your price. It's just a kiss, you'll be a fool to turn that down." He proposed, his other hand gripping the other side of Sam's hip, pressing him closer so that their groins were pressed against each other and Gordon was sure Sam could feel his half hard erection. Gordon was already hardening in anticipation and fuck, Sam was too fucking beautiful to not have. Gordon was hardening quite fast,but all Sam could feel was pity. If the guy thought he was just another one of those poor break em' and leave 'em- boys, then well, he was wrong. 

 

And Gordon really wasn't his type. 

 

"Let go of me." Sam said with a silent voice that held no anger, only determination. "I already have a client, and no money in the world could make me break a deal." Sam's lips curled into a snarky smile. "Call it professional pride, or whatever. And now, let me go unless you want me to make a scene. I wonder how well that would go with your public image, hmm?" 

 

Sam's words only made Gordon want him more, but he knew that this was a lost cause, at the moment anyway. Tightening his grip one last time, Gordon leaned in just enough to sniff the musky scent, smelling like water and earth and something else unique and unidentifiable. It made his mouth water and harden further in his pants. 

 

"I'll see you at dinner." Gordon finished, pulling back and letting go of Sam. Just as he did he heard rapid footsteps behind him. Those footsteps Sam recognized. They were a little unstable, and the strong scent of whiskey the wind carried confirmed the fact that Dean was drunk even before he had reached them.

 

"Step away from him, Gordon." Dean growled, heading to their side and pushing Gordon away. It was strange, Dean didn't fear for one moment that Sam would cheat on him, not like he had with all the other escorts, but rather he just wanted Gordon away and not touching Sam. 

 

Gordon stepped away on command, almost mockingly in an 'as you wish' attitude. He held his hands up. "Stepping away now. No need to get pissy." He said. 

 

"I'll show you fucking pissy!" Dean growled, stalking towards him but Gordon only looked amused. 

"You really don't want to get into a fight with me. I have a good fifty pounds on you and I promise I won't go easy." Gordon warned, still talking like Dean was an ant incapable of hurting him. Dean's blood boiled as he swung at him but Gordon twisted out of reach, grabbing Dean's arm and twisting so that Dean's arm was behind him, bent at a painful angle. "Oh hell, you're drunk and you're trying to fight me?" Gordon whispered into Dean's ear, smelling the whiskey all over him. "Come to me sober and this may even be a bit fun. But I'll let you go now, I'm above fighting helpless people." Gordon said, letting Dean go with a push and he staggered, grabbing the railing along to keep himself from falling into frigid waters. 

 

"Fucker!" Dean yelled but Gordon just tsked. 

 

"Keep your voice down, we don't want the security to get here, do we?" Gordon said before turning to Sam. "I'll see you at dinner, sweetheart." He said with a wink and a very pointed leer at Sam's crotch before leaving. 

"I don't think so." Sam said quietly when Gordon was out of hearing range. Then he knelt by Dean who was sitting on the floor, head resting against the railing, feet stretched out in front of him, looking palish green. 

 

"I don't feel so good." He muttered, the alcohol in his stomach boiling hot and acidic. Sam knelt by him. Dean really looked sick.

 

And he was reeking of perfume and sex and sweat that was not from Sam nor Dean. 

 

Sam hardened himself mentally. It was obvious how Dean had spent the last couple of hours, but their contract didn't include a rule that Dean should commit himself exclusively to Sam during their time together. But they would have to back to condoms. Sam wasn't going to risk it. His job depended on being clean and not making any mistakes. 

 

"I'm not hungry." Sam said and proceeded to help Dean up. "I don't think you're either. Right now I think a shower and a good night's sleep would be best for you, 'kay?" Sam asked and supported Dean, leading him into their cabin. 

 

And he stubbornly pushed away the thought of being just one guy among the others. A substitute when Dean got bored of others. 

 

Didn't matter. Less than three weeks and this would be over, and so were Sam's financial problems. 

 

But the condoms were back in the game.


	6. Can't Let You Walk Away

Dean let Sam support him, enjoying the close contact more than he had any right to. He listened to Sam suggest a shower and sleep and agreed wholeheartedly. Taking a long hot shower helped clear his head a little, and throwing up while still in there, leaning against the shower tiles as he heaved and retched helped him feel even better. By the time he stepped out of the bathroom wearing a thick blue bathrobe, his head was clearer... much too clear actually. 

 

Sam sat on the bed while Dean was in the shower. He didn't make a move to remove his clothes. He would not have sex with Dean tonight, and thankfully Dean didn't seem to be up for it, considering how his face had switched from white to green. It was weird... Sam had attended to orgies when his client had wanted, but the point was that Sam had been there too. Stupid, yes, but Sam couldn't help it. His client had left him out, like he wasn't needed, like there was something Sam couldn't give him. 

 

Sam heard Dean throwing up in the shower and hoped it made him feel better. He honestly hoped so, because Dean was a nice guy, and Sam's own feelings towards him had no right to ever reach the surface. They were what they were. A rented whore and a guy who had bought him. Pure and simple. It shouldn't hurt as much as it did. 

 

"Did Gordon try anything?" Dean asked Sam, head still a little light but his thoughts were running linear again instead of in a jumble. His shoulder was also starting to smart but it was nothing he couldn't have handled. 

 

"He always tries something, you know that. Too bad for him that I'm not barely legal and scared out of my life." Sam smiled joylessly.

 

Fine, there had been a time like that too, but those days were over. For good. 

 

Dean crawled into bed, leaning in for a kiss. Sam kissed him but it was just a light brush of lips, no heat in it, and right that moment Sam realized that in some level he felt hurt, and that the sooner this cruise would be over, the better. Dean knew something was off the moment Sam's lips brushed his. It wasn't that Sam didn't kiss him back properly or anything, it just felt like there was something wrong, like Sam was thinking too hard. Dean felt the need to ask him about it but he figured it was probably Gordon who had thrown Sam off balance. His conclusion also made sense considering Gordon's parting words to them and then Sam's reluctance to go to dinner. Shifting on the bed, Dean turned to look at Sam's face, noting the somewhat upset expression. He pressed a palm against one warm, soft cheek, slight stubble scratching against his skin. 

 

Sam didn't pull away when Dean touched his cheek, but there were no denying that something had changed, no matter how hard Sam tried to deny it, and the only thing he wanted to do was to bang his head against something hard. "Hey."Dean said softly, attempting to catch those beautiful brown eyes. "If you want, I can go get you some dinner. You won't have to see Gordon." 

Unconsciously, he stared at Sam's features, realizing that he may have gone and fucked around earlier, but it did nothing for the warmth that spread inside him every time he was with Sam. He was well and truly fucked if he went and fell in love with his escort.

 

"It's not about Gordon. Trust me, I have my ways to handle that guy." Sam sighed. "I'm just really not hungry, that's all." 

 

Sam was quiet for a while. 

 

"Let's just go to sleep, okay?" 

 

"What's wrong then?" Dean asked, confused. He pulled his hand away, putting it in his lap instead, fiddling with the soft fleece of his bathrobe. "Something's definitely wrong. But I don't know what it is. Did I hurt you earlier? In the jacuzzi?" Dean frowned, thinking back but he didn't think he had. Sam had seemed to enjoy it as much as he had... but otherwise he didn't know why Sam would be feeling so down. 

 

"No." Sam said. "You didn't hurt me. It was amazing and I liked it." 

 

"Come on, talk to me, baby." Dean said softly, the endearment slipping out most likely unnoticed but Sam noticed it and for some reason it only made him feel irritated. 

 

"I don't think you hired me for talking." Sam said quietly. "Nothing's wrong, really. I just think that after tonight it's best that we go back wearing condoms because I don't know what exactly you did tonight but I have a pretty good idea, and my career depends of how healthy and clean I am. No offense. Just business." 

 

Dean's back straightened, putting an extra few inches between them at Sam's words. Well... that really put him in his place. Dean wanted to fight, because now he knew how close it felt to be inside Sam, skin to skin without any rubber between them... and now Sam wanted them to go back to where they were before. He wanted to tell Sam he had worn a condom when he fucked that toy, knowing that he couldn't risk getting an STD... but somehow it felt too much like defending himself and Dean Winchester never defended himself. 

 

It also reminded him that Sam was here because of the money, because of business and it was good that he remembered that. And once this was done, Sam would go back to fucking other people, taking money from them, sucking them off and writhing under them and moaning and begging for release. Dean was nothing more than a John to him. 

 

"Alright then." Dean said, voice hard. He got up, dropping his bathrobe and pulling on his clothes. "I'll see you in a little bit." He muttered before heading out. He wanted to get dinner... or rather, he wanted to be out of the room for the moment so he may as well have dinner. Maybe later, after Dean had calmed down a bit, he won't go back and say something stupid. 

 

Oddly, Sam's comment about using condoms again felt like it had a deeper meaning than what it seemed on the surface. It was like a step back, putting barriers between them, like they were going from an easy relationship to something strained and strange again. And dammit! Dean was not a sap and these kinds of thoughts always gave him a headache. So he'd just sit there in the restaurant and enjoy his salmon entree because he liked salmon and thoughts of Sam would not mess with his favorite fish. 

 

Sam didn't say anything when Dean left, just sat on the bed and kept his mind blank. A while after Dean had left, there was a knock on the door before it opened and Sam saw a delivery guy with a huge bouquet of flowers. 

 

"Flowers for Samuel Daniels." The delivery guy said, a middle-aged balding man. "And you have a card too." He handed the card to Sam while his boys moved all the flowers into the room. When they left, Sam took the card and read it. 

 

'I guessed you won't be at dinner tonight, so here's something to let you know I don't give up easy. By the time this cruise ends, I'll have you standing beside me. That's a promise. -G' 

 

Gordon. 

 

Suddenly Sam felt angry. Gordon treated him like a piece of meat that could be bought and sold without even asking Sam's opinion. He took the flowers from the vase and tore them to shreds, looked at the mess he had made for a while and then swiped the empty vase from the table to the floor. It didn't break. Good. Shards of glass would have been a bitch to get out of the fluffy carpet. 

 

Sam still felt like throwing things but controlled himself, sat back down on the bed and looked at the card. Then he put it in an ashtray on the bedside table and set it on fire with the cabin's complimentary matches and watched with satisfaction as the paper turned black and soon there were nothing but a pile of ash. But still he was angry. 

 

Dean. 

 

Dean had looked weird when Sam had told him they would use protection again from now on, like he was hurt or something. What was Sam supposed to do? Just take Dean's word for that he had used a condom with whoever he had fucked after making his quick leave from the jacuzzi? Sam had learned long ago that words meant nothing, and taking someone's word for it was stupid and just begging for trouble. 

 

Sam closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again, he felt somewhat calmer. So he changed his clothes to dark denim jeans, a white dress shirt, leaving two of the top buttons open -fuck decency and fancy suits- and left the cabin, heading towards the bar. 

 

And after his third vodka on rocks he felt much better. 

 

Done eating, Dean downed a glass of wine to keep his hangover at bay and headed back to his suite. As soon as he entered he saw the mess of flowers on the floor and then vase toppled over. 

 

We had flowers in the room? Dean wondered for a moment but then shook his head, noting that the destroyed state of them was more important than the fact that they existed at all. There were also ashes in the ashtray but Dean didn't give much thought to them. He was more focused on the fact that Sam was nowhere to be seen. Worried now, Dean went back out of the room, checking the deck first for him and then the lounge, the restaurant, the ballroom and then the bar. He found Sam sitting at the bar, long, lean body folded forwards and Dean went to his side, climbing up on the bar stool next to him. 

 

Sam sensed someone sitting on the barstool next to him, and the scent was so familiar already he didn't have to look to know who it was. 

 

"Everything alright?" Dean asked, voice loud so that he could be heard over the ruckus of the people cheering a football game on. Finally Sam turned to look at Dean. 

 

"No." He simply said. "I hate football. Everyone's chasing the same ball and hurting each other in the process. So yeah, I hate football." Dean frowned, sensing that there was a deeper meaning behind Sam's words but he never could read between the lines. "You know, I hate flowers too.” Sam continued. “Also, I hate being just a piece of meat to everyone." Sam waved to the bartender to bring another vodka. And right there? Bingo. That was the deeper meaning behind Sam's words and Dean gave himself a mental pat on the back for seeing it. Or not. It had been pretty much spelled out for him anyway. 

 

Dean shrugged, holding up a finger to the bartender who nodded, sliding him a beer. "Hey, don't worry about it, alright?" Dean said, putting one hand on Sam's shoulder. "For the next month, you're only one person's piece of meat." He winked at Sam, taking a long sip of his beer. Sam almost laughed. It didn't matter if he was just one person's piece of meat; he was still only a piece of meat. But what had he expected anyway? That Dean would be different? Or, should he say, like his other clients who at least didn't fuck around with other people when they had Sam? Obviously Sam wasn't good enough after all, and Dean had just said it. Confirmed it. 

 

Sam downed the vodka at once and decided that four was enough. He wasn't drunk yet, but he knew that more he drank, the worse his mood would get. So he made a refusing gesture when the bartender came towards him to fill his glass again and instead asked for a glass of ice water. 

 

"Thanks." Sam said when he had a cold glass in front of him. He took a sip but the water tasted bad. Or maybe it wasn't the water, maybe Sam just had a bad taste in his mouth. 

 

"Any plans for tonight?" Sam asked Dean casually, but his voice was quite blank. "Have a date or something? I think I'll just head to bed early." Sam stood up and left the almost untouched glass on the counter. "Good night Dean." Dean got up too, abandoning his beer and reaching out to grab Sam's hand before he left. "No date." Dean said with a frown. Why would Sam even ask him that? "I'll come with." Dean said, keeping his hand gripping tightly onto Sam's as they headed back to their suite. 

 

Sam wasn't surprised when Dean ran right after him and almost dragged him inside the suite. Once inside, Dean locked the door behind them, turning the lights down so that the entire room was cast in a warm low light. "Why'd you ask me about the date, Sam?" Dean asked and Sam couldn't help but smile a little. 

 

"I'm a hooker, Dean." He said, looking straight in Dean's eyes. "One of the benefits of this job is that eventually some senses grow really high. Like smelling. And you? After leaving the jacuzzi with such a rush... When you came back, I noticed two different scents. Perfume and come. I know how your come smells like. It wasn't yours." Sam started unbuttoning his shirt, planning on taking a shower. Dean watched Sam unbutton his shirt, face flushing with shame because even if it wasn't true, he felt like he had gotten caught cheating on his boyfriend. "It's none of my business, you have no obligations to me, but when my former clients wanted to have group sex, I was always invited."

 

Sam shrugged the shirt off and proceeded to unbutton his fly. "So, this was the first time I was left out. But don't worry, like I said you don't owe me any explanations. You're free to do what you want. I'm gonna take a shower now. Forget everything I said. It was stupid anyway." Strangely, Sam's little tirade made Dean hope that it was because Sam was jealous, or hurt, or something and not because he was not invited, but because Dean fucked around. He hoped that maybe Sam liked him back too... enough to feel hurt when left behind. 

 

"It's not stupid." Dean said, and Sam looked at him briefly before stripping off his jeans and socks. "And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." Dean said softly, shedding his own jacket and shirt as he stepped towards Sam. "I was being stupid too... really, I won't do it again." Dean said and Sam couldn't help but wonder where was this coming from. Sam was a hooker, a piece of meat, Dean had said those both things himself. Then Dean was close, Sam could feel the heat radiating from Dean's body. "Just give me a kiss?" Dean asked with a smirk, pressing one palm against Sam's chest. 

 

"Your money. I'll do whatever you ask me to do." Sam said before pressing his lips against Dean's, hard, before pulling away. "I'm your piece of meat after all. And you don't have to be sorry. It's not your fault if I'm not enough for you." 

 

Dean watched Sam go into the bathroom, Sam's words ringing in his ears. He was now sure more than ever that Sam wasn't upset about being left out, but more about the fact that Dean had fucked around. Dean took off his pants and boxers, getting into bed and getting comfortable as he listened to the shower. His lips tingled with the force of Sam's kiss and knew that Sam felt something for him. There was no way Sam would be this hurt otherwise. He waited for Sam to come out of the shower, wondering what he should do with the knowledge of Sam's feelings. He wondered if he was maybe reading too much into it, and if he was going to make a fool of himself... and then he wondered if what he thought was true, and how would he go about things if it was. If he asked Sam to be his boyfriend and Sam agreed... would he still have to pay him? And if he didn't, would Sam hate him for it? Questions like that swirled in his mind until his head was aching dully.

 

Sam tried to clear is mind in the shower, but his thoughts were like a whirlwind, going around with a speed of light and he couldn't quite get a hold of them. Finally he gave up, closed the tab and stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his hips and entered the suite. 

 

Dean was in bed, and Sam didn't know how to react, so he decided that it was best to just act normal. 

 

"Hey Sam." Dean said softly, smiling warmly at him. But Dean's next question threw him off the fragile mental balance he had managed to achieve. "Are you jealous?" He asked blankly, and Sam had no idea how to answer. But since Dean was being straight with him, Sam decided it was the least he could do too. 

 

"I think I'm getting emotionally involved with you." Sam laughed a little. "I have broken my number one rule... Never get emotionally attached." Then he sighed. "After this cruise... I'm quitting. Find myself a job. Shouldn't be that hard with my degrees." God, why was he talking about this to Dean?? 

 

"So, yes." Sam said after a pause. "I am jealous. I understand if that makes you feel uncomfortable, and I understand if you want to revoke our contract." 

 

"Dude, you nuts?!" Dean said with a laugh, reaching out and grabbing Sam's hand, tugging him onto the bed so quick Sam sprawled all over it. Before Sam could recover, Dean was climbing on top of him, pushing his legs open and lying down between them, his hips pressing against Sam's groin through the blanket and the towel. He leaned down, pressing his lips against Sam's in a small kiss, just lips and no tongue. 

 

Pulling away, he put his hands on either side of Sam and looked down on him. "See, since earlier today I've been angsting about letting you go in three weeks time. So your emotional involvement? Is not entirely one-sided." Dean said, bending down to nuzzle Sam's damp ear. 

 

Dean's laugh took Sam by surprise. And the next thing he realized was that he was on the bed, sprawled all over it. And that Dean was on top of him, pushing his legs open and lying down between them. Sam's heart started beating faster, a flicker of hope coming alive inside him but he refused to believe... to wish... 

Sam gasped, as much of a surprise of that revelation as of the feelings of Dean's skin touching him caused in him. 

 

Sam reached down between them, tore the sheet and the towel away and Dean gasped as their skin came into contact with each other. Dean's cock was against Sam's, and Dean felt Sam hardening against him, making him harden fully and sparks of pleasure course through him at the contact. 

 

"I must admit..." Sam started. "You really swiped my feet from under me. Literally." 

 

Dean grinned, rolling his hips slightly to brush against Sam's cock more. "Not your fault." Dean groaned, pressing harder against Sam, happy to just rut against him until they both came. "Very few people are capable of resisting me." 

Sam threw his head back, feeling their cocks slip in their precome, painting their bellies in shiny trails. "You're... cocky. And I'm still mad at you, because...” Sam was finally letting himself admit his feelings, but it was so very hard to think when Dean was skin to skin with him. ”I was so fucking jealo... nghh. Oh yes, fuck, right there..." 

 

It felt so good, just grinding against each other, rolling and rocking like they had all the time in the world and nothing else existed but them. Sam rolled his hips, pushed them up slightly and writhed under Dean, head still thrown back and eyes closed. This had to be a dream. Dean looked down at Sam, watching the way he threw his head back and moaned and writhed under him. Dean suddenly thought of having this beyond the end of the month, coming home to Sam waiting for him, sleeping curled up around him, waking him up with kisses and the spark of tenderness and white heat the images provoked in him made him grind down harder, pushing to make it as good for Sam as possible. The lure of Sam's bare neck was too much and Dean folded down, latching onto the soft skin and pressing a sucking, bruising kiss on it. He thrusted harder, pushing for the orgasm that felt so close... He pushed his hands under Sam's ass, squeezing the firm muscle and forcing them closer together. Lips, teeth and tongue continued to mark Sam while they moved together, bruises lining Sam's throat, his collarbone, his chest. Sam knew that Dean's mouth was probably leaving bruises but he didn't care because suddenly Dean was thrusting harder, and his hands were on Sam's ass squeezing and making him whimper as the action set his belly on fire and he was close to coming. Dean's lips and teeth and tongue continued their path along Sam's skin, marking and bruising and Sam gasped as the pressure built higher and higher. 

 

And then Dean's mouth was on his, tongue inside his mouth, fucking it, and when Dean removed one hand from Sam's ass and curled his fingers around both their erections, Sam was gone. He was falling, and he wanted to keep falling forever and ever and ever... Sam's mouth opened into a silent scream when he came, and through the insane pleasure he felt Dean's cock pulsing against his own which only made his orgasm last longer. Finally they were just a mess of tangled limps, sweat and come, and the room was filled with primitive smell of sex. Sam wondered if he had ever smelled anything better. 

 

"Dude, I am so glad I got lost that night." Dean muttered as he flopped forward, not even caring about the mess between them as he nuzzled his nose into Sam's damp neck and shoulder. Sam turned his head a little so that he could look Dean in the eyes. 

 

"Yeah, me too..." He whispered against Dean's lips. "Me too." Then he kissed Dean gently, the lethargy taking over him. Sam closed his eyes and was asleep in a minute.


	7. New Beginnings, Long Hidden Secrets

Dean fell into a deep sleep, lying halfway on the bed in one of the least comfortable positions but Sam's body tangled with his own kept him from wanting to move. By the time he woke up the next morning, he felt itchy and gross and knew Sam wouldn't be feeling that much better. 

 

He slowly untangled himself from Sam, pressing a soft kiss on one sculpted cheekbone before heading to the bathroom, scratching at the dried come on his stomach. He took a long, hot shower, grinning at himself through the whole thing at the thought of his -boyfriend?- sleeping in the bedroom outside. The last time Dean had a boyfriend he had been in university, curious and nervous and attracted to the TA. He had taught him everything he knew about sex, but it had ended badly and Dean had ended up busy with work and resorted to one night stands and escorts ever since then. 

And now he had a boyfriend, at least he thought so. Who was his escort but not anymore. It was a strange thought... and confusing. 

 

Dean had promised him a hundred grand... but would Sam even take it anymore? Would he be insulted if Dean offered the money? 

 

Annoyed at having ruined a warm moment with his ceaseless thinking, Dean got out of the shower, tying a thick plush towel around his waist before heading out. "Morning sunshine!" Dean called loudly, snapping the towel he had been drying his hair with on Sam's naked ass, watching the firm muscle twitch at the impact. 

"Mgh!" Sam let out a protesting sound when something wet snapped against his ass. He raised his head from the pillow, brown shaggy hair all over his face and noticed a wet towel and then shower-fresh Dean, a lazy smile spreading to his face. "Spanking, huh?" Sam grinned. "Kinky..." 

 

Then he noticed the uncomfortable feeling on his belly and scratched it, being rewarded with dried, chipping come. "Hmmm." Sam raised his brow. "I think I should clean up before breakfast..." He got up naked, still scratching his belly. "Damn, this thing itches..." He gave Dean a gentle kiss before disappearing to the bathroom and taking a shower until he was squeaky clean. He rubbed himself dry with a towel and padded back to the suite, still naked. 

Dean had dressed up and was checking his email on his laptop when Sam came out of the bathroom, naked. Dean swallowed, eyes riveted on the expanse of smooth golden skin. Damn, but Dean was having trouble thinking 'mine' when he saw Sam. 

 

"So, what's the schedule for today?" Sam asked but wasn't really that interested. Instead he walked to Dean, pressed his naked body against him and whispered against Dean's lips: "Damn, I'm crazy about you..." 

Grabbing Sam's hips, Dean pulled him closer and kissed those sinful lips, nipping at the lower one once they broke apart. "I wanna go outside, show you off." Dean muttered, pressing small, quick kisses to Sam's lips. "Gonna introduce you as my boyfriend rather than my escort." Dean said with a grin, kissing Sam's lips again and Sam smiled against Dean's lips. 

 

"Really?" Sam asked when they finally pulled apart. "You mean... you actually mean you want to be with me? Like... for real?" Sam didn't have it in him to even wait for an answer, it was clearly visible in Dean's deep green eyes. Dean started saying something but Sam didn't give him a chance to answer, instead cupping Dean's face and kissing him before looking deep into his eyes. Dean felt himself get lost in Sam's hazel eyes for a moment, feeling a lot like a schoolgirl with her first crush and feeling silly for it even as the emotions made him giddy with excitement. 

 

"I really meant it when I said I'm gonna quit. No more hustling." Sam placed another kiss on Dean's lips. Dean smiled against Sam's lips, because he had been worrying about Sam being with other men while being with him and he didn't think he could do it. He was never one to be able to share and his possessive, borderline obsessive, tendencies had messed up more than one relationship. 

 

"No one but you anymore..." He whispered against Dean's lips. "No one else, ever again." 

 

"Sounds perfect." Dean grinned before pulling away and smacking Sam's ass. "Now get dressed. Breakfast, then we'll head down to the bow. There's supposed to be an all day party going on there. We just have to show up there, mingle, then we're free to spend the day as we like." Dean said, eyes still stuck to Sam's lean chest and the trail of dark hair going down his navel to the thick bush nestling Sam's soft cock. Fuck, Dean was fucking whipped. 

Sam got dressed and smiled at Dean before they exited the suite. Sam really wasn't that fond of large groups, but seeing the happy look on Dean's face that reflected his own, Sam wasn't going to let his antisocial characteristics ruin the mood. 

 

He had a boyfriend. He wasn't just a hooker anymore. He was in love, which was crazy considering that they hadn't even met that long ago and everything had happened that fast, but maybe some things were meant to be. And Dean wanted him. Even when he knew about Sam's past, he still wanted him. It was almost good to be true. 

 

Then Sam realized that Dean didn't know everything. Dean didn't know about the nights spent under bridges. He didn't know about... other things as well. For a moment Sam was scared. If, and when Dean would find out -because a relationship based on lies would never work- would Dean still want him, or would he get rid of Sam as fast as he could? 

 

Sam forced the thoughts somewhere back of his mind. He would tell Dean everything when the time was right. Now it wasn't. There were people to see, a party to attend, and him and Dean were a real couple now, and Sam decided that tonight nothing could destroy his happiness. 

 

"I think I love you." Sam whispered against Dean's ear when they entered the group of people. Dean nearly stumbled at the words. "A lot." Sam added and Dean turned to look at him, surprise and shock and affection in his gaze because no one other than his mother had said those words to him and he didn't think his mother counted. 

Dean smiled, this time lacking his usual cockiness. He slipped an arm around Sam's waist and pulled him close, reaching up to kiss Sam's cheek in answer before leading them both to a table. "Plain waffles, whipped cream, syrup on the side thanks." Dean opened his mouth to say something when he saw Gordon show up, his toy trailing behind him, head bowed, eyes darkened, limping. Dean felt instantly bad and kind of outraged at the way the boy flinched everytime Gordon said something to him. He couldn't be older than eighteen, thin and bruised, looking like he was going to keel over and pass out any moment. 

Sam ordered fruit salad, toast and tea and was just about to start eating when Dean's voice caught his attention. 

 

"Gordon makes me sick." Dean muttered and Sam turned around to see Gordon and Ben entering the breakfast lounge, and the kid looked so miserable Sam had to gather all his willpower to NOT get up and beat the living shit out of Gordon. 

 

"Yeah, me too." Sam said quietly, appetite gone. "The way he treats Ben..." Sam looked up to meet Dean's eyes. "I talked to the kid last night. He's angry, closed and hurt, and if that goes on..." Sam sighed deep. "Those feelings will kill him if Gordon doesn't do it first." Sam looked at Ben again. "I used to..." He closed his mouth. '...be like him.' "I used to know someone like him." He said instead and looked back to Dean. "I'm not really hungry." 

"Ben..." Dean muttered, finally having a name to put with that face. Dean noticed the way Sam's eyes darkened as he talked about this person he used to know and Dean reached out, cupping one of Sam's cheeks with his palm and just smiling at him a little to get him to feel better. One day he'll ask him about his past, but not yet because it was clearly too sore of a subject. 

 

Across from Sam he could see Gordon who had now noticed them. He also saw the way he seemed to zone in on the way Dean was touching Sam. Next thing he knew, Gordon was getting up, barking 'Stay' at Ben loudly enough that they could hear him before making his way to them. Tensing, Dean pulled his hand away, readying himself for another battle of wits. 

 

"Are you sober or do we have to postpone this conversation for another time?" Gordon asked, grabbing a chair from another table and pulling it to their, sitting down on it. 

 

"Fuck off." Dean said easily, sipping his coffee. 

 

"See the thing is, I have to let you know I really like Sam here." Gordon started and Dean ignored him, instead proceeding to steal a piece of fruit from Sam's plate. "And I'm pretty sure Sam likes me back as well." Gordon said with a sly smile and Dean raised an eyebrow. Seriously, did Gordon think he'd believe him? 

 

"Is that so?" Dean said, amusement written clearly on his face. 

 

"So I'd really appreciate it if you'd stand back and let Sam be my escort for the rest of the cruise. You can have my escort in exchange, I don't particularly care for him but he sucks like his life depends on it." Gordon offered and Dean was torn between the ridiculousness of the offer and horror at the way Gordon so easily offered to exchange human beings like trading cards. 

Sam watched curiously the exchange of words between Dean and Gordon, and he was proud of Dean who was calm and just enough confident to appear so goddamn sexy that Sam wanted to tear his clothes off right then and there -and of course make Gordon confused. Not confused enough to offer to buy Sam like a dog or something. Sam sighed. Gordon really was a piece of work, and not of a good kind. 

"Doesn't matter what I say. Sam's his own person." Dean looked up at Sam and smiled warmly at him. "It's up to him who he wants to be with for the rest of the cruise. So ask him. Nicely." Dean said, just the tiniest bit of a threat in his voice as he looked at Gordon again. 

 

Gordon was taken back, not really knowing what was going on, staring at Dean and Sam in confusion but seemed to recover quite fast. 

 

"Perfect." Gordon said, leaning forward and kissing Sam's neck. "Let's go to my room then. Leave Winchester to have fun with Ben." He whispered into Sam's ear loud enough that Dean could hear. Dean's fists clenched, teeth gritting as he reached forward and pulled Gordon back. 

 

"Ask him. From far away." Dean growled. 

 

"Let's go to my room then, Sam. I'll pay you three times what Winchester is giving you, and a cock that's twice his size I bet." Gordon winked and Dean growled again, tensing. 

 

Sam leaned back in his chair, took his napkin and wiped the spot where Gordon had kissed him like there was drool of some sick animal. Then he put the napkin down with practiced ease and looked at Gordon. "No." He simply said, no heat in his voice even when he wanted to rip Gordon to shreds. "See, it's not about the money. You could pay me all the money in the world, and I'd still say no. Know why? I don't give a rat's ass about your cock or the size of it. Dean is giving me something you never could, and I'm not even trying to explain what that is because I don't think it even exists in your world." He sighed. "You know how I know that? Look at Ben. Yes, that's his name if you have forgot it already or if you even ever asked it. The way you treat others defines who you are, and I think I have figured you out pretty well. So stop hurting him. If there's any humanity left in you, just let the boy go and find yourself someone who can take it. Okay?" 

 

Dean grinned as Sam told Gordon off, enjoying himself thoroughly at the gobsmacked expression on his face. 

 

"I think I'd like to go to the deck and have some fresh air. Wanna come with me baby?" Sam asked Dean who grinned wider at the endearment. Getting up, Dean grabbed Sam and gave him a long, soft kiss, showing Gordon that their relationship wasn't that of a boss and employee anymore. 

 

Behind them Gordon's eyes narrowed. This was officially a war, and Gordon wasn't one who took losing well. Grumbling, he turned around and went to his own table, grabbing Ben's arm and dragging him off. Dean worried for a moment that Gordon would take out his anger on the poor boy and vowed to do something about it. Somehow he had to get Ben out of that contract. 

"Know why Gordon hates me so much?" Dean said once they went to the deck, the bright sunlight getting rid of the oppressive thoughts from before. He took Sam's hand and led them to the benches lining the balcony. Below them they had an awesome view of the swimming pool and the ocean beyond. Sam looked at him, curious. He had sensed the hostility between those two since the day one, but he had never quite understood it. All these people competed with each other, but at least they acted civilized, no matter what kind of feelings were boiling underneath. Gordon's hatred was so... overt. Sam gave Dean time, not pushing him to talk. 

 

"When I was interning under him in my fourth year of business school, he propositioned me." Dean shrugged. "I was in Ben's place for about... two weeks. The first time he hit me, I quit. In answer, he failed me on my internship. But my professor was a kind man and turned that fail into a footnote on my transcript. Fast forward five years, and I own my own business and can compete with Gordon. Still pisses him off that I got away." Dean said easily, a hint of pride in his voice. 

 

Sam was shocked. He couldn't imagine Dean in that position, not this Dean who was strong, confident, and absolutely gorgeous. 

 

"Gordon's a bit of a sore loser. In my case, he lost. So he takes every opportunity he gets to show me how I'm still inferior to him. That's pretty much the only reason he throws these cruise parties. If I refuse, I pretty much admit I'm scared of him. Hell if I do that." Dean said, eyes trained on the seagulls flying past them in the bright blue sky. Suddenly Sam felt so intense hatred towards Gordon that it scared him. He had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. 

 

And somehow, now that Dean had told him that, Sam felt like he could tell about his own dark past. It was much darker than Dean's, filled with black holes and sleepless nights, but there was still one thing in common. They had both been hurt, and somehow that knowledge made Sam feel closer to Dean than ever. 

 

"I have my past as well." Sam said quietly. A part of him wanted to just shut his mouth and forget everything, but Dean had a right to know. And if after that Dean wouldn't want him, it was still better than living in a lie. "I can tell you not all of it is good. Some if might even make you feel sick. It makes me sick sometimes..." Sam avoided Dean's eyes. He had almost thought that the shame he felt was long gone, but then again, he had never tried to tell about this to someone he loved. "But if you still wanna hear... I think you have a right to know."


	8. Saved From Myself

Dean ran his fingers through Sam's hair, enjoying the feel of the soft strands slipping through his fingers. 

 

"I didn't tell you about Gordon to force you to tell me about yourself." Dean said, voice quiet. "Tell me when you want to tell me. I don't want to force you. I just wanted you to know why Gordon is so hell bent on making our lives miserable. Knowledge is power and all that crap." Dean said with a small smile. 

 

"We have all the time in the world. Tell me now or tell me six months from now. Just do it on your own time." Dean patted Sam's hand, leaving his hand on top of Sam's. "No pressure." 

Sam smiled a little. "In six months? By then I'd be so in love with you that if you after hearing the truth would want to get rid of me... It would be like a heart surgery without anesthesia." Dean grinned at that because really, anyone would grin after being told that. Sam took a deep breath. "No, it's better that I'll tell you now, and then you can make your own conclusions and decisions." Dean nodded, not saying anything and let Sam continue. Sam was quiet for a long time... enough that Dean started thinking he wouldn't continue but then Sam started talking. 

 

"You already know that my parents died when I was really young. I hardly remember them. Actually, if I didn't have photographs I don't think I'd even know what they looked like." Sam licked his dry lips. "Those were the one things I kept, even the times I had nothing else." Dean just listened, letting Sam talk.

Sam took another pause. This was harder than he had thought. 

"When I said that Ben reminds me of someone I used to know... The truth is that he reminds me of myself when I was his age. Scared, hurt, all alone. Angry for the whole world." Dean froze, thinking of Ben and the way he was... so tired and exhausted and bruised... putting Sam there made Dean's chest hurt. Sam knew that there was no backing off now, so he just let the words out. "I was raised in a foster home. Couple of years, it was okay. Then the beatings started. I ran away when I was twelve. Hitchhiked as far as I could go, lived in a street. It wasn't life, but it was better than the constant fear, never knowing when the door of your room will open in the middle of the night... And I survived. Against all odds, I survived." 

 

"Oh god, Sam..." Dean whispered, horrified about what Sam had gone through. 

"I was fourteen when I got raped." Dean sucked in a shocked breath. "In a dirty alley after taking so much heroin I was pretty much unconscious. Thank God for small mercies, because the drug numbed me so much I barely felt a thing. At least until the next morning. I was bleeding, hurt, but too scared to go to any clinic. I was afraid that the social services would find me and toss me back to a foster home. So I found an abandoned house, barricaded myself in there and shivered with fever. After I recovered, I decided to take matters to my own hands. I was fourteen, but I realized that sex is a powerful weapon and can be bought and sold like groceries." Sam smiled but there was no joy in it and Dean tightened his hold on Sam's hand. "Hustling made sure that I got my daily dose of smack. I didn't want to feel a thing, and heroin made that possible. I was like a wild animal, didn't trust anyone, carried a knife around wherever I went and trust me, I was ready to use it. Then something happened. An old man approached me. I thought he was way too old for me, but I needed my dose so I went with him. He brought me into a big house that looked like a palace to me. And his wife was there. His wife...” Sam smiled a tiny sad smile. “A sweet, kind woman. I thought she was an angel. And then I thought that they just wanted to have threesome with some underage runaway when they just told me to take of my clothes and take a hot bath, bur a bath sounded so good I was ready to do anything. I was weak, barely alive, couldn't even move properly so the woman washed me, gently, and I wondered if this was what it would feel like to have a mother. Someone who loves you, no matter how terrible you are..." Sam's voice broke. Dean couldn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. In the face of the kind of pain Sam went through, words just suddenly didn't seem enough. They felt cheap and meaningless. 

 

"They tugged me to bed and I slept for almost two days. The withdrawal lasted over two weeks and I was horrible to them. I screamed and cursed and said all kinds of awful things, but they just took care of me. Fed me, gave me clean clothes, hugged me and calmed me down when I woke up in the middle of the night screaming.." Sam smiled. "They saved my life." Dean swallowed, working past the knot in his throat. 

 

Sam stared at the distance for a while. "The man, William Travis, was a professor. He got me a stipend to a school, and I owe him so much. And to Martha, his wife who was like a mother I never had. They treated me like I was their own son." A tear fell down Sam's cheek. "They died in a car accident a week after I graduated. I miss them." 

 

After that Sam went silent. 

 

"So that's it." Sam finally said, quietly, eyes dry again. "The story of my life." 

 

Dean used their held hands to pull Sam close, wrapping an arm around Sam's shoulder and pressing a kiss to his hair. "It's over now. I'll take care of you." Dean said softly. "And nothing bad will happen to you as long as I'm around. I promise." 

Sam closed his eyes and leaned against Dean. He had told Dean, and Dean was still there, not appalled, not disgusted, but instead comforting him, and it felt so good Sam wanted to cry. He wanted to cry for the parents he had never knew, and for the couple that had taken him into their house and gave him a new family and a new life. And he wanted to cry because all those people were dead. 

 

And in some level he wanted to cry for himself, because now, after saying things out loud the pain he had denied for years was suddenly back, and the memories... He would have done everything to make them go away. 

 

But Dean was with him, and Sam wanted to cry because of that too, not because he was sad, but because he was so relieved, and for a first time in a long time he was happy. Sam turned his face, facing Dean. "I love you." He said quietly. "And I believe you." He placed a soft kiss to Dean's lips. "You know what? The past is gone. Today is the first day of my life and I want to share it with you. And the next day and the next... If only you'll have me." 

Dean smiled against Sam's lips, weirded out a little over how easy it was to be sappy with Sam... how natural it felt to say the words he had always considered corny and cheesy and over the top. "Wouldn't have it any other way, Sammy." Dean grinned. "I had plans ya know?" Dean dropped his voice to a conspiring whisper. "I was going to buy you out for the next year. But it was kind of detrimental to my finances since rich or not, I don't make a hundred grand in profit every month." Dean grinned. "So I had decided to keep that up for like... a year, have you fall madly in love with me and then I'll just have you move in. Then my second plan was to follow you around and scare off all your Johns until you only come to me and make you fall in love with me and then make you move in with me." Dean said with a laugh, patting Sam's hair and pulling back. "I shouldn't have underestimated my own charm. Didn't even need to stalk you! So easy." Dean teased, kissing Sam's nose. 

The more Dean talked, the wider the grin on Sam's face spread. 

 

"You're a cocky sonofabitch, you know that?" Sam laughed. "Maybe that's why I love you so much. And yeah, that charm of yours is pretty irresistible." Sam's eyes turned mischievous. "You think we'll have a time for a quickie? I don't think anyone would notice if we disappeared for few minutes..." Then the rest of what Dean had said filtered in and Sam was stunned. "You... You want me to move in with you? Like... seriously?"

 

"Of course you're going to move in." Dean stated, not even a question. "Once we get back, we'll head to your place so you can grab everything you need, and then you'll continue living with me the way you've been for the past ten-fifteen days. No way am I letting you out of my sight. You already have your own keycard to the penthouse. Why wouldn't you move in?" Dean huffed, as if the very idea that Sam would refuse was ridiculous. And it was. Sam wanted to move in with Dean, he wanted to sleep next to Dean every night, have sex with him, cook for him and just curl together on Dean's sofa and watch stupid movies and oh God he was turning into a chick. 

 

"I'm already too used to having you sleep beside me. Anything else is unacceptable." Dean grinned, grabbing Sam's hand and standing up. He pulled Sam close, his back to Dean's chest as he turned him around so he could face the busy pool below them. "See the pool?" Dean whispered into Sam's ear and the hot breath against Sam's skin made him shiver. "Tonight, after everyone's asleep, I'm bringing you out here and I'll fuck you in the pool... watch you fall apart on my fingers and tongue and cock... flushed and begging for the world to see." He licked Sam's ear lightly, pushing his hips against the curve of Sam's ass and grinding his rapidly hardening cock against it. Sam moaned quietly and pressed his ass even tighter against Dean's cock, grinding against it. "I can just imagine you... legs spread wide open... your cock and your quivering hole exposed for anyone who's lucky enough to be around right then... maybe someone will be watching... seeing how I lick you open..." 

 

Dean's words made Sam hard and aching in seconds, and he didn't mind the idea of Dean pulling his pants down right then and there and fucking him right there against the railing. His breaths came out hard and fast, arousal so strong it hurt. 

 

Dean reached down and squeezed Sam's ass, groaning. "Noticed or not, we need that quickie." He muttered, biting Sam's earlobe and tugging at it. 

 

"Yeah, I noticed..." Sam whispered hoarsely. "Come on." He grabbed Dean's hand and started leading him down the stairs until they were in a dark, noisy engine room. Sam grinned wickedly. "I wanna get dirty. Come on, show me what you got..." He pulled Dean against him and ground his hips against Dean's, their hard cocks rubbing against each other through the fabric of their clothes.


	9. Three Words

  
Author's notes: Delightful porn after dark revelations. Oh,and a creepy stalker.

***  


* * *

"Oh fuck yeah." Dean muttered, the idea of fucking in the engine room had him hard and leaking in seconds before he leaned forward, kissing Sam's mouth and pushing his tongue in while his hands busied themselves with getting their cocks out, pants falling to their ankles. Dean kissed Sam deeply, almost fucking Sam's mouth with his tongue as he thumbed the slit of their cocks, gathering the precome oozing from there and slicking their cocks up with it. 

 

"I would lick you open, but I don't have the patience for it right now." Dean hissed against Sam's mouth, wrapping his arms around Sam's waist and hitching him up on a pipe running behind him. Sam's shirt and jacket was still on and Dean made no move to remove them. He wrapped one arm around Sam's back to keep him from slipping back and falling. He ground their cocks together, jerking them off with one hand until Sam was whimpering and thick, pale liquid was flowing freely from their cocks. 

 

"God I love fucking you." Dean whispered positioning himself at Sam's hole and just sliding his cock along the crease, lubing the area up with his own precome, Dean dived forward for Sam's mouth again, keeping his one arm around Sam's back and using the other to hitch one of Sam's legs up over his shoulder to open him up even wider. “And for the record, you're the only one I've ever had sex with without a condom.”

“I believe you...” Sam panted. “No need to bring it up again. Come on now...”

"Ready or not, here I come." Dean muttered, kissing Sam again as he reached down and pressed into Sam, slow and careful as he relished the tight heat inside. Sam held on to the pipe above his head, mouth open, eyes wide and pupils dilated as Dean pushed inside him. He was so wired up; he felt dirty, nasty, liberated. Free. 

 

"Tell me if it hurts, alright? I don't have lube..." Dean whispered, pressing further inside Sam as slow as he could go, giving Sam as much time as he needed to adjust but Sam didn't want time to adjust, he wanted to feel Dean as much as he could, he loved the burn, the slight pain Dean's cock caused while stretching him open inch by inch. Sam took a firm grasp of the pipe above his head and lifted himself up a bit, wrapping his legs around Dean's waist. Dean groaned. He knew lube would make things easier,especially for Sam, but with Sam he just hadn't had the patience to go down to their room and get the stupid thing. Then again, Sam was the first guy he had ever fucked bareback too. 

"Just fuck me..." Sam panted, mouth opening even wider as Dean slid in all the way. "Jesus fuck, fuck me so hard I'll walk crooked for days and everyone knows what you've done, come on babe, fuck me open, fill me up..." 

 

The first hard thrust made Sam scream out loud. It was a good thing that the engines were kind of noisy... The second thrust made Sam throw his head back and moan. "Yeah, like that... I want you to fuck me so deep I can taste you in the back of my throat..." 

Dean almost lost it right then and there. Dirty talking Sam was something like out of a porn movie.

 

Sam's muscles were trembling. "Oh fuck!" Sam gasped when Dean's cock thrust against his prostate, so hard Sam almost lost his grip of the pipe. He couldn't think, almost couldn't breath as Dean's cock kept thrusting inside him hard and fast, abusing his oversensitive prostate, and Sam knew that he was about two seconds away from coming. 

 

"Fuck, I love your cock inside me..." Sam lowered his head and captured Dean's lips into a bruising kiss, fucking his mouth with his tongue, squeezing his ass until he heard Dean cry out and then Sam was coming himself, Dean's cock pulsing inside of him as their bodies writhed and spasmed together. Sam tightened and relaxed his ass, milking every last drop of come out of Dean before letting his legs slide back to the floor, still holding on to the pipe because he honestly wasn't sure if his legs would give in the moment he'd let go. 

 

"That was fucking great..." Sam panted, sweaty bags sticking on his forehead and cheeks. 

"Sex in the engine room?" Dean panted once his heart rate started to return to normal. "Is way too underrated." He finished, holding on to Sam to keep himself standing because Sam had turned his knees to jello. 

 

Once his balance returned, Dean let go reluctantly, the feeling of Sam warm and sated against him was highly addictive. Dean grabbed his discarded boxers and cleaned himself and Sam off, pulling on his pants and watching Sam dress. 

 

"Shower, change, then we'll go have lunch. I think we can score you some red meat today." Dean said with a wink, leaning in for a kiss before grabbing Sam's hand and heading out of the engine room, only partially concerned about the way his shirt had soaked up with Sam's come and it smelled heavily like sex. Sam's own clothes weren't faring much better and Dean grew a little dizzy with the way Sam smelled like him and Sam's scent was all over Dean. Well, let everyone know they fucked. Sam was sex on legs and Dean was damn proud to be banging him. 

 

"Well, well, well..." Came a snide voice from behind them and even Gordon couldn't ruin Dean's good mood at the moment. "Had a nice romp, Dean-o?" Gordon said and Dean turned around, smiling brightly. 

 

"Oh like you wouldn't believe!" Dean said with a grin. "Can hardly keep my hands off him." Dean said as he grabbed Sam's ass with both hands and gave a squeeze. "He's the best thing that's happened to me in years... ever!" Dean said happily, kissing Sam deeply and Sam returned the kiss that was way too obscene considering they were back in public. 

Dean looked back at Gordon and saw a strange expression on his face, one looking torn between jealousy and lewd admiration. "You've changed from the boy I used to know." 

Dean just grinned wider, flipping him the middle finger and Sam was enjoying that way too much to be considered healthy. But then again, Gordon was an asshole who deserved a lot more than just a flip of a finger. "Fuck you, asshole! Now I'm gonna go have lunch with my boyfriend." Dean said easily, grabbing Sam's hand and leading him away. Behind them they heard Gordon chuckling to himself, surprised that Dean had called Sam his 'boyfriend'. 

And yes, there was red meat. Sam ordered a huge juicy steak and salad, and because he felt like celebrating their new relationship, he also asked the waitress to bring a bottle of Cristal. Hey, it was after noon anyway, and it was already midnight at some parts of the world. 

 

"To us." Sam said and raised his champagne glass to a toast. "May there be lots of happiness and countless incredible fucks." Then he laughed. "I'm sorry, I can't help it, I'm just so happy." Then his smile got softer as he looked deep into Dean's eyes. "You have no idea how much I love you. And oh God, I'm turning this to a chick flick moment again..." His eyes twinkled as the grin spread on his face again. "But I promise you one thing. Tonight. You, me, the pool. Hard and rough and so fucking delicious it'll make this absolutely awesome bubbly seem like water. I'll fuck your brains out." He smiled happily again and raised the toast. "As I said, to us, and to new beginnings." He took a sip and enjoyed the feeling of bubbles exploding on his tongue. 

As Sam made the toast Dean laughed a little at the chick flick moment comment. Then Sam's promise about the pool made Dean's dick twitch interestedly even though they had fucked less than an hour ago. Thankfully Dean couldn't get it up that quickly and so his discomfort at the table was minimal. 

 

"Dude, you? Should be illegal." Dean muttered as he took a sip of the champagne, agreeing wholeheartedly with Sam even if he put a show of being grouchy. 

For the rest of the day, they just explored the ship, hanging out in the games room where Sam and him played some first person shooter games. Dean got his ass kicked by Sam on the DDR but only by a little because Sam sucked himself. They almost laughed themselves sick at the end though when Dean got his feet so tangled on the stupid mat that he fell down. They found a sauna where Dean got traumatized when a naked, old, fat man walked out jiggling all over the place and sweaty as hell. 

 

Finding a small library and then a bookstore, Dean found several stores selling booze and one adult store selling bondage gear which had Dean grinning from ear to ear. He saw a vibrating butt plug and swore to buy it and put it in Sam one day and force him to go all day with it inside him. He also found briefs with a zipper down there so Dean wouldn't even have to tear Sam's underwear off to fuck him. 

 

Dean decided to go shopping there very soon. 

 

After dinner, Sam and Dean headed back to their rooms, opting to watch a movie till Dean had the chance to ravish Sam outside, in public... in full view of anyone having a sleepless night... 

 

The idea filled Dean with so much excitement he was pretty much walking around with a constant hard on, cock twitching in his pants everytime he thought of it. He couldn't wait. 

The day went nicely but way too slow. Sam couldn't wait the evening, or rather night when most of the people would be sleeping or getting drunk at bars and nightclubs, and that meant that there wouldn't be people on the deck, or the pool, and even if some sleepless or drunk person happened to walk by... Sam smirked. Maybe he did have a small kink for getting caught in public. 

 

Finally the evening turned into an early night and Sam didn't say anything, just looked at Dean in a way that didn't need words. He took a long black bathrobe from the closed and threw it to Dean, getting similar one for himself. They stripped quietly, the tension thick and exciting, and Sam's heart beat a little faster when he thought about the things he had planned. They dressed to the robes and left the suite, and just like Sam had suspected, the deck was empty, and so was the pool. 

 

"Ready?" Sam smiled, took a step closer to Dean, opened the belt of his boyfriend's robe and slid it down his shoulders until Dean was standing naked in front of him, his pale golden skin glowing in the moonlight. Sam let his own bathrobe fall down and took one final step closer to Dean, making them stand skin to skin against each other. "Come on." Sam whispered. "I have something special planned for us." 

 

Before they entered the water, Sam quickly grabbed the waterproof lube from the pocket of his bathrobe. Even he had his limits, and two fucks without lube at the same day was... well, even Sam's ass had its limits. So he closed the small tube inside his palm and followed Dean to the water. It was warm, moonlight shimmering on the surface, and it was so damn romantic that Sam couldn't help but smile wickedly when he thought about his plans that would make the scene anything but romantic. 

 

"Dean..." Sam whispered against Dean's lips as they stood face to face in the water. "I'll tell you what I want. If you don't want it, just say so, and we'll do this your way." Sam licked his lips, making them look pink and wet. "I want you to take me. Really take me, like an animal takes its mate. Have you seen lions mating? There's biting, it's rough and hard, almost violent. I want you to take me like that. Think you could do that for me?" 

 

Dean's answer took Sam by surprise, because it didn't come in the form of words, instead Dean grabbed Sam's hand, forced the tube of lube off of it and then roughly grabbed Sam's neck, wrapping his arm around it and dragging Sam to the shallow end of the pool, almost to the stairs, pushing him on his back and grabbing his hips, lifting them high and attacking Sam's ass with his teeth and tongue, ripping a muffled cry out of Sam. And then Sam was writhing and moaning as Dean's hands spread his thighs and Dean's tongue pushed deep inside Sam. 

 

"Fuck..." Sam managed to choke out and Dean looked at him between Sam's spread legs and smiled like a predator. 

 

"Good idea, Sammy." 

 

The next thing Sam realized was that he was on his stomach before Dean wrapped his arm around Sam's waist and forced his ass up. He fingered Sam's hole with slick fingers, and Sam had no idea when Dean had managed to lube them. Sam's breaths got hard and harsh, the fingers inside him rubbing against his prostate and Sam's head fell down between his shoulders. 

 

"Oh, no no..." Dean purred. "No hiding, Sam. I want it all." 

 

Dean's cock sank inside Sam at the same moment Dean grabbed Sam's hair and yanked his head back so far that the tendons of Sam's neck stood out. 

 

"Mine." Dean growled and started pounding into Sam, fucking him so hard that Sam's knees slipped on the wet tiles, and it was bestial, it was like wild animals mating, and when Dean sank his teeth in Sam's shoulder, Sam screamed. Dean kept biting him, still holding Sam's head back while fucking into him, taking advantage of Sam's exposed neck to suck and bite. Sam clawed the tiles, the shallow water around them was splashing around, and there was a storm inside Sam. He was full of hurricanes and tornadoes and lightning, and when Dean moved his angle and started mercilessly fuck against Sam's prostate, Sam fell apart. His body spasmed, muscles trembled, and he screamed out Dean's name when he came so hard he saw white. 

 

A while after that everything was blurry, like Sam was watching the world behind a see through curtain. 

 

"I love you, Sammy." Dean whispered into his ear, and Sam almost froze, hearing Dean say those words to him for the first time. They filled him with ridiculous ammount of pure glee and happiness, and he turned around on his back, pulled Dean on top of him and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. Sam had no idea how long they spent there, just kissing, hands finding naked skin and caressing gently. But eventually, as the heat subsided and it started to get a bit chilly, Sam smiled and whispered that maybe they should head back to their suite and get warm. Sam helped Dean up or maybe it was Dean helping him up because Sam's legs felt like jello. His ass felt hot and sore, and his body ached pleasantly. 

 

At the same time, Gordon couldn't sleep. He twisted and turned, sleep evading him until he got up with a growl. As he slammed the sliding door separating the bedroom from the living room open, Ben who was sleeping on the couch jumped up, trembling with worry and dread. 

 

"Oh relax. I'm just going for a walk." Gordon snapped and Ben stayed standing until the suite door closed. He wandered the deserted hallways for a while, deciding to go out to the deck, hoping the fresh air would help him clear his mind. He headed to the deck, near the balcony that overlooked the pool when he heard a whimper and a moan. Curious, he stepped closer to the railing when he saw the two bodies in the water, wet and slick. 

 

Surprised for a second, he quickly stepped back, avoiding getting seen. Then he stepped closer looking again and his eyes widened when he recognized that back, those hair, those hands. 

 

"Dean." He whispered, smirking when he realized who else was with him. "Oh lookie here..." He breathed, watching as Dean ate Sam out, face buried in between Sam's legs while the hooker moaned and panted and writhed like something out of a porn movie. He watched, riveted as Dean flipped Sam onto his stomach before pushing his fingers into Sam's ass. Gordon groaned softly, unzipping his pants and taking his cock out, caressing it slowly as he watched the two bodies panting and writhing. 

 

Gordon could hear soft mutters, talking in deep tones until Dean was sinking into Sam just as he grabbed Sam's hair and yanked him back, the tendons on his neck standing out and it was beautiful and temptation incarnate. Gordon found his eyes stuck to the bare expanse of Sam's neck before trailing down to where Dean's surprisingly thick cock disappeared into Sam's perfectly sculpted ass. Gordon could remember Dean like it was yesterday. He had been such a twink. Skinny, lean and all wiry muscle... big green innocent eyes, cock sucking full lips that drove Gordon insane... 

 

He had been a wet dream in black slacks and Gordon had pounced on the chance to get him. And he had gotten away. He almost couldn't associate the man Dean had become, all broad shoulders and thick muscles, and deep voice... to the boy he had once been. He had tried so hard to find another man who had been as beautiful as Dean, but had failed... until now. Sam was nothing like Dean, but also everything Gordon wanted. Tall, lean, beautiful beyond belief... feisty, stubborn, strong... it'd be fun to break him. 

 

But together... 

 

Gordon's hand sped up on his cock, flicking a thumb over his slit to spread the precome leaking copiously from there. 

 

Together, those two were ethereal. Gordon wouldn't be averse to fucking them both at the same time, even if in the end he just wanted Sam as his. He wanted Dean miserable. He wanted him to cry, to scream, to beg Gordon for his lover back and Gordon wanted to laugh and say no. He wanted to watch Dean fall apart, he wanted to watch Dean break. 

 

And he wanted Sam to be his so much it was an ache in his chest, a burn in his abdomen, a pull in his stomach and a tingle in his fingers. 

 

"Mine." Dean growled and Gordon heard it clear as day. He smiled as he watched Dean fuck Sam so hard the boy slipped along the wet tiles, groaning and screaming for Dean as he sank his teeth into his lover's shoulder. 

 

He watched Sam fall apart, moaning and screaming as Gordon saw the splash of white on the slick tiles. Armed with the knowledge of what Sam sounded like when he came, Gordon let go and came into his own hand with a hiss. 

 

Cleaning up using a napkin from a nearby table, Gordon glanced down one more time and found them kissing, lying on top of each other and mouths fused together. God he wanted to fuck those two so badly... 

 

He'll have to up his game. Dean shouldn't have challenged him the way he had. He should have gone and gotten himself another cheap escort, someone who would have been his for a few dollars and Gordon would have been able to see the look of betrayal and anger on Dean's face all over again. By bringing Sam, a guy who refused to bow down, Dean had incurred his obsession. 

 

"I'll see you tomorrow, Dean-o." Gordon whispered before heading back to his suite where he found Ben and pretended he was Sam. By the time he was done with him, Ben was whimpering softly in the corner of the living room, pulling his pants back on with pained grimaces and Gordon's insomnia had been cured when he fell into bed, passing out before his head hit the pillow.


	10. Plans Of Both Kind

Sam and Dean dressed on their bathrobes and went back to the suite. The jacuzzi was full, the water was hot, and Sam practically tore Dean's robe off and then his own, pulling dean to the jacuzzi with him and then he spent minutes just kissing Dean because he couldn't get enough of Dean's lips, his tongue, his taste. The jacuzzi was officially off the sore spots list, Dean decided as he relaxed against Sam's body, kissing and touching him like it was going out of fashion. If he hadn't come so hard earlier and if he wasn't so bushed right now, he would have tried for another round but no way was Dean Junior standing up today. 

 

 

Sam felt lazy and lethargic. In just two weeks his whole life had turned upside down, and he still had hard time believing that this was real. He couldn't help the feeling that this was just a dream, and that he would wake up from it any minute, in his own apartment, alone and lonely. 

 

But at least this was real. Dean's skin, the muscles underneath, his wet hair and deep green eyes, they were all real, and so was the love Sam felt towards him. And Dean had said he loved Sam too. It amazed him. He had only been in love once before in his life and it had taken months to develop the kind of trust that Sam was able to open up and let another person in. But with Dean he didn't hesitate, and in a way it was crazy. He had only known Dean for couple of weeks, and yet he felt like this was the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

 

"You must be a witch..." Sam whispered. "Or a warlock. I don't know what kind of spell you have cast upon me..." Sam smiled, "...but it's definitely working." 

Dean grinned at the cheesy lines, finding them funny and endearing at the same time. "And you must have watched one too many chick flicks when you thought no one was looking." Dean whispered back in the same tone as Sam's. "Did you cry at the end of The Notebook, Sammy?" He nipped at Sam's lips before starting to climb out of the jacuzzi. "I haven't even seen The Notebook!" Sam protested. He smiled teasingly. "Have you?" But Dean just grabbed Sam's hand, tugging him out with him and pulling his wet body close to he could kiss those beautiful lips again while he grabbed a nearby towel and began to dry them both off. 

 

"Now sleep. I'm bushed." Dean muttered, leading Sam into the bedroom and crawling under the bed-covers, wrapping himself around his boyfriend from behind, burying his face into Sam's hair and breathing deeply before slipping into sleep. 

 

Sam was tired, his body felt like he had no bones at all, but he spent some time just listening Dean breathing and thinking how lucky he was. The past was gone, he was off the hook of heroin and now this beautiful man wanted to be with him, even when he knew about the things Sam had done and what had been done to him. He fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

When Sam woke up the next morning, Dean's warm body was still pressed against his own, and he could feel Dean's morning wood against his ass. Sam closed his eyes and couldn't help moving his hips so that Dean's hard on rubbed a little harder against him. A sharp sting of arousal almost made him groan, but he swallowed it, not wanting to wake up Dean who seemed to sleep so peacefully. 

 

Sam tilted his head back so that his neck was against Dean's shoulder and slowly guided his hand to his rock hard cock, caressing it slowly, breathing softly until he couldn't repress a whimper and his hand sped up. 

 

God, Dean was driving him crazy. No matter how many times they had fucked during the past two weeks and no matter how sore Sam still was from the dry fuck from the day before, he still wanted Dean, wanted him inside him, wanted him so deep that he would feel Dean forever. 

Dean was sleeping deeply, dreams saturated with images of Sam wet and sweaty and dirty, all with him begging and moaning for Dean to fuck him, hard and fast and make him scream. It was no wonder he woke up with the mother of all hard-ons and Sam whimpering softly pressed against him, his hand moving fast in that telltale way... 

Dean grinned against Sam's hair, pretending to be asleep and watching Sam through his eyelashes. Casually he slung one arm over Sam's hip, dropping it limply right over Sam's busy hand and brushing against the wet warmth slipping between those fingers. He kept his breaths slow and deep, barely keeping his hips from pressing harder into Sam. He wondered what Sam would do, thinking he was asleep. Would he continue jerking off or would he try something else. 

 

God Dean had never been this horny with any of his other escorts/boyfriends. He'd had sex with them, of course he had, but it hadn't been nearly this frequency. It was like his body started screaming for Sam if he went fifteen minutes without just touching him. Fuck, he was so whipped it was not even funny. 

 

Okay, maybe a little funny. 

Sam stiffened when Dean's arm casually slung over Sam's hip, but Dean was still breathing slow and deep, and Sam relaxed. Apparently he hadn't woke Dean up. But the hand that had brushed his hardness only made the heat pool in his stomach until it felt scorching and Sam was sure he was going to burn at any second and Dean would find just a pile of ash when he would finally wake up... 

 

Sam was breathing harder, his hand still stroking his cock until it was just too much and Sam turned around against Dean, pressed his body tightly against Dean's and his hips ground tightly against his sleeping lover. Their cocks were pressed together, and the sound that escaped Sam's throat sounded like he was in pain and heat at the same time. Well, he was. He was so turned on it hurt and the flames that burned inside him made him whimper desperately. 

"Oh fuck." Sam whispered and Dean couldn't agree more. Giving up the pretense, Dean pushed forward, catching Sam by surprise as he pushed Sam onto his back, lying down on top of him. 

"Next time, wake me up." Dean whispered against Sam's lips and Sam's eyes widened before Dean captured his mouth in a deep kiss. Dean sucked hard on his tongue, making him moan into the kiss, his own mouth trying to start dominating the kiss but then Dean sucked harder and Sam gave in and just let Dean take his mouth, take him. Dean's hands were all over his body, stopping down when they clutched the firm flesh of Sam's ass. He pulled Sam up, forcing him to press harder against Dean's cock and the sting of lust that went through Sam's abdomen was so sharp it made him squeeze his eyes closed as a muffled whimper escaped from his throat. 

 

Dean's hands went lower, grasping his thighs and pushing them apart so that Dean fell in between his legs and Sam opened his eyes. His eyes were hooded and pupils black with lust. With one hand Dean played with Sam's cock and balls while with the other he positioned himself at Sam's hole and Sam stopped breathing for a second. He wanted this, God how he wanted this but he also knew that it would hurt, a lot. His ass was clenching and releasing as his eyes opened all the way, wide, glassy and just a hint of fear in them. Then Dean pressed the head of his cock against Sam's ass, letting the precome paint the tense hole before he pushed inside and Sam squeezed his eyes close again. Dean pulled away from Sam's mouth, and Sam opened his eyes, seeing Dean watching his expressions as Dean slowly pushed inside. It hurt, fuck it hurt but Sam was too far gone to care. The friction, the burn, the pain that mixed with pleasure as Dean sank deeper and groaned. Sam had lost his voice, the feeling of Dean's cock inside him filled all his senses, and then Dean smirked that devilish smile and Sam just stared into his eyes, breathing harder and trying to relax. 

 

Dean kept slipping deeper and deeper inside, letting Sam feel every inch as he watched the expressions flicker over Sam's face with rapt attention. Once Dean was seated entirely inside, he stopped for a moment, and his hand was pumping Sam's cock, the tight grip and skillful fingers keeping him hard and distracted. Finally Sam relaxed, but only for a moment because then Dean pulled almost all the way out before slamming inside, making the entire bed shake with the force and Sam's back arched, his head fell back against the pillow and his mouth opened wide in to a silent scream. Then Dean forced one of Sam's legs over his shoulder and he started fucking Sam, hard and fast and watching every flicker of pain and pleasure cross his face, Sam's eyes that were wide open as he stared at Dean and even with the pain his body was willing and ready to bend each and every way Dean wanted to take him. 

 

And then it happened. Dean's cock thrust brutally against Sam's prostate while pounding away into him and the pain wasn't gone but it was different kind of pain, good pain, pain of being so aroused it felt like dying. Dean forced him to nearly bend in half, making Dean slip deeper inside until nothing existed except Sam's moans and Dean's gasps and the slick, slapping sound of flesh meeting flesh. 

 

"Fuck..." Dean said but Sam barely heard it through the sound of blood rushing in his veins and his heart beating like it was trying to crawl of of his chest. But he felt Dean spilling deep into him, felt the twitch of his hips but he didn't stop. He kept fucking Sam through it, and Sam threw his head from side to side, he was moaning and mumbling nonsenses and then the orgasm washed over him like a thunderstorm and he spilled his seed on Dean's hand, body convulsing under Dean as his hips jerked sharply before he went completely limb, deft and blind in his post-orgasmic state. Dean fell on top of Sam, and Sam's sweat covered legs slipped off Dean's shoulders. Sam barely realized it when Dean pulled out with a soft sucking sound, and then Sam closed his eyes, trying to calm down his hammering heart. His body hurt after straining his muscles so hard when Dean fucked him to the mattress, and his ass hurt even more, but God it had been worth it. 

Meanwhile, Gordon swirled the wine in his hand as he watched the deck, waiting for his two favorite people to make an appearance. The image of the two bodies writhing last night was fresh in his mind, making his blood boil and his skin tingle with the need to touch, to have, to take. In a very small amount of time he found himself obsessing with Sam, wanting him so badly he could practically taste it. And then there was Dean. The same Dean who he'd had in his bed just six or seven years ago, young and lean and beautiful with big beautiful eyes and those cock sucking lips... and now that Dean was broad shouldered, ripped, green eyes still wide and lips still plump... 

 

But this Dean was a man, and Gordon could sometimes still see the boy in him. Last night, there had been none of that boy in Dean. He had been wild, claiming, almost primal in his intensity to claim Sam who had clawed and grabbed at Dean like he would die if Dean didn't fuck him. For a moment, Gordon found himself torn. Who did he want more? Did he want to break Dean more than he wanted to fuck Sam? Or did he want to fuck Sam and just have him begging him to let him come. Oh the games he wanted to play... 

 

Most of all though... even more than wanting to make Sam scream, he wanted to hear Dean sob. He wanted to hear Dean beg, and plead, and then he wanted him to give up. Break.

 

Dean would rue the day he walked away from him, and Sam would regret the minute he said no to Gordon. 

 

Speaking of the devil... there they were. 

Dean led Sam to the bow of the ship after breakfast, just because right in that spot the sound of the ocean drowned out the noise of all the people on the deck behind them, and there was a fine spray of salty water in the air at all times. Dean liked this spot. 

 

Keeping Sam close because he came here for no other reason than to just spend some time with Sam, which was ridiculous because they spent almost every waking moment together it still felt not enough. So one arm wrapped around Sam's waist and the other holding the wet railing, Dean discussed random things with his boyfriend. He talked about how he got his first job, and the way his most hated piece of clothing was a cummerbund because it reminded him of a fancy girdle, and that his favorite word was shenanigans because his Mom used to say it to him when he got into trouble. That took him to the topic of his family and he started telling Sam about his military father who had the whole house up at 6 every morning. About his sister who was getting married to a mechanic of all people, and his Mom who would love to meet Sam. Once he told her he was gay... of course. He wasn't so sure about his Dad... best case scenario was that John wasn't a homophobe. But Dean wasn't too optimistic. 

Sam just loved to listen Dean speaking, to find out more about him, to really get to know him. They were so comfortable in each other company that Sam had hard time believing how little time they had actually spent together. And then he thought of all the time he and Dean would spend together in the future and smiled. At one point Dean turned around to look at Sam and instead saw Gordon standing on a balcony, looking at them, and Sam's smile died with Dean's next words. 

 

"Gordon's watching." Dean said softly, his eyes meeting Gordon's dark ones and that shameless asshole didn't even have the decency to look away. Jesus Christ that man was creepy. 

 

"I don't care." Sam said quietly, but the truth was that Gordon made him nervous. "Let him watch if it makes him happy. At least then he sees what he's never gonna get." 

 

Sam thought about kissing Dean for a moment but then decided that if Dean had seen Gordon, then Gordon had to know that they knew he was there and kissing then would seem like a show. So he just held Dean close to him and twined their fingers on the wet railing. 

 

Sam didn't regret he had taken this job that had turned out to be so much more than a job, but he still wanted the cruise to end, just to get away from Gordon. He had seen people like that before. There was something in Gordon's eyes that made Sam feel really uneasy. It maybe wasn't madness, but it was pretty close to it. 

Gordon kept the eye contact with Dean going, refusing to look away and admit defeat. He watched as Sam pulled Dean closer, their fingers twining on the railing and Dean was distracted. He broke the contact and looked to the side, smiling at Sam in that weird soft way that made something inside Gordon twist and snarl and hiss. Then Gordon was forgotten as he saw Dean's lips moving, eyes bright and expression animated as he started talking to Sam again about god knew what. 

Huffing with disgust, Gordon turned around and headed down to the bar to grab a drink.


	11. The Confrontation

Three weeks of cruise were too much, in Dean's opinion. Too long, too annoying, and Dean grew tired of the same people, the same places, and the rather redundant days. He was just glad he had Sam with him who helped him find new ways to pass time. Dean didn't think he had fucked this much in his life. And he still couldn't get enough. He had every inch of Sam memorized, knew exactly where to kiss, where to suck, where to bite to make Sam scream and sigh and moan. They had christened the jacuzzi so many times Dean couldn't think of the word 'jacuzzi' without getting hard anymore. As for the bed... they ended up breaking it. And then they laughed about it so hard Dean got a stitch in his side.

 

Gordon stayed out of their way, and Ben looked sicker and sicker by the day until Dean just didn't see him outside anymore. He just hoped the boy hadn't suffered any permanent damage. It seemed Gordon got sicker and madder every time Dean saw him. It was a surprise every time to see that twisted, dark look in Gordon's eyes. He hadn't used to be this... unhinged. Dean didn't worry about Gordon as much as he worried about the people he'll take it out on. 

 

As long as Sam was safe, Dean didn't care much about them either. He was selfish, he knew, but he wasn't going to mess with Gordon if not needed. Not when he had so much to lose. 

 

Sam also noticed how Ben looked worse and worse every day, and the final drop was when Ben disappeared completely. After two days of not seeing him, Sam decided it was about time to confront Gordon. The opportunity came when Dean had to meet one of his business colleagues, and Sam was left alone for few hours. He had a strong feeling that talking with Gordon would be like talking to a brick wall, but what else could he do? He couldn't leave Ben at Gordon's mercy, if the boy was even alive anymore... 

 

Sam closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to figure out some way to get through Gordon, but during these three weeks Sam had got a very clear image of Gordon and the way he cared about nothing and no-one but himself. Still, Sam had to try.

 

He knocked on the door of Gordon's suite, not even knowing if he was there, but the door opened almost right away, and the look on Gordon's face – surprised, but only for few seconds before his face turned into a knowing smirk – made Sam hate the guy even more. Not to even mention when Gordon nod and took a good once-over of Sam's body. And his first words...

“Told you you'll come to me before this cruise is over. Come in.”

 

“Actually that's not why I'm here.” Sam said but entered the suite anyway, noticing right away that Ben wasn't there. Anger raised its ugly head inside Sam but he kept his voice calm. “Where's Ben?”

 

Gordon smiled. “Winchester finally realized it's best to let you go?”

 

“Where's Ben?” Sam repeated his question. Gordon laughed. “Not here, as you can see. Had to send the boy away.”

Sam felt something cold coil inside his belly but he had to ask, even when the answer scared him. “Is he alive?” At that Gordon let out an amused sigh and smiled the way that could have only been described as 'evil'. “He'll live.”

 

“So you sent him away. Where?”

Gordon's smile died. “What do you care? You came for me, like I said you would. Why won't we cut the bullshit and proceed to what you really came here to get, huh?”

Sam's anger took a few notches up. “I didn't come here for you, and as soon as this cruise ends, I'll never wanna see you again.”

 

Gordon felt mixed feelings. He really liked how feisty Sam was, but at the same time there was something dark and dangerous rising inside him, just few inches below his cockiness. “I can see that you will not give out without a fight. Probably even enjoy some battle of wills. But don't worry, I have my ways to make this easier for you. You might even like it.”

 

Sam gave Gordon a snarky smile. “Oh yeah? And what exactly were you planning on do--” Sam couldn't even finish his sentence before Gordon attacked him. He should have expected something like this to happen, but it came so suddenly that the next thing Sam realized was that he was on his back on the floor, Gordon on top of him, hands on Sam's throat. “If you really wanna play rough, that can be arranged...” Gordon snarled, his face just an inch apart from Sam's. Gordon was a heavy motherfucker, and his hands on Sam's throat made it difficult to breath. “Just give in. You were mine the first time I saw you, and if you act nicely this doesn't have to hurt as much as I could make it hurt.”

 

For some reason Sam wasn't afraid. No, in fact he was furious, but he hid it well and stopped struggling like he really was giving up. Gordon gave him a lewd smirk. “That's what I thought too.” Gordon let go of Sam's throat and sat on his thighs, hands starting to fumble with Sam's pants, and that's when Sam made his move. He raised his knee and smashed it against Gordon's groin as hard as he could, ripping a furious scream out of Gordon, and the man fell to the floor on his side, curled into himself and holding his crotch.

 

Sam got up, arranged his clothes and looked down at Gordon who stared back with eyes full of hatred. “You'll regret this...” Gordon choked out but Sam didn't answer anymore, just huffed in disgust before leaving the suite, leaving Gordon cursing on the floor.

Worry stroke him as soon as Sam was out. Ben was gone, and Sam had to find out what had happened. The cruise would be over in few days, and after that Sam could start searching for answers. But right now he needed fresh air, so he headed to the deck, finding Dean there.

 

“Hey.” Dean smiled. “I went to our suite but you were not there. I was kinda worried for a while.” Dean frowned. “Where were you? I looked all over for you.”

“I went to talk to Gordon.” Sam said, still upset. Dean was silent for a long moment, then licked his lips and looked Sam in the eyes. “Why?” He simply asked, voice blank. “Ben is not on the ship anymore.” Sam answered. “I needed to find out what happened.”

“So did you?”

“What do you think? And before you start lecturing me... I just needed to know.”

 

In a way Dean understood. Even better now after Sam had told about his past and how he had been just like Ben, but still... The idea of Sam and Gordon alone in the same room? He didn't like that thought, not one bit. Dean cleared his throat. “So... did Gordon try anything while you were there?” 

 

He wasn't really sure he wanted to hear the answer. But Sam answered anyway.

“He tried. Until I kicked him in the balls so hard that he'll probably have trouble with walking for the rest of the cruise.”

Dean's eyes widened. “You...?”

“Yeah.” 

 

Dean allowed himself to dwell on images of Gordon in pain and writhing on the floor, humiliated, for a while, and no matter how much he wanted to be angry at Sam for doing something so stupid, there was a smile tugging on the corner of his lips. But after that he realized something that made his blood run cold. “Listen, Sam, and listen carefully.” Dean started. “Gordon has always hated me. It has always been a war between us. What you just did...” Dean swallowed. “You just declared a war against him too.”

Sam shrugged. “He deserved it.”

 

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening his eyes again and looking at Sam, then closed the small distance between them, pulling Sam into his arms. “I just don't want anything to happen to you...” Dean whispered. “I don't think I could live without you if something happened. Not when I've just found you.”

“Hey...” Sam whispered back. “It's only couple of days. Then we'll be out of here and move together and forget Gordon for once and for good. Okay?”

“Okay.” Dean agreed. “Just promise me one thing. Don't go see him again.”

“I promise.”

“I love you. Don't really know what I'd do without you...” Dean said quietly. Sam cupped his cheek and searched for his eyes. “Hey, I love you too. And you're not losing me. I promise.” 

“Better hold on to that promise...” Dean murmured and pulled Sam even closer, kissing him softly while the seagulls screamed in the sky.


	12. Will's Confession

Sam kept his promise and didn't confront Gordon anymore. In fact, during the last few days of the cruise it almost seemed like Gordon had let them be. For some reason that was even more alarming than if the guy would have been stalking them 24/7. Something was up, Dean knew it. Gordon never gave up, especially when he was angry and determined of getting what he wanted. Sam had learned that too. Something was coming, which made them both feel uneasy, but finally the cruise was over, and in few days Gordon was almost forgotten, because Sam and Dean had so many other things to do now that they were back and officially together.

 

Dean helped Sam move into his apartment with a sort of giddiness he had never felt before. He also took extreme pleasure in writing up a notice for the landlord about Sam withdrawing from his lease contract and handing it to him personally. Sam didn't own much, and Dean vowed to replace some of the things that Sam was using that were worn down and tired looking. He planned on spoiling Sam silly if he'd let him. Soon Dean's bachelor pad turned into a home. He came home from work expecting Sam there to see him. He enjoyed the warm hugs, the soft kisses, and delicious food and then the mind-blowing sex so much he may have gotten just the tiniest bit careless... and feeling a whole lot safer than he really was. But he didn't know that then. Not until it was too late.

 

He didn't notice the two men standing across from his building sipping cups of coffee every morning. He didn't notice how they watched him as he entered his building, as he left his building. He didn't notice the car following him to work, and the people working overtime to put down his schedule on paper. 

 

He definitely didn't notice the same being done for Sam. 

 

He had grown careless in his bliss, and he would never forgive himself for that mistake.

 

Sam had never in his life thought that he'd end up being domestic, living with someone, being in love. But there he was, in Dean's -their- apartment, and everything was so perfect Sam was just waiting for the bubble to burst because he had to be dreaming. But as the days went by, Sam decided that either this was one hell of a long dream or then it had to be real. It really took him time to believe that this was really happening; had already happened. He was in love, sharing dinner table and bed with a man he loved and who loved him back. Sam had no idea what he had done to deserve Dean.

 

One worry remained though, and that was Ben. Sam decided it was about time to find out what had happened to the boy. 

 

Then one day when Dean was at work, Sam remembered his conversation with his friend Will who had said that Dean was dangerous and sadistic. He was curious, because even when they played rough sometimes, Dean never really hurt him and they always both wanted it. Handcuffs, toys, shackles... but it was nice, and they didn't fuck like that all the time, it was more like spicing things up once in a while. So, Sam decided to call Will and dig the truth out of him. Maybe Will would even have some information about Ben.

 

"Hi." Sam greeted when Will answered his phone. "You remember Dean Winchester?" 

 

Will sighed. "How could I forget? And I hear you can still speak. Can you walk too?" 

 

Sam grinned. "Well, some mornings pretty crookedly but then again, I'm begging for it." 

 

Will was quiet for a moment. "Wait, what? I thought... The cruise ended like... Sam, what are you doing?" 

 

"I'm living with Dean." 

 

"What!?" 

 

Sam laughed. "Meet me at the café in an hour. I'll tell you everything. Oh, and I have some questions for you and you can forget about confidentiality because Dean's not my boss anymore, he's my boyfriend." 

 

This time the silence lasted longer. "Your boyfriend." Will said with a strange tone. Then he sighed. "Fine, one hour, same place as the last time. And you better tell me what's going on." 

 

"Gladly." Sam grinned and hung up. 

 

He changed his clothes and headed outside, planning of taking a walk in a nearby park before meeting Will. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the sky was clear and blue and nothing could go wrong today.

 

Sam had no idea how wrong he was.

 

Will was already waiting in the café when Sam arrived. He nodded to Will as a greeting and went to the counter to order a large cappuccino. He paid with a credit card Dean had given him, a credit card that Sam had absolutely refused to accept because he wasn't going to spend Dean's money, but then the sneaky bastard had got on to his knees and sucked him until Sam was whimpering, and Dean didn't let him come until he swore he would take the card and use it. 

 

"What's up?" Sam asked as he sat down across from Will. "Business going well?" 

 

"Cut the bullshit." Will replied and Sam raised his brows. "Just what the hell are you doing with Winchester?" 

 

"I told you." Sam took a sip of his coffee and smiled. "I'm living with him." 

 

"Just how much is he paying you??" 

 

Sam frowned. "He's not paying me anything. We're together. I love him." 

 

"Right..." Will muttered. "So he got you hooked too." 

 

Sam frowned even more. "Just what exactly do you have against him? He's nothing like you said. He's not any cruel sadist that enjoys hurting people. What kind of issues you have with him?" 

 

Will leaned a little closer, resting his arms on the table and looking at Sam, and for a while Sam was sure he saw jealousy in Will's eyes. "He made you fall in love with him. Now it's all flowers and butterflies but trust me, he'll leave you when you least expect it. In other words, when he's had enough of you. Let me guess, you two are fucking like minks. Well, don't assume it'll last forever. Like I said before, he'll chew you up and spit you out." 

 

Sam laughed but it was a joyless laugh. "He asked me to move in with him. We're living together. I'd say that's pretty serious." 

 

Will smiled bitterly. "Yeah. It's handy to have you right where he can have you anytime he wants. You're blind, Sam." 

 

Sam was silent for a moment. Then his eyes widened when realization hit in. "Oh my God..." He whispered. "You were in love with him." 

 

Will didn't say anything and his expression was blank. 

 

"No way." Sam was stunned. "You still are." 

 

"Go to hell, Sam." 

 

Will got up and left without looking back. Sam had absolutely no idea of what to think. This was something... Well, something he never would have guessed. Then he remembered that he had other questions as well and hurried after Will, leaving him almost untouched cappuccino to the table. He caught Will on the street corner and grabbed his arm. ”Hey, wait! Just wait a second!”

 

“What?” Will sounded irritated. “I'm sorry but I'm not in a mood of hearing how happy you two are together. Yeah, I fell for him. Big deal. Just don't rub your domestic bliss into my face.”

 

“No, you got it all wrong. I actually had some other questions.”

 

“I don't wanna talk about Dean.”

 

Sam sighed. “This is not about Dean.” Sam explained. “And fine, you can hate me all you want but I really need your help. Well, there's someone who needs help. He's an escort so I figured you might know him. Unfortunately I don't know even know but his first name, Ben. But he shouldn't be that hard to spot if you come across him. He's barely legal and has been treated really badly. Skinny, bruised---”

 

“And what do you care about that boy?” Will asked, a joyless smile plastered on his face. Sam's expression turned stone cold. “You know why I care, Will. You know. We have known each other for along time. Just because I'm with Dean, don't take your bitterness out on someone who could be saved and has done nothing to deserve the way he's been treated.”

 

Will sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Fine.” He said, looking at Sam again. “I'll see what I can do. I'll ask around. Give me a week and meet me again,maybe I have some info then.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“And by the way, I'm sorry.” Will said quietly. “I really was in love, but... I guess it just... nevermind. The point is that I wanna be happy for you, I really do, especially after all the shit you've had to go through, but I'm not gonna lie to you. It's damn hard.”

That Sam knew. He wanted to say something like 'you will find someone too', but kept his mouth shut. In their line of work, no matter if escort or a hooker or even a luxury whore, a chance of finding a real, steady relationship was like one in a million chance. Will knew that too, and Sam could understand his bitterness.

 

“One week.” Will said. “By then I should have at least some clues.” He turned away but looked over his shoulder one more time. “Take care of yourself, Sam. I mean it.” And then he walked away.


	13. The Bittersweet Revenge

  
Author's notes: WARNING: from here on things get sickeningly dark for the next few chapters. Not suitable for sensitive readers.

***  


* * *

Dean sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He was tired, the pile of files on his table was massive today and he was going cross-eyed from all the figures and numbers and contracts. He looked up at the clock and saw that it was noon. Perfect. He needed a break. 

 

Getting up he gathered his coat and wallet and headed downstairs, planning on going to that cafe across the street and getting an extra large black coffee because he'd need that extra buzz if he was going to get through all the paperwork today. He sighed again, wanting to just go home and curl up around Sam, breathe his scent in and pretend he won't have to get up and do this all over again the next day. 

 

Fifteen minutes later he walked out of the cafe, steaming coffee in a styrofoam cup in his hand as he breathed the scent of it deeply, letting just that wake him a bit. As he turned to head to his building, he bumped into a man stepping out a black jeep. 

 

"Hey, sorry." Dean mumbled, starting to step aside when he felt something dig into his side. "What the-" Dean didn't get a chance to finish his sentence before he felt a jolt of heat go through his body, making his fingers spasm and let go of the coffee. It spilled darkly below him as his legs turned to jello and his thoughts grew muddles. Every muscle in his body was rigid and spasming for what felt like hours but was probably a second, maybe two. 

 

"He's out." Was the last thing Dean heard before he was being grabbed and thrown into the jeep, the sound of the doors sliding closed followed him into a deep sleep. 

 

On the sidewalk, a young woman watched the man who had been standing in front of her in the line to get coffee get grabbed, and she wondered with fear and trepidation if she had just witnessed a kidnapping. Cautious, she pulled out a notepad and jotted down the jeep number she had memorized in the heat of the moment before she forgot and wrote, BMW SUV below it. If it was a kidnapping, then at least she had something. Probably it was nothing. People got kidnapped, sure, but it didn't happen in front of her or around her. That was just crazy. She was probably just being paranoid. 

 

Dean woke up slowly, a pulsing headache centered right between his eyes and his right side felt like it was on fire. "The fuck...?" Dean muttered hoarsely, fingers twitching before he realized he couldn't move. He opened his eyes carefully, looking around. He was in what looked like a basement... but a very lavish one. Across from him was a large bed, decked out with satin sheets and silk pillows and velvet blankets. The carpet under him was soft and plush, a deep burgundy color. He was lying down, hands reached out and wrapped around a pillar that wasn't too wide. It was cold and when Dean pressed his ear to it he heard water rushing. 

 

A pipe. It was a pipe running through the center of the room. Now he was more than convinced he was in a basement. 

 

Dean tried to sit up, but fell back down when a spark of pain flashed on his side. His hands were tied together on the other side of the pillar with duct tape and so Dean couldn't look what was hurting him. 

 

"You're awake?" Came a familiar voice and Dean worked through the blur in his mind to place it. He twisted to try and see and his eyes widened. 

 

"Gordon?" Dean frowned, confused. "What's going on?" He asked, noting that he was not tied in place either and Gordon was dressed... strangely... wearing black silk pajamas and he had a thin robe tied around him. He looked like he was getting ready for bed. 

 

"You'll know soon enough, Deano. Go back to sleep. There's still time before I wake you up." Gordon said in a tone that was almost loving. 

 

"What the fuck?!" Dean asked again but Gordon ignored him, squatting next to him and pulling Dean's shoes and socks off. Dean worried for a moment if Gordon was going to rape him but he stopped after taking his socks off. 

 

"Don't worry Deano. I just didn't like you tramping mud and dirt all over the carpet." Gordon said with a grin, one hand still on his ankle before it started traveling up, pushing Dean's slacks up and Dean pulled his leg back with a jerk, fully prepared to kick back and really hurt Gordon but he was expecting it. He dodged Dean's kick and reached for something outside Dean's field of view. 

 

"Don't be bad, kiddo. You'll regret it." Gordon said easily. "Now time to sleep." He said as he reached down and pulled up Dean's shirt, inspecting whatever was on his side. "Oh wow that looks like it hurts." He said to something. "It's not bleeding though... I wonder what'll happen if I do this..." Dean suddenly saw what was in Gordon's hand. It was a stun gun, the electrodes pressed right where his side hurt the most. 

 

"Wait! N-Nnnggh." Dean's body spasmed, molten lava running through his veins and making every inch of him convulse. It stopped after what felt like ages and Dean looked through watery eyes at Gordon's wavering figure. His heart was hammering in his chest, blood roaring in his ears and sweat beading on his skin. Every inch of him was on fire and random muscles were twitching all over his body. 

 

"Perfect. I love it when they bleed." Gordon said just as Dean panted 'f-fuck you' as he lost consciousness.

 

Meanwhile, two men followed the target from his building to the park, waiting for the perfect opportunity to grab him but it just never presented itself. This one would also take longer, considering they weren't supposed to damage this one at all. The one earlier, easy. One blast on the highest setting and he was out like a light. This time though, they had to go more chemical. 

 

One of them, tall and broad and he was the muscle of their little operation, patted the small bottle of chloroform in his pocket while the other, thin and lanky, pressed a cigarette between his lips, wanting to get done with it already. 

 

The target was in the cafe for a long time, just talking. Then he stepped out, looking distracted before running after to the other man he had been in the café, but the conversation between those two didn't take very long and then the target started walking back toward the street were the café was, and the fates were siding with them. There was a small group of trees on the side, where they had parked their car to keep it from being obvious. As the target started approaching that corner, they followed him, speeding up until Tall and Broad grabbed him from behind and pushed a pungent cloth over his nose and mouth. The target struggled, twisting and fighting but Tall wrapped an arm around his shoulders and kept him in place. The boy was strong, and tall, but he was nothing in the face of sheer muscle. 

 

He was a smart one, he held his breath as he fought, but eventually all it took was one gasping breath and the body went limp. Tall kept the cloth there for a few minutes more just in case, hidden behind a tree to keep from getting people suspicious, before he dragged the boy towards the SUV and dumped him in. Lanky followed and got in the driver's seat. Tall would make sure the boy wouldn't wake up, while Lanky would get them to their boss.

 

It all happened so fast Sam had no idea what actually happened. One moment he was walking outside, and the next moment someone grabbed him from behind and pressed a cloth on his face. Sam recognized the strange smell on the cloth and instantly started holding his breath while he struggled against the attacker he couldn't see, but finally the lack of oxygen made his lungs burn forcing him to breathe, and that was all it took. The world went black. 

 

Dean woke up slowly, seeing Gordon sitting on the bed, leaning over a body lying on there but Dean couldn't see much other than just a mop of hair from his spot on the ground. He groaned, cutting off in the middle because he didn't want to attract Gordon's attention, but it seemed it was too late. 

 

"Oh you're awake? Perfect." Gordon said, getting up and coming to Dean's side. Dean's lips thinned as he jaw clenched and Gordon made a disapproving noise in his throat. "Your lips are blue. I'll have to hold off on the taser for a bit." He muttered, pinching Dean's cheeks with one hand and pushing his face this way and that. "Let me look at that wound." Gordon said, glee dancing in his eyes and Dean's jaw clenched even further, hatred radiating from every pore in his body. He had known Gordon was unhinged but this? This was so far beyond what he had thought Gordon to be capable of... 

 

Gordon looked down at the two puncture wounds on Dean's side, right under his ribcage and the red and blue blooming around them as the blood vessels ruptured under the skin. It was beautiful, like a work of art. He wondered if he could put more colors on that tanned skin. Gordon's lips turned down when he saw the thin scabs covering the holes, stopping the bleeding. "This won't do." He whispered, pinching at the thin skin with his nails and peeling it off. Dean yelled, the reopened wounds hurting more than when he had gotten them. 

 

"THE FUCK YOU ASSHOLE?!" Dean shouted and Gordon frowned. 

 

"You'll have to learn to show me respect." He said before reaching for the taser. Dean's eyes widened, only barely stopping himself from begging him not to do it. Gordon put the taser on the lowest setting, then pressed the electrodes back in the open wounds making Dean yelp from the sharp pain. "You don't want me to punish you again. This time you won't pass out I promise you that." Gordon hissed and stepped back, pulling the taser back and watching with fascination as two thin lines of blood appeared and fell down Dean's side. 

 

Dean took deep breaths, trying to ignore the pain in his side as he sat up, pressing his face against the cool pipe and try to keep himself sitting up without using his oblique muscles. That's when he saw who was on the bed. 

 

"SAM! No. No. Oh God no. You can't do this. Not to Sammy. NO. Gordon!" Dean started rambling, not believing that the unconscious body on the bed belonged to his lover. "Please Gordon. Don't hurt Sammy, please." Dean whispered, fingers clenching uselessly in their bind. 

 

"I told you I'll have Sam for myself. And you get to watch." Gordon said with a self-satisfied grin before he climbed on that bed and started pulling Sam's clothes off. 

 

"Don't touch him! I'll destroy you if you touch him!" Dean snarled, pain forgotten as he forced his weak legs under him and started standing up, sliding up the pipe so he could see Gordon and Sam better. 

 

Sam was not tied down, which was strange, and there were syringes and other things sitting on the bedside table that filled Dean with fear. Gordon ignored Dean, only stopping when he had Sam naked as the day he was born. Almost with reverence, he cupped Sam's cheek, leaning down and kissing his lips and Dean growled from his spot, anger and fear and helplessness all mixing together. 

 

"Sammy?" Gordon whispered softly as he reached for a syringe. There was pale yellow liquid in it, and he wiped Sam's inner elbow with an alcohol pad before easily emptying the syringe into Sam's blood. 

 

"What are you giving him? What was that? Don't you dare hurt him!" Dean kept yelling, feeling like he had been thrown into a pool full of icy water as he watched his Sam's eyes open slowly. 

 

"Wakey, wakey." Gordon said with a smile, pressing another kiss to Sam's cheek. "Can you feel it? Can you feel it in you yet?" He asked, looking like a kid waiting for his present on a Christmas morning. 

 

"Sam. Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Dean asked, eyes stuck on Sam, waiting for him to wake up fully. 

 

When Sam regained consciousness, his mind was confused, he had a headache and he felt slightly nauseous. He kept his eyes closed, not because he wanted to but because he felt so weak that even opening his eyes felt like a huge effort. 

 

"Sammy?" Someone whispered softly and Sam shifted his head slightly, his mind trying to focus. The voice was somewhat familiar. Then something moist was wiped against his inner elbow and then there was a small sting. The drug went from his veins to his brain in about two seconds and he whimpered quietly as his body was filled with warmth. The headache was gone slight nausea remained, but the main feeling was only an incredible feeling of pleasure as the heroin took him deeper and deeper into the haze even when his eyes opened slowly. 

 

"What are you giving him? What was that? Don't you dare hurt him!" A yell, but it sounded muffled too, like it came through a wall from another room or something. 

 

"Wakey, wakey." Another muffled voice.

 

"Can you feel it? Can you feel it in you yet?"

 

Gordon? What... What the hell? Where was he? What had happened? Sam tried to focus but the drug clouded his mind and all he could do was writhe slightly as the warmth turned into heat and the pleasure grew so high it was almost unbearable. 

 

"Sam. Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Now Sam recognized that voice. It was Dean. What was Dean doing here...? Dean and Gordon... what...? God, everything was so unclear and the heat was burning him and his breathing came out slow and deep, and fuck, every inhale and exhale felt so good it was hard to breath. Everything felt so good... perfect... just like when- 

 

Sam tried to focus his gaze on Gordon but he saw everything in double. "You bastard..." Sam whispered and Gordon grinned. 

"Don't fight it, just take it. I know it feels good." Gordon bend down close to Sam's ear. "So good, doesn't it?"

 

Then he licked Sam's cheek like a predator tasting it's prey, and Sam's mind screamed but his body wasn't in his control, and God, Gordon was right, it felt good, the heroin running through his veins, making him feel like he was floating in crimson haze that was soft as silk and satin. 

 

Gordon turned to look at Dean. "And now? You get a show of your life, but first..." He got up, walked to Dean and smacked him in the face. "That's for refusing me. Let's see how your 'boyfriend' likes it." Gordon chuckled. 

"Bastard." Dean snarled, "Don't touch him or I swear to god..." 

 

"I saw you two, in the pool during the cruise. I bet you love to hear Sam screaming. Well, you'll hear it again in few minutes. Enjoy the show." Then he turned around and walked back to bed, wrapping his arms around Sam and lifting him into a sitting position. 

 

"Told you I'll have you..." He muttered and Sam's body was like melted wax as Gordon turned him on his stomach, face towards Dean. 

 

"Dean..." Sam whispered but that was all he could manage out of his mouth. His eyes felt heavy and his head lulled back and forth as he tried to keep looking at Dean. Gordon grabbed his hips and lifted his ass up, and Sam tried to crawl away but his body didn't obey him. "No..." Sam whispered weakly and closed his eyes. 

 

Raped, body full of heroin when he had been just fourteen... and it was happening again.

He just knew it. "No, please, no..." Sam pleaded but Gordon just laughed and yanked his head back from his hair. 

 

"Oh yes. And you'll like it. You'll like it or you'll cry and like it." He let go of Sam's hair and it fell back down. Gordon looked at Dean and kept his eyes focused at him as he positioned himself against Sam with his other hand. "Ready, Deano?" He asked, pushed himself inside Sam and Sam screamed. 

 

Sam heard Dean yelling, then pleading and begging and Sam tried to look at him but his face twisted into a grimace as Gordon pushed inside him again and again and he buried his face against the sheet. And some part of him told him that he couldn't look at Dean, not when...this...was done to him, in front of Dean... God. 

 

The heroin numbed the physical pain but the mental pain was different, even with the drug. Memories rushed through his mind; a dirty alley, a man, how he had been forced to the ground and the man had ripped his pants down before turning him onto his stomach and... 

 

'Don't think about it. Don't think about anything.' 

 

Sam felt himself falling deeper into the haze and for a moment he thought that Gordon might have put too much into the shot. His eyes were only slightly open, the whites of them showing as his eyes rolled back and he had to fight to stay awake. He barely realized it when Gordon pulled out and roughly turned him on his back, getting on his knees and climbing higher until he was basically sitting on Sam's face.


	14. Neverending Nightmare

  
Author's notes: Even darker than the last chapter, my apologies. :(

***  


* * *

"That mouth... so fuckable. Keep watching, Deano, I've only got started." Gordon's voice sounded muffled again and Sam was so drugged he couldn't move, couldn't do anything, not even bite when Gordon pushed his cock into Sam's mouth and started fucking it hard and brutal. All Sam could do was lay there while the bastard kept raping his mouth after raping his ass. Gordon sped up, held Sam's head with both hands and kept thrusting faster and faster until he came, still slowly thrusting for a moment before pulling out. Gordon's words made something inside Dean break. He felt so useless, so absolutely helpless while his boyfriend, his lover, was raped in front of him and drugged and being hurt. All he could do was watch. Pathetic. 

 

Sam's head turned to the side and he coughed, Gordon's come dripping out of his mouth as he gasped for air. "You alright, Sammy? Sammy? Talk to me baby." Dean said hoarsely, eyes wet as he watched his love's abused body curling into itself as Gordon petted his hair. Gordon petted Sam's hair like he was a well behaving dog or something and got out of bed. He went back to Dean and looked at him with a sly smile on his face. "I think I heard you saying you'll do anything if I don't hurt Sam." His smile was crooked. "Well, there's actually one thing you could do... I want you to fuck Sam while I fuck you." He turned serious, his expression cruel. "I can get it up again in ten minutes and I'll get another round. It's your choice if it's with you or with your precious boytoy." 

Dean's breath choked in his throat, air wheezing into his lungs as he realized what was going to happen to him. But there was no choice. He'd do anything for Sam, even if he was already late. Dean nodded, his movements a little jerkier than usual and a lot more panicked. "Okay. Okay. I'll do it. I'll do whatever you want. Just let Sam go. You can keep me, just let Sammy go. Please." Dean swallowed again, his mouth dry and his tongue feeling twice it's size. "After this, right now... let Sammy go... please let him go." 

 

"We'll see." Gordon said with a grin, "Now I'm going to cut you out of that duct tape, and if you try anything stupid then Sam will learn a whole different definition of pain, I promise you that." He cut the tape off and stepped back, letting Dean peel the remaining bits off his sensitive skin himself. "Strip." Gordon commanded and Dean flushed, glaring at him as he started unbuttoning his shirt as quickly as he could, wanting to just get it over with. "No, no, no." Gordon said, clicking his tongue. "Go slow. Strip for me." He said, sitting down beside Sam and putting a hand on Sam's chest, slowly kneading on breast muscle, feeling the nipple rolling in his palm. 

 

Dean flushed even deeper. He tried to slow his movements down, trying to be smooth as he took his shirt off but he was too agitated and he was sure he didn't make a pretty picture. Gordon was drunk on his embarrassment though, and didn't mind all that much. As Dean pulled off his belt and let his pants fall down, he hesitated only a moment on his boxer briefs and slipped them down as well. 

 

"Done?" Gordon asked, just to annoy because Dean was standing there with his fists clenched, completely nude. "Great. Now turn around." He said, pinching Sam's nipple distractedly as Dean tensed and then turned around, the blush spreading over his shoulders and down his back, making the light sprinkle of freckles stand out. "Now bend over and spread yourself for me." Gordon said and Dean whirled around, angry because he was not someone's whore. He was not going to bend down like that and- 

 

Gordon viciously twisted the nipple between his fingers, forcing a cry from Sam and Dean froze. "Alright! Alright!" He said, turning around again and with hunched shoulders he bent over, reaching back and spreading his cheeks open. Shame spread through his entire being because he could feel Gordon's eyes where they were not wanted and Dean had never felt so dirty in his life. 

 

"Look Sammy." Gordon said, grabbing Sam's hair and forcing him to look at Dean. "Look at your Dean, look how beautiful he is." He said softly and Dean tensed, standing up straight again. "I didn't tell you to stand up!" Gordon yelled and just like that Dean bent over again, cutting off a sob because he had never been this ashamed, this helpless. He refused to cry though. This was nothing. Dean could handle much more than this. "He used to be mine, you know." He kept talking to Sam, caressing his cheek. "So beautiful... I bet I was the last one inside him." He said with a cruel grin. "Did I scare you off, Deano? Didn't want another man inside you?" Gordon asked and the tensing of Dean's shoulders was his only answer. "God you must be so tight." Gordon groaned, "come here and get Sammy hard. I want to see you fuck him and I want to see him enjoy it." 

 

Grateful to be standing straight again, Dean went to Sam's side, fists clenching with the need to turn Gordon's face into a pulp. 

 

"Hey Sammy." Dean said softly, lovingly, as he put one hand on Sam's cheek, thumb caressing Sam's lips. "It's just me. I won't hurt you." He smiled, kissing his lips and settling on his knees in between Sam's legs. "Just me, Sam. You know me." He kept talking, hands traveling all over Sam's body, playing with his nipples and caressing Sam's stomach, one hand reaching down and circling Sam's limp cock, jerking him slowly. "Love you so much baby... Love you." He said, leaning down and kissing Sam, trying to ignore Gordon because Dean possibly could't fuck Sam if he wasn't hard and thinking of Gordon got rid of any and all hope of an erection. 

 

He tried to lose himself in Sam, pushing his tongue into Sam's mouth and washing Gordon's taste out of him. He pressed closer, holding Sam against his body and rocking slightly to try and get Sam hard, their groins pressed together. "Come on Sam." Dean said, rocking more and even when he didn't know if it was the effect of the drug or because of Dean, but he could feel Sam begin to harden slowly. "You want me right? Let me love you. I'll make it so good." Dean muttered against Sam's lips, and no matter how sick the situation was, Dean's body was starting to react to Sam himself as he started to harden against his boyfriend.

When Sam could finally breathe after almost choking on Gordon's come, the oblivion took over him even when he tried to stay focused because Gordon was getting up and Sam was so afraid that he'd do the same for Dean as he had done to him. But the drug was too strong, and Sam had no idea how long it had been, only realizing that Gordon was hurting him when suddenly Gordon yanked his hair and forced him to look, and what he saw... 

 

"No, don't, please don't, not him..." Sam begged weakly but Gordon ignored him and instead started talking about Dean and Sam whispered 'fuck you' but Gordon ignored that as well and pushed his head back against the sheet. Then he was being touched again and he was sure Gordon would rape him again. But the touch was gentle, and Sam knew those hands. 

 

"Dean..." Sam whispered and opened his eyes to see Dean looking back at him, hands caressing his body and it felt good, so good. Dean was between his legs and kissing him and Sam wanted to drown in him and never get back to the surface. He needed to feel Dean after what Gordon had done, like Dean's touch could erase all the abuse that had been done to him. In his drugged mind he didn't even realize that Gordon was in the room, beside them, watching. 

 

"Come on Sam." Dean said, rocking more and Sam's hips bucked a little and he was getting hard. "You want me right? Let me love you. I'll make it so good." Dean muttered against Sam's lips and Sam felt Dean harden against him. 

 

"Yeah..." Sam whispered. "Love you, want you..." 

 

Then suddenly he was brought back to the harsh reality as Gordon's voice spoke again. "Take him from behind. Or I will." 

 

"Just do it..." Sam's brushed against Dean's. "It's just you and me. You and me, no one else." 

 

Gordon smiled smugly. Oh, he would show that boy how wrong he was. But first he wanted to watch Dean sinking inside Sam, watch closely as that thick cock would slide inside Sam's beautiful abused hole, and then, then he would have so much fun it would make up all the shit Dean had put him through, and the hooker would realize who was really controlling the game. 

 

Sam lay on his stomach and lifted his hips a little, finding that he could move a little better so the drug wasn't effecting that much anymore but still enough to make him helpless. "I love you Dean." Sam said quietly. 

 

"Get it on." Gordon commanded. He didn't want to wait any longer. He was already hard and had moved so that he could see Dean's cock and Sam's ass, and that hole was red and swollen and stretched open, just begging to be fucked again. 

 

"Do it..." Sam whispered to Dean. It would be over sooner if they did this and maybe,just maybe, Gordon would let them go. "I want you. Want you inside me, come inside me, filling me with your come..." He knew this had to be hard for Dean so he tried talking dirty to get him forget that Gordon was there. 

 

Sinking into Sam was a reprieve. Dean groaned at the familiarity of it, wrapping his arms around Sam and going slow, deep because he didn't want Sam to hurt any more than he already was. Sam's dirty talk helped but Dean just wanted Sam to not be in pain, to just enjoy this. Slowly Dean started forgetting where he was, Sam's hips rolling under him and his skin warm and slick with sweat. 

Dean pushed in gently and set up a slow pace, and breathed a little harder, concentrating to the feeling of his lover to forget everything else, and it worked. Until. 

 

Gordon watched Dean push inside Sam's abused hole and licked his lips. It looked delicious, and for a while he just watched and caressed his cock slowly, watching Dean slide in and out and the beautiful boy under him rolling his hips like a whore he was. Then the temptation was too much and he quickly moved behind those two and spread Dean's cheeks. Dean tried not to anticipate it... it always hurt more when he tensed up. Figured he shouldn't have bothered worrying because he was as tense as he was going to get and then suddenly he was being ripped in half, scream stuck in his throat as he refused to let it out. He'll only scare Sam further if he yelled. He tried to control his thrusts into Sam, but it was beyond him. With every slam into him, Dean grunted in pain and slammed forwards, his quickly softening cock pushing into Sam and he was glad he was soft... at least he won't hurt Sam as much. Hearing the pain of both of them was like sweetest music to Gordon's ears. He started fucking Dean hard and fast. God, he loved dry fucks and Dean was so tight it was unbelievable. 

 

"Oh fuck..." Gordon groaned and kept hammering inside Dean. "I'm so glad I didn't prep you." 

 

Gordon's brutal pace forced Dean to sink inside Sam the same way, hard and fast, and Sam felt tears falling from his eyes, not because of himself but because of Dean. 

 

This was a nightmare. When would it end? 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Dean grabbed onto Sam's hips, trying to reduce the impact of his body slamming into Sam's. "You're alright... y-you're alright Sammy." Dean muttered into Sam's ear, kissing the shell softly as Gordon slammed into him again and Dean couldn't stop a whimper escaping him. "You'll be f-fine..." 

 

Dean bit into his lip, trying to ride out the pain but Gordon was too big, going too fast for him to relax or adapt to it. With a sick feeling, Dean felt something warm and wet running down his leg and he hoped he hadn't ripped something. "Stay r-really still, S-Sammy..." Dean said, voice trembling as he put one hand on Sam's back and pushed him down flat against the mattress. He waited for Gordon to slam into him again, and when he was seated the deepest inside Dean he twisted, wrapping an arm around Gordon's head and throwing himself to the side, taking Gordon with him. 

 

Surprised, Gordon went down like a sack of potatoes, ripping out of Dean who gave a cry at the sharp pain as they landed off the bed and down on the carpet. 

 

"What the hell?" Gordon started but Dean was getting his shaky legs under him, trying to stand up. His ass burned horribly, sharp needles of pain running up to his spine with every movement but he tried to get himself to ignore it, instead focusing on beating Gordon up. He curled one hand into a fist, swinging it at Gordon who grabbed it easily, face twisted in a snarl. "You shouldn't have done that." He hissed. 

 

"Sam! Run!" Dean yelled as Gordon pulled him down, twisting his arm around and forcing it up until Dean gasped with pain. 

 

"You move, and I'll kill him." Gordon threatened Sam without looking at him. 

 

"I can take care of myself. Run, Sammy!" Dean forced out before he yelled, Gordon forcing his arm up even more. 

 

"Stay where you are, or I'll fuck him till his insides are shredded then break every bone in his body, one by one." Gordon snarled, forcing Dean into a standing position and throwing him face first onto the bed. Dean immediately started trying to get his knees under him, to sit up and defend himself but Gordon twisted his fingers into Dean's hair and slammed his head into the headboard, watching as Dean went limp. "Oh fuck don't die already." Gordon rolled his eyes, annoyed at the prospect of his fun cut short. He flipped Dean onto his back, smiling when he saw Dean's slack expression and glazed eyes. Dean was slowly looking around, confusion written all over his features. 

 

"Goddammit." Gordon muttered, having lost his erection. He looked up at Sam as he grabbed Dean's hair and forced his face towards Sam. "Fuck his mouth. He's a little out of it so make sure you get nice and deep inside." Gordon said, sitting back and fondling himself as he pushed Dean's legs apart, looking at the bloody mess of Dean's hole and fuck if that wasn't hot. This time he'll use Dean's own blood as lube, then have Sam lick his cock clean once he was done. 

 

He loved having his toys. 

Sam was trembling, the effect of the drug fading so that it didn't numb the pain anymore but he still couldn't control his body, and he prayed to God that he would gain that control soon. Feeling the hard thrusts made him bite his lip to keep quiet. It was like Gordon was raping him all over again, but it was so much worse this time because Gordon used Dean as a tool of the rape, and God, he was hurting Dean... Sam wanted to scream. Dean spoke quietly, tried to comfort him but it only made him feel worse because he could hear the pain in Dean's voice. Could feel Dean growing soft which eased the pain but didn't make him feel any better because he knew that it was happening because of what Gordon was doing. 

 

And then everything happened fast. Suddenly Sam was alone in the bed and Dean and Gordon were on the floor, and Sam managed to almost sit up and managed to see how Dean took a swing at Gordon but Gordon blocked the hit. "You shouldn't have done that." Gordon hissed and Sam was suddenly filled with fear. No. No, no, no... Gordon twisted Dean's arm behind Dean's back. Dean told him to run but even without Gordon threatening to kill Dean if he ran, he wouldn't have left Dean there alone with Gordon, and besides he was still so out of it that he couldn't have run even if he wanted to, he could barely get up enough to lean his elbows on the bed and raise his upper body. 

 

"Fuck you you sick asshole!" Sam yelled when Gordon threw Dean back to bed and slammed his head against the headboard. Sam's eyes widened with terror. Dean looked... dead. And Gordon's words... 

 

"No..." Sam whispered, voice choked with fear and sighed out of relief when Dean moved, even when Gordon had turned Dean around and Sam didn't even want to think what he'd do next... Then he saw the blood. 

 

"I'll kill you." He snarled to Gordon. "I'll kill you, I swear to God, even if it's the last thing I do." 

 

"Go ahead and try." Gordon replied, sounding bored. "I'm really scared, considering that you can't even walk." There was a small pause. "Goddammit." Gordon muttered, having lost his erection, and then looked up at Sam as he grabbed Dean's hair and forced his face towards Sam. "Fuck his mouth. He's a little out of it so make sure you get nice and deep inside." Gordon said, sitting back and fondling himself as he pushed Dean's legs apart. Sam just stared at Gordon with eyes full of hate. Then he looked at Dean who had a cut on his forehead, his eyes were glazed and Sam's rage got stronger. 

 

"No." He said, staring back at Gordon. "Go ahead, kill me. Kill him. You'll only do us a favor." 

 

Gordon raised his brows. "Aren't you suddenly feisty." He smiled sickly. "But we both know how to make you more... inclined." Gordon reached out to the bedside table and took a syringe. "Did you think I only had one shot? Oh no, I'm planning on keeping you. Now let's get you relaxed..." 

 

Sam tried to struggle when Gordon grabbed his arm and forced him to turn it but Gordon was too strong and Sam was too weak. Gordon pushed the needle inside Sam's vein and looked at him with a smile that was almost gentle. "Don't worry, I've studied. You're not gonna die of overdose. I wouldn't want that to happen, not when we're having so much fun." 

 

"Go to hell." Sam gritted between his teeth before Gordon emptied the syringe and everything drowned in crimson haze again. 

Sam's eyes were open but he didn't really see anything. The drug was running through his veins like liquid fire and he had no idea of the outside world, just faint noises and images. He heard distant voices and tried to focus but he couldn't. Some part of his brain realized that the dose had been bigger than the first one. He couldn't move, his eyes were open but darkness crept around his vision and threatened to pull him into unconsciousness. 

 

Hadn't Gordon said that he had studied and there would be no overdose? Yes, Sam was pretty sure of that but his mind was blurry and incoherent and he wanted to close his eyes and sleep. He forced himself to stay awake. Had Gordon considered the fact that Sam had been clean for years and a normal dose of heroin could kill him? 

 

Sam had no idea that his breathing was getting slower and slower until it was just a wheeze and his eyes started to flutter close. He felt like falling, but this time it wasn't into crimson, it was into black. There was darkness that tried to swallow him. 

 

He didn't have a clue of the moment he lost consciousness and stopped breathing. 

Dean knew something was wrong when Sam's body felt like deadweight as he pulled him closer. "Sammy?" He called, shuffling away from Gordon who was basking in his afterglow. "Oh god, Sammy..." Dean's voice was choked, headache pulsing between his eyes but he didn't care. Sam wasn't moving, wasn't breathing, wasn't... oh god. Oh god if Gordon killed him... 

 

"SAMMY!" Dean yelled, forgetting all his pains and his weakness as he grabbed Sam's shoulders, shaking him hard. Sam didn't respond. 

 

"What's going on?" Gordon asked, bored. 

 

Dean didn't answer. He looked at Sam saw he wasn't breathing and wasn't responding and all he could think was 'He's dead. He's dead. He's dead.' His head spun, something in his chest caving as memories flashed in front of his eyes. Seeing Sam for the first time on the roadside, fucking him that first time, kissing him, tasting him... he thought of Sam's warm, deep voice, his hazel eyes, his beautiful mouth... he remembered how it had felt to run his fingers through Sam's hair, to hold Sam's hand, to kiss him for hours. Gordon had taken all that away from him. 

 

The resulting wave of anger and sadness and inconsolable loss was so great that Dean shut down. All emotions locked up as he held Sam's still body in his hands, Sam's face pressed against Dean's chest. 

 

"What's wrong with him?" Gordon asked again, more curious now. 

 

"You killed him." Dean said quietly, looking down on Sam's passive features, pushing away one sweaty lock of hair falling into Sam's eyes. He let his hand linger on Sam's skin, memorizing the feel of it. "You killed him." He said again. 

 

"Has his heart stopped?" Gordon asked, having read up on heroin overdose. He hadn't planned on having his toys die so soon after all. Dean didn't answer him, just held Sam close. "Let me see, Dean." Gordon started grabbing for Sam but Dean snapped a hand forward, grabbing Gordon's wrist so tightly the bones rubbed against each other. 

 

"Don't. Touch. Him." He gritted out, eyes never leaving Sam's face. 

 

"Your choice." Gordon shrugged. "If he's just stopped breathing then we can bring him back. But if you want him to die so badly..." Gordon grabbed Dean's hand and twisted it off his wrist, but Dean didn't even flinch. 

 

Dean blinked slowly, contemplating the idea that Sam could be saved. Using Dean's blankness in his favor, Gordon grabbed the skin on Sam's side and twisted viciously, leaving an angry, red mark and had Sam gasping awake, taking a deep choked breath. 

 

"Sammy...?" Dean looked down on Sam's gasping frame and he felt relief so strong it turned into nausea. He started laughing, clutching at Sam and pressing him to his frame. He didn't even care that Gordon was inches away from him. He had Sam back, and he wasn't going to let Gordon touch him again. 

Suddenly there was light. And pain as Sam's lungs filled with air again after not breathing for few minutes. He gasped and trembled, out of place and time with no idea what had just happened. 

 

"Sammy...?" He recognized Dean's voice and tried to say something back but then Dean was laughing hysterically, pressing him against Sam and the touch felt so good Sam wanted to close his eyes and fall asleep again. 

 

"Sam!" Came Gordon's sharp voice from not very far and Sam flinched. "Don't close your eyes. You'll only stop breathing again and I'll have to bruise you. If you don't stay awake, I'm going to give you a shot of meth. You've done meth too, right?" 

 

Sam frowned slightly. "What... why..." 

 

"So maybe the dose was a bit too big. I think I'll give you a shot of speed anyway. At least it'll keep your heart from stopping because you're not going to die here, that would be a mess." 

Dean just tightened his arms around Sam, protectiveness flaring inside him. "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM!" Dean roared, curling around Sam and hiding his face from Gordon. "You're not giving him anything. He's fine. He'll be fine." Dean muttered, eyes trained on Sam's face. "Don't sleep, Sammy. Don't close your eyes. Please. Just look at me, just keep looking at me." Dean said softly, one arm wrapped under Sam's neck to cradle his head to Dean's chest while the other rubbed up and down Sam's arm soothingly. "I'll get you out of here. Gordon's not going to touch you again, I promise." 

 

Gordon rolled his eyes at the over-dramatic moment. Geez, the situation hadn't gone THAT out of control! And all that talk of getting Sam out of there and whatnot. That wasn't happening. Gordon wasn't done. Not by a long shot. 

"Listen, Dean." Gordon said, his patience running out. "You can take a chance that he stops breathing again and also, his heart might stop and unless you have a defibrillator hidden somewhere in your pockets..." He didn't have to finish his sentence. He knew now how scared Dean of losing his precious boyfriend and his fear was so sweet Gordon could almost taste it in his mouth. "It's just a little amphetamine. Keeps his heart beating. I don't have adrenalin but speed will do the same trick. So unless you really want to take that chance that Sam might die, you'll move now." 

 

Oh, this was just so good. And the amphetamine shot would bring the boy back to reality enough to feel and realize what was happening, but the heroin would keep him tamed. Perfect. 

 

Gordon took another syringe and took Sam's limp arm, patting the inner elbow few times to make the veins stand up. "He has good veins." Gordon said, shrugging. "For an ex-junkie." Gordon then pushed the needle under Sam's skin and waited until he saw a drop of blood mixing to the solution in the syringe so that he knew it was inside the vein. "Here we go..." He muttered and slowly emptied the syringe and in seconds the bloodstream carried the drug to Sam's brain and his eyes flew open. As soon as Gordon was done injecting Sam, Dean pulled his arm back and cradled it against Sam's body. He didn't trust Gordon, not even a little, but right then he knew Gordon didn't want Sam to die so he was willing to let him give Sam whatever. But now that he was done, Gordon wasn't touching his love again. 

 

"Welcome back to the real world." Gordon said and smiled. this was going to be so much better now that the boy was in his senses. 

The world was spinning until it suddenly cleared. Sam was still high as a kite but he could see better, feel better. 

 

"Sam? You okay, buddy?" Dean asked softly, holding one of Sam's hands to his lips and kissing the knuckles softly. Sam closed his eyes and swallowed and then opened them again. Sam looked at him, eyes confused. 

 

"Yeah, I think..." He answered. Dean nodded, knowing the question was stupid but he just needed to hear Sam's voice. Needed to hear that Sam was alive and breathing and there. And Sam was pretty sure he was okay. His body hurt, especially-- Sam closed his eyes and swallowed. The ache of his jaw reminded him about how Gordon had used him like a sex doll, and the pain between his legs... Sam swallowed again and opened his eyes. "I'm fine." He assured. "You? Are you okay?" What a stupid question. Of course Dean wasn't okay. Gordon, that bastard had... And Dean wasn't used to it. Sam had hustled for years and it hadn't always been nice and he had been hurt more than once, but Dean... 

 

Sam had to make sure that Gordon wouldn't touch Dean again. He would do whatever Gordon asked him to do, just as long as the bastard wouldn't touch Dean. 

 

"I love you." Sam said, looking into Dean's eyes. "Whatever happens,I love you, remember that." 

"Love you too. God, so much." Dean whispered, tightening his arms around Sam. 

 

"It's like watching a bad soap opera." Gordon stated. "Everything is so sickly sweet it gives you a toothache but yet you can't look away." He said with a cruel half grin, leaning back and poking at his cock, flicking flakes of dried blood off. 

 

"Just... fuck off Gord." Dean muttered, the years old nickname slipping out without thought. 

 

"Oh wow. I had forgotten that name. Only you ever called me that, Deano. Nice to see we've come a full circle." Gordon said, reaching out and touching Dean's leg where it was pressed up against Sam's and then with the other hand he grasped Sam's thigh. Dean's eyes flashed and he grabbed Gordon's hand, ripping it off of Sam's leg. 

Sam still felt weird but he was coherent enough to realize that Gordon had pumped him full of chemicals, apparently clearly knowing he had been hooked on them, and that made him furious. And now that his head was a bit clearer, he also realized that Gordon had to know they would go to the police as soon as they got out of there. They wouldn't get out, not alive. But for some reason he wasn't afraid. Not until he heard what Dean said to Gordon. 

 

"Do what you want to me. Leave Sam alone." Dean growled and Gordon smirked, twisting his grip so that he was holding Dean's hand instead, in a parody of the affectionate gesture. 

"No!" Sam tried to get up but only managed to brace his elbows against the mattress. "Not him. I'm the one you want, right? Then come and get me, I'm right here. See?" Sam spread his legs a bit. "Right here. Wanna fuck me again?" Sam smiled challengingly. "I know you want to. Wanna fuck me so deep I can feel you in my throat? Yeah, do it. Come on." God, the things that came out of his mouth made him sick but he would do anything, anything to protect Dean. 

 

Gordon smiled smugly. "I knew it. Once a whore, always a whore." 

 

"Yeah, that's right." Sam smiled crookedly, sweaty bangs plastered against his skin. "I'm a whore. Then why don't you treat me like one? You know hookers are only good for one thing. And I've never left anyone unsatisfied. I'm good with what I do." 

 

Gordon chuckled. The boy was feisty again, he could see the fire burning in those drugged eyes, and he also knew that Sam was a damn good actor. Had to be if had been whoring for years and taking it from anyone who was willing to pay. 

 

"I think I might accept your offer." Gordon said and suddenly yanked Dean to the other end of the bed and taking advantage of surprise snapped hidden shackles around Dean's wrists. 

"Stop fooling around, come here and show me what you've got." Sam forced a seductive smile on his face.

 

Gordon knew that the boy was acting to save his precious boyfriend, but that didn't lessen the fact that it was damn hot to see the object of his lust like that, legs spread, all sweaty and simply fuckable. Talking dirty, obscene words spilling out of a mouth that just begged to be fucked. Sam's mouth looked so fucking delicious stretched around his cock... 

"Gordon! STOP! You promised me! You said you won't hurt him!" Dean yelled, lying down flat and trying to kick out at Gordon, but he was too far away and his kicks were weak. Gordon easily held his ankle down with one hand while his other hand pushed into Sam. "NOOO!!" Dean screamed at the same time as Sam gasped. Then Gordon left his leg to jerk Sam off and Dean squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't push his hands against his ears though and he heard everything. 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Gordon grunted irritatedly, but drew his fingers out of Sam and pulled the robe around himself, going to the door. He opened it just few inches, there was silent words exchanged, and when Gordon finally closed the door he looked even more irritated. Until he looked at Dean and Sam, and a cruel smile appeared on his face. “Looks like there's something I gotta take care of,” he said, “but don't worry boys, I will be back and then we're gonna have some real fun. Plus I'm tired and because I'm not a cruel man, I'll let you sleep for few hours too. I want you both ready and frisky when I get back." Gordon looked at the sheets that were messed with sweat, blood and come. "I guess this bed suits a whore just fine. And a whore's lover." 

Gordon let Dean loose and Dean only resisted a little when Gordon took handcuffs and cuffed him to the headboard instead, even when all he wanted to do was punch Gordon's lights out but he was simply too weak to do anything. Then Gordon ripped the duct tape off of Dean's wrists, told them goodnight and left. Sam heard how the door was locked from the outside. 

Neither of them said anything, just too relieved to have at least a moment's break from this nightmare. Gordon left and just like that Sam and Dean were left alone in the room.

 

"Stay quiet." Sam whispered to Dean and listened carefully. When he was sure that Gordon was gone and not listening outside the floor, he smiled a small, bitter smile. "That asshole doesn't know everything about me, otherwise he never would've cuffed me. He would've used rope or ducttape..." Dean cracked an eye open at that, curiosity and hope building in him at the words. Sam could get out of cuffs? He watched as Sam fiddled with the cuffs.

"Sam..." Dean said, worried. 

 

Sam pulled the cuffs until they were tight around his wrists, then bit his teeth, only letting out a small muffled grunt of pain as he jerked his hand lower so hard he dislocated his thumb and his hand was free. He took few deep breaths and then did the same with his other hand. When Sam's thumb popped out Dean jerked awake, seeing the pain flashing on Sam's face. "Don't worry..." He whispered to Dean before with another pained grunt he pressed his thumbs against the headboard to snap them on place. "I kinda had to do this few times when I was younger and things got nasty with a... client." Dean swallowed thickly, hating hearing about the things Sam had to go through before he met Dean... 

Sam raised himself up to a sitting position and bent over Dean. "We're getting out of here, I promise. Just stay calm and quiet. I need something to pick your cuffs open. a pin, paper clip, anything. I'm gonna look around the room. Gonna be okay for a moment? I'm right here." 

"I'm alright. Go." Dean said softly, sitting up. The prospect of home was very inviting, but not the home he knew right now. He wanted home. For the first time in several years, he wanted his Mom. He wanted his Dad. He wanted to sleep in the bed he grew up in and he wanted to just leave everything behind for a few days. 

 

He'll take Sam with him. Let his Mom fuss over him too. Sam would like his Mom's cookies, he was sure of it. 

 

Sam kissed him quickly and started to move around the room quietly as a thief. Now that he wasn't really drugged anymore, his senses were high and adrenaline filled his body. It also made the pain more intense than before, but the pure instinct to survive and get them both into safety kept him going. He looked around the room, eyes scanning it for something, anything made of metal that could be used as a lock pick. The drawer of the bedroom table was empty except for the roll of duct tape and several syringes filled with liquid, others totally clear, others slightly yellowish. Amphetamine and heroin. 

 

Gordon, you stupid bastard... 

 

Sam took one of the syringes, pulled the needle off and threw the rest away. Then he hurried to free Dean. "I checked the lock on the door. I can get it open. I don't think Gordon thought we'd ever make it this far." He talked quietly as he picked open first one lock and then another, letting Dean free. "I know, I used to be a thief too. You can lecture me later. Come on." Sam helped Dean up. "Get dressed. Your clothes are still on the floor. I found mine next to the bed." 

 

Getting dressed was painful and underwear was out of the question, but finally Sam managed to pull on his jeans and a t-shirt, abandoned his socks and simply pulled his shoes on. Being clothed helped a lot and Dean felt a lot less vulnerable as he pushed his feet into his loafers, smiling a little bitterly as he remembered pushing his feet into these same loafers yesterday and not having any idea this would happen to him. 

 

He would have worn more comfortable clothes if he had.

Sam proceeded to open the lock and Dean could see the tremble in Sam's hands, the shaking of Sam's legs... it made him want to go to Sam's side and help him but he didn't know how to... and he didn't want to do anything right then other than fall deep asleep, preferably in his own bed. 

 

Picking up the lock was a bit harder than the cuffs that were a piece of cake since one; they were from some sex shop, and two; sex shop handcuffs were almost possible to pick open with your hair. Thank God for small mercies because if they had been real cuffs, he wouldn't had any other choice than tell Dean to bite the pillow and dislocate his thumbs too. 

 

His hands ached, joints of his thumbs felt like rusted metal and he felt the exhaustion, dehydration and after effects of the drug make him shiver with weakness. 

 

'Don't give up. You gotta keep going. Do it for Dean.' 

 

Finally the lock opened, thankfully quietly, and Sam gestured Dean to be quiet as he listened again. "Clear." He whispered and then thought of something. He rushed back to the drawer, took the syringes that contained heroin and came back to Dean. "Don't worry, these are not for me." He whispered and stepped into the dark corridor that led to stairs. He hesitated for a moment before his hand grabbed the handle on the top of the stairs, and just how he had expected there was a guard behind it. Sam moved on autopilot, grabbed the guards neck and pressed his aching thumbs on both sides of the guard's neck. As Sam's thumbs cut the bloodstream to the man's brain, he dropped in just few seconds. Sam took a syringe, pulled the man's sleeve up and injected him. 

 

"He won't get up for a while." Sam said quietly and looked around. Dean looked down on the guard, surprised at how easily Sam had taken him down... and Dean realized how little he knew about Sam... 

Sam had moved so fast he hadn't have time to pay attention to where they was. Now he realized, and the realization made his blood run cold. 

 

They were standing on a deck of a boat. As far as eye could see, there was nothing but dead calm water around. 

 

"Fuck..." Sam whispered. 

Dean didn't say anything. He just went to the railing and looked down into the black water. They were trapped. They couldn't go anywhere. They didn't even know what direction land was in so even swimming was out of question... 

 

"We're going to die here." Dean said softly, voice blank. He sighed once, turning around and going to Sam's side. His tongue felt too big in his mouth and his legs wobbled every time he shifted his weight, the wounds and tears inside him lighting on fire with every movement. He considered every possible scenario... every possible thing he could do to get at least Sam out... 

 

"I love you." Dean said, reaching up and tangling his fingers in Sam's hair as he pressed a kiss to the corner of Sam's mouth. "I've never felt about another person the way I've felt about you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life waking up next to you." He whispered, kissing Sam's lips this time. 

"Me too." Sam said quietly, the finality of the situation hitting him like a fist to the face. "All the things I wanted us to experience together..." He kissed Dean softly. "I love you more than my life." 

"I need you to sit down. Here. Just stay. Here. Please." Dean begged, pushing Sam to sit down on a built in seat near the wall. "Please stay here. I'll be back, alright?" He pressed another kiss to Sam's lips, drinking in the feel of Sam's mouth against his own before he turned and headed to the second door next to the one the guard had been guarding. 

Time to pay Gordon a visit.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked, worry clearly visible in his eyes.

“Don't worry about it.” Dean tried to sound calm and convincing. “I'll be right back. Sam,if you've ever trusted me with anything, please trust me in this.” 

 

"You better make good of that promise." Sam swallowed. "You'll come back. If we go down, we go down together." Sam swallowed again. "Be careful." 

 

Dean vanished through the door and Sam closed his eyes, hoping that Dean had some kind of plan. God, he was so tired, so thirsty. Hunger had came and went, he didn't even feel it anymore, but he definitely felt the pain. 

 

After a while Sam heard footsteps and a flicker of hope inside him prayed it was Dean. But it wasn't, it was another guard who noticed the one Sam had taken down and then drilled his eyes on Sam. "You little piece of shit..." The guard growled. "If you killed him I'm gonna rip you to pieces and feed to fishes..." 

 

Sam opened his mouth to say that the man would be alright in few hours, but he didn't get a chance, the man moved fast, grabbed Sam's shirt and yanked him up before throwing him hard down on the deck. Sam hit his head and for a moment the world was spinning, and then a heavy boot kicked him on the ribs, making him roll over with the force of it. Sam curled into a fetal position, trying to cover his head as the guard kept kicking him again and again, until the pain was just too much and the synapses of Sam's brain got overloaded, forcing him into sweet unconsciousness.


	15. Please Hold On A Little Longer

In Winchester Corp, Dean's secretary Jo Harvelle frowned as she looked at the time and wondered where her boss was, and if he was even coming in. Dean always called if he was sick, which was rare, so Jo wondered if he was okay. 

 

Looking around, she dialed her boss' cell number, hearing it ring but no answer. She frowned and dialed his home number, staying on there until she got sick of hearing the ringing. 

 

Dean wasn't picking up. 

 

Well... she'll worry if he doesn't show up tomorrow. Maybe he just took the day off? 

Few hours later, still worried, Jo checked the logs about Winchester's entrance and departure. 

Huh. Dean left around noon yesterday... didn't come back. 

 

She dialed the security.

 

*

 

The phone rung late one evening, and Mary called from the kitchen to ask John to pick up the phone. John sighed, muting the football game on the TV to pick up the phone. 

"Hello?" John's gruff voice said into the phone and Mary listened, elbow deep in cake batter. "Speaking... No we haven't... No... Nothing... Wait... when?... How long?... Hm... A WHAT?!... Dean can defend himself he's not just some weak little girl who'd..." 

 

Mary felt something heavy drop in her stomach. 

 

"Yes... Witness?... Alright. I'll be there." John put the phone down and stood there, leaning on the table for long painful moments. 

 

Mary's heart thudded deep in her chest. "John... who was that?" 

 

"The police." John said softly. 

 

Mary's breath stuck in her throat. "Police?" 

 

"Dean... Dean's missing..." John whispered. 

 

"What?" 

 

"Since yesterday. They have a witness who said she saw two men grab him and throw him into a car." John said, turning around and eyes flashing with anger. "He'll be fine, Mary. He'll be fine."

 

Mary's eyes blurred with tears as she leaned against a nearby wall. "Oh god... my son..." She whispered and John went to her side, hugging her as she started crying. 

 

*

 

"You need to tell me exactly what you saw." John said next morning, having tracked the witness down, a girl named Andrea Robin, to her home. 

 

"I already told the police everything..." 

 

"I know. But please. He's my son." John said, shuffling on her porch and Andrea sighed, opening the door and letting him in. And there John pulled out every information she had, even tiniest details, because too rarely people understood how important tiny details were.

The license number and description of the car that had drove away with his son was a victory. When John got out, he called his old friend. 

 

"Hey Caleb?" 

 

"John! Buddy! Long time no see?" 

 

"Mind running some numbers for me?" 

 

"Still no nonsense huh? Fine Johnny. What do you need?" 

 

"Find me who is registered to JHB563." 

 

"I'm on it." 

 

John knew he could always trust Caleb. The guy never made stupid questions that were just a waste of time, just got to work, because if John called, it usually was a matter of life and death. They had met in Vietnam and kept in touch ever since.

 

*

 

On the boat, Dean went to the door that was the most heavily guarded. Gordon was in there, probably. 

 

"I'm here to see Gordon." Dean said to guards who had jumped up and pushed two guns against his temples. Dean didn't care. "Tell him I'm here. He'll want to see me." Dean added tiredly while one of them called his cell phone and informed Gordon he was here. Slowly they dropped their guns and Dean pushed open the door to the lavish bedroom, Gordon lying in bed in the middle of a velvet and silk. 

 

"Miss me already?" He said, looking sleepy and satisfied, not even a little surprised Sam and Dean got out. 

 

"I have a deal to make." 

 

"Sure you do." Gordon said, crossing his arms under his head and looking at Dean closely. 

 

"You can have me. However you want, for as long as you want. I won't fight it. In exchange you let Sam go." Dean said and Gordon raised an eyebrow. 

 

"I already have you, and Sam. And you want me to give him up? Not smart, Deano." He said with a chuckle. 

 

"No. You don't have me." Dean said as he pulled his shirt off, climbing into bed with Gordon who was looking interested. "Imagine me kissing you..." Dean's voice was low, leaning close to nip at Gordon's lips but not give him a proper kiss. "Imagine me touching you... loving you... you want that, right?" Dean whispered, pressing one hand on Gordon's stomach and rubbing slow soothing circles. "I'll be yours forever. I'll be your whore, your ragdoll, your lover. I'll be anything and everything." Dean tilted his head, pressing a kiss behind Gordon's ear as he pressed his body closer to Gordon's, letting his arms come up and wrap themselves around Dean's back and waist. "Don't you want that?" He breathed into Gordon's ear. All this made him feel sick in his stomach, but if this was the only way to save Sam... then Dean was ready to do it. 

 

It had been him who had brought Sam to Gordon's attention at the first place. Guess it was true then; nothing good became without a price tag.

 

Gordon was interested, so interested... Dean could see. And he had to keep him distracted so he won't have too much time to think. So Dean steeled himself and gave Gordon the blowjob of his life, knowing from all the moaning and thrashing and way he just forced himself into Dean's mouth over and over again. It felt like a deal being made, and Dean couldn't regret it. 

 

"Sam stays unharmed until we dock. Then he goes, and I stay. Deal?" Dean said once he was done, trying not to get sick around the taste of Gordon in his mouth. He wanted Sam's taste there, he wanted to taste no one else for the rest of his life, and here he was with Gordon's come in his stomach making him want to throw up and his face smelling like semen. 

 

"Let's go pay a visit to the little idiot shall we?" Gordon said instead, getting up and pulling black slacks on and then he reached for Dean, grabbing his arm and dragging him bodily. Dean stayed pliant. Gordon liked it when he thought he had broken someone. 

 

"SAM!" Dean yelled when he saw Sam's unconscious form, the guard kicking him repeatedly. "Get away from him you fucker!" Dean pushed away Gordon's arm and rushed to Sam's side. He reared his fist back and hit the guard as hard as he could, which wasn't too much at the moment but the guard was stunned at least. 

 

"Boyle, what have I said about your violent streak?" Gordon admonished as the guard noticed him there. 

 

"The bastard hurt Chris!" He pointed out the prone body and Gordon rolled his eyes. 

 

"And you thought you could go ahead and beat on my toys?" Gordon's eyes were narrowed. Dean got to his knees beside Dean and brushed his bangs aside, seeing the damage with a hitch of his breath. 

 

"Hey Sammy. I'm here. See?" He said softly, pulling Sam's unconscious body up so that he was leaning against Dean. 

 

Gordon rolled his eyes at the affection. It was so fucking sweet it gave him a toothache. "Bring him here. Let him sleep it off." Gordon said as he lead his way to the fallen guard, stepping over him. Dean struggled with Sam's body weight but managed to get his one arm wrapped around Dean's shoulders as he held him up. 

 

He followed Gordon down to the 'basement' again, the bed in a horrible mess of blood and come staining it everywhere. 

 

"Lay him down." Gordon said to Dean who shook his head. 

 

"There? No. I won't put him there." 

 

"Why? He's suddenly too good for it? That whore." Gordon said pointedly and Dean growled. 

 

"Stop calling him that! And yes, he's too good for it. Get it cleaned up." Dean snapped and Gordon's eyes narrowed. He marched to Dean's side, slapping him so hard that Dean stumbled. 

 

"Watch what you say to me, or I will have Sam thrown into the engine room and left there to rot." Gordon threatened and Dean sighed, dragging Sam to the bed and finding a relatively clean spot to lay him down on. 

 

"He needs food, and water." Dean said, quieter this time. "And I want to stay here till he wakes up." 

 

"What you want doesn't matter." Gordon said easily and Dean nodded. 

 

"Please? Can I?" Dean asked, hating himself for begging but not seeing any way out of this. 

 

"Fine. As soon as he's awake, you come to me, alright?" Gordon barked and Dean nodded again. 

 

As Gordon started leaving, he smiled slyly. Dean should know better than to trust him. Once Gordon found a toy, he didn't let them go. And Dean really thought that Gordon was about to let Sam just walk away? When they had just started! The thought almost made him laugh.

 

The first thing Sam became aware of was pain. The kind of pain like he had fought against a cement truck... and lost. He had no idea where he was, his last memories were from the deck when Dean... 

 

"Dean!" Sam gasped and sat up, the pain on his back and ribs making him fall right back against the mattress. "Dean..." 

 

Sam knew he had at least two broken ribs, but breathing didn't really hurt that much so the bone hadn't pierced a lung, thank God. He remembered the guard coming on deck, the eyes that were full of fury, and the next thing he remembered was laying on the deck, trying to protect himself. After that? Nothing. 

 

The smell of the room told him exactly where he was. Back in the basement. And now, even if he tried, he was simply too beaten to even get out of bed. Maybe that's why he didn't have shackles or handcuffs on. 

 

He tasted blood in his mouth, could feel how his body was bruised all over, and every time he tried to move, the pain got so unbearable he couldn't do anything but lay there, unmoving, a terrible fear carving his insides. 

 

"Dean... You promised to come back..." Sam whispered, one lonely tear falling down his cheek, and even that hurt. Sam's mind provided all kinds of things that could have happened to Dean. God, was he even alive? If not, Sam didn't see a reason to live either. 

 

Dean had left for only a moment. He'd gone up, asking Gordon for water and some pain meds for Sam. Gordon had been too accommodating, almost like he was planning something and that scared Dean. 

 

He didn't try to pull it out of him though, he was more worried about his lover lying unconscious in the basement. So he hurried back, finding Sam lying on his back and awake. 

 

"Sammy! Thank god. How're you feeling, baby?" Dean said, worry washing away at the sight of Sam awake and... was he crying? Dean ran to his side, a bottle of water in his hand and pills clutched in the other. He sat down next to Sam, brushing the one tear away from his cheek with a thumb. 

 

"Don't cry. Please don't cry." Dean whispered, his own throat closing up on him at the sight. "I'll fix everything. Don't worry. You'll get out of here I promise." He said softly, heart twisting in his chest at the way Sam looked so weak, so tired, so... hurt... 

 

And he was going to go sleep with the man who did this to his love. How sick was that? But it ensured Sam's survival, and that's all that mattered. 

 

"We'll get out of here." Sam corrected, reaching out his hand to touch Dean's. "We're both getting out." 

Dean swallowed thickly, not knowing how to explain to Sam that no, they weren't getting out but Sam was. Dean tightened his grip around Sam's hand for a moment before pulling away.

 

“How're you feeling?” He repeated his question instead, not wanting Sam to notice the numbness in Dean's eyes that had been there ever since Gordon had agreed to make that deal. Thank God Sam seemed to be so disoriented that he didn't notice.

 

Sam closed his eyes. "I think I have few ribs broken, some bruises. Nothing serious, don't worry." Dean worried about the broken ribs but he couldn't do much to help him. Once Sam was out, he'd get help. Dean hoped. Sam opened his eyes. "I'm so thirsty..." He whispered and Dean opened the water bottle and gave it to him. Sam drank too fast and started coughing loudly. Dean barely stopped himself from slapping Sam's back, remembering the broken ribs almost too late. Taking a couple of deep breaths, Sam forced himself to drink slowly, just few sips before giving the bottle back to Dean. "If I drink more now I'm just gonna throw up." He looked at Dean. "Where were you?" 

 

Dean sipped water from the bottle, stalling for time. Instead of answering Sam, he took the pill bottle and got two pills out. "Here. Take these, for the pain." Dean said quietly. Sam took the offered pills with gratitude and swallowed them with another small sip of water. 

 

"I was with Gordon." Dean's voice was expressionless, not giving anything away. Telling him what Dean had done wouldn't solve anything. And it's not like Sam had to know for him to be set free.

 

Sam frowned. "Why?"

 

Dean flinched, knowing he should have known better than to expect Sam not to question him. 

 

Sam was quiet for a while. "Don't lie to me, not now." He finally said quietly, eyes filled with pain. "Did you try to make him let us out? You know he's not gonna do that."

 

'Yes he is! He is! He's going to let you go!' Dean's mind screamed. He HAD to believe in it!

 

Sam sighed. "I think it's time to be honest. Unless some miracle happens, we're both gonna die here. I can make it easier. We can leave together, fall asleep together." Sam tried to smile. "And that would be an ultimate 'fuck you' to Gordon." 

 

Dean smiled slightly, one corner of his lips turning up before the smile fell. He thought of his Mom... how would she feel when they found his body, raped and beaten... apparently died because of overdosing on something... His father... oh god... Dad would be so ashamed of him... of letting another man do this to him... of taking the easy way out... 

 

Dad was a marine. He had seen things in the Vietnam War that Dean couldn't imagine in his worst nightmares... and Dean was willing to end it all just because he really, really, really didn't want to be some man's whore? Was that a good enough reason? 

 

And the one argument that sealed it for him... Sammy's death. Dean couldn't let Sam die here. Not here, not like this... not for him. Not when Dean had a way to get him out. He could always kill himself once Sam was out. 

 

"Nah. Struck a deal." Dean said casually, hoping to waylay Sam's suspicions by being casual and calm. "Everything will be fine. I promise." Dean said, reaching out and curling his fingers in with Sam's, noting how they were so much longer than his, the palm wider, the nails trimmed and healthy. Sam was a beautiful man, and Dean had been lucky to have any time with him at all. 

 

"Let's leave the suicide as a last resort? What do you say?" Dean said with a grin, hoping it reached his eyes.

 

"So you're saying that he's just gonna let us go?" Sam asked quietly. Too quietly. "Just like that? Knowing that we'll go to police and ruin his life, which he totally deserves, but he ain't gonna let that happen." 

 

Dean sighed, stupid Sam was too smart for his own good. Stupid, stupid Sammy! Sam smiled a sad smile. "And why would he let us go? I can't think of anything you could have offered him to make him agree on that deal. So, what did you offer? What were the terms of the deal?" 

 

Dean flipped a hand in a 'forget that' movement. "Don't worry about it. Just remember that when we dock, you leave the boat as soon as possible. Alright? Don't worry about me, I'll come find you." Dean said, feeling horrible about lying. "If you need any help, call John Winchester. He's my Dad. He'll take care of you." Dean said with a slightly sad smile. He hoped he'll get to see Dad again. And Mom. And stupid little Angela who was marrying a mechanic. Tom... he thought his name was... he hadn't even met his little sister's fiance yet, always thinking he'll do it later. 

 

Regrets. 

 

"You're lying." Sam said with a whisper that was hardly audible. "You're not coming. You won't come find me." Sam closed his eyes and kept them tightly closed so that the painful tears didn't get out. 

 

Dean inhaled sharply, his lie caught and he didn't know how to explain to Sam what he was doing. He was doing the right thing! Goddammit! Sam was the one who should get away! Sam was the one who had so much to live for, and so many things to do! He'd only just started living and Dean couldn't take that away from him. 

 

Dean reached out, cupping Sam's cheeks and pressing their foreheads together. "Don't you get it, Sammy?" Dean hissed, voice low. "There's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for you. And if I have to leave you to save you, then I'll do that. I'll do it Sam." Dean said, quieter. "And I will come find you. I don't know when, but I'll come find you." 

 

Sam laughed a small bitter laugh that made his ribs feel like they were been ripped out of his chest. "You don't know when, or possibly where perhaps?" Sam turned to his side, no matter how painful it was, facing away from Dean. "There's a difference between living and surviving. Before I met you, I was surviving. Now I have lived, for two months. So, back to surviving I guess..." 

 

Sam swallowed thickly. "I guess I'll see you in Hell then. Or wherever we go after this life." 

 

"Sam no!" Dean said as he listened to Sam. "No. Live, alright? I will come. I promise. I can't live without you. That'll be the one thing to keep me going... to know that I'll see you again. You can't just..." Dean's breaths were harsh, chest heaving as he tried to think, tried to understand... 

 

"As much as I promise I'll come for you, I also promise that the second I hear about your death I'll kill myself. So please... don't do anything stupid." Dean said softly, reaching out to put a hand on Sam's back for the sake of contact. 

 

"How can you tell me to live when there's absolutely nothing waiting for me outside?" Sam swallowed. He stayed quiet for a moment because there was sudden anger rising inside of him, and just maybe it was a good thing. This was how it was. He always ended up losing everything that mattered to him, everyone he loved, and he had built a strong wall between himself and other people. Until Dean had came into his life and tore that wall down, gave him a new meaning for his life, made him finally feel like he belonged somewhere. 

 

And now he was losing Dean too. And he was furious. How could a person be furious and totally numb at the same time, because the next words came out toneless and blank.

 

"Why would I kill myself?" Sam said quietly. "I don't feel anything. I'm already dead." 

Dean's fist clenched in Sam's shirt. Fear, anger, defeat, sadness, longing... all fighting inside him. 

 

"So what would you have me do?!" Dean said, his voice sharp and almost loud. "Would you rather we both kill ourselves? Huh? Better we both die than one of us get out alive. Yeah, that's really fucking reasonable. And I got you into this Sam! If I had just let you be that night... if I hadn't hired you, you'd be out there somewhere, never having met Gordon. So it's my responsibility to make sure you get out." 

 

Dean out his head in his hands as he muttered. "Put yourself in my place. Tell me that if you had the chance to let me go free that you wouldn't take it." 

 

"I could have refused." Sam's voice was blank. "I thought about refusing for a while when I heard rumors about you. But I didn't. I made my choice. It was my choice." 

 

Sam was all numb inside. 

 

"If the roles were reversed, I would do anything to get you out. You have your job, your friends, your life, and most importantly, you have a family that loves you more than anything. I have none of those things. No one will miss me. Your death will make your family die inside. Think about that." 

 

"I'd never be able to live knowing that I could have gotten you out but saved my own skin instead. I love you too much for that, Sammy." Dean said quietly. "And it's just fucking. I mean... no big deal. In exchange for fucks, you walk. Not a bad deal, Sam." Dean said, shrugging as he put one hand on Sam's shoulder, feeling the muscle and bone under his hand. 

 

"No." Sam said, voice still blank. "It's not just fucking. That guy enjoys hurting people, and in the end he will kill you and then come after me again. And you know what? I don't even care if he does." 

Dean was quiet for a moment because he didn't know what to say. He also knew that any minute now Gordon will send someone to get Dean and he didn't want to leave Sam. Not like this. 

 

"Please look at me, Sammy. Please." Dean's voice broke on the last word, not wanting to talk to the curve of Sam's shoulder anymore. He wanted Sam to look straight into his eyes, wanted to feel Sam's body in his arms and Sam's lips on his. He needed this before he was called up, probably to do something ridiculously sick.

 

Sam turned around and faced Dean. No matter how blank his voice had been, there were still tears in his eyes. Sam had no idea of what to say, it felt that everything would sound lame, feigned. Words simply didn't matter anymore. Nothing did. 

 

Dean felt worse and better at the same time as soon as Sam was looking at him again, eyes filled with tears. 

"I think I can get my apartment back. If not..." Sam shrugged. "I'm not going to call your father. What do you think I could say? That his son is dead because of me?" 

Then something snapped and suddenly Sam was hugging Dean so tight he almost wanted to scream when his broken ribs protested, but he held on, then let go slightly and kissed Dean, soft and long.

 

The kiss had a feeling of finality. It tasted like Dean, and goodbye.

 

*

 

"John? Got those names for ya. Erik Bomar and Ted Nelson." 

 

"Where can I find them?" 

 

"7639 W5th Avenue West." 

 

"Thanks Caleb." 

 

"Anytime buddy."

 

*

 

"Gordon. Gordon Walker." Erik Bomer yelped, holding his broken arm close to his body while he stared at the still body of his friend. God, this maniac had killed his best friend. 

 

"Good." John growled. "And you should know better than to report me, or I'll come after you." 

 

Erik nodded jerkily. "Did you kill him? Is Teddy dead?" He asked shakily, still reeling from the sight of John's lean body taking down the broad and large man. 

 

"He will be if my son isn't alright." John growled and stepped out of the rubble that used to be their front door. 

 

When he started his car and started driving, he knew exactly what to do. He didn't become a marine for nothing. The war had been one thing, but this time? This was personal.


	16. Salvation

"There's steps at the stairs." Sam swallowed. "I love you. Goodbye." The last word was just a whisper. 

 

"Love you too." Dean whispered back, hearing the steps and standing up before Gordon's familiar form filled the doorway. 

 

"I thought I told you to come to me the minute Sam woke up." Gordon said, threat clear in his voice. 

 

"He just woke up. I was coming." Dean said, stepping away from Sam and towards Gordon. "When are we docking?" He asked, impatient to get Sam off the boat. 

 

"Not before I fuck that tight ass." Gordon said with a grin because he was going to torture Sam. He was going to show Sam exactly what he had stolen from him till Sam was in tears, choking and crying and screaming. Then he would fuck Sam too, just to make sure he didn't feel left out. "Come here and give Daddy a kiss." 

 

Dean bristled, having always hated the 'Daddy' games. They made him feel dirty and perverted and wrong. "Gordon... you know I never like it when-" 

 

"Fuck what you like or don't like. Come here and kiss your Daddy." Gordon snarled and Dean exhaled sharply in annoyance and defeat. He went to Gordon, pecking him on the lips and turning around to head up the stairs. 

 

Sam wasn't watching Gordon. He was watching Dean. Did Gordon really think that after all he had already done there would be anything he could hurt him more with? Then Gordon was gone, and so was Dean. Alone. Again. 

 

Sam gathered enough strength to rip off the linens and lay down on the bare mattress. He wasn't thinking what was going on inside Gordon's room. He wasn't thinking anything. He couldn't.

 

And he knew that Gordon was not going to let either of them out alive. 

 

If only he wasn't in such bad shape... It had been painful enough to escape this room before, but now the broken bones and bruises covering his body... Thank God the water bottle was still there. Sam took few tiny sips before laying the bottle back to the nightstand. 

 

For a moment an overdose of heroin sounded good. If Dean wasn't leaving this boat alive, then why should Sam? And it was true what he had said to Dean. There was nothing out there. No one would miss him. 

 

Sam decided to give it a 24 hours, and then... 

 

Then it would really be over. 

 

Back inside Gordon's suite Gordon chuckled in his throat and grabbed Dean, kissing him brutally hard and biting his lips until they bled. "Been kissing any whores behind my back? You taste like disease." He stage whispered, his voice carrying across the room and Dean's fists clenched, ready to punch his lights out. If only they had been on land, he would have beaten him up and left him for dead a hundred times over. 

 

"No. Just you, darling." Dean said with a smirk and Gordon mirrored that smirk for a moment before slapping Dean so hard he saw stars and saw black for a moment. He blinked, he was on the ground and half his face was cold, tingling slightly. The pain hadn't hit yet.

 

Gordon just watched, a cold smile on his face. 

 

His plan? Was to openly torture Dean enough that Sam came to deal with him. And then, he'll have them both again. That was of course assuming that he won't tire of watching Sam first and just go and have his way with him when he wanted to. Ass like that deserved to be fucked until he shat blood. 

 

After few hours Dean was barely conscious, in pain and bleeding. The only thing his blurry mind could think of was the hope to finally lose consciousness. And when he did, Gordon woke him up and beat him black and blue, but it was a wasted effort. Dean couldn't feel much anymore. He passed out again and woke up with Gordon grabbing him and pushing him out of the bedroom, still naked. Dean went along because he was way beyond questioning things. 

Some part of his confused mind realized that something was happening. Yells and shouts and sirens filled the background noise and Gordon's grip on his upper arm was bruising. 

 

As soon as they were on the deck Dean was pressed against Gordon, back to chest, and the chill of metal pressed against his temple. 

 

"If you want him to live I suggest you get off the boat right now!" Gordon was yelling and Dean was halfway asleep already, fatigue as deep as his bones. 

 

"Dean! DEAN! What did you do to him?!" The voice was familiar, but Dean couldn't quite lift his head up high enough to look. 

 

"DROP YOUR GUNS!" Gordon screamed. 

 

"Let my son go!"

 

Dean tried to understand what was going on, but it was so hard... 

 

Dad? 

 

No, he was probably just hallucinating. Or lost his mind. Maybe both...

 

"I'll shoot him I swear to god if you don't back the fuck away RIGHT NOW." Gordon yelled again. 

 

"Dean!" 

 

Dad??

 

"Dean! Talk to me, son."

 

Dad... why was Dad here?

 

"Son... say something please." Dean looked up, eyes squeezed shut as he saw how his father stood in front of them, gun trained on Gordon and him and behind him bobbed a Coastguard boat, two men standing on it with guns pointed on them as well and a bright red and blue rotating light flashing against the violet sky. 

 

It was dawn... 

 

"Dad?" Dean whispered but his words were lost in the cacophony of noise otherwise. 

 

"Release the hostage and put the gun down." Someone said over a megaphone and Dean cringed. 

 

"Dean! Dean keep looking at me." Dad said and Dean looked up. Dad looked scared and angry and desperate all at once. The gun pressed hard against his temple, leaving bruises but he didn't notice that. No. As ridiculous at it was, he was worried about how he was naked in front of the entire cavalry. Talk about your nightmare coming true. 

 

"Daddy..." Dean whispered again before he forced his feet under him, standing up on his own legs and gathering enough strength to do what he wanted to. If it backfired, he'd end up with a hole in his head. Mustering as much strength as he could he suddenly jerked himself to the left, away from the gun pressing against his temple and Gordon, surprised by the movement as he was left shieldless for one crucial moment. 

 

When Dean looked up from the floor, Dad was wrapping his jacket around Dean's shoulders and Gordon was screaming in pain from the bleeding bullet wound in his gun wielding arm. Two police officers pushed handcuffs onto his wrists and Dean wondered if he was still dreaming. 

 

"Son... Dean... you're alright now. You're safe." Dad said as he gathered Dean into his arms. 

 

"Sammy." Dean whispered. 

 

"Who?" 

 

"Sammy. He's... down, down there... locked... sick." Dean said quietly before promptly passing out. 

 

At the basement Sam shivered with cold, the world was swimming in and out of focus and in some corner of his mind he realized that he had fever. A high one. He closed his eyes, tried to curl to a fetal position but he couldn't, everything just hurt too much, and he was cold, so cold... 

 

The police checked the entire boat, and when they found the second prisoner lying on a bed that was rancid with blood and sweat and semen, they knew they had just locked up a mad man.

 

Suddenly there were figures around and bent over him and Sam's breath hitched. 

 

"Son. Can you hear me? Tell me your name." The voice said when they came for him, quickly pushing a stretcher next to the bed and preparing to grab him and Sam was terrified. 

 

"No..." He tried to protest but it was just a wheeze. "No, no more, I can't..." 

 

One of the paramedics took a good look at the victim's body and frowned. How could anyone do such a thing to another human being? The paramedics lifted Sam's body carefully and put him on the stretcher. By then Sam was already unconscious. 

 

When they got back on the deck, the paramedic looked serious. "He needs medical help, now. He has broken bones, bruises and blood all over and..." The paramedic swallowed. "I think he's been raped. We need to get him into a hospital, right now. His fever is so high that without getting it down he'll die." 

 

John was looking over his unconscious son, lying in a stretcher with a thin blue sheet and John's jacket covering his nakedness. Dean looked fragile, tired, and so young that John wished he could have killed the bastard who had done this to his flesh and blood. 

 

All he could do now was get his son home to his mother, get him better, try and heal some of the wounds the bastard had left on him. It was easy to see what had been done to him, the blood dried between his legs as the monster used him like a human shield had not gone unnoticed. John felt cold with fear and feverish with anger all at the same time. 

 

"Does anyone know his name? He was too scared and disoriented to say pretty much nothing at all." John heard, and looked around, seeing another body being wheeled out from under the deck, the dark circles under the boy's eyes and the pain and exhaustion written on his face mirrored Dean's. 

 

'Sammy. He's... down, down there... locked... sick.' 

 

John blinked. 

 

'Sammy.' 

 

"I think his name is Sammy. Dean uh... Dean said something about him." John answered, one hand on his boy's as he slept. 

 

"Alright. Let's load em up boys." The head paramedic said as he started talking into a walkie-talkie. 

 

"Status." The machine buzzed. 

 

"Three patients. Walker, mid thirties black male, with non-fatal gunshot wound. Winchester, white male mid twenties, severe dehydration, bruises, suspected rape. Unconscious. Unknown white male, mid twenties, severe dehydration, evidence of drug use, broken bones, high fever. Unconscious." 

 

"ETA?" The machine buzzed. 

 

"15 minutes." The paramedic said before putting the talkie down. "Come on let's load 'em up. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go!" He rushed and the three stretchers were loaded on the Coast guard boat as it rushed towards the shoreline.


	17. I Want You There With Me

Dean woke up slowly, the dimly lit room illuminated by faintly glowing white wall lights and he felt woozy. Drugged then. Oh fuck... he couldn't remember anything. The last thing he remembered was Gordon... and his fucking painful--- and sirens...? 

 

He looked around with hooded eyes, seeing the quietly beeping machine on the side of his bed, the IV hanging above him and running a tube into his arm, the closed white blinds and his Mom sitting on the chair next to his bed, head on his mattress and fast asleep. 

 

Wait... Mom? 

 

"Momma..." Dean whispered and Mary shifted, opening her eyes and looking at him. 

 

"Dean? You're awake? Oh god you're awake!" She said and suddenly she was crying, smoothing back his hair and touching his hands and pressing kisses against his cheek. 

 

"Momma... wha-what happ-?" Dean's mouth was dry, his tongue felt huge and numb and he found it difficult to form words. 

 

"You're safe now Dean. You're safe." She said, tears falling from her eyes and Dean sighed, closing his eyes for a while before s scary thought struck him and his eyes opened again, looking at his mother. 

 

"Sa-mmay?" Dean breathed. 

 

"What did you say, hon?" Mary asked, pressing her ear almost to his lips. 

 

Dean's lips moved but no sound came out as the exhaustion was again too much and he fell back asleep, the last thing he saw was John opening the door and stepping in. 

 

"Dean!" He said but Dean was already gone, his father's voice echoing and reflecting before Dean went back to dreaming of flying. 

 

In the other room at the same hospital, Sam was kept in a drug induced coma to allow his body heal faster. The doctor stood by his bed. They still didn't know the boy's name. Sure, he was a grown man, but like that, eyes closed and pained expression gone, he looked so much younger than he had to be. The doctor, a woman in his late forties sighed. He had examined the damage himself. Turned out the poor guy had three broken ribs, bruises so deep that they had tore muscle mass, and he had also been raped several times. And then there were the drugs. Heroin, amphetamine, and considering what she had heard from the paramedics when the boy had been brought to the ER, how terrified he had been before passing out, she didn't think he had taken those drugs voluntarily. Dark spots were visible in the guy's arms, but somehow the doctor just couldn't imagine this one being a junkie. Especially after what she had heard of the circumstances of where he had been found, she wouldn't be surprised if the boy had been drugged against his will. 

 

An IV-drip helped with the dehydration, but by the time he had been brought to the hospital the fever had been so high that they had to take it to the extreme and put the boy into a bathtub filled with cold water and ice cubes. Painful and extremely unpleasant, but they just hadn't had any other choice.

 

It had been a right decision to make. It had saved the boy's life. She was just glad that the patient had been in nearly comatose state, so he most likely hadn't even realized what the doctors had been forced to do. 

 

Who was this man? No one had reported a missing person fitting his subscription. Wasn't his family concerned? The doctor sighed, bent over to check the gauze covered bandages. The worst cut had been on his head, and they still didn't know if he was suffering of concussion. It had required stitches, and so had... The doctor sighed deep and closed his eyes. She had a son, about the same age, and even thinking about it made him feel sick. Maybe that's why she felt such need to take care of the boy and make sure he would be okay. 

 

If he would ever be okay. 

 

He had been badly abused, tortured basically. The doctor wasn't worried about the physical injuries. They would heal in time. The thing that worried her was that the emotional wounds were so much more difficult to heal, it would be a long and painful journey, and even then the wounds would leave scars. 

 

"Don't worry." She said quietly to the pale, unmoving form under the sheet. "I'll take care of you. I promise."

 

*

 

"Hey asswipe." 

 

That's what Dean woke up to the second time. His sister sat on the chair next to his bed, her shoulder length blond hair tied in a fancy french braid and a pink shirt with a silver heart and cupids arrow drawn on it, and Dean had no idea if it was because of the drugs or just his own thoughts, but wasn't that shirt the most stupid thing he had ever seen? Either way, it didn't matter. His family was here. His father, his mother, and now his sister too. She looked relaxed. Calm. 

 

"Angie?" Dean whispered, smacking his lips at the horrible taste in his mouth. 

 

"Yeah, that would taste bad. You haven't brushed your teeth in five days." Angela said, waving her hand in front of her nose to indicate he stank. "You've also been peeing into a tube. Fun eh?" 

 

"Bitch." Dean growled, hissing as he tried to sit up. Every muscle ached like his body had taken a match with a sledgehammer. 

 

"Jerk." Angela snapped back just as easily. This was something they had done since they had been kids, bickering and teasing each other, and even when neither one of them would ever admit it they really enjoyed it. "You had Mom terrified, dude.” Angie sighed. “She has been crying so much she gave herself hiccups." 

 

"Yeah?" Dean said, swallowing against the dryness in his mouth. He was sorry, and he wanted to say so, but his throat was dry as the desert of Sahara and it was just too hard to speak. "Water." He mouthed and Angela got up easily, grabbing a cup of ice chips sitting on the side table. 

 

"One chip at a time. Take it slow." She said and Dean listened, for once. 

 

"Sammy?" Dean asked once the slowly melting ice soothed his parched throat. 

 

"Who?" Angela frowned, looking confused.

 

"Sam. Where's Sam?" Dean asked, eyes widening as he started freaking out. "Sam! Where the fuck is Sam?!" 

 

"Dude. Chill." Angela said just as the door opened and in came his Dad and his Mom. 

 

"What's going on?" Dad said before he saw Dean was awake. "Dean! How're you doing, son?" 

 

"Sam! Where's Sam?!" Dean's voice was growing high pitched with panic. 

 

"He's in this hospital. I haven't been keeping up with him..." John said quietly and Dean started getting up. "No! Keep lying down, you're too weak still." 

 

"I need to go see Sam." Dean explained. He really, really needed to see Sam.

 

"You will. Just lie down for now. I'll go find out what happened to him, alright?" Dad said and Dean nodded, a little sullenly as he laid back down. "Good. I'll go talk to the nurses now. So just calm down." John said as he started leaving. 

 

"Dad?" Dean called and John looked at him. "What happened to Gordon?" 

 

John's fingers curled into a fist. "He will never see the light of day again." Pure hatred filled John when he even heard that name, but he forced his voice calm for the sake of his son. “Don't think about it now. You will never have to see him again.” 

 

Dean nodded and lay back down. And maybe he still was a bit out of it, because the next words that came out of his mouth were: "I want a cheeseburger. With fries. And extra onions." His whisper was so hopeful that Angela couldn't suppress her amusement and laughed a quiet laugh. 

 

"Not yet, buddy. Just sleep now. Scared us half to death you moron." She said, affection deep in her voice. 

 

"You love me." Dean muttered, his eyes closed and a small smile on his face. 

 

"Yeah? Fuck you." Angela griped but she was smiling too.

 

John left the room and went to the nurse's station and asked about Sam, the boy no one knew who he was except apparently Dean. He got a room number and headed that way. When he opened the door, he saw a female doctor standing by the kid's bed, holding his hand. When she realized she wasn't alone, she let go of Sam's hand and smiled at John. "Winchester, right? Dean's father." 

 

"You can call me John." 

 

"Nice to meet you, John. I am Dr. Amy Lewis, I've been treating our mystery guy." She smiled warmly and held her hand out. John took it and they shook hands briefly. 

 

"His name is Sam." John finally said. "I don't know anything else about him. I think he's a friend of Dean's, but my son has never talked about him before.” John felt bad when he looked at the broken body lying on the hospital bed but just couldn't look away. ”So, how bad is it." 

 

Amy looked sad. "He'll survive. But he's been through a lot. It was a pretty close call. Two minutes later he would have been dead." 

 

John took in the image of the boy -Sam- in and just watched him for a while longer. The boy was unnaturally pale, dark shadows under his eyes, and John could see the bruises on his arms and on one leg that peeked from under the sheet. His head was covered with bandages and gauze, and at that point John had to look away. 

 

He had promised to come and see and tell his son how Sam was doing, but now, seeing that, he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell anything after all. 

 

In Dean's room his Mom was fidgeting. Dean knew why. But he didn't want to bring it up. 'Rape' was a big word and no one wanted to say it. He could see it in the way Angela sat, not as carefree as she normally was. He saw it in the way his Mom thought twice before asking him how he was feeling, knowing that what she really wanted to ask was 'how're you FEELING?' Same question, different meaning.

 

Fuck if Dean was going to start sharing and caring. He'd rather never talk about that time ever again. In fact, he just wanted to lock all those bad memories somewhere so deep they didn't even exist. He hoped Sam was doing okay though. The last time he'd seen him he had thought it would be the last... and now there was renewed hope. He wanted to get back with his Sammy, hug him and kiss him and know that he'll wake up tomorrow with Sam next to him.

And yet he was worried sick. Sam had told him what had happened to him when he had been only fourteen years old. Sam had survived, but now it had happened all over again, and Dean was scared that Sam couldn't handle something like that again. What if he would break for good and---

The door opened and Dean turned to look. 

 

"Dad!" Dean said happily but at the same time worried sick when John walked in, the tension in the room halving and doubling at the same time. "Sam...?" 

 

"He's uh... he'll be okay. The doctor was confident he'll be okay." John explained, taking a seat next to his wife. 

 

"But how is he NOW?" Dean stressed, hands fisting in the blankets. 

 

"He's asleep right now. But he'll be okay." John said and Dean blinked for a few moments, just sitting there. His Dad was circling the subject, and Dean knew that no matter if he tried to threaten or bribe, John wouldn't fill him in with details. 

 

"I want to go see Sam." Dean said, decision made, and John shook his head. After seeing Sam, who was obviously very important to Dean, John didn't want his son to see what he had just seen. 

 

"No, Dean. You're not allowed to move around just yet." Mary said, reaching out and touching Dean's hand. 

 

"I don't care. I'm going to go see Sam." Dean started saying, grabbing the needle feeding into his arm and ripping it out. Blood flowed from the small cut before quickly stopping. While John and Mary rushed forward to stop him, Angela rolled her eyes. 

 

"Guess what, loverboy? You have a catheter stuffed up your dick." She said and Dean gritted his teeth, stubbornness the only reason why he did what he did next. 

 

"AAH!" He yelled as he pulled the stupid tube out, the pain burning and stinging and Dean felt a little woozy. 

 

"Jesus Christ you're insane!" Angela gasped and Dean shot her a pained grin while Mary decided it was a better idea for them to help Dean rather than let him go off by himself. He knew his son well enough to know that at this point nothing would stop Dean who was just about ready to run out of there with his butt hanging out of the flimsy hospital gown. 

 

Ten minutes and lots of shuffling about trying to get dressed in soft hospital pajamas, Dean was wheeled into Sam's room. 

 

"Sammy." Dean whispered, seeing Sam's pale form and feeling something break. God... his boyfriend... his lover... he was so sick and so injured because of Dean... 

 

Mary gasped in shock when she saw Sam. "Oh the poor boy." 

 

"How do you know him, Dean?" John asked him instead and Dean sighed. He wanted to tell his parents but not here. Not now. 

 

"He's my friend. My best friend." Dean said softly, reaching out to touch Sam's scarily cold hand. "He protected me when I was..." He didn't say it. He didn't need to. 

 

"Does he have any family I can call?" John asked and Dean shook his head. 

 

"He doesn't. I'm the one on his emergency contacts." Dean said with a small laugh. "Momma?" He looked up at Mary. "You think he can come live with us for a little while? Just until he gets better. And I've been wanted him to have your cookies." Dean said, not even caring that he probably sounded like a little kid. He really missed home, and he really, really wanted Sam there with him. Anything else was out of the question. 

 

"Sure, sweetie." Mary said, not even hesitating, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder. Behind him John patted Dean's arm. 

 

"Can I get some time alone with him? Please?" Dean asked and Mary dropped a kiss on his forehead before leaving, followed by John. 

 

Once alone, Dean scooted closer to Sam's bed and pressed a kiss to Sam's knuckles. "Wake up Sammy. Please." He said quietly, wanting to see Sam's eyes, to hear Sam's voice. “You better get well, you hear me?” After a while holding Sam's hand he whispered: ”I need you. So get well, okay?”

 

Sam floated somewhere between dreams and reality, even when he didn't realize it. It was strange. He was sure he was dead, but dead didn't dream, right? Then why were these images flashing through his mind? 

 

The Travis couple that had taken care of him, even when he was horrible... 

 

Martha's cooking... 

 

William's books, and how he had got that stipend for Sam... 

 

Graduation... And a car crash that had taken him away his family the second time. 

 

Dean... 

 

Sam opened his eyes slowly and closed them just as fast when the harsh light hurt his eyes. He figured he was in a hospital. But how? The last thing he remembered was getting beaten, then blackness, and then some unknown men grabbing him. 

 

What if he was still on that boat? What if Dean was dead? 

 

"Dean..." Sam whispered weakly. "You promised to come back... Please come back..." 

 

Dean had almost dozed off, legs beginning to cramp in the uncomfortable wheelchair when he heard Sam's words, so quietly spoken but he had been listening for them, listening for any sign of life from Sam. 

 

"Sammy." Dean said, tightening his grip on Sam's hand and wheeling closer, "I'm here, Sam. See? I'm here." Dean said, happy because Sam was awake, and awake meant alive, and that meant that it was over. Everything that had gone to hell this week was over. 

 

The world's most familiar voice tore Sam out of his half-unconscious state. Sam's eyes widened, no matter how much the harsh light hurt, like lightning inside his skull. 

 

"You're alive..." Sam whispered, having hard time believing that this was real. What if it wasn't? What it was just a dream? But the hold of Dean's hand was warm and alive. 

 

"You're here..." Sam couldn't stop being stunned. "But how? How did we...? Oh my God, I was gonna kill myself as soon as Gordon kills you..." He started breathing faster, all these emotions just way too much to handle at once.

 

The door opened and Dr. Amy Lewis came in. "How are you, Sa--" He stopped. "Oh. You must be Dean. I'm Dr. Lewis, but call me Amy. I've been taking care of Sam." Then he looked at Sam. "Hey, buddy, you need to calm down or I have no other choice than give you sedatives, and I don't think you want to sleep any longer. You have slept for four days." 

 

The doctor's interruption was unwelcome, specially since Dean was getting ready to tell Sam everything he remembered that had happened. But maybe it was good that the doctor gave him time to think his words through. 

 

Sam took deep breaths and finally calmed down. "That's better." Amy smiled. "I just came to take a look at you, but since you have company, I'll come back a little later. See you. Both of you." Amy smiled as he left the room. There was something between those two, and that something was love. Poor boy needed that now more than ever. They both did.

 

After they had talked, Amy would ask Sam's last name.

 

Dean waited until the door closed behind the doctor. He shifted his hold on Sam's hand so that their fingers were intertwined. "Gordon's locked up. We're safe, Sammy." Dean said with a soft smile, wanting nothing more than to just hug Sam and kiss him and make him feel better. 

 

"And guess what big guy," Dean said with a grin. "You're coming with me to my parents' house. And I bet my Mom's itching to feed you peanut butter chocolate chip cookies till you're ready to burst." He could do this. They could do this. Gordon couldn't hurt them anymore and his parents were here and Sam was alive... 

 

"God I missed you, Sammy." Dean whispered, his grin turning more watery and he turned his head to the side, refusing to cry in front of Sam because he didn't want to upset Sam. He quickly wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his free hand, looking back at Sam. "I didn't think I'd see you again." He said, quiet. 

 

"I missed you too." Sam said quietly, voice hoarse from lack of drinking. "I don't know what I would have done if..." Sam turned his head away. He didn't even want to think about it. Then he realized what Dean had said before that. 

 

"Dean." Sam was serious. "They're your family. They don't even know me. Before... well, this... they didn't even knew I existed." Sam swallowed. "I'm sorry, I'm not coming just because you want me to and assume that your mother would like me. After all, I'm just a stranger to them." 

 

Sam swallowed, guilt like a heavy weight in his chest.

 

"A stranger that almost got their son killed. They don't know that, but I do, and if they'd ever find out..." Sam felt something tight in his throat. "I'm sorry Dean. I love you, more than anything. I... I just can't." 

 

"I'm not letting you go back to that empty apartment by yourself." Dean said, knowing that he should go back with Sam but he... he just... 

 

He wanted his Mom. He wanted the warm familiarity of his room, the house he grew up in... and he wanted Sam there with him. 

 

"Please Sam. And I'm not even going to talk to you about you thinking you almost got me killed. It's that ridiculous." Dean waved a hand in Sam's face, wanting to annoy him just as much as dispelling Sam's ridiculous guilt. "Back to the whole house deal. You're coming with me. You can take over the guest room if you get sick of me, and we can just relax for a little while. It won't be long... maybe a week or so." Dean shrugged. "Come with me, Sammy. Come on! Please?" Dean pouted, sticking his lower lip out.

 

"You know I'll never get sick of you." Sam managed to smile a little. "But we can't sleep in a same room. Your parents... They don't know about us, right? And I don't wanna be the one that tears apart their illusions." Sam sighed. Dean's pout was... hard to resist.

 

“I won't take no for an answer.” Dean said with a voice that left no room for arguments. “You're coming with me.” Dean looked deep into Sam's eyes. “I need you there with me. Know why? Because I love you, and nothing or no one will ever change that.”

 

Sam was speechless for a while. 

 

"Alright." He finally said softly. "At least for couple of days. But if something goes wrong or things start looking bad, or if I feel unwelcome in any way, I'll leave. Okay?" 

 

"You'll like it, I promise." Dean said, pressing Sam's knuckles to his lips. 

 

Then Sam thought for a while. "Where does your family live?" 

 

"About an hour away from where we live. You know the series of houses along the beach near Vermont Ave?" Dean asked, continuing without Sam saying anything. "That's where we live. So we can go for a swim too." Dean said with a smile. 

 

And then Sam thought about something else. "How long do you think it'll take before we get out of here?"

 

"Soon. I hope. I haven't had a chat with my doc yet." Dean answered. 

 

"I need water..." Sam whispered and reached out to push the nurses button. Dean nodded, letting Sam's hand go. He waited until the nurses showed up, giving him ice chips to munch on as well as looking over his vital signs to make sure Sam was alright. When they left, John and Mary came in after them. Sam flinched when Dean's parents walked into the room. He hadn't seen Dean's mother before, but there was no mistaking in a way the woman looked at Dean. First Mary went for Dean, finding out if he felt alright before turning her attention to Sam. 

 

"I heard you saved our son's life." Mary said softly, smiling at Sam. "I wanted to thank you." 

 

Sam didn't know what to say. He had done nothing to save Dean, just laid helpless in the basement while Dean had been hurt again. So he couldn't say 'you're welcome' or 'don't mention it', because the truth was that Sam had absolutely no part on them getting rescued. He had no part in saving Dean's life. 

 

"You have a strong son." Sam said instead and smiled a little. 

 

It felt weird, seeing how Dean's mother touched his son, with love and affection, and Sam hardly even remembered what that was like. He didn't remember his biological mother's touch, he had been too young, but once in a while he remembered how Martha had hugged him and comforted him, like he was Martha's son. 

 

Sam missed that. He missed having a family, a mother who would love him with all his flaws, and a father who would pat him on the back and say 'it'll be alright, son' when things felt bad. 

 

The saddest thing was that Sam knew he would never have that again. 

 

"Dean wanted you to come with us." Mary said, going to Sam's side and brushing back his bangs. She could see that Sam and Dean were close, and it didn't matter that she didn't know him, she knew that Sam had been there for Dean in the darkest period of his life and that was enough for her to care for him. "I have to say I'm not against it. You boys could do with a hot homemade meal." She smiled, patting Sam's shoulder. "I would be delighted to have you with us for a little while, Sam." 

 

John smiled over Dean's shoulder, "You're welcome in our home, son." John said to him, and Sam was overwhelmed by the kindness of Dean's parents. 

 

"See, Sammy?" Dean said with a grin, "They're going to spoil you silly." 

 

"Yeah... Dean asked me to come but...” Sam looked from Mary to John, insecurity clearly visible in his eyes. “I don't wanna an intruder. I think you would both just want to spend time with Dean, not with a stranger." 

 

"Any friend of Dean's is a friend of us too. You are coming with us." John said with a voice that left no room for arguments. "I heard that you don't have any family, and I am not going to leave you here. Both of you boys need to rest." 

 

Sam smiled even when he could feel a lump in his throat. "Thank you, Mrs. and Mr. Winchester." 

 

"Just call us Mary and John, okay Sam?" Mary wiped the tears away from her eyes. After almost losing his son, he suddenly´felt like he had been blessed with another son.


	18. No Is Not An Answer

  
Author's notes: Slight editing done to add some important things about hospital policies. Thanks to Jolieblon for pointing them out.  
***

* * *

It took another week and a half before before Sam and Dean were released from the hospital. The doctors ran every test possible, and it was a huge relief to everyone when neither of the boys had caught an STD. No one had mentioned that possibility out loud, not John, Mary, or Angela, and certainly not Dean who had effectively tried to block the whole possibility out of his mind, but the fear had been written all over their faces. 

 

The thing Dean hated the most in that hospital were the therapists and psychiatrist and trauma counselors who he had to meet daily after he had recovered physically enough to speak. He didn't want to talk. Time healed wounds, right, so why the hell did those people insist that Dean should open up and talk about how he FELT about what had happened because all it did was open up the wounds again. Screw them and their so-called 'help'.

 

Sam had been quiet, really quiet, the whole time they had spent in that hospital. And that worried Dean. He spent time with Sam every single day, and they talked about this and that, but there was one subject neither of them brought up, and that was what had happened on that ship two weeks ago. Dean knew that he was good with blocking unpleasant thoughts out, but Sam...

 

Even when Dean preferred never to talk about his own feelings of what had happened, he wasn't so sure about Sam. For Sam the whole incident had to be like the worst déja vu of the history of bad déja vus, and Sam's silence didn't make Dean feel any easier. Sam looked tired, even when his body was healing fast, but Dean knew Sam well enough that it wasn't physical exhaustion. 

 

And Dean was right. Sam was tired, mentally. The injuries of his body healed, but there was something inside him,something dark, like a devil on his shoulder, whispering to him that things would never be the same as they used to be before Gordon. The only times that devil shut up and disappeared was when Dean was sitting there beside his bed, talking to him and holding his hand, kissing him softly and telling him that from now on everything would get better. Still, Sam wondered if Dean even believed those words himself.

 

He also hated the fact that Dean seemed to cope just fine, when it should have been Sam coping better than him. Sam had experienced this before and he knew what it was like, thanks to his past, but something inside him was broken. He wasn't coping, and when the doctors came into his room at the evenings and asked Dean to leave and let Sam rest, the demons inside him returned. The doctors had to sedate him for the nights because even when Sam hated it, he couldn't even sleep.

 

He was scared. Scared of Gordon who was now in an institution for criminally insane, but even that fact didn't make the fear go away. He was also afraid of losing Dean, even when Dean spent every waking moment with him,told Sam that he loved him and talked about future together. 

 

Sam's physical recovery took longer than Dean's, but after he was able to sit on a wheelchair, he had to meet the same people that Dean did. During those sessions Sam mostly just sat quietly, staring over the person in question's shoulder, hoping the hour would be over already and he would get back to his hospital room. What good did speaking do anyway? Those people couldn't possibly understand. They hadn't gone through what-- 

 

Sam didn't want to think about it. 

 

Mary visited Sam every day too, and even John paid him visits. Angela came to check on him once in a while, usually just peeking through the door and smiling at Sam, if even to say 'hi' before leaving again. And there was the fear again. Dean's family was so incredibly nice and Sam had already gotten used to having them around. 

But what would happen when they would find out what exactly the relationship between Sam and their son was?

 

Two days before they were released from hospital, Angie slipped inside Sam's room, pulled a chair next to Sam's bed and just stared at him, smiling, until Sam started feeling uncomfortable.

 

“What?” Sam frowned, confused. Angie raised one of her eyebrows before answering.

 

“I know.”

 

Sam frowned even deeper. “About what?”

 

“About you and Dean” She said easily, the smile still on his face. “You love him.”

 

Sam felt him self growing cold. Angela knew. Soon she would tell John and Mary if she hadn't already, and then it would all be over. They would never blame Dean. Sam instead would be an easy target, the evil man who had seduced their perfect son.

 

“Of course I love him” Sam tried to save what was left saving in a situation like that.”He's my best friend.”

 

Angela gave him a crooked smile. “No, Sam. You LOVE him.” At the look of Sam's wide eyes she sighed, like she was forced to spell it out for a kid, which she also said. “Do I really have to spell it out for you?” She asked.”You're IN love with my brother.”

 

Sam swallowed, all the words lost. Angela sighed.

“You're pretty easy to read, Sam. What did you think I'd do? Run to Mommy and Daddy and tell them that I know? Come on, you gotta be smarter than that.”

 

Sam swallowed again. “So... you're not gonna...?”

 

“Hell no!” Angela actually looked irritated. “If you ask me, you're the best thing that has ever happened to my brother. For the first time I've actually seen him happy. And trust me, I've had the 'privilege' of watching him for years. So to say it like it is, I'm happy for you two. I kinda like you, so you better stick around for a long time.”

 

Before Sam had even chance to say anything back, Angela was already up and on the door.

“He loves you too, you know, if you had any suspicions. Told me that himself. And my Mom adores you so you better drag your ass back with us and let her drive you crazy with all the fuzz she's so good at. Night, Sam!”

 

And then she was gone. 

 

Sam spent a long time just staring at the ceiling. That had been... unexpected. And confusing.

 

And so freaking great that after a long time being so serious, a wide smile spread across Sam's face, and he startled when there was another voice coming from the door.

 

“What's so funny?”

 

Sam looked at Dean standing on the doorframe but couldn't stop smiling. “Your sister.” He simply said and Dean rolled his eyes while stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. 

 

“She's a thorn in my flesh.” Dean stated but couldn't fully hide the affection in his voice. “What did she want?”

 

“Oh, nothing...” Sam tried to look serious. “Just us to get married and--”

 

“WHAT?”

 

Sam laughed openly for the first time in two weeks. “Don't worry, she just made clear that she knows about us – thanks to you by the way – and ordered me to stick around.”

 

Dean groaned. “I told her not to--”

 

“What? To tell that she has nothing against us and make me slightly not that worried?”

 

“I didn't mean it like that...”

 

“Then how?” Sam asked, still smiling. Dean couldn't help but smile too.

 

“Like this...” Dean murmured and bent down, capturing Sam's lips and kissing him slowly until neither of them wasn't smiling anymore.

 

“At least I didn't lie to her...” Dean whispered when he finally pulled away. “I really love you. More than anything, Sam.”

 

And that was all Sam wanted to hear.

 

“In two days we'll be out of this place.” Dean said after a small pause. “My Mom loves you. Dad acts a bit rough sometimes but trust me, inside he's just a big softie when it comes to family. And if you haven't noticed, Angie adores you.” Dean smirked. “I could actually be jealous if I didn't know that you don't swing that way.”

 

Then he turned serious. “You are a part of this family now, Sammy. When the time is right I'll tell Mom and Dad about us. It's up to them how they wanna take it. Don't get me wrong, I love them to bits, but no matter what their reaction will be I'm not giving you up. They always told me it doesn't matter what I do as long as it makes me happy, and you make me happy, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal.”

 

“But what if--”

 

“No buts.” Dean interrupted Sam. “No ifs. I'm with you, and I'm planning on keeping it that way. I've heard my parents talk about you when they thought I wasn't listening, and they're almost as whipped as I am – god, I can't believe I just said that out loud...” Dean sighed. “The point is, that you're stuck with us, with me. So, Sammy...” Dean smiled and kissed Sam again. “Welcome to the family...” he whispered against his boyfriend's lips.


	19. Home (sweet?) Home

Once home, Dean didn't say much. His parents didn't push them for company either, just smiling a little sadly as he made a beeline for his bedroom, tugging Sam along after him. The home of Dean's parents was so cozy it made Sam have a lump in his throat. God he had missed this, being a part of a family, even when he knew he really wasn't but he just wanted to keep pretending for a little while longer. 

 

"I'll have dinner ready in a bit, Dean." Mary said and Dean just said a quick, 'alright Mom' and ran up. 

 

Once the bedroom door was opened and closed behind them, Dean had Sam pressed against the door, pressing his mouth against Sam's and his hands wrapped around Sam's shoulders and waist. He didn't say much, just pressing soft, quick kisses to Sam's lips and just holding him close because he couldn't believe how close he had come to never having this again. 

 

Dean was tired. Not entirely the physical kind of tired either, although he was that too, but emotionally as well. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Gordon's face, he could smell the stink of blood and come mixed together, he could taste Sam's tears on his tongue, the desperation running through his veins... and he was unable to stop the sick, sinking feeling that followed every time. 

 

So maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he wasn't that good at burying his nightmares, pretending that everything was fine after all.

 

But the moment that stood out most starkly in his mind was when Sam had stopped breathing. It made Dean's breath hitch in his throat and his eyes blur with the shadows of tears he refused to let fall. And he'd seek out Sam with his eyes, reassure himself that Sam was still there, and he would smile, happy that he was alright, even if he was stretching the definition of alright a bit too much.

 

"Sorry... sorry..." Dean apologized for the rough handling, knowing Sam was still weak and still recovering... but he had needed to feel Sam close, pressed against him. "I just... I keep seeing you... I keep seeing you dead and it's messing with me." Dean said softly, pressing another kiss to Sam's lips, one hand cupping Sam's cheek, fingers curled around Sam's jaw and feeling his pulse flutter against the fingertips.

 

"But I'm here. Alive. And I'm with you." Sam kept his voice quiet, not knowing who might be listening. "We made it." Sam whispered against Dean's lips. "And after we got out of that hell, I don't think that anything, anything at all can come between us." He kissed Dean softly before looking deep into his eyes. "I love you, you know. You're my reason to keep breathing." 

 

For once Dean wasn't feeling awkward about words that he would have considered cheezy and corny before. Maybe that's what happened after being close to dying and way too close of losing someone you couldn't live without.

 

“Love you too.” Dean whispered back, not able to help it when he pulled Sam back against him, just holding him, never wanting to let go. 

 

There were still so many things that needed to be done. Weekly checks in the hospital, the second round of STD test – yes, Dean knew that even when the first tests had came out negative, in few months they would have to take them again, but he didn't even want to think about the possibility of HIV. It was easier not to worry about that now, and besides, worrying about something that hadn't even happened yet was just a waste of time and they both had enough weight on their shoulders already. He'd worry about it when the tests were made and results would come up, if there would be something to worry about. Right now he just wanted to hold Sam and not even let him out of his sight, because he needed to see Sam all the time. It eased the fear he felt inside, kept the images of Sam being dead at bay, not completely but it was better than having those images in his head all the time.

 

And then there was that other thing. In about a week they both would have to start visiting a psychiatrist who was specialized in abuse and rape cases. Dean wasn't too excited about that, but he knew that Sam was suffering inside and this time Dean was – no matter how much he hated the idea – unable to help Sam. Sam needed professional help, and deep down Dean knew that he needed that help himself too, but it still didn't sit quite right with him. 

 

And yes, he was angry. Angry at Gordon and the things that psycho had done to bring them to this situation when sometimes Dean was almost afraid to touch Sam, afraid that Sam would freak out. 

 

But Sam wasn't freaking out. If it had been anyone else than Dean, he probably would have, but Dean's touch only calmed him down.

 

“Dinner!” Came Mary's voice from downstairs and Dean reluctantly let go of Sam and smiled a little. “Come. I can guarantee you'll love my Mom's cooking.”

 

Dean was right. Mary was a great cook, and after all that hospital food a home-cooked meal tasted like heaven on a plate. Still, when Sam was sitting by the table filled with dishes full of mash potatoes, roasted chicken, green beans and gravy – plus of course surrounded by Dean's family – he still somehow felt like an outsider, no matter how warm Mary's smile at him was and John's 'good to have you here, son' comment. When they would find out the real reason why Dean had wanted him there, things would change. Mary wouldn't smile anymore, and John would definitely take his words back.

 

And then it happened. When the plates were filled, John looked at Sam with open curiosity written all over his face and asked: “Dean never told us how you two met. So, how did you?”

 

Sam felt the food get stuck in his throat. What was he supposed to answer? 'You know, I was circling the streets looking for a client when your son stopped his car and bought me for a whole month, and then we kinda fell in love'? 

 

“Dad...” Angela -the rescuing angel- huffed. “Can't we just eat dinner now and trade stories later? I'm pretty sure that Sam and Dean are tired, so could you please postpone your freakin' curiosity to some other time when they're not ready to fall asleep with their faces on their plates?” 

 

“Sure.” John smiled a little and continued eating. “I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.”

 

Sam gave Angela a small thankful smile when no one was watching, and he smiled back, like she was saying 'don't mention it'. 

 

The rest of the dinner went peacefully and after that Mary cleared the table with Angie while John went to the living room to watch TV and Sam and Dean closed themselves back to Dean's room. 

 

“I can't do this.” Sam whispered when the door closed behind them. “It's only the first day and already if it wasn't for Angie they would've found out.”

 

“You worry too much.” Dean said, brushing Sam's cheek with his knuckles. “I promised you things will be alright and I'm keeping that promise.”

 

Sam's eyes widened. “Yeah? What about the next time when--”

 

“Then I'll tell them the truth.” Dean said calmly and Sam's eyes widened even more.

 

“What? Dean, do you have any idea how they might--”

 

“Yeah, I do.” Dean still sounded calm, way too calm if you asked Sam. “But guess what? I don't care. I almost lost you once. I'm not gonna lose you again.”

 

Sam closed his eyes, shaking his head. “No.” This was Dean's family. A family full of love and it was obvious how much it meant to Dean. And that was something Sam would never, ever ask Dean to give up. “No, Dean. I'm not gonna let you do that. I knew this wasn't gonna work. I'm leaving.”

 

This time Dean's voice was irritated, stubbornness underneath it while he started taking his clothes off. “Did you hear a word I just said? I don't care of what they think, and the only place you’re going tonight is to bed with me.”

 

“But...”

 

“Just shut up, get undressed and let's go to sleep. You're tired, I'm tired, so let's just sleep and you can bitch about it tomorrow.” And before Sam had time to open his mouth again, Dean continued: ”I don't wanna hear another 'no' coming out of your mouth. One night, Sam. Everything will look better in the morning.”

 

Sam sighed but finally gave up, took off his clothes and slipped under the cover's of the double bed where Dean was already waiting for him.

 

“What if your parents come to check on us while we sleep?” Sam just had to ask. Dean smiled a little, yawned, and pulled Sam close. “They'll probably just be happy that neither of us is sleeping alone. Doesn't matter. All that matters is this...” Dean kissed Sam softly, fingers trailing a slow path along Sam's back. “Just sleep now, okay? “We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

 

“You know that's a huge cliché, right?” Sam huffed. Dean gave him a sleepy smile.

 

“Just shut up and sleep.”


	20. Dean's Confession

Mary stood on the doorway and watched her son and Sam, both finally sleeping peacefully after two weeks spent in a hospital where Dean had trashed and whimpered in his sleep, and the only way to make Sam sleep at all had been sedating him every night. But now both boys slept deeply, Dean's arm around Sam's waist, and Mary smiled.

 

Maybe it was just searching comfort from each other. After all, who could understand the feelings they were going through better than the other person who had been through the same, but Mary had her own suspicions. It was searching for comfort, sure, but Mary was almost certain it wasn't the only reason. She remembered how panicked Dean had been when waking up in the hospital, instantly asking about Sam and ready to jump out of bed and run to find Sam when he couldn't even walk yet.

 

Mary knew how it felt to be that scared for someone. When John had insisted to go with the Coastguard, and getting his will through – like he always did when he decided something – all Mary had been able to do was to walk restlessly around the house, swearing that the time had stopped, scared out of her life. For Dean, of course, but also for his husband. She loved them both so much that even the thought of possibility of losing them was so painful she didn't even want to think about it.

 

And now, seeing her son and Sam like that, Mary realized that Dean's panic at the hospital told her more than if her son would have just screamed that he needed to see his boyfriend.

 

Mary thought for a while. Her son had... a boyfriend. And she was glad for that. Dean hadn't exactly had many relationships during his life. Of course Dean hadn't told that, but Mary knew. Call it mother's instinct or whatever. A mother knows. Just like she knew that that something between her son and Sam was more than friendship. 

 

She though some more. Did it bother her that his son was romantically involved with another man? No. She really liked Sam, and she wasn't blind. She could see how Dean relaxed every time when he was around Sam, even after the horrors he had went through. She could see how Dean smiled at Sam and how Sam smiled back. And she had already noticed how those two wanted to spend every moment together. So, no. Mary had nothing against it. In fact she was happy for his son.

 

She stepped into the room, walked quietly to the bed, careful of not waking the boys, and pulled the blanket carefully over their shoulders. But before she did that, in the moonlight filtering through the window, she couldn't help noticing the bruises that hadn't healed completely on the sides of both her boys. Yes. Her boys. And she planned on keeping it that way. She knew her husband well enough that she wasn't really worried of how John would react when he found out too. 

 

Mary smiled softly again as she made her way back to the door and closed it quietly behind her, going back to bed to her husband.

 

*

 

“Morning lovebirds!” Was what woke Sam and Dean from their peaceful, nightmare-free sleep. Sam went stiff for a moment, Dean instead just groaned, buried his face under a pillow and told Angela to go away and do several things that were physically impossible. 

 

Angie just laughed. “First of all? Sam? Stop looking like a deer caught in headlights. And two, it's almost noon so you two should be grateful that the military man didn't wake you two up 6am like he woke me and Mom.”

 

When Sam still looked wide-eyed and alarmed – what if Dean's parents had heard Angie's not so subtle cheer? - Angela sighed. “Just FYI, Dad's out of the house, went to help a friend with a car or something, and Mom's in the kitchen cooking lunch and singing 'Sweet Home Alabama' so loud that it's a wonder THAT didn't wake you up.” 

 

“Please just go away...” Came Dean's muffled voice from under the pillow and Angie laughed again but left nevertheless, but not before turning around and looking at Sam and Dean once again.

 

“Christ, you two look so delicious together that I'm really considering cannibalism. And hey, seriously, get your asses out of bed. Mom invited Dad's friend for lunch. They'll be here any minute.” Then finally she cantered out of the room. 

 

Sam was already halfway up when Dean pulled him back down. “Didn't you forget something?” He asked and Sam was confused. Until Dean grabbed his face gently and kissed him sleepily. “Mmmm...” Dean murmured. “Much better... Can't start a day without having that...”

 

Sam smiled.

 

Twenty minutes later they had performed their morning – well,in this case noon- routines, dressed up and went downstairs to the kitchen where they were greeted by Mary's warm smile.

 

“Slept well?” She asked even when she already knew the answer.

 

“After those hospital beds you shouldn't even have to ask that...” Dean answered with a 'what-kind-of-idiotic-question-was-that' voice but went to her mother and kissed her, and Sam watched them smiling, but at the same time his chest ached. How long would this last? How long before they would find out the truth and kick Sam out?

 

“John went to help Bobby with one of his cars.” Mary informed. “John invited him to have lunch with us. Good thing really, since Bobby's idea of a decent lunch seems to be a heated can of beans and bacon...” Mary shook her head. “He really needs a life partner. Someone who can cook...”

 

Sam went totally stiff for the second time that day and he had only been awake for like an hour. 

 

“How 'bout June? She can cook. I remember I used to love her peach cobbler.” Dean suggested easily, like he hadn't even noticed Sam's state of uncomfortableness. “Or hey, how 'bout Mike? I've heard he makes mean barbeque! It's better than canned food anyway, right?” 

 

Sam's eyes went wide as saucers but Mary just laughed. “Either one. That man needs someone to feed him.” Then she looked at Sam, a questioning look on her face. “What's wrong, Sam?” She asked. “You're not homophobic, are you?”

 

“N-no...” Sam stuttered, wondering what the hell was going on and where was this all coming from.

 

“Dean?” Sam said quietly. “Can I have a word with you?”

 

“Sure. Anytime. No need to ask.”

 

Sam led Dean to the living room and just stared at him until Dean's patience ran out.

 

“What?”

 

“You told her.” Sam stated quietly.

 

Dean huffed. “And when exactly do you think I did that? If you haven't noticed, I've spent every second with you.”

 

“Then it was Angela.”

 

“I can guarantee it wasn't her.” Dean sighed. “She can be irritating and stupid but she always lets me mind my own business.”

 

Sam blinked a couple of times. This wasn't making any sense. “Then... how?” He finally asked, more confused than ever. Dean just smiled a little.

 

“Guess Mom just figured it out by herself.”

 

“Oh God...”

 

“Oh come on!” Dean huffed. “The sky didn't fall, the world didn't end. You should be happy instead of freaking out. Two down, one to go. I'd say we're on the winning side.” 

 

“But your father--”

 

“...is not some monster who'll kick you out and disown me, so stop worrying and get ready to meet Bobby. I'm sure you'll like him. I like him.” Dean smiled. “He fixes cars. Most of those wrecks are beyond salvation but he never gives up.” Dean turned serious. “Think about that.”

 

Sam wanted to keep arguing but then the front door opened and Sam heard John talking with someone who's voice he didn't recognize. 

 

“That's Bobby.” Dean informed. “Come, let's go meet the man.”

 

And just like that the conversation was over.

 

*

 

Dean was right. Sam liked Bobby. The atmosphere during the lunch was relaxed and Sam felt relaxed too, maybe because John and Bobby were so excited about the car they had been fixing earlier that John didn't repeat his question of how Sam and Dean had met.

 

After lunch Bobby left, and Dean led Sam upstairs, saying that he wanted to take a nap because he was still tired. Sam agreed and the laid down on the bed, but as soon as Dean was sure that Sam was soundly asleep, he got up and went back downstairs.

 

John was reading a book in the living room and that's where Dean found him.

 

“Dad?” Dean waited until his father put the book aside and looked at him.

 

“Everything okay?” John asked but Dean didn't answer.

 

Instead he looked his Dad in the eyes and said the words he now realized he should have said a long time ago.

 

“Dad, I'm gay.”


	21. Hope And Despair

John just stared at Dean for a moment before reaching out for his book again and starting to read. Dean had absolutely no idea of what to think. He had expected a reaction, not quite sure of what kind, but at least some kind! And yet John just sat there, looking calm while he turned the page of his book and continued reading.

 

“Dad?” Dean finally started when his father showed no sign of even noticing that Dean was in the same room. “Did you hear what I just said?”

 

“I heard.” John said calmly but didn't raise his look from the book. Dean had expected something, anything but that. Like John getting up and starting to yell at him or at least announce his disappointment, but this? This was... Dean didn't even know what to think of it. Right then he couldn't read his Dad, and it was pissing him off, because goddammit, even if he was slightly scared of what John might say or do, he still needed some other reaction than that!

 

“Dad, I am GAY!” Dean raised his voice. John put the book aside again and looked at Dean, expression unreadable.

 

“Yeah, I heard you the first time you said it.”

 

“That's all you got to say?” Dean had no idea why he was suddenly fuming. Maybe because he had no idea of what was going around inside his father's head. “No 'I'm disappointeds', no anger, just... that??”

 

John sighed. “What do you want me to say?” He asked. “Do you want me to be disappointed and yell at you?”

 

Dean blinked for a couple of times. “Ummm... no?” He was totally lost. “But you're not making it any easier by not showing any kind of reaction at all!”

 

John sighed again. “It's Sam, isn't it?”

 

Deans defenses rose up. “Don't you blame this on him! Sam has absolutely nothing to do with me being--”

 

“Dean.” John said patiently. “What I meant, was that you're with Sam. Right?” 

 

Dean blinked again. This was confusing. “Yes.” He finally said.

 

“Good.” John simply said and Dean almost stumbled on his feet.

 

“Wha-what?”

 

This time John's sigh was exasperated. “ Do you have a sudden strike of amnesia or what?” He asked. “Don't you remember all the times during the years when I told you that as long as you're happy, I'm happy.”

 

“Y-yeah?”

 

“So, are you?” John asked, voice calm again. “Does Sam make you happy?”

 

Dean didn't even need to think about his answer. “Yes.”

 

“Do you make him happy?”

 

Dean thought about all the times Sam had told him he loved him and how happy Dean made him. “Yes.”

 

“Then what's the problem?” John asked, curiously. “Did you think that I'd try to stand between you two when it's obvious that you two love each other?”

 

Dean had to think that one hard. “I had no idea.” He finally confessed.

 

“Well, now you do.” John smiled, a small smile that was barely there, but it was and made Dean feel incredibly relieved. “Now go to your boyfriend and let me finish my book.” John picked the book up for the third time.

 

“Yes, sir.” Dean said, still stunned of his father's words. 

 

“So what are you still standing there?” John asked. “Go.”

 

Dean obeyed and ran upstairs so fast that he almost tripped on the stairs.

 

*

 

Sam woke up to a heavy weight landing on top of him and then Dean's taste filled all his senses, and Sam couldn't even ask what was going on because Dean kept kissing him,refusing to let his mouth go, and Sam had no idea what had gotten in Dean.

 

“What was that for?” He asked, slightly out of breath when Dean finally pulled away an inch. 

 

Dean grinned widely. “We're free, Sammy. We're free!”

 

“What?” Sam blinked. “Yeah, I know that we got away and--”

 

“No!” Dean laughed. “That's not what I mean. I told Dad about us!”

 

Sam froze and went completely still. “You told him.” 

 

“Yeah, and he took it really well!” Dean laughed even more. ”More than well in fact. He took it great.”

 

Sam still wasn't convinced. “So you told him that we're together.”

 

Dean stopped laughing and pursed his lips. “Well, not exactly. I told him I'm gay. He guessed the rest.”

 

“And...?”

 

Dean smiled and kissed the tip of Sam's nose. “And he's happy for us.”

 

Sam frowned. “So... you just marched there and told him you're not gonna marry the girl next door and he's... happy?”

 

“Yeah!” Dean grinned. “As long as I am, he's too. Said that himself.”

 

Finally Sam was starting to relax. Jesus, now Dean's whole family knew and still they hadn't kicked him out. Quite the opposite. Sam felt a flicker of hope inside him as the fear started fading. “Guess I gotta keep you happy then.” He said and finally smiled. “Come here and kiss me again. That's an order.”

 

Dean was happy to obey.

 

*

 

Few days later Dean didn't feel that happy anymore as he was sitting on a chair, staring at the psychiatrist who sat on the other side of the desk.

 

“This is ridiculous...” Dean huffed. “I have no idea what I'm even doing here...”

 

The psychiatrist, a thirty-something woman raised her gaze from Dean's file on the desk and looked at Dean. “I think you do.”

 

“Yeah,yeah...” Dean muttered, wanting nothing more than to get up and leave the whole place behind. “I know. To talk about my 'feelings' and how I'm 'hurt' and how talking will make everything better. Tell you what? I don't wanna talk. I just wanna forget the whole thing. So all this talking bullshit... what's the point?”

 

The psychiatrist, Dawn Moore, leaned forward and crossed her arms on her desk. “So you're saying that you don't need help?”

 

Dean let out a frustrated groan. “Answering to a question with another question... This ain't working. I don't need my head shrunken, but thank you very much for trying.” He didn't even know why he didn't stand up and leave.

 

After the hour was over, Dawn went through what she had wrote down during his time with Dean Winchester. 

 

'Angry, scared, deep in self-denial.'

 

That was nothing new to her. She had been doing this for almost twenty years,and the first meetings were always the hardest, at least for the patient. Dean had built barricades around him, but Dawn knew that eventually those walls would break down.

 

Dean would open up and talk eventually. It would just take a little time.

 

*

 

Sam's meeting wasn't going much better. He just closed up into himself and tried to escape to some deep corner inside his mind; a corner where Gordon didn't exist and he could pretend that everything had been just a dream. He only talked when absolutely necessary, but he couldn't talk about how he felt dirty and ashamed and worthless, even when he knew that what had been done to him wasn't his fault. And he couldn't talk about the guilt he still carried inside him. Dean had been hurt, and Sam had done nothing to stop it. Didn't matter how he had been too hurt and weak to even move, he still felt like it was his fault. If he had been a good boyfriend, he would have done anything and everything to keep Dean safe. It was all his fault. And the guilt was killing him inside.

 

The appointment was mostly filled with silence, and it was over, Sam felt worst than ever. Weren't those meetings supposed to make him feel better? To get over it?

It didn't seem to be working.

 

*

 

John and Mary noticed right away that the first counselings hadn't made wonders. Both Sam and Dean looked more tired than ever, the blank look in their eyes something that made them feel bad. Even Angela stayed quiet.

 

But maybe in time... 

 

Hopefully.

 

Mary hugged them both and asked if they wanted something to eat, but neither of the boys were hungry, and even if they were, the freshly dug out memories had made them lost all appetite they might have had.

 

So, Mary and John let them be, watched with worry in their eyes as the boys went up the stairs and locked themselves inside Dean's room. 

 

It had been a hard day, for all of them. It was probably best thing to do to just let them rest for now.

 

Maybe tomorrow would be better, but Mary knew it was probably just wishful thinking. After all the boys had went through, it would be a long and rocky road ahead of them.

 

Thank God they at least had each other.


	22. Forced to Face The Facts

The days went by. Mary and John tried their best to give all the support as they could for Sam and Dean, and Angela was back being her snarky self, trying to lighten the mood when the atmosphere got oppressing. 

 

Mostly Sam and Dean just spent all their time together, talking and really getting to know each other better. They talked about their lives, shared thoughts and memories and grew closer to each other every day. One thing they still didn't talk about was what had happened to them on that boat. 

 

The other thing they didn't talk about was sex. Sure,they hugged and kissed and touched each other, but ever since the rescue neither one of them had made any move to do anything more. And considering how they hadn't been able to go on one day without sex before the boat incident, not doing anything or even talking about it was a sure sign that they really needed help.

 

And of course Dawn, who was treating both Sam and Dean, brought it up the next time Dean was forced to go to see her. At least Dean swore he was forced.

 

“So...” Dawn started the appointment. ”When you were kidnapped,” - at least she didn't use the word 'raped' - “I heard that your partner, Sam, was there too.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes. Of course the shrink knew that, he was 'treating' Sam too. 

 

“Yeah.” He still answered, since he had learned that if he answered to Dawn's questions, even with one word that didn't really require him opening up his soul, the hour would be over much faster.

 

“How do you feel about that?” Dawn asked next and before Dean had even time to think, he was already almost yelling.

 

“How do you think I feel?! I almost got him killed by introducing him to that psycho at the first place. Sam almost DIED and it's all my fault!”

 

Dawn hadn't been expecting to get so many words out of Dean. This was progress. And it was good.

 

Dawn kept questioning and for that hour Dean forgot his defenses and let his anger and guilt leak out. 

The most surprising thing was, that after he left Dawn's office, he was actually feeling better.

 

*

 

After three more visits to the hospital, Sam and Dean were diagnosed physically healed. The bruises had healed, stitches removed, and Sam's broken ribs had healed so fast that even the doctors were surprised. But even when their bodies had healed, emotionally they were nothing but okay.

 

And even when they still didn't talk about it, the fact that their bodies were healed, it only resulted to the sex question. Sam was thinking about it, Dean was thinking about it, but they didn't talk of it. Sam was afraid of freaking Dean out if he'd bring it up, and Dean was afraid of the exact same thing, and that was the biggest communication problem between the ever. 

 

They talked about everything else, they were comfortable in each others company, but neither of them didn't bring up the fact that they hadn't had sex even after the doctor had said that there was no physical condition to prevent it. 

 

The meetings with the psychiatrist continued also. Dawn felt like Dean was making progress, because even anger and yelling was better than icy silences. And those were what had been going on during her meetings with Sam. So, the next time Sam came to see her, she decided it was about time to pull out at least some kind of reaction out of Sam. Sometimes mental shock therapy worked better than being kind and understanding, because it was obvious that that didn't work with Sam.

 

“Good to see you, Sam.” Dawn smiled when Sam stepped into her office and sat down, preparing himself for another wasted hour. Sam still looked closed up and avoided Dawn's eyes. “You look much better. Why don't we get started then?” She looked straight at Sam. “Have you and Dean had sex yet?”

 

Sam's eyes widened. Well, Dawn thought, at least that seemed to work.

 

“What kind of question is that?” Sam sounded angry. Good.

 

“Normal question.” Dawn answered, looking back at Sam's file on her desk. “It's been two months, the doctors don't see any physical reason why you couldn't, and Dean's your boyfriend.”

 

When Sam refused to answer, Dawn raised his look from the papers and looked at Sam again. “Are you afraid of having sex with him?” 

 

Sam frowned. Was he? Kissing Dean felt good, touching him felt great, and they slept naked in the same bed every night.

 

“No.” Sam finally said. “He's never hurt me, unlike that--” Sam stopped in the middle of his sentence and Dawn decided to give him a minute to think.

 

“So if you're not afraid of it, then why not?”

 

Sam huffed. “I thought you were a shrink, not a sex counselor.”

 

“Well, I am a 'shrink', but my specialty happens to be abuse and rape cases. So I guess that makes me both your shrink and your sex counselor.” She kept looking at Sam. “Don't you want to have sex with your boyfriend?”

 

“It's not like that.” Sam muttered, expression morose.

 

“Then what is it?” Dawn asked. When Sam didn't answer, she continued: “Have you even spoke with Dean about that issue?”

 

Sam's silence was clear enough answer. Dawn sighed. “You should. I can only offer limited help,but I can tell you this. The longer you two keep avoiding the subject, the harder it's going to be later. I suggest you talk with him, openly and honestly. Tell him how you feel, if you have insecurities, doubts or fears... just talk. And then listen to him. I know it must be hard for both of you, but you can't keep those things buried inside you forever.”

 

Dawn looked at her desk again and opened her calender. “In fact, the next time you two come here I want to see you both at the same time.”

 

Sam felt a slight panic rising inside of him.

 

Dean was waiting him in the car outside when Sam got out.

 

“How did it go?” He asked. Sam smiled joylessly.

 

“She wants us both there at the same time next week.”

 

Dean was confused. “Why?”

 

Sam laughed a small laugh, joyless again. “She wants to talk with both of us.”

 

“About what”

 

“About sex.” Sam answered and stubbornly stared out of the passenger's window.


	23. Let's Talk About Sex

Dean was speechless. For about 1,2 seconds. Then he turned to look at Sam who refused to look back like the concrete wall outside the passenger window was the most amazing thing in the whole universe, before gaping and gasping out a loud: “WHAT???”

 

“You heard me.” Sam replied easily but his voice was pretty toneless, in fact totally blank. “Our shrink decided to start sex counseling as well and apparently she just decided to become a couple counselor too.”

 

Dean blinked a couple of times, feeling somewhat dumbstruck but it didn't take long before irritation took over. “I am SO not gonna discuss about our sex life with that woman, good intentions or not.”

 

“Not our sex life.” Sam pointed out blankly. “But the lack of it.”

 

“That ain't any of her business!” Dean protested, not believing that Dawn was planning on something like THAT. Or when he thought more carefully, had most likely planned it all along. Dean groaned, anger bubbling inside him. “I still... I don't get it! What does it matter to her what we do between the sheets? Or don't do! It's none of her business whatsoever!”

 

Sam sighed, tiredly. “She wants to hear about my fears of having sex. And she apparently thought you should hear about them too.”

 

Dean swallowed, not quite sure how he was supposed to take Sam's words. This was the first time the whole subject had been brought up, and now that it had, Dean was really worried. Decision made, he started the car. “Sam. Look at me.”

 

Sam sighed again but reluctantly turned his head towards Dean.

 

“We need to talk.” 

 

Sam didn't reply.

 

Back home, Dean led Sam upstairs and told him to sit down on the bed, and Sam did. The house was empty, which was good, because Dean didn't want any extra ears listening to this particular conversation. 

 

Dean sat on the bed beside Sam but kept a few feet distance between them. The silence kept stretching as Dean tried so very hard to think of how to start talking, and he almost startled when Sam finally broke the silence.

 

“You said we needed to talk.” 

 

It was like a trigger, and just like that Dean wasn't thinking anymore, just blurted out the thing that had bothered him the most during the whole drive back: “Sam, are you afraid?”

 

Sam looked at Dean and frowned, like it was the most stupid question ever. “What...?” He asked so quietly it was barely a whisper and then huffed. “Of course I'm afraid. How 'bout the fact that I'm having nightmares even when I'm not sleeping? I know that he...” - Christ, Sam couldn't even say Gordon's name out loud - “I know he's locked up and most likely never getting out of that place, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't--”

 

“Sam.” Dean interrupted because Sam had obviously understood his question the wrong way, so he decided it was best to be more specific. “Are you afraid of me?”

 

Sam's eyes widened at the ridiculousness of the question. “No.” He simply said. “Why would I be?”

 

“Okay then...” Dean took a deep breath and finally asked the question that had really messed up with his mind. “Are you afraid of having sex with me?”

 

Sam swallowed. Was he? No, the thought didn't make him feel uncomfortable, just... He really didn't know. “No.” He answered. “I don't know. I mean... I thought...”

 

“What?” Dean encouraged him. “Go on.”

 

“I thought you were.” Sam confessed finally. “That's why I didn't bring it up... because I thought you might be afraid and I'd freak you out and...” Sam looked at Dean and saw him smiling slightly. “What?”

 

“That's the exact same reason why I didn't bring it up.” Dean said quietly, still smiling softly. “I was afraid that you'd run away screaming if I even tried to talk to you about it.” Dean went back serious. “You know what, Sam? There has been some serious lack of communication between us lately.”

 

Sam couldn't agree more, and he had no idea why he still felt tense. 

 

It was like Dean was reading his mind.

 

“Hey...” He said softly. ”Don't look so worried. We don't have to do anything you don't want to, so why won't we just give it a try, just take it slow, and if at any point, any point at all, anything starts feeling uncomfortable we'll just stop and you don't need to explain or apologize. Okay?”

 

Finally Sam was able to smile a little. “Okay.” He said quietly, feeling a lot lighter now that the two-month tension was finally starting to fade away. It was like a huge bag of stones lifted off his back.

 

“Can I touch you?” Dean whispered, hating the few feet distance between them. “I just wanna hold you for a while. Please?”

 

Sam didn't answer. Instead he stood up and Dean was scared for a moment that Sam hadn't been totally honest with him and was now leaving, but then Sam was sitting on his lap, legs around his waist and kissing him. Dean closed his eyes and sighed against Sam's lips. If there was a Heaven, for Dean it was the moment Sam closed his form around Dean in a way that spoke louder than any words ever could.

 

In the haze of the kiss Dean didn't even realize what Sam was doing before his belt buckle was open and Sam's fingers fumbled on Dean's fly. Dean's breath hitched.

 

“Sam...” He breathed. “Sammy... When I said we can take things slow I didn't mean we should start right this second. I meant...” Dean's voice started shaking when Sam just continued doing what he was doing, and he definitely wasn't taking it slow. “What I meant...” Dean tried to force his voice stable. “I meant that I don't wanna put any pressure on you... push you... I meant that we can... when you want it.”

 

“I want it now.” Sam simply stated, pushed Dean back first on the bed, straddling him, and Dean's world was spinning. “I want you now.” Sam looked at Dean, an unreadable expression on his face. “Don't you want me?”

 

“Jesus, Sam...” Dean groaned, his hands hesitating only for a moment before he placed them on Sam's hips. “Of course I want you. I wanted you the second I saw you and it has never changed after that.”

 

“Good.” Sam said, but his eyes were too bright and his voice too clear, and suddenly Dean was hesitating again.

 

“Sam...” Sam acted like he didn't hear him so Dean didn't see any other option than to raise his voice a bit. “Sam! Stop!”

 

And just like that Sam stopped, looking at Dean with that same expression on his face that Dean couldn't quite figure out. 

 

“Listen...” Dean said, voice soft again. “I'm not saying that... that this isn't what I want, but you need to be completely honest with me. Do YOU want this? I mean really want? Because the look in your eyes is honestly quite scary, and if this is some sort of self-punishment for whatever you think you've done, or if you're only doing this because I want it, then I want you to stop right now.”

 

Sam looked down for a moment, and Dean was worried. Until Sam looked at him again, and this time the look in his eyes was different. His gaze was gentle, tender. “I got carried away.” Sam said quietly. “I just thought... I have been so afraid of losing you, too scared to even talk about it, and now...”

 

“I know.” Dean said softly, and he really did. He had been so afraid of losing Sam too, afraid that the nightmare they had experienced together had left wounds too deep and built a wall between them. “Trust me, I know...”

 

Sam smiled a little. “Slow, then?”

 

“Yeah.” Dean breathed, so relieved that Sam wasn't wanting this for the wrong reasons.

 

And they took it slow, at first just kissing for good ten minutes, hands mapping every inch of their bodies, soothing and caressing. Then Sam whispered: “I wanna feel your skin...” and they started helping each other out of their clothes.

 

In a way it felt like it was their first time together. There was no rush, no need to hurry, just gentle touches, soft kisses and the feeling of intimacy like never before. When they finally laid on the bed skin to skin, Sam swore to himself that he would never again let the lack of communication come between them. After two months he finally felt like himself. He wasn't thinking about the past; not even future. All he needed right then was right there in his arms.


	24. More Than Words

Even when the ice had been broken, both Sam and Dean were still both slightly hesitant. Neither one of them was afraid or uncomfortable when the other one touched the other, in fact it was just the opposite. Both of them carried a fear inside them, that no matter what they had talked earlier,the other one would still feel uncomfortable. 

 

The shame was still laying beneath the surface, the feeling of being tainted and not worthy of love. They still had lots of issues to process and a lot of things to talk about, but right then they were not thinking about that. Even the self-loathing was forgotten in the tangled mess of arms and legs and heavy breathing as their hands kept searching for more, wanting for more.

 

Needing for more.

 

Sam was the first to say it out loud. This far it had been just heavy petting, but Sam's body was screaming for more, and now he was absolutely certain that he wasn't scared of this, wasn't scared of making love with Dean, not even fucking with him. 

 

“I need more...” Sam whispered against Dean's lips, Dean laying hot and heavy and familiar on top of him. 

“Don't ask me if I'm sure.” Sam said before Dean even had a chance to open his mouth. “I am. If you are.”

 

Dean nodded after looking at Sam for a moment, then lowered himself down Sam's body until his head was between Sam's parted legs. Sam closed his eyes and waited for the moment when the wet heat of Dean's mouth would envelope him, but instead of taking Sam in his mouth, Dean grabbed Sam's hips gently and pushed a pillow under his lower back. And then Sam felt Dean's lips, first kissing his other ass cheek and then the other. 

 

“I love you Sam...” Dean whispered before his tongue licked a wet stripe along the crease of Sam's ass. “Love you more than anything...”

 

Dean kept licking him, his cheeks, his crease, and finally his entrance, proceeding so slowly like he had all the time in the world and more. Sam threw his head back and allowed himself to drown in all the sensations and spikes of pleasure. Carefully Dean pushed the tip of his tongue inside Sam, just a little, and the moan that escaped Sam's mouth encouraged Dean to do it again. He loved seeing and feeling Sam like this, filled with pleasure instead of pain. 

 

Finally Dean stopped and climbed back on top of Sam.

 

“What next?” Dean asked quietly. “Tell me what you want.”

 

Sam pulled Dean even closer and kissed him, tongue begging for entrance which Dean gladly granted him. Even the kiss felt different. It wasn't tongue-fucking, just slow moving as their tongues mapped every part of their mouths. 

 

It was a new experience, especially for Dean who had always thought that sex equaled hard and rough fucking. But this wasn't fucking, this was making love.

 

“Do you have lube?” Sam whispered and for a moment Dean felt the hesitation again. Was Sam really ready for this?

 

“Yeah...” Dean whispered back. “In my bag.”

 

“Get it.”

 

Dean kissed Sam once more before getting up and going to his bag. His legs felt unstable and his head felt light, but he managed to get the lube and then get back to bed. Sam tried to grab the lube but Dean held it out of his reach. 

 

“Are you sure?” Dean asked, and Sam smiled. This was not the right time to explain why he needed to feel Dean inside him. 

 

“More sure than ever.” Sam convinced and Dean whispered 'okay', and popped the cap of the tube open. One more look at Sam, just to see the look on his face, and it was so open and trusting, eyes slightly hooded and cheeks flushed. Dean felt an incredible feeling of tenderness taking over him. This was his Sammy, enjoying what they were doing, eyes full of love and hope.

 

Dean hadn't seen that hope for too long.

 

Dean slicked his fingers carefully and looked at Sam. “If I hurt you in any way, or you start feeling something you don't wanna feel...”

 

“I promise.” Sam assured and Dean believed him. Carefully he placed the tip of his forefinger against Sam's entrance, took a deep breath and pushed the finger in to the first knuckle. Then he paused, examined Sam's face, seeking for any sign of discomfort but didn't find any, so he continued. 

 

Second knuckle. A pause. 

 

Third. A pause. 

 

Dean's finger was now fully inside Sam, and that tight heat felt amazing. He just held his finger there a little longer, enjoying the feeling, before pulling his finger out and adding a second one. His fingers met less resistance than before, but Dean wanted to be sure so he carefully started scissoring his fingers inside Sam.

 

After a while Sam seemed to be ready if the way he moaned quietly and trembled was any indication. Dean pulled his fingers out and climbed on top of Sam once again, looking into his eyes and finding an answer to the question he hadn't even asked yet.

 

Dean reached out next to the bed where a condom was laying next to the lube, rolled it on and pressed himself once again against Sam. Sam spread his legs even wider and Dean positioned himself against Sam's slick hole. He pushed in, ever so slowly, and they both groaned in unison. 

 

It was slow and tender and smooth, not quite thrusting, more like writhing together until they both came and it felt so good it was hard not to start crying.

 

What had just happened had a deeper meaning to them both, but they didn't want to think about it now. Not now, when everything just felt so good. 

 

The next time when they went to see Dawn, she was expecting that hour to be the hardest one of all the hours he had spent with Sam and Dean, so her surprise was justified when both boys walked in smiling and holding hands.

 

“I can see that something has changed since the last time I saw you two.” She quirked a brow, smiling a little. “So, what has happened?”

 

“Oh, nothing much.” Dean felt like grinning. “Sam and I talked about things.”

 

“And?” Dawn was curious.

 

“And then we had sex.” Dean finally allowed himself to smirk and the only thing he regretted was that he didn't have a camera with him because Dawn's expression was something that should have been saved for the generations to come.


	25. One Step Forward, No Step Back

Dawn was glad of the shock therapy she had put Sam through the last time because it had obviously been the right decision to make. 

 

She tried to keep herself professional, but it was very, very hard when all she wanted to do was to grin as she watched Sam and Dean, more relaxed than she had ever seen them before, holding hands and looking at each other the way that made her heart melt.

 

Still, there was still a lot of work ahead and it was time to get back on business.

 

“I'm glad that you decided to talk to Dean.” Dawn said, and then she was really surprised when Sam told her that it had been Dean who had made it clear that they needed to talk.

 

Oh.

 

That was something she hadn't expected, but when she thought a bit more, her last meeting with Dean had went better than expected. Sure, Dean had been yelling and angry and frustrated, but maybe it had been just that frustration that had made Dean to take that step to the right direction. 

 

Dawn knew that getting emotionally attached to the patients was the number one on every psychiatrist's do-not-list, but she just couldn't help it; she really liked these two, and she wanted to do every possible thing in her power to help them heal as fast as possible.

 

She had read the files, both Sam's and Dean's, over and over again, and of all the hard cases she had treated during her career, this was on the top of the list.

 

Dean was emotionally lost, barely even knew the difference between love and sex, but she had a good hunch that after meeting Sam Dean's thoughts had changed a lot. 

 

Dean had also avoided relationships, but then again, there he was now, with Sam. 

 

His boyfriend. 

 

Progress again, and not a small kind. This whole thing with getting into a steady relationship with Sam had to be a huge thing for Dean, but Dean looked happy, not a bit uncomfortable.

 

And Sam... Reading Sam's file had been really hard. The boy had lost his parents when he had been just a kid, tossed into a foster home where he had been abused until he had ran away, only to end up to the streets selling himself for drugs at the age when normal kids experienced their first crush.

 

It was heartbreaking. Dawn was really grateful for the Travis couple who had saved Sam, but at the same time it made her feel sad, thinking about that Sam had lost them too. Speaking of which...

 

“So you two are staying with Dean's family?” She asked casually. “How is it going?”

 

“Good.” Dean answered right away. “And I know what you're really asking. Does my family know about us, and how are they taking it. Well, they know, and they're fine with it. And stop talking about 'my' family.” Dean smiled at Sam, a warm smile filled with affection. “It's our family now. Sam is apart of it.”

 

Dawn smiled inwardly. That was so good to hear.

 

“Okay.” She said. “I can't tell you how good that is to hear. Well, you both know why I wanted you there at the same time but since you two have already talked about it together... I guess we can move on. The sex. How did it feel?” 

 

Both boys grinned widely. “Awesome.”

 

And dawn knew that by that they didn't mean only physically. The first step was always the hardest, but now they had taken that step, and now the real healing could finally start.


	26. A Warning

John was trying to keep his mind blank and his foot on the speed pedal stable as he took a turn to Hudson River to cross Tappan Zee Bridge, but it got harder and harder when he got closer to his destination, and by the time he was driving I-87 South to Bronx border, he was furious. 

 

Major Deegan Expressway South to Triboro Bridge, and his hands were gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. 

 

No one knew he was there, no one except the hospital people he had spoken with earlier on the phone, and if anyone would ask, John didn't think it was any of their business. The only one outside the hospital staff who knew was about this was Bobby, his best friend and currently his alibi also since even Mary didn't know what John was about to do. 

 

When John had asked for Bobby to lie that John was busy with a car or something if Mary happened to call, his friend hadn't even hesitated. 

 

Thank God for friends like Bobby... If Mary knew, she would freak out so bad that John didn't even want to think about it. 

 

Manhattan, right-hand lane. Through the toll booth, following signs to Randall's Island/Wards Island. 

 

John was a Vietnam War veteran. He had seen things that still sometimes, even after all these years, gave him nightmares, but for the first time in his life he knew how it felt wanting to kill someone. He didn't know why exactly he was doing this. He just had to. 

 

John passed the Triboro Bridge Authority Building, then the road went underneath the roadways for the Triboro Bridge. He saw a small blacktop road which connected Randall's Island to Ward's Island, and he knew he was almost there. 

 

He entered into the Manhattan Psychiatric Center campus which Kirby Forensic Psychiatric Center, a 200-bed maximum security forensic hospital, was a part of. 

 

The institute for the criminally insane. 

 

He drove past guard gate and followed the road around to a high-rise building with the double 40-foot chain-link and razor wire fence. Parked in the lot and walked to the entrance where he was required to go through a metal detector and his belongings were searched. 

 

John knew that it was a routine procedure, but maybe it was good that they checked every visitor. Considering the building's residents, John doubted he wasn't the first one who had wanted to bring a gun with him and shoot someone's brains all over the wall.

 

He really would have loved to do that to Gordon Walker, but when a guard finally led him to meet Gordon, John decided that this was better than Gordon being dead. The man was just a shadow of his former self. Skinnier, quiet, obviously heavily drugged with the way his eyes were empty and unfocused. Even when Gordon had dark skin, the shadows under his eyes were even darker. 

 

“I need few minutes alone with him.” John said to the guard who looked worried for a moment. John noticed that. “You don't need to worry. All I'm going to do is talk. Few minutes. That's all I need.”

 

The guard hesitated for a few seconds longer but left then, leaving John alone with Gordon. John just stared at the object of his hate for a while before he finally spoke. “I just came here to tell you that you'll never get out of this place.” His voice was low and determined. “You could request for a parole in twenty years or something, but you wont.” John lowered his voice even more. “Because if you do that, I will kill you myself with my bare hands.”

 

John kept staring at Gordon who didn't response, but the flicker of fear in his eyes told John that he had understood. 

 

“You ever come near me or my family again, I'll make sure that no one will ever find your body.” John walked to the door and looked over his shoulder one more time. “Good that we understand each other.” 

 

John didn't feel particularly better when he left Kirby, but he still couldn't help but relish in the way Gordon's eyes had turned from blank to scared. Good. At least the bastard now knew how it felt to be afraid. And to be honest, he had every reason to be.

 

John never made empty promises.

 

*

 

Sam sat on the hood of Dean's car and watched the green fields around them. Dean had decided that they needed some quality time together, just to relax for a while, and so he had drove them here, in the middle of nowhere.

 

It was a beautiful day. Sun was shining and it was warm, birds sang, and an occasional gentle gust of wind made the grass move like waves. Sam leaned backwards, just enjoying the moment.

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

Sam lifted his head and looked at Dean who was standing between Sam's long legs that hung off the car's hood.

 

“You.” Sam smiled. “Us.”

 

Dean just smiled softly, bent down and kissed Sam, enjoying the texture and the taste of Sam's mouth, sliding his hands smoothly down by Sam's flanks until they rested on Sam's hips. 

 

“How do you feel about it?” Dean asked when he eventually, literally had to force himself to stop kissing Sam. Sam was addictive, and Dean was addicted. And he liked it.

 

“You mean the sex.” Sam said, not really asking. 

 

“Yeah...” Dean bit his lip. “It's been few days now and though it was amazing, I... I guess I just need to know if you still feel the same about it.”

 

Sam closed his eyes and inhaled deep, taking in Dean's scent. “How do I feel about it...” Sam muttered and opened his eyes. “Instead of telling you, why don't I just show you.”

 

They made love on the hood of the car, sunshine warming their already warm skins and birds singing at the background, but neither of them noticed those things when all they could concentrate was to each other.


	27. Whatever Happens...

When Sam and Dean returned home - it made Sam feel slightly giddy that he actually had a home, not an apartment but a real HOME – John was already back from his trip to Kirby and once again sitting in the living room, reading. The smell of something delicious coming from the kitchen suggested that Mary was cooking something extra special for dinner, and the thing that had happened on the hood of the car earlier still made both Sam and Dean smile. 

 

They were doing fine. After all, they were moving on and the nightmare they had been through hadn't destroyed them. The healing process was in no way done yet, and it would still take a lot more time to get over it completely, but they had strong faith that after they were through the therapy sessions and everything, life would be even better than before.

 

“Where the hell have you two been?” Asked Angie who walked out of the kitchen. She had decided to stay at their parent's house until her and Tom were married, and Dean secretly suspected it wall just to torture her poor fiancé. 

 

“Oh, nowhere particular...” Dean tried his best to look innocent but it was really hard when his mind kept reminding him how they'd had to stop by a car wash before coming back. The hood had been sticky with sweat and planted with hand prints and just screaming 'we just had sex on the hood of the car!', and Dean's lips twitched. 

 

Angie narrowed her eyes and pursed his lips.

“You two were so doing it.” She stated, not asked, and went back to kitchen and Dean allowed himself to grin stupidly. Even Sam couldn't hold a straight face, and when Dean saw that, he felt even better, seeing Sam happy and relaxed. “Let's go see Dad, see what he's been up to.” Dean winked.

 

“Hey Dad.” Dean greeted his father smiling. “How was your day?”

 

“Nothing special...” John muttered but eventually looked up. “Hi boys. I noticed the car wasn't there when I came back-” John blinked. “-ummm, from Bobby's place. So, where were you two?”

 

John hoped that Dean hadn't caught his second of hesitation, but of course he had. Sometimes John swore that his son was too smart for his own good. 

 

Dean smirked, sat down on a couch and pulled Sam down next to him. “Okay then. Since were all a big, happy family now, why don't we start sharing and caring, huh, Dad?”

 

“Fine...” John grumbled. “You two first.”

 

“Well, we drove to this amazing place in the middle of nowhere and then had amazing sex on the hood of the car.” 

 

Dean ignored Sam's incredulous look as well the rather painful bump of Sam's elbow against his flank. John nearly dropped the book he had been reading and just stared at the boys for a while, making Sam feel uncomfortable and beyond and Dean feeling incredibly smug. “So, you?”

 

“I went to Ward Island.” John said with a blank voice, and right that second Sam tensed, Dean's smugness dropped and he was serious. They knew very well who was spending a long vacation in that place, but he still asked.

 

“Why?” 

 

“You know why.” John's voice was low and dangerous, and for a moment Dean didn't see his Dad, he saw the soldier who had fought in Vietnam. “To kill him.”

 

“Did you?” Dean was almost afraid to ask. John sighed.

 

“The place is guarded better than Fort Knox. Metal detectors, belonging searches. What do you think?”

 

“I think that you don't need anything else but your own two hands – or maybe just one – to kill someone.”

 

“And you'd be right.” John simply said. “But after I saw him...” John sighed. “Trust me, by killing him the only thing I would've done was to do him a favor. Also, if I killed him I'd just end up in prison. Imagine what that would do to your mother?” John was quiet for a moment.”But I told him that if he ever even tries to get out of that place, then I will kill him, not even thinking twice. And he listened.”

 

Dean had a very vivid image of his father saying those words to Gordon, and in some weird way it made him feel cold. He had heard stories, and he knew what his father was capable of. John was the kind of man who would protect what was his to the last breath. 

 

“Good to hear that you boys had a good day.” John smiled and just like that the war veteran was gone and the father was back. “Now go wash up. Dinner will be ready soon.”

 

Sam and Dean got up and headed upstairs. They washed up in silence, not knowing what to say. It had been a great day, until Gordon was brought up, and that reassured Dean of his earlier thoughts. They still had plenty emotional recovery ahead, if just hearing that psycho's name made them both feel this agitated.

 

*

 

In his heavily secured room back at Kirby hospital, Gordon sat on the floor and even when he was heavily medicated, he could still think somewhat clearly. 

 

John's visit had been a totally and utterly unexpected surprise. Not to mention a scary one. The look in that man's eyes when he had said those words... 

 

Gordon grimaced.

 

He hated this place. A hospital, huh? This was a fucking prison, that's what this was! And they had thrown him here like he was some kind of nutcase like the other 'guests' here. No, no, no... This wouldn't do. 

 

Gordon tried to think more clearly, to make some kind of plan. He had to get out of here. He had to! He cursed the drugs that were pumped into his system every day, the syringes that were emptied to his veins instead of pills that he could have at least throw up. 

 

But the main point remained. He had to get out. But then he remembered John's words from earlier...

 

'You ever come near me or my family again, I'll make sure that no one will ever find your body.'

 

Near his family? Gordon almost snarled. Sam wasn't a part of John's family. Yeah, Sam was free game. In fact, this was all Sam's fault. That treacherous whore... And if by some miracle the Winchesters had taken that little slut under their wings, then...

 

Gordon's eyes looked like they started glowing. He still had faithful, obedient people outside this place. All he needed was to get in touch with them, but how? Every fucking phone call was recorded, every letter opened and read before sent. Fuck! 

 

He would find a way. Yes, he would find a way, and then, if he had to, he would make Sam regret the day his mother had pushed that manwhore out to this world from between her legs. And then, if he had to, he would do the same to Dean, and fuck! He would kill the whole fucking family if he had to, and he would enjoy it. They deserved it, all of them, for doing this to him...

 

Gordon's funds had been frozen, but what the government didn't know was that he still had millions stashed on secret bank accounts all over the world. He could kill Sam and the Winchesters and then disappear. Settle down to some country in South-America. 

 

Gordon smiled to himself. 

 

Revenge. The word tasted so sweet on his tongue that it nearly made him salivate. 

 

*

 

Sam and Dean laid in bed. It was really late, but neither of them could sleep. So they talked. 

 

They talked about their feelings towards each other, and then, for the first time they talked about their feelings about Gordon and what he had done to them. 

 

It was painful and opened up countless emotional wounds, but they had both realized that if they didn't do that, they would never be free. 

 

After talking for hours, when there simply wasn't any more words left to say, the just laid there, holding each other close, just comforting each other.

 

Dawn had decided that it was best to see Sam and Dean at the same time from now on, and it worked. Both boys talked now. There was no more hiding, no more denying, they just talked and let it all come out. The healing process was slow and hard, but Dawn was impressed how fast Sam and Dean still recovered. 

 

Weeks passed, and one day Sam and Dean found themselves in a hospital waiting for the second round of STD results to come up. 

 

They hadn't really thought about the possibility that one or both of them might had caught hepatitis or HIV, it had been the last remain of self-denial they had hung onto. They had used condoms, so the possibility hadn't been completely buried under layers of 'we are fine'. 

 

Now though, when they waited outside the doctor's office, the reality hit with full force and there was no hiding from it.

 

“Dean...” Sam whispered and closed Dean's hand into his own. “You know, whatever the results are... I just want you to know that it doesn't change a thing about how I feel about you. I love you.”

 

Dean squeezed Sam's hand. “Right back at you.” He said quietly. “Whatever happens in next few minutes, it doesn't change anything... I mean... anything that really matters. And if...” Dean swallowed. “Then we just keep on being careful. Right?”

 

“Yeah.” Sam smiled a little. “You know I would never leave just bec--”

 

Suddenly the door of the doctor's office opened and Sam and Dean were called in. The doctor told them the news and after that the boys left the hospital. The drive back 

home was spent in silence. 

 

But the moment they were back, Dean hauled Sam upstairs, dug out the condoms from the bedside table drawer and watched Sam as he threw them into the trash can. Then he was all over Sam, kissing and tasting and touching him.

 

“We're fine...” Dean panted between the kisses. “We're good, we're healthy, you have no idea how...”

 

The words were cut off short when the backs of Sam's knees connected with the edge of the bed and he felt back first to the bed, pulling Dean down with him.


	28. Yours For The Taking

  
Author's notes: The boys celebrate. In a good way. Don't expect there to be a plot in this chapter, lol. :P

***  


* * *

A sudden knock on the door almost made Sam and Dean jump as they quickly disentangled themselves from each other and managed to sit by the edge of the bed just as the door opened. Mary peeked in, took one look of her boys and couldn't help but smile. 

 

“You forgot this to the kitchen table.” She explained and came in, holding a paper on her hand. The paper that confirmed that the test results had been negative. “Just thought I'd come to give it to you.”

 

Mary noticed how both boys looked a bit flushed and how they were slightly out of breath. Sam noticed that Mary 

noticed, and he blushed. 

 

“Okay then...” Mary smiled. “We decided to go out for movies with John and Angela and then go eat something. There's lasagna in the fridge if you boys get hungry, all you need to do is heat it up. We'll be gone for three hours, maybe four. The house is all yours.” She turned to leave. “Have fun.” Was the last thing she said before she left. Sam blushed even deeper. 

 

“Is it just me or did that just sound like she wants us to hump like rabbits?”

 

Dean laughed. “Maybe. But you missed the main point. The house is ours for the next couple of hours. So...” Dean turned to Sam, cupped his cheeks and kissed him slowly before pulling away, and when he spoke again his voice was husky and low. ”Any ideas how we could spend that time?”

 

The question filled Sam's mind with so many ideas that included sweat, panting and all things dirty bordering on obscene that he felt himself growing hard in seconds. The sex had been great, but it had been different, not because it had been making love instead of hard and rough fucking, but because no matter how close to each other they had been, there had always been something between them, and that something had now been thrown to the trash can.

 

“I may have a thought or two...” Sam saw the reflection of his face in Dean's eyes, filled with lust and heat. 

 

“Sam, I know that we've been taking it slow, but--”

 

“We're leaving now!” Came Mary's voice from the upstairs. “Enjoy the evening!”

 

They both heard how the front door opened, then footsteps and the front door closing behind Mary, John and Angie. 

 

“So... It's just the two of us now.” Dean smiled, unable to hide his excitement. “And the thing I was saying... we've been taking it slow, but I don't know how much longer I can--”

 

Sam didn't let Dean finish his sentence. He knew what Dean was about to say. And he wanted that too. Needed it. 

Needed Dean. 

 

Sam got up so fast that Dean had no time to react at all. The next thing he realized was that Sam had him pinned against a wall, his mouth crushed against Dean's and devouring it with passion and frustration. Finally Sam backed off, just an inch, breathless. 

 

"Tell me to stop." He panted. "Tell me to stop right now if you're not ready for this because I swear I won't be able to stop if you don't stop me right the fuck now..." 

Dean wrapped his fingers around Sam's neck, pulling him in closer and kissing him deeply again. 

 

"No. No stopping." Dean whispered against Sam's lips. He cupped Sam's face with his hands, looking deep into Sam's hazel eyes. ”This is exactly what I want too.”

Letting go of Sam's face, Dean unbuttoned Sam's jeans, slipping his hand into the restricting denim and palmed Sam's hardness. "Oh fuck yeah..." Dean groaned, rubbing and squeezing the hard heat. 

 

"Fuck..." Sam groaned as Dean's hand pressed against his achingly hard cock. "Christ..." He breathed out and let his head fall down on Dean's shoulder, pressing himself closer, closer to the heat of Dean's hand and that mindblowing pressure. 

 

"Oh Jesus fuck, Dean..." Sam panted. "What do you wanna do? Tell me... What do you wanna do?"

 

"I wanna... god I wanna fuck you so bad..." Dean whispered, kissing the corner of Sam's mouth. He squeezed his fingers around Sam's cock, stroking it from base to tip. "Wanna bend you over, fuck you so hard you'll be screaming my name." Dean growled, sealing their lips together and kissing Sam with broad, lingering strokes of his tongue against Sam's which made Sam moan into Dean's mouth. 

 

Breaking the kiss with a soft smacking sound Dean rested his forehead against Sam's, looking down and watching his hand working on Sam's cock. Sam panted, hands finding the waist of Dean's obscenely low hanging jeans, opening the fly and hands diving in, other to the back to cup Dean's ass cheek and other to the front to curl around Dean's cock. "I really don't care about anything else but to get you inside me and fast..." Sam tilted his head and nipped Dean's neck while his hand kept stroking him, firm grip on firm flesh. 

 

Sam lifted his head and licked his lips, pupils blown wide and eyes heavy-lidded. "Come on then, show me what you're made of..." He whispered and started backing up towards the bed, holding Dean's dick like he was leading him from it. And holy shit it felt amazing, like all the barriers had been crushed at once and there was nothing left but the two of them and lust and desire and sheer want. It felt dirty and obscene and so fucking right, now that they both had made clear that they were ready for something more than gentle love making. 

 

It felt liberating.

 

They fell on the bed rather ungracefully but who cared. It was messy kissing and flailing limbs and Sam just loved it. When Dean grunted "Off" Sam was more than ready to tear his clothes apart. And Dean's. Kissing, biting and licking, a perfect lust-drunk haze that emptied his universe until there was nothing left except Dean's fingers that found Sam's nipples, pinching and rolling them, Dean pushing Sam's jeans down and off. 

 

"Turn around." Dean's voice was husky and rough, like a perfect combination of whiskey and burnt sugar and Sam saw Dean taking out the bottle of lube. But no condoms this time. No, he thought to himself, not ever again. 

 

Sam turned around eagerly, moaning as Dean pressed two palms against the firm flesh, kneading the soft muscle, thumbs pulling at the cheeks to expose Sam's most private parts to him. God dammit it was hot... 

 

"Fuck Sammy..." Dean whispered and pressed one hand between Sam's shoulders, bending him down even more and Sam breathed heavily, stretching his arms above him, like he was praying, or, like what he was doing, surrendering. He was now Dean's for the taking, bent over and offering himself for Dean. 'Oh my God...' was the only thing Sam's brain could come up with when Dean's hand was on his cock again and on his balls, other hand still kneading his ass, and it was just perfect. He let out a surprised bark of breath when Dean suddenly got to his knees, and the next thing Sam felt was licking and sucking, tongue and lips when Dean started rimming him. 

 

At first it made Sam tense, just because of the surprise and the incredible sensation that made him shudder, but Dean kept going and Sam moaned and relaxed. And then there was a finger pushing into him and he almost yelped. Holy fucking god fucking finally! His head was spinning and his body was on fire.

 

Dean pulled out and Sam grunted as two slick fingers pushed in this time, fucking him open until Sam was ready to fall through the mattress, it felt so good. "Tell me if I hurt you, okay?" Dean whispered against Sam's back, kissing the sweaty skin. "Don't want to hurt you baby." Dean said, licking up Sam's back as he pushed in a third finger. 

 

Sam gasped. "I'm good... Oh God I'm good..." 

 

After a while of finger fucking Dean pulled out. "Hope you're ready." Dean said, and then Sam felt Dean pressing against his hole and then slowly pushing in, slowly, inch after agonizing inch. "You okay, Sammy?" Dean panted once he was seated deep inside Sam, his balls touching Sam's ass. He stayed still and Sam panted, sweat dripping down his face. Dean. Was. Big. And Sam felt like he had been impaled, which in fact he was. And it was amazing. Holy shit. This was so much better without the rubber between them, so much more intense and intimate. Dean's hand went around Sam's hips, reaching down to stroke Sam's cock, slow and steady, enough to keep Sam hard but not enough to bring him off and Sam moaned. 

 

"Fucking fuck me already, I'm dying here!" He gasped and rocked his hips to get Dean moving. 

 

"Fuck yeah." Dean groaned, pulling out slowly and then snapping back in, driving Sam hard against the mattress. Jesus but it felt good, being taken like this. Dean bent forward, an arm wrapped around Sam's waist, driving himself deeper. And while Dean started giving it to him hard and fast, making Sam almost slide forward with the force of his thrusts, Sam came to a blurry conclusion that if being fucked like this made him this hard and horny, then if he had ever questioned it before, now he had his answer. He was a total sub. 

 

"Sam... Sammy... so beautiful... so, so beautiful. Been wanting this..." Dean whispered and Sam groaned. 'Oh hell yeah me too', Sam thought just as Dean's cock brushed against his prostate and that made him see stars and keen and arch his back, pressing himself against Dean's chest. 

 

"Oh yeah... you like that." Dean said and Sam moaned, rocking back to Dean's thrusts as they sent the sparks of pleasure through his body again and again. Mouth on the back of Sam's neck, teeth catching on soft skin, leaving marks... perfect. Dean's one arm stayed wrapped around Sam's waist, keeping him steady while the other one sneaked around Sam's hips, fingers curling around Sam's cock as he started stroking in tandem to his own thrusts. 

 

Sam groaned when Dean sped up, going faster and faster, harder and harder until Sam was sure they would fall of the bed, and then he felt Dean's hips snapping into him slightly differently, felt Dean's cock pulse deep inside him, and as Dean fucked Sam through his orgasm, fingers tightening on Sam's cock, Sam came only a moment after Dean did, whimpering and trembling. 

 

Holy shit. That was intense. 

 

"You okay?" Dean whispered as he pulled out slowly. Sam grunted and winced a little but managed to say 'yeah'. It was about as smart as he would get for the next few minutes with the orgasm making his brain blurry and his body boneless. 

 

They spent few minutes just trying to catch their breaths and calm down their beating hearts. “Shower...” Dean finally grunted and they showered together, kissing under the warm spay of water. "I love you..." Dean whispered against Sam's lips, pulling closer and wrapping his arms around Sam's waist, hugging him such that his chest was pressed up against Sam's back. He rested his head in the middle of Sam's shoulder blades, hands caressing small circles into Sam's belly. Sam let out a breath. 

 

"I know." Sam whispered back. "And I love you so much it sometimes hurts." He swallowed. "I can't live without you, Dean. I don't want to." He took a deep breath and turned around, their soap-slick bodies making the movement easy. He pulled Dean close, other arm around Dean's waist, other hand holding the back of Dean's head, caressing the moist hair, memorizing the shape of his skull even when he remembered every shape of Dean's body already, knew it as well as he knew his own. He pressed his forehead against Dean's, felt the warm breaths on his face, and all he wanted to do was kiss Dean, kiss him until the outside world would melt away and disappear and there would be nothing but the two of them and Sam wouldn't know where he ended and Dean begun. 

 

“I still want more...” Sam breathed. Even after the orgasm that had almost made him black out, it seemed that his appetite was not fulfilled just yet. “You feel so good inside me. Just you, without anything between us...”

 

Dean smiled softly, hands reaching up to clutch at Sam's shoulders, blunt nails digging into soft, warm flesh. "I know the feeling." He whispered. He looked into Sam's eyes and saw the desire reflected in them, darkening them with heat and Dean's own smoldered in response. He could never resist Sam. He didn't want to. 

 

Their lips met softly, and as Dean's mouth met his own, Sam felt his head spinning and his world turning. It was like he was a dry desert, and Dean was fresh and clean rain, making him alive and fertile again. It was liberating. It was amazing. Sam's breathing became shorter and harsher with every slide of tongue, every hungry dive into that perfect mouth until his head was spinning and his legs felt weak. But if he thought he felt weak then, it was nothing compared to when Dean suddenly dropped down on his knees. Sam's breath hitched in his throat, abs tensed, mouth opened in anticipation because he knew, yes, he knew what this meant, and even the thought alone made his dick throb painfully between his legs and even when he had just came like twenty minutes ago, he was still afraid he would come the moment Dean's mouth touched him. 

 

And then Dean sucked the head in between his lips, licking at the slick tip as his hands played with the shaft, the balls, the sensitive skin behind them... and then he rubbed the tip of one finger around the ring of muscle that was still slick and loose from earlier, and Sam let out a choked cry when Dean sucked him down and at the same time pushed three fingers inside him, all at once. It was almost too much. Almost, and yet it wasn't nearly enough. Good, but never enough when Sam knew what else Dean had to give. No matter how often Dean did these things to him, it was always amazing and Sam gladly let Dean turn him into a mindless mess, begging and pleading and crying for more. 

 

Dean moaned once his nose was buried in Sam's pubic hair. Sam looked down, eyes glassy, the obscene sight made him squeeze his eyes shut tight and throw his head back against the shower booth wall with and audible thud. Sam panted, hips fighting to stay still and not drive mindlessly

into the wet heat as he felt how Dean pulled off slowly, all the way such that only the head of his cock remained in his mouth before plunging forward again just as his fingers pressed against Sam's prostate. 

 

Sam's knees buckled before he found his balance again, the burn inside him making him unable to breath and he gasped for air until a desperate sound that he didn't recognize as his own voice escaped his mouth. And then he was spilling curses and endearments mixed together, clawing the wall trying to find something to hold on because with every suck, with every brush against his prostate Sam felt weaker and weaker, his thighs trembled, he whined low in his throat, every single thought vanished from his head, unable to do nothing but feel, just... feel. 

 

"Dean..." Sam choked out. "Please... please, I can't, I can't... in me, please Dean, please now..." He was going to pass out if Dean didn't fuck him again and soon, threw him over the edge and owned him because Dean was the only one who could do that. 

 

Dean pulled his mouth and fingers away, got up and looked at Sam, fire burning in his eyes, erection hot and heavy against Sam's thigh. “Bed. Now.” Dean simply said and they fumbled back to the messed up sheets that smelled like sex and desire and them.

 

Sam was lost in sensations. He felt hot, so hot it was like the heat was scorching his insides, and that simple grunt, "Bed. Now.", had made another wave of arousal wash over him, so strong it hurt. His body was on fire, his every cell hypersensitive, and when Dean pushed him down to the bed... to Sam it felt like a victory. He loved every kind of sex with Dean, but when Dean got like this... Rough, dominating, demanding... It was like Sam had a permission to be weaker than Dean, and he was. He was always weaker than Dean when his Dean got like this, and Sam loved it. 

 

Sam watched Dean with hooded eyes, drinking in the sight of Dean's body, his strong muscles, beautiful hands... and then he didn't see Dean's hands anymore as his fingers plunged into Sam's ass again, making Sam's back arch with pleasure. "So beautiful... my Sammy..." Dean whispered, lips pressing urgent kisses against the swollen ones under him as his body covered Sam's, Sam's legs on either side of his hips, one lifted to wrap around his waist so that Dean could reach so deep inside him. Sam keened and panted so fast as the fingers did incredible things inside him. 

 

Dean kissed Sam deeply when he pulled his fingers out only to guide himself into him. Dean moaned as his cock sunk inside Sam, and Sam felt Dean's body tremble. Dean kept pushing in deeper and deeper until he was balls-deep, driving Sam out of his mind with the overwhelming pleasure that made him see stars and cry out loud. 

 

"Love you so much, baby." Dean whispered into the heated skin of Sam's neck. 

 

"Love you too..." Sam panted. "Love you, want you, need you..." 

 

Dean whispered soft endearments to Sam, hands caressing wherever they could, and Sam reached to touch Dean, hands trying to touch every single inch of that heated skin. And then Dean started moving, his arms wrapped around Sam tight, his cock moving in and out only by a couple of inches and Sam whined and growled, wanting more, wanting it hard and rough, the way that would throw them both into sweet oblivion. Dean only kept it up for a few moments before he twisted, throwing his weight to the side and took Sam along with him. Then he was laying on his back with Sam on top, his cock still buried deep inside. Sam looked Dean in the eyes, those deep, green eyes that reflected the lust in his own eyes. 

 

"Ride me, Sammy." Dean whispered hoarsely. "I wanna see you fuck yourself on me. Wanna see you lose control." Dean groaned, hands holding Sam's hips lightly, not gripping or controlling but just resting there. Sam didn't need to be told twice, he straddled Dean so that Dean sank inside him so deep that Sam was sure he could taste Dean in his throat. He stayed still for few seconds, body rigid and unmoving, back arched and head thrown back, and then he started to move, to ride Dean hard and fast, feeling Dean filling him to the core over and over again until his rhythm started faltering and his balls drew up, the pressure climbing higher. 

 

"Are you close?" Sam gasped, looking Dean in the eyes again, riding him faster and faster, rolling his hips to feel Dean's cock abusing his prostate the sweetest way ever. "I'm so close... Dean, I'm so close... Come with me, come with me, please..." He clenched his ass muscles, intending to milk Dean dry, and a bestial scream escaped his mouth as he couldn't hold on any longer and came so hard he saw white. He kept riding Dean hard and fast through his orgasm, every thrust making his orgasm last longer and longer until he felt like he couldn't breath.

 

Dean couldn't handle more than just a 'Nngh' in answer as Sam writhed on top of him, lighting every nerve on fire with pleasure until Sam was screaming his release, clamping down on his cock in a vice grip and Dean arched his back, a keening whine escaping him when he emptied into Sam. 

 

Sam went completely still for a second before his body started spasming, aftershocks ravishing his body, all strength leaking out of his body, and he collapsed against Dean's chest, sweaty, out of breath, barely conscious. His head was resting on Dean's shoulder, their bodies slick with sweat and come, and Sam was too weak to even move.


	29. Read Between The Lines

As weeks passed, Gordon's feelings turned from furious to desperate. He had thought everything, every possibility to get out of this place, and the thing he came up with? Nothing. If only he could reach the outside world, make just one single phone call without being listened while he talked... But no. Kirby wasn't called maximum security facility for nothing.

 

He thought and thought, but the only result was that he started feeling like his head was going to explode any second. Still, there had to be a way...

 

He didn't belong here. This place was a loony bin.

 

The only good thing was that Gordon's body was starting to adjust to the sedatives and other drugs that were pumped into him on daily basis. Of course he didn't show it, just acted like he was still halfway out of this world and so the doctors didn't increase his dose. Day by day thinking got easier when his mind wasn't clouded by chemicals anymore. And then one day he figured it out. A way out of this place. 

 

Christ, why hadn't he thought about that earlier? He had a right to meet his relatives, prisoner or not. It was his civil right, and he knew exactly who he wanted to meet. Of course he would have to meet that relative here, in this place, because there was no way he was getting out to of here and sit down at some café and have espresso with his cousin. 

 

God he missed espresso... The coffee here was like something between horse piss and toxic waste. And the food... No wonder he had lost weight. But that would change as soon as he would be out of here. 

 

Gordon acted all regretful when he forced himself to plead for a chance to meet his cousin. He hated it because Gordon Walker never pleaded for anything, he just did or took what he wanted, but well... Desperate times, desperate measures... 

 

The warden – fucking Nazi if you asked Gordon - was 'kind' enough to agree on Gordon's request when Gordon explained that his cousin was his only living relative, especially when during the last month Gordon had behaved exemplary, taken part on therapy sessions – which he had hated by the way - and even addressed his regret of what he had done – which he had hated even more -. 

 

Gordon was pleased when he returned to his room. 

 

A room? It was a prison cell, but he didn't care much about that anymore, not when he knew that he would be out soon. 

 

His cousin, Greg, would be his ticket out of here. Greg was younger than Gordon, adored his older cousin and would do anything for him without questioning, but was also sharp as hell. When Gordon wrote him a letter, telling how lonely he was in this place and how he just wanted to see Greg, he smiled to himself. There was nothing in that letter that would raise suspicions with the people who would read the letter before sending it, but like Gordon had mused earlier, Greg was sharp and would easily read between the lines written. 

 

Gordon laid down on his bunk and closed his eyes. Just a little longer, and he would get his freedom.

 

And his revenge.

 

*

 

Dawn decided that her work was done. Sam and Dean had recovered amazingly well, and Dawn simply didn't know what else she could do anymore. The boys were happy together, closer than ever, and there was also the thing that sooner or later they would have to return to their normal lives. The sooner the better.

 

John agreed. Even Mary did, even when the thought about his boys leaving made her feel kinda teary but at the same time she was happy that things had turned out fine. And besides,the boys would be only one hour drive away. 

 

John told Dean to take few weeks off from work just to settle down with Sam and said he'd handle the company during that time, just like he had done while Dean had been recovering. 

 

Dean was grateful for that. 

 

They decided that Sam and Dean would stay for one more week and then return to their own apartment, and Dean refused to hear Sam's protests of how it was Dean's apartment, not his. Finally Dean got sick of Sam's explanations and reasoning and decided to just say it how it was.

 

“You agreed to move in with me. In fact you already did.” Dean said, practically cornering Sam. “You have the keycard to the place, all your stuff is there, and unless something has made you change your mind, I really don't see what's your problem.”

 

“But the rent--” Sam tried but Dean stopped him before he got any further.

 

“I own that apartment. There is no rent.”

 

“But I haven't found a job yet, and I'm out of money. I wanna pay my share of the living costs.”

 

Dean sighed. “I still owe you a hundred grand. And you have a credit card.”

 

“Yeah, which you gave me and pay for!” 

 

Dean groaned, frustrated. Finally he took his sternest look and forced Sam to meet his gaze. “Do you want to live with me or not?”

 

Sam blinked. “Of course I do, it's just--”

 

“Okay.” Dean said, voice calmer now. “Let's make a deal. I can't cook. Hell, put me into a supermarket and I don't even know what to do there! So, Sam, this is the deal; you do the grocery shopping and cook, and I get a warm meal every day. If it makes you feel any easier, that is your new job. Until you find something.” Dean smiled. “Deal?”

 

Sam shook his head but grinned nevertheless. “Deal.” He finally said.

 

“Good.” Dean looked pleased. “Another week here and then we go home. Our home. And if you even try to bring this up again, I'll drag you to the bedroom and stuff your mouth full of something that prevents you from speaking. Understood?”

 

“Totally.”

 

After all, even when Sam didn't bring it up again, they still ended up in bed where Dean did exactly what he had promised. After that Dean returned the favor, and to be honest Sam was slightly excited of the prospect of going home with Dean.

 

Another week. What could possibly go wrong?

 

*

 

Gordon sat on a chair, looking at Greg who was sitting at the other side of the plastic table between them. Family meetings were private, but Gordon was still careful with what he said.

 

“I've been thinking...” He started. “Remember the time when we took that holiday and flew to Panama few years ago?”

 

Greg nodded. “It was a great vacation.” He said, and they both knew what the other one was thinking. Not only the cheap booze and beautiful landscapes, but also a hooker they had rented. A hooker that had experienced the biggest surprise of her life when Gordon and Greg had had their way with her and by now she was now probably just a skeleton in a shallow grave in the middle of the jungle.

 

“I know I'll never get out of this place.” Gordon said, still looking at his cousin. “But if things hadn't turned out this way... I'd love to see more of the world.”

 

And just like Gordon had known, Greg could read between the lines.

 

“We're almost out of time.” He said, taking a glimpse at the clock on the wall. “But it was good to see you, Gordon. I'll write you in few days, and I'll come back to see you as soon as I can.”

 

What Greg really meant was 'I won't write you but I'll get you out of here in few days', and Gordon smiled. 

 

“Thanks. It's really good to have family like you.”

 

“We're blood.” Greg said as he stood up. “I'd never abandon you.”

 

Yeah, Gordon thought when Greg had been escorted out and Gordon was taken back to his room. It really was good to have family like his cousin. Two days? Gordon had to give it to him, the guy was even better than he had imagined.


	30. Almost Didn't Count

Three days later, Gordon was standing in the shadows beside the Wichester's house. 

 

Breaking out had been almost too easy, and Gordon promised himself never again underestimate his cousin's skills. What could he say? Money talked, shit walked, and after Greg had had a small discussion with a night guard on duty, turned out that people who were overloaded with work and underpaid for doing that work were not that hard to negotiate with, especially when they were promised million dollars for their services.

 

Gordon wanted to laugh out loud, but he had to keep quiet. Still he couldn't help the amused smirk that crept on his face. He had literally walked out of Kirby, with guard's uniform and fake ID and the bribed guard who had drove him to the place where the money transfer was supposed to take place. And where Gordon had shot the guard in the head since why waste million bucks to some sloppy scumbag? Gordon rolled his eyes.

 

He was crouching under a slightly opened window, apparently the kitchen, since he could smell food and hear people talking. He recognized John's voice immediately, and then there was laughter. Gordon's lips curled into a menacing smirk. 

 

They wouldn't be laughing for much longer.

 

It had been almost too easy to track them down. The number was on the telephone book, and so was the address. Greg had called the Winchesters just before they had drove here, pretending to be a phone salesman selling magazines or something, to make sure that the family was at home.

 

Gordon listened more carefully, and then he heard Dean's voice, and then Sam's. It made his blood boil with rage and he had to calm himself down before he did something stupid like jump through the window and kill them on the dinner table. Well, killing was the plan, but he had to wait. He wanted everyone to be asleep before he entered the house and slaughtered them one by one. He would start with Sam and Dean, creep into their room and silence them. Not kill them yet though, just make sure that they wouldn't be able to make any sounds at all while he'd go through the rest of the house, kill John, then John's precious wife and then his daughter.

 

Gordon thought about that. Maybe he wouldn't kill the girl right away. He could rape her in front of her big brother, and then kill her and have his fun with Sam and Dean before killing them. Yes, that was exactly what he was going to do.

 

Gordon flinched when Greg appeared from around the corner. His cousin? Smart, sure, but not very smooth, and Gordon gestured him to be more careful and not make any noise. He didn't want the fun end before it had even begun.

 

He knew that by now every damn cop and other member of law enforcement was looking for him, but he wasn't worried. He only needed few more hours, and then he would disappear for good. There was a private jet already waiting for him at the nearby field, ready to take him where ever he wanted to go. Those nazi cops would never find him. 

 

*

 

Sam was enjoying the dinner. Not only the food, but also the company. Family. The conversation came easily and even when Sam had been doubtful at first, Dean's family had welcomed him in with open arms, even after finding out what exactly his relationship with Dean was. In fact,it didn't seem to bother them at all. Sam hadn't been so worried about how Mary and Angie would take it, but it still surprised him how well John was taking it. The only thing John had done was to ask Sam and Dean spare him from the details. Sam grinned. 

 

It was almost 10:30pm when they finally decided it was time to head to their rooms. Dean took Sam's hand and they retreated to their bedroom where Dean kissed Sam silly. Too tired to do anything more than kiss and grope each other, they decided to call it an early night, stripped, and slipped under the blanket. 

 

Four more days and they would head back home. Not that Sam had any thoughts about this place being his home as well, and it made him even happier. After not having a real home for years, he now had two. And a family. Wonderful, loving, caring family that made him feel like the luckiest man on earth. 

 

And he had a life partner. A wonderful, loving, caring man who was everything Sam had ever wanted but never before been even wished to have. And yet here he was, with Dean who mumbled something in his sleep and pulled Sam closer to his body.

 

Sam closed his eyes and was still smiling when he fell into a deep, restful sleep.

 

*

 

Gordon waited until all the lights in the house were out, and then he waited some more, just to be sure. Greg stood beside him, seemingly excited about the fact that Gordon had promised to share Sam, Dean, and the little sister with him. 

 

Around 11:30 they sneaked to the back door, Greg picked the lock open without making a sound and they listened for a while. Nothing but silence greeted them, so they stepped inside, leaving the back door open and headed deeper into the house, soft sneakers walking soundlessly along the floor.

 

It was a nice house. Of course it was, considering the rich bitches that lived there. The stairs didn't creak when they headed upstairs and studied it. Gordon peeked through one open door, saw John and his slut wife, both in deep sleep. Good. Then he checked the other open door and caught a glimpse of blond hair on the pillow. So, that was the little sister then... Her face was turned away, but considering how pretty Dean was, Gordon was sure the girl wouldn't be a disappointment either. Especially with her beautiful features twisted in pain and begging for Gordon to stop, and then Greg. Hmmm, maybe he'd take the girl with him. Have her as his own personal sex slave... at least until he would grow bored of her.

 

There was one more door. It was closed, but Gordon didn't need to look inside to know that that was the room where Sam and Dean slept. Gordon took two syringes out of his pocket and handed one for Greg. This would have to be done fast. One yell and it could ruin everything.

 

The door opened without making a sound and for a second Gordon just stood there, looking at those two – a whore and a whore's lover – in the dim moonlight that illuminated the room. But there was no time to waste, so he gestured Greg to follow him, walked silently to the bed and took the cap off the syringe at Sam's side while Greg did the same beside Dean's sleeping form. 

 

Gordon was more than happy to see that Sam's arm was not under the blanket but rested by his side, and Gordon could see a vein easily. 

 

Sam's eyes opened slowly when a sting on his arm pulled him out of his dream, but at the same moment he started feeling drowsy, like he was pulled under water, and he thought he saw-- And his blood felt like it was turning into ice in his veins.

 

He fought to move or at least keep his eyes open, but it felt impossible and no matter how much he fought against the darkness that was swallowing him, a cold voice in his head told him that he had already lost the battle. 

 

The last thing he heard, or thought he heard before the darkness claimed him was a loud yell of anger, and then a loud bang. But he couldn't be sure because the next second everything went black.

 

Greg was about to inject Dean, when some primitive instinct made Dean's eyes open wide, and what he saw...

 

Greg quickly pushed a hand against Dean's mouth, almost covering his nostrils too and it was hard to breath. Dean growled against the hand that was suffocating him, and Greg had to struggle with one arm to expose Dean's arm which wasn't easy since now that Dean was fully awake he was fighting back with everything he had. Gordon's face had turned irritated and frustrated as he left Sam's unmoving body and went to the other side of bed to help his cousin.

 

Suddenly there was a yell – or more like a roar – coming from the door and it took both Gordon and Greg by surprise so much that Greg's hand slipped away from Dean's mouth as they both looked at the door, and then there were two loud gunshots.

 

Greg dropped to the floor instantly, but Gordon was so stunned he didn't even feel the pain yet. He just kept shifting his eyes from John, standing on the doorway with a gun still pointed at him, to his chest where his shirt started turning dark red as the blood poured out of the gunshot wound. 

 

“I warned you.” John said with a cold voice, rage barely hidden underneath it, and Gordon opened his mouth but no words came out because even when he hadn't felt the pain before, he was definitely feeling it now. 

 

His heart stopped before he even hit the floor.

 

Dean was in shock. For a moment he couldn't speak, couldn't think, couldn't even move, he just stared at his father with wide eyes until the shock turned into panic when he realized that Sam wasn't moving, wasn't doing anything.

 

“SAM!!!” Dean screamed, but Sam didn't hear that.

 

*

 

Sam woke up slowly. He was feeling weird. He remembered Gordon and some other guy, he remembered the second he had realized that he had been injected, and he remembered thinking 'heroin... not again'. But he wasn't feeling bad like after waking up after being drugged with heroin. He didn't feel nauseous, didn't even have a headache.

 

Was he dead?

 

Slowly he took in his surroundings. He was in bed, and he recognized the room. It was the same room where he had lost consciousness, so apparently he wasn't dead. He had no idea why he felt so calm, just turned his head to the side and experienced the first emotion through his numbness which was surprise, since there was John, sitting on a chair beside the bed, looking at him. 

 

“W-what... happened...?” Sam whispered, confused, since even though he remembered bits from here and there, his mind was still foggy and confusing things.

 

John just sighed, and it was a sight of regret and self-accusation. “I should have been more careful. I'll never forgive myself that.”

 

“They...” Sam swallowed. “T-they drugged me... with... something...” 

 

“Midazolam.” John answered. “It's used as prep-anesthetic in surgeries. The doctor checked you. You're fine. Might feel a little tired for a while but it'll pass.”

 

Sam closed his eyes. “Gordon?

 

“Dead.” John said with a tone that Sam didn't quite recognize. “So is his cousin, the other man who was here.”

 

Sam nodded. The loud bang he thought he had heard... 

 

“Did you...?” 

 

“Yes.” John answered without even hesitating. He remembered waking up to a feeling that something was wrong, terribly wrong, and for the first time he was honestly glad of the things and instincts Vietnam had taught him. “I called the police as soon as I had called the doctor.”

 

Police... Sam swallowed even harder. John had shot two people. Did it mean that now he would--

 

It was like John had read Sam's mind. “It was self-defense. There will be no consequences.”

 

Sam was honestly relieved to hear that, but he had to work really hard to steel himself before asking the question he had held back because he was too afraid of what the answer might be. 

 

“Dean...?” Sam whispered so quietly it was hardly audible. John saw how scared Sam was and brushed a bang of hair off Sam's forehead, smiling softly. “Sleeping in the next room. The intruders didn't have time to drug him but the doctor had to sedate him because he was screaming and panicking and we couldn't convince him that you're not dead.” After a moment of silence John looked at Sam, the boy he had learned to consider a part of his family, and the look in his eyes turned softer. “It's all over now.” He said quietly. “It's really over.”

 

Sam nodded again. He believed John. Gordon was dead. It really was finally over. “I want to see Dean...”

 

John smiled. “I'll take you to him.” And since Sam was still a bit out of it, John helped him out of bed and supported him while leading him to the master bedroom, laying him beside Dean who was sleeping, breaths even and calm. And when Sam was next to him, arms around Dean and head resting against Dean's shoulder, he felt like he could finally breath.


	31. Waking Up To You

Dean's world was slowly swimming into focus. Very slowly. He was in bed and feeling like he had slept for about three years or something, his head felt stuffy, like it was full of cobwebs and dust. And he didn't like that feeling, not one bit, so he fought against the drowsiness and tried to clear his mind, tried to make some sense to why he was feeling like that at the first place.

 

Slowly he started remembering things, bits and pieces. Opening his eyes. Seeing Gordon. The suffocating hand pressing against his face. Dad... 

 

Dad had... Dad had shot Gordon. Just like that. Dean closed his eyes again and decided that it was a good thing. 

 

What had happened after that? Dean's mind was still foggy and unclear. Police. A doctor. 

 

Sam.

 

Sam, unmoving and unresponsive beside him. Dean swallowed thickly. Sam... He now remembered how he had panicked, refusing to let go of Sam's limp body when the doctor had arrived because Sam was his, HIS goddammit and he didn't want anyone touching Sam, not his Sammy, the light and love of his life. Dean's chest constricted painfully. Sam...

 

He remember his Dad trying to talk to him, the doctor talking, Saying that Sam was only unconscious but what the fuck, they were just trying to comfort him, nothing more, because Sam was...

 

Dean couldn't even think about that word. No. Just no. Why???

 

He felt painful tears crowding behind his closed eyelids. Everything had been so good... And then Gordon had destroyed it all. And even when Gordon was dead now... It didn't mean a thing. Gordon had won. After all these years, trying to break Dean, Gordon had finally succeeded.

 

Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing. 

 

“Sam...” Dean whispered and felt a tear fall down his cheek. “Sammy...”

 

Sam had dozed off while waiting for Dean to wake up, and it was the silent whisper that pulled Sam out of his sleep. “Dean...?” Sam whispered and turned from his back to his flank to look at Dean who looked like the weight of the world had been laid on his shoulders. “Hey babe.”

 

Dean's eyes opened wide, and for a brief moment he thought that he was either hallucinating or gone insane, both seemingly very plausible options because Sam, Sam had been--

 

“You slept a long time.”

 

Jesus Christ, that was Sam's voice! Dean turned to face the direction where the voice had came from and for a moment he could do nothing but stare, because there was Sam, SAM, so familiar, slanted hazel eyes sleepy and a small smile on his face, and dammit, if this was some kind of hallucination then Dean was ready and willing to stay insane for the rest of his life! 

 

“What's wrong?” Sam asked softly. “You look scared. No need to. It's over.”

 

It took a while before Dean could even find his voice, and the first thing that came out of his mouth was something he couldn't help: “Are you real?”

 

Sam smiled a little wider, dimples showing and Dean was ready to cry, thinking that he would never have a chance to see those dimples again. “Very.” Sam assured, reaching out to wipe away the tear that was sliding down Dean's cheek. “I'm alive.” Sam continued, remembering how John had told that Dean had been sure Sam was dead. “I was just unconscious. But I'm good now. I'm here. With you.”

 

It felt like some levee inside Dean was breaking. He surged forward, clutch onto Sam like his life depended on it and when he started crying, he just couldn't stop. Sam held him tight, whispering soothing words, and it was all just too much to handle at once. Dean realized that he was crying and laughing at the same time, hands roaming all over Sam's face and body, taking in every familiar feeling and sensation, and when he finally started kissing Sam he couldn't stop that either and didn't even care if he seemed like a madman right then because Sammy was alive, alive and warm and breathing and GOD!

 

“I...” Dean tried to speak through his sobs and laughter. “I... thought I lost... you. And then... You're here, and I'm... I need to... I need to do... something... can't keep losing... you, can't...”

 

“Not losing me.” Sam whispered, rubbing soothing circles around Dean's back. “I'm here. He's dead. Not losing me, Dean, ever.”

 

“Promise me.” Dean said, now with a clearer voice. “ You gotta promise me because I'd die without you.”

 

Sam smiled gently and kissed Dean softly. “I promise.” He whispered against Dean's lips. “Come hell or high water, I'm never letting go of you.” 

 

After that Dean seemed to calm down. Minutes passed while they just kept looking at each other, realizing how close the end had been. But they had made it. After kidnapping and torture, they had made it together, and this last thing had ended before it had even really started, and there was no need to be scared anymore. And yet both of them knew that this, what had happened just last night, was something they had to process, that they couldn't just wipe it under the carpet and pretend that everything was fine. It had been a close call. Too close, and they both knew that they would have to talk about it; the fear, the terror. It was all over now, but they needed a closure before they could really move on.

 

“Think Dawn would have some time on her schedule for us?” Dean asked and hiccuped. “Coz I think we should see her. Or someone. Talk, you know?” 

 

And that came from Dean Winchester, the master of ultimate self-denial. Sam pressed his forehead against Dean's and couldn't help the tear that fell down his own cheek.

 

“I'm sure she does.” Sam whispered. “We'll call her tomorrow. Now... I just wanna hold you close. So close I don't know where I end and you begin.”

 

Dean smiled through his tears. “Sounds like a fucking good plan.”


	32. When Least Expected

The next day Dean called to Dawn's office and was surprised when instead of her secretary Dawn herself answered the phone.

 

“Hi...” Dean started, not really knowing how to start now that he had Dawn on the other end of the line. Dean cleared his throat. “Ummm... Sam and I were just thinking... I know that we ended the therapy some time ago but... something happened few nights ago and... Well, we were just thinking if you, maybe, would have a time to see us?”

 

“I know what happened.” Dawn said quietly. “Well, not all of it, but the basics at least. It was on the news.” She was quiet for a while. “I'm really glad you called, Dean. I mean it. And if you two need to talk, I can arrange some time. Tomorrow? 10Am?”

 

“We'll be there.” Dean said and ended the call.

 

“So?” Asked Sam who had been standing behind Dean. Dean turned around and pulled Sam close.

 

“Tomorrow at ten.” He whispered against Sam's shoulder. “It was on the news. I think she had already cleared her schedule.”

 

Sam swallowed. He knew that talking about it would be the only way to get over it, but at the same time he was slightly scared. The last time therapy had helped, a lot, but it had also been really painful to start processing things, and he honestly didn't know how much more of fear and pain he could take.

 

“I know what you're thinking.” Dean said, now looking Sam in to his eyes. “But this needs to be done. Hell, I'm scared too. But not as scared as I would be if you weren't there with me...” Dean tried to smile, wondering how all this had changed him, how he for the first time in his life didn't feel uncomfortable confessing his weaknesses or fears. Sam had changed him, slid under his skin and Dean didn't even know when exactly that had happened, but he was grateful for it. He had never been able to be completely open, not even with his own family, always thinking that he was expected to be strong and invincible, like nothing could touch him, but Sam had showed him that there was nothing wrong in being weak once in a while. Sam, who loved him with all his weaknesses and insecurities he had buried in the back of his mind, somewhere so deep they had never seen the light of day. Until Sam. 

 

“You saved me.” Dean said quietly, and when Sam opened his mouth, Dean continued before Sam had a chance to say otherwise. “You saved me from myself. I don't know where I would be or what I would do if I hadn't found you.”

 

Sam smiled a little, Dean's words making him feel warm inside and his heart fill with so much love it was almost too much to handle all at once.

 

“Guess we saved each other then...” Sam whispered and placed a soft kiss on Dean's forehead. “Because I don't know what I'd do without you.”

 

Dean closed his eyes, once again feeling incredibly lucky to have this, to have Sam. “Good. That's good. Because...” Dean swallowed and took a deep breath. “Because I can't keep losing you. I just, can't, you know?” This time Dean's voice was strained and pained. Sam took Dean's face between his palms and refused to let go before Dean looked at him.

 

“You haven't lost me.” Sam said firmly. “Ever.”

 

Dean's voice was still agonized. “But I almost did. Twice! And I can't keep... I can't keep almost losing you. It's killing me.”

 

“Dean...” Sam whispered, his lips only inches away from Dean's. “Almost doesn't count. And it's over now. For good.”

 

“But what if-”

 

“Listen.” Sam said, eyes full of tenderness. “What happened, happened. There's no need to be scared of something that might or might not happen. It's just a waste of time, and I don't want fear to be be a third party in this relationship. Okay? I just want you.”

 

Dean finally smiled a little. “God, what have you done to me?” He pulled Sam close to him. “I never, ever thought I could feel this way about anyone. You have seriously turned me into a girl or something...”

 

The corner of Sam's lip curled into a half grin. “Last time I checked you were one hundred percent man. Talking about how you feel doesn't make you any less man. It just makes you human.”

 

Dean couldn't help it, he started laughing. “I almost forgot that you have a degree on psychology. Just do me a favor. Don't try to shrink my head. I'll leave that to Dawn.”

 

“Got you laughing though, didn't I?” Sam smiled, now free and open. Dean nodded, still grinning.

 

“That's one of the reasons why I love you so much.”

 

*

 

Next morning they went to see Dawn. They both talked about their feelings of what had happened, and Dean even opened up about his fears of losing Sam. The session went well, but Dawn decided that they should still come again at least for few times more, and this time both boys agreed. 

 

* 

 

Back home Sam realized that he hadn't opened his cellphone for months, so he charged it and found at least ten voice mails from Will, the first few ones being irritated, telling Sam to put his cell on, but after that the messages got worried, and Sam couldn't believe he had totally forgot his request if Will could try to find some information about Ben. So he called Will.

 

“Jesus Christ man!” Will almost shouted. “Have you any idea how worried I've been???”

 

“I'm sorry...” Sam bit his lip. “Just... There are things that happened and I wasn't able to call anyone. Look, I'm really sorry, I am.”

 

“Like what?” Will asked, sounding nervous. “What happened?”

 

“It's a long story, but let's just say that I was in a hospital for a long time and then I guess I just had so much in my mind that I totally forgot about my phone.”

 

There was a moment of silence before Will spoke again. “A hospital?”

 

“Yeah. But hey, don't worry, everything's okay now.” 

 

“Yeah, right...” Will sighed. “Somehow everything always seems to be okay with you.”

 

“Will...”

 

“Don't worry, I'm not gonna pry, just wanted to let you know that I found some info you asked me to dig out.”

 

Sam's voice was slightly hesitant when he asked: “Yeah?”

 

Will told him what he had found out, and Sam felt himself grow cold.

 

*

 

When Dean saw Sam coming downstairs from their room, he instantly knew something was wrong when he saw Sam's face. He got up from his chair and walked to Sam with worry in his eyes. “What is it?”

 

Sam bit his lip. “I opened my cell. I had totally forgot about it, and I called Will.”

 

“And?” Dean asked, going through all possible scenarios in his head.

 

“I need to visit a hospital.” Sam said, looking down at his feet. Dean froze.

 

“Is Will...?”

 

“No.” Sam shook his head. “No, it's... it's not him. But I gotta go. Now.”

 

“I'm coming with you.” Dean stated with a voice that left no room for arguments, and Sam just nodded and walked out of the house, Dean following him right behind.

 

*

 

The hospital wasn't a quality one. It was small, dim lights lighting the corridors and the room was dark as Sam and Dean stood by the hospital bed, looking down at the pale, unmoving form under a thin sheet.

 

“They said he's in a coma.” Sam said quietly, feeling slightly sick as he looked at Ben. The boy couldn't been more than eighteen years old, but the shadows under his eyes and the slightly wrinkled forehead made him look like he had lived at least three lifetimes. Years of abuse was clearly visible, and when Gordon had said that Ben would live when Sam had asked that on the cruise had made Sam feel worried, but he certainly hadn't been expecting this. “The nurses said that there's a chance he will never wake up.”

 

Dean took a deep breath. “How did you get that information?”

 

“I lied.” Sam answered with a blank voice. “Told them I was his cousin. They don't really check anyone's backgrounds in a place like this.”

 

Dean moved his eyes from Ben to Sam. “We should get him out of here. To some hospital where he can get the best treatment possible.” 

 

Dean understood why Sam took this so personally. He knew that Sam saw himself in Ben, and that in some level Sam blamed himself for Ben's current state.

 

“We should.” Sam agreed after a long silence. “I can't believe I forgot about him...”

 

“Hey...” Dean searched for Sam's eyes. “Even if you would have searched Ben out the day you got out of the hospital, he was already in that state. There's nothing you could've done. So stop blaming yourself. Now, we just get him out of here and do our best, and hope that he wakes up. And then we hand him to Dawn, whether he wants it or not.”

 

“Yeah, let's do that.”

 

*

 

Two days later Ben was moved to a better hospital with better treatment, but Dean could see how Sam still blamed himself. It made him feel powerless because if he was honest to himself, there was nothing he could do to take those self-accusations away from Sam. And after watching Sam like that for two more days Dean decided it was enough. He grabbed Sam's hand and led him upstairs to their room, made him sit down and knelt between Sam's legs, looking up at him.

 

“I want you to stop that.”

 

“What?”

 

Dean sighed. “Mentally punishing yourself for something you had no control over. There was nothing you could have done, you hear me? NOTHING! So stop blaming yourself because it's not gonna do you any good and it certainly ain't helping Ben.”

 

Sam's face stayed blank. “I should've done something.”

 

“That's it.” Dean said and got up. “I'm calling Dawn.”

 

Sam got up and stopped Dean before he got out of the room. “You think that's gonna help?!”

 

Dean was dead serious when he looked at Sam. “I hope so, because the way you've been since we visited that hospital... Can't you see what you're doing to yourself? I don't want that. We just survived a fucking nightmare, and during the last few days the way you've been acting has been exactly the same as when we got out of the hospital. If you can't talk to me, then maybe you should talk to Dawn.”

 

“It's just...” Sam licked his dry lips. “What if he never wakes up again?”

 

Dean had to clench his teeth together before he could answer. “Well, then at least he's not in any pain.” It sounded harsh even to his own ears, but it was the truth, and after everything Ben had gone through, Dean wasn't even sure anymore if waking up from a coma would be a good thing. The aftermath of everything that had happened to him and Sam had been so painful that sometimes the only thing Dean had wanted to do was to scream his lungs out and tear the whole house apart. So, pain or oblivion? Dean had went through the pain and the shame, but he'd had Sam there with him all the time. Ben? In the hospital they had found out that Ben had been laying there in a coma for three months, and during all that time Sam and Dean had been the only ones who had even paid a visit. So Dean really didn't know which was for the best; to wake up and face the horrors, or sleep forever.

 

“You're right.” Sam said so quietly it was hardly audible. “There was nothing I could have done, and maybe that is the reason I feel so... I don't know. Frustrated. Helpless. If only-”

 

“Shhhh...” Dean whispered, went to Sam and gathered him in his arms. “Let me tell you something. After we got out, and everything that happened after that... I don't think I could have survived without you. So, as soon as Ben wakes up, we'll be there to help him. Okay?”

 

Sam frowned. “You don't even know him.”

 

“No, I don't.” Dean simply answered. “But I know you. And I know why you feel so connected to that boy. And because of that, and because I love you more than anything, I want to help, in any way I can. That good enough?”

 

Sam laid his head on Dean's shoulder. “I love you.”

 

Dean smiled softly, running his fingers through the soft curls on Sam's neck. “I know. And what's important to you is also important to me.”

 

“What if he doesn't wake up?”

 

Dean sighed against Sam's skin. “He will.”

 

“And how do you know that?”

 

“Because he's a fighter.” Dean said. “You see yourself in him. You're a fighter, Sam, and so is he. Just give it time and one of these days Ben will open his eyes. You told me everything about what happened to you when you were just a kid. And look at you now. You survived. More than that, you grew up amazing. It's not too late for Ben either.”

 

Sam closed his eyes. “Maybe it's you who should have degree in psychology...”

 

“Does that mean you feel better.”

 

Sam was quiet for a moment. “Yeah. I do. Thanks.”

 

“It's late.” Dean said. “Why won't we just go to bed and sleep. We can go visit Ben tomorrow if you want.”

 

Sam lifted his head from Dean's shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “Can I kiss you until I fall asleep.”

 

Dean smiled a little. “Like you needed to ask me that.”


	33. Darkness Brought To Daylight

The original one-week plan before returning to Dean's -and now Sam's too- apartment got delayed by another week. The boys visited Dawn two more times, and even when Sam didn't want to bring it up, Dean did, explaining how Sam felt guilt over what had happened to Ben. And when Sam finally agreed to talk about it, it seemed like Dawn got through to him, explaining that Sam couldn't take responsibility over someone else's cruelty.

 

They also visited Ben at least every other day, but so far there was no change in his condition, and the prognosis wasn't very good. When Ben had been first found from a ditch outside the city, he had been suffering from dehydration, broken bones, worst of them being a head injury that had caused the coma. 

 

After the last meeting with Dawn, Sam and Dean decided it was time to return to the real world and moved back into their apartment. There were tears in Mary's eyes as she hugged her boys and made them promise to visit often. Angela hugged them too and made them promise not to get themselves in any trouble. John repeated his order that Dean should stay out of office for at least few weeks, and Dean actually had nothing against that. There were so many things going on, and if he was totally honest to himself, he didn't miss work one bit. He only wanted to be with Sam, settle down with him, spend every waking moment and every night with him.

 

Sam had nothing against that either.

 

The hospital where Ben was now was only a short drive away, so they were still able to visit him. And even if Ben probably didn't have a clue of it, in some level Sam hoped that he did; that there was someone who cared for him. Dean was starting to feel the same way.

 

The day when Sam and Dean drove back to their apartment was a sunny one, not a cloud on the baby blue sky, and in a way it felt like a new beginning. They unpacked their stuff without any hurry, taking their time and talking about everything and nothing. 

 

At the end of the day both of them were so exhausted that they didn't even make dinner, didn't even order in, just went to bed and were asleep in less than a minute.

 

The next morning Sam woke up to the ringing of his cellphone. He reached at the nightstand without even looking and almost dropped the cell to the floor. “Mmmh?” He answered sleepily, wondering who on earth would be calling this early, even when he didn't even know what time it was. 

 

“Sam?”

 

Will. 

 

“I'm here...” Sam muttered, wondering what was so important it couldn't wait for few hours more.

 

“I need to speak with you.” Will said and Sam frowned. Will sounded odd. 

 

“Something happened?” Sam asked, forcing a yawn back down his throat. 

 

“Well, kind of...” Will said, still sounding odd. “I need to see you.”

 

Sam rubbed his eyes with his hand that wasn't holding the phone. “Can you give me few hours? I just woke up...”

 

“Two hours. Same place. See you.” Then Will hung up and Sam stared at his cell for a while, still not getting what could possibly be so important that it had made Will sound so agitated. He turned to look at his side and smiled a little, seeing how Dean was still soundly asleep, a cute little wrinkle between his brows like he was thinking really hard in his sleep. Sam placed a kiss against Dean's temple and got out of bed, careful not to wake Dean up. 

 

He was just leaving the apartment when Dean appeared from the bedroom, eyes still sleepy and his hair sticking into every direction. In Sam's opinion he looked simply adorable.

 

Dean stretched, enjoying the feeling of his spine popping into place and then realized that Sam had his shoes on and was also wearing his leather jacket. “Going somewhere?” 

 

“Just out.” Sam smiled. “Won't be long. I can pick up some groceries too, the fridge is empty.” 

 

“Oh... okay.” Dean scratched his neck. “Just come back soon. I miss you already...”

 

Sam closed the distance between them and kissed Dean, savoring the taste of his boyfriend. 

 

His life partner.

 

The idea made Sam feel all happy and giddy inside, so he kept kissing Dean a moment longer before he had to stop, simply because he was already late and if he kept kissing Dean even a second longer, they would end up on the couch or on the table or on the floor, and then Sam would really be late.

 

“See you later, sugar!” Sam smiled as he exited the apartment. Behind the closed door Dean smirked, amused. 

 

“Sugar...” He shook his head in amusement.

 

*

 

Maybe it had been the fact that Sam had been still half asleep when Will had called, or maybe there had been just too much other stuff going on inside his head, but now, as he was getting closer and closer to the café where him and Will had met the last couple of times, he couldn't help the memories flooding over his mind like a tide-wave. 

 

The black van and the men in it.

 

Useless struggle before the darkness took over.

 

Waking up to a nightmare...

 

Sam shook his head to clear his mind but was still slightly nervous, and even when he tried not to, he couldn't stop himself from checking his surroundings. There were no black vans, no men sitting or standing anywhere like they were waiting for him, and Sam sighed. He hated the feeling of paranoia. Gordon was dead, so why the hell was Sam this agitated?

 

Finally he entered the café and saw Will sitting in the corner table. 

 

“You're late.” Will said when Sam sat down.

 

“I know. I'm sorry.” The waitress came to take Sam's order and returned almost right away with a steaming double-latte. “You sounded pretty weird on the phone. Something happened?”

 

“Why were you at the hospital?”

 

Sam felt the coffee get stuck in his throat. This was definitely one subject he wasn't going to discuss with Will. So he lied. “I was mugged. Broke few ribs, stuff like that.”

 

“Whatever you say...” Will sounded irritated. “If you wanna keep your secrets, then by all means, keep them.”

 

Sam was starting to feel irritated too. “Is this why you asked me to come here?”

 

“No, not really. I was just curious. Actually I wanted to ask if you went to see Ben.”

 

“I did.”

 

“And?”

 

“You already know.” Sam pushed his latte away. “You told me. What is this really about?”

 

Will looked insecure for a while. Then he raised his gaze at Sam. “I was just thinking... I'd like to go see him too.”

 

Sam was genuinely surprised. That was really not what he had been expecting. “Then why don't you? You don't need my permission for that.”

 

“I know.” Will said quietly. “And I also know what happened to you. That's why I asked you to come here. To see if you can do it.”

 

Sam had absolutely no idea of what to say. Will knew? How? That's what he also asked him next.

 

“Dean Winchester, head of the Winchester Corp? Do you think something like that would stay a secret? And I know you were there too. I just needed to see that you're really okay.”

 

“I'm fine.” Sam stated and couldn't hide the anger in his voice. “Now, if you excuse me, I'd like to leave.”

 

“You don't need my permission to do that.” Will replied. Sam stood up and walked out, took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. So, if Will knew, then who else did? Suddenly Sam felt like he was naked on the street and everyone was staring at him. And yes, he realized that it was just his imagination, but it didn't really help. 

 

He walked to the nearest grocery shop, bought the essentials and hurried home. Dean saw right away that Sam was upset and couldn't help but wonder what had happened while Sam had been outside. He watched as Sam put the groceries to the fridge and then went to him, laid a hand on Sam's shoulder and asked what was wrong. 

 

Sam's answer was to get up and start unbuttoning Dean's shirt, and Dean was stunned. Sam started working to open up Dean's pants with feverish determination, and Dean was too stunned to do anything.

 

“Fuck me.” Sam groaned, starting to get undressed himself. “Now.” 

 

“Are you okay...?” Dean frowned a bit because Sam seemed seriously upset. 

 

“I will be as soon as I have you inside me.” Sam panted, craving for the sweet oblivion only Dean was able to give him. 

 

Dean finished undressing and they stood there, both naked, only few feet separating them. Sam closed the distance between them, and even when Dean knew that there was something bigger behind this than just a crave for sex, if this was what Sam needed now, Dean didn't find it in him to refuse Sam. But after he would find out just what had shook Sam so badly.

 

Although all his thoughts vanished when Sam got down on his knees and took Dean in his mouth, sucking like his life depended it and Dean groaned, threw his head back and tried to keep his feet steady. 

 

“Come on...” Dean growled and yanked Sam up. If this was how Sam wanted it, so be it. He dragged Sam to the kitchen counter, pushed him down on it on his stomach and started rimming him. He continued until Sam was begging and pleading for more. Then Dean grabbed Sam's wrist and held them behind Sam's back while with his other hand he guided himself inside Sam who screamed. Dean started a steady rhythm, going faster and deeper until he felt Sam tensing under him and finally allowed himself to come too. For a few moments after the only thing they could do was to try to calm down their ragged breaths and hammering hearts, but when they finally slid down to the kitchen floor, Dean looked Sam in the eyes, his face now serious.

 

“Wanna tell me what that was really about?” Dean asked, and Sam told him everything, and they stayed on the floor, Dean cradling Sam's head against his chest, feeling the tears of shame falling down his chest and abdomen. He gave Sam time, blocked his own thoughts away, and just concentrated on Sam.

 

“Look...” Dean finally said quietly. “I don't care if the whole world knows. The only thing I really care is right here in my arms.” He ran his fingers through Sam's soft brown hair. “I love you, and nothing will ever change that. Okay?”

 

“Okay...” Sam whispered and closed his eyes, and they stayed on the floor holding each other.


	34. Bitter Betrayal

It took a while to make Sam calm down, but when he finally did, Dean pulled him up from the floor, led him to the bedroom and stayed there until Sam fell asleep. Dean spent few minutes just looking at Sam, all the things Sam had told him running around his head. Finally he sighed, bent down and kissed Sam's temple and left the bedroom. He went to the living room, booted up his laptop and started doing some research.

 

After three hours Dean was furious. There was nothing about the kidnap on any news sites. 

Then why had Will made Sam believe that it had been all over the news?

 

And more importantly... How did Will know about the incident at the first place?

 

*

 

When Sam woke up he was feeling slightly better. He kept staring at the ceiling, not really thinking about anything. 

 

“Awake?” Asked Dean's voice from the door. Sam turned to look at him and nodded. Dean sighed and walked in, laid down to the bed next to Sam, wondering how to bring this up.

 

Finally he decided it was usually the best thing to go straight to the point. “The thing that happened back there...on the boat...” Dean bit his lower lip. “There's nothing about it in the net. Nothing. I guess Dad pulled some strings to make sure it wouldn't make it to the news.”

 

Sam was confused. “But Will knew...”

 

“And that really makes me wonder just how did he? There's absolutely no information whatsoever about what happened to us.” Dean sighed again before looking at Sam, looking worried. “Sam...” Dean said with a quiet voice. “Just how well do you know Will?”

 

*

 

Sam told Dean everything. About how he had met Will during his short period of working as an escort for a company where Will was still an employee. He told how him and Will had developed a friendship that had lasted years already. And now... after what Dean had told him... Sam started to have a feeling like he didn't know Will at all. Why had Will lied to him? Had he been lying? And if not... just... 

 

Nothing made sense. 

 

Will had been nothing but supportive, but when Sam thought about it now, Will had changed during the last four, five months. 

 

The moment when Sam had took the job Dean offered, to be specific. 

 

And this latest thing? Making Sam believe that everybody knew... 

 

Sam really wanted to meet Will, if for nothing else then at least to drag some answers out of him. Why was Will doing this? And how did he know when no one else did... 

 

All the possible answers Sam came up with only made him feel paranoid. He even started wondering if Will had had something to do with the whole kidnapping thing. Sam hated himself for questioning his friend's loyalty, but he couldn't shake the feeling that Will knew more than he was sharing. And on top of that, the hostility from Will's side hadn't gone unnoticed. 

 

Then again, Will had looked honestly crushed when he had asked Sam if he could go see Ben to the hospital. Will had asked where Ben had been transferred and Sam had told him the name of the hospital.

 

And suddenly Sam found himself thinking things that he didn't really want to.

 

He had told Will where Ben was.

 

And he knew now that it had been a terrible mistake.

 

“Dean!” Sam's eyes were wide and there was a hint of panic in them. “We gotta go to see Ben. Now.”

 

Sam felt cold, and prayed that he was wrong about all this, but somewhere deep inside he knew that he wasn't, and he just prayed it wouldn't be too late already.

 

*

 

“Yes, Ben.” The nurse in the hospital nodded, looking strangely happy. “We really didn't expect it to happen, but he woke up.”

 

“Where is he now?” Sam demanded.

 

The nurse smiled. “Ben's brother came to take him home about an hour ago.”

 

“His brother?”

 

“Yes.” The nurse smiled. “Will, Ben's big brother.”

 

“Where are they now?” Dean asked with a low voice, trying to keep himself calm. This was all going to hell in a handbasket. 

 

The nurse looked surprised. “He told me that he'd call you two. So. He...?”

 

“No, he didn't.” Sam answered, feeling rather desperate. There was something dark going on. Why had Will took Ben with him? Will certainly wasn't Ben's brother, and there was no reason for him to even care about Ben. 

 

What the hell was this about?

 

On their way out of the hospital, Sam looked at Dean, an this time there was fear in Sam's eyes. “We have to find them. I really didn't understand why Will wanted to know about where Ben was at the first place, but I have a feeling that when I gave him that information I made a huge mistake...”

 

“You didn't know...” Dean sighed but Sam noticed how worried Dean was too. “How could you have known? This is not your fault, you hear me? Not your fault. So stop blaming yourself.” 

 

“Easier said than-”

 

“-done, I know. But right now we need to focus. I need you to focus. We'll find him.” When Sam still didn't look convinced, Dean stopped him and forced Sam to look him in the eyes. “We'll find him. Okay? We will.”

 

Sam's cellphone rang, and reluctantly he dug the cell out of his pocket and answered. “Yeah?”

 

There was a brief silence at the other end of the line. Sam rolled his eyes. “Who's this?”

 

“If you want to see Ben alive...” The voice said. “I suggest you do exactly as I say, Sam.”

 

“Will.”

 

“Yeah, it's me. And like I said, you better listen because I'm done playing games. And don't you dare to interrupt me! You have 24 hours before I'll start skinning the precious boytoy alive so better pay attention. Everything you need to know has been sent to your email. Looks like you're gonna take a small vacation.” Will's voice sounded like he was smiling, and Sam could see that smile inside his head, but it wasn't a happy smile. “I don't think I have to remind you that if you call the cops, Ben dies. You try some stupid stunt, Ben dies. You do anything out of the instructions I've sent you, you can kiss Ben's ass goodbye. Are we clear?”

 

Sam felt sick in his stomach but Ben's life was on the line, so he agreed with a quiet “I understand.”

 

“Just one thing.” Sam said, closing his eyes. “How do I know that he's even alive anymore?” 

 

Will chuckled. “Well, I guess you just gotta trust me in this. But I can tell you one thing. It's not Ben who's important. I couldn't care less about that kid. It's you, Sam. I bet you're in the hospital now. I highly suggest that you run home, check your email and get your ass to the coordinates I've left you. Don't even think about of doing something stupid. I'm willing to trade Ben to you. So hurry Sam. 24 hours, and the time is not by your side.”

 

Click. The call ended.

 

“Sam?” Dean looked wary. “What was that?”

 

“We need to go home. Now.” Sam simply said and walked out of the hospital, Dean following him right behind.


	35. The Sacrifice

The Everglades are subtropical wetlands in the southern portion of the U.S. state of Florida, comprising the southern half of a large watershed. The system begins near Orlando with the Kissimmee River, which discharges into the vast but shallow Lake Okeechobee. Water leaving the lake in the wet season forms a slow-moving river 60 miles wide and over 100 miles long, flowing southward across a limestone shelf to Florida Bay at the southern end of the state. 

 

The Everglades are shaped by water and fire, experiencing frequent flooding in the wet season and drought in the dry season. It is also called a 'River of Grass' to describe the sawgrass marshes, part of a complex system of interdependent ecosystems that include cypress swamps, the estuarine mangrove forests of the Ten Thousand Islands, tropical hardwood hammocks, pine rockland, and the marine environment of Florida Bay.

 

Floods, hurricanes, swamps. Despite of canals, levees, and water control devices, most of The Everglades is simply marshlands.

 

The Everglade marshes were also a perfect place to get rid of a body. Miles and miles of wasteland. All it took was a shallow grave, and if the swamp didn't do the trick, alligators and other animals would. 

 

And that was where Will wanted to meet Sam. 

 

The instructions had been clear. Will wanted to make the trade in the middle of marshes, and when Dean looked in to it, he found that the area didn't have network coverage. So no cellphones, no tracking devices, nothing.

 

Will had planned it all out, not to even mention that if a person wasn't familiar with the marshlands, getting lost there was easier than easy. 

 

Sam had never been to Florida before. His flight had landed an hour ago and he was now sitting on the backseat of a cab on his way to see Will. He refused to think about of what may have happened to Ben. If there was a snowball's chance that Ben was still alive, Sam was ready to do this. 

 

Leaving in the middle of the night had made Sam feel bad, but this was something Sam had to do alone, and Will had made clear that if Sam didn't come alone, the deal was off, and that included Dean too. When Sam had closed the bedroom door, Dean sleeping safe and sound 

(“...just promise me you won't leave there without me, Sam...”)

Sam sighed.

(“I promise. I'll wake you up 3am and then we leave.”)

 

Somehow Sam had a feeling that Dean hadn't believed a single word he had said, but he really couldn't blame Dean for that. Sam had lied. He had left the apartment around 2am and took a night flight to Florida. 

 

And there he was. 

 

Even when it was night, the air was hot and moist, making Sam's clothes cling to his skin, the atmosphere oppressive and desperate. Or maybe Sam just felt desperate. How the hell was he supposed to get to the middle of the marshes?

 

“You look lost.” Came a voice behind Sam and he turned around, only to come face to face with Will. It took all Sam's willpower to not take a swing at Will right then and there, but there were more important things on the line, but Sam promised himself that if he ever made out of Florida alive, then Will would get a beating of his lifetime.

 

The thing that hurt the most was that Sam was looking at familiar face he had considered as his friend for more than five years, and now things had came crashing down. Will was not who Sam had thought he was. Had been, but not anymore. What had changed?

 

“Why are you doing this?” Sam asked quietly. Will smiled. It was almost a gentle smile.

 

“Not here.” Will said and turned around, heading out. “I'll tell you everything when we're there.”

 

“Marshes?”

 

“Just shut up for now.” Will looked back at Sam and his eyes were cold. “Ben doesn't have much time.”

 

*

 

Will had thought about everything. He led Sam into a pick-up truck. A perfect car if the driveway wasn't practically nothing more than old gravel roads and mud. Sam stayed quiet during the drive, and about an hour later Will stopped the car and told Sam to get out. 

 

They were by a river, the smell of stale water strong and mosquitoes everywhere. There was a boat, not a big one, more like a canoe. 

 

“Get to the boat.” Will ordered. “You'll see Ben in one hour.”

 

Sam glimpsed at Will. “Alive?”

 

“For now.” Will smiled, again that cold smile. “And don't look at me like that. If it wasn't for you, none of this wouldn't have happened.”

 

“So it's my my fault that you're criminally insane?” Sam couldn't resist.

 

Will spent a whole minute staring at Sam, and his expression was like stone. Finally he spoke. “Know what, Sam? This is all your fault. I am so sick and tired of watching you getting off everything so easy-”

 

“Easy?!” Sam couldn't believe his ears. “Have you any idea of what you're even talking about??”

 

“Shut up!!!” Will shouted before he seemed to gain control of himself again. When he spoke again, his tone was almost friendly. “Yes, easy. You ruined everything. I had a plan, a real good one. And then you just HAD to fuck it up.”

 

Sam shook his head, having no idea what Will was talking about. But one thing was clear. Will was insane. One second he was acting almost normal, and the next moment the insanity took over. There was no way to try and talk some sense to Will, so reluctantly Sam got up and went to the canoe. He was almost sure that Ben was already rotting in some shallow grave but since he couldn't be sure, what else was he supposed to do? 

 

*

 

The first rays of sun penetrated the lush green roof the trees provided when they approached he place Will was taking them to. Sam had stayed quiet during the hour the trip had took, staring at the black water of the river, noticing snakes and toads and all kinds of reptiles. The temperature was rising again as it was morning, and the air was so moist it was almost like trying to breath water instead of air.

 

Sam thought about Dean. Dean had to be awake by now, and Sam only hoped that at some point, somewhere in the future, Dean would be able to forgive him.

 

The truth was, that Sam already knew that he wasn't going back. He would never see Dean again.

 

It was breaking his heart.

 

“We're here.” Will informed and jumped off the canoe, pulling it to the grassy shore. Sam didn't say anything, just got off the canoe and followed Will. 

 

“Where is he?”

 

Will let out an amused huff. “You really got attached to that boy...” He shook his head. “See, Sam... That's exactly your problem. You're ready to roll over and die for people you hardly even know. What do you think, if the roles were reversed... do you really think Ben would risk his life for you?”

 

“Where. Is. He.”

 

“Alright, alright!” Will raised his hands. “About a mile on foot. Come on.” Will started walking to the subtropical forest. Sam followed. 

 

“Tell me one thing...” Sam muttered. “All this trouble. For what? I know that you're in love with Dean, so what is this? Trading Ben to me and then trading me to Dean? That it?”

 

Will turned around and stopped, giving a cold look at Sam. “Love has nothing to do with this. This is strictly business.”

 

Sam couldn't help but smile. It was a bittersweet smile. Finally things started to make sense. “You know Will...” Sam sighed. “The thing I forgot because let's be honest – I didn't wanna believe in it – is that the one thing you love more everything... is money. Thinking about blackmailing Dean? Too bad for you, since Dean doesn't even know where I am right now.”

 

Once again Will's expression turned strange. He gave Sam a half smile. “If I wanted Dean's money, you wouldn't be here and neither would Ben. I just want what's mine, and this time there's no one to stop me. Like you said, Dean has no idea of where you are. Don't worry, Dean will live, go on just like before.” Will laughed. “Except that if he really loves you as much as I've understood, he'll spend the rest of his life tortured by the fact that he has no idea what happened to you. Mmmmh, must be true love I guess.”

 

“I thought you wanted Dean.” Sam said. He had no idea why he was so calm. “So if not... What do you want?”

 

“My money!!” Will was losing his temper. “The money I was promised! Then you and your precious boyfriend ruined it all. But it's not too late yet. I can still get what's mine.”

 

Sam was stunned. No. This couldn't be what his mind was providing him...

 

“You were in it.” Sam stated. “With Walker.”

 

“Yes!” Will sounded almost victorious. “Finally little Sammy figured it out! Too bad that your boyfriend's daddy shot Gordon before I got my share. And yes, it was me. I told them where to find you, gave them every possible information, even asked you to meet me in that café while those guys were just waiting outside. And now I want my reward.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Gordon's dead. You know it, I know it. I honestly can't figure out how a dead man could pay you.”

 

Will smirked. “You really think Walker didn't make arranges in case something like that would happen? Sure, the guy is dead, but the people who worked for him are not. And considering how much Gordie really hated you... Well, let's just say that dead or not, he really wanted you dead.” Will took a mock expression of sadness. “It was practically his dying wish.”

 

Sam closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So all this for... money.”

 

“Hell yeah!” Will laughed. “Enough money to disappear for good. No more shady customers, no more you and the golden boy of Winchesters. And as soon as I've killed you, all I need is a photograph, preferably one with your head off your shoulders because that's kinda hard to fake, and then I just go to one person, show the pic and get my money. Millions, Sam. Millions! Finally something's going right!”

 

“What about Ben?”

 

Will rolled his eyes looking annoyed. “If you really need to know... As soon as I'm done with you, Ben can walk. And I mean walk. Do you have any idea of where we are?” Will smiled. “In the middle of nowhere. And considering the fact that the boy is in not too good shape, I don't see him as a threat. He'll never make it out of these swamps alone. Mission accomplished.”

 

“You fucking piece of sh-”

 

Sam's fury was cut mid-sentence when something hard and heavy connected with the back of his head. At first the pain was hot white and blinding, and then...

 

...nothing.


	36. For The Kill

The first thing Sam realized when he regained consciousness was the throbbing pain at the back of his head. He kept his eyes closed, feeling slightly nauseous and more than a little disoriented. The next thing he came aware of was the smell, or rather a gut wrenching stench of old garbage and urine, and for a while he had to fight against the gag reflex that made him want to vomit right then and there. His last memories were a little hazy, but slowly he started remembering, the last memory being a white hot flash of pain. Will had knocked him unconscios. What had happened after that, he had no idea.

 

“Will...?” Sam asked quietly, mouth dry and his throat feeling a bit raw from thirst, but still not brave enough to open his eyes, afraid that even a slightest amount of light would trigger his gag reflex again, and he really didn't want to throw up all over himself. His head hurt so much it felt like his skull was going to explode.

 

“He's not here.” Came a weak whisper from somewhere close. So weak it was barely audible, but clearly filled with pain.

 

Sam opened his eyes, just a little, and saw Ben on the floor, tied up and looking like death warmed over. But at least he was alive. Barely, but still, and as long as there were life...

 

That was also when Sam realized that he couldn't move his arms. They were tied tightly behind his back and he was half slumped against the opposite wall across from Ben who stayed completely still on the rotting floor. Sam's legs were free but it didn't help one bit, he felt so dizzy he couldn't even imagine trying to stand up. Much less walk...

 

Sam risked opening his eyes a little more to take in his surroundings. They were in some sort of small cabin or a shed, rays of sunlight peeking through the cracks on the wooden walls. There was a window but it had been nailed closed, and when he turned his head a little he saw a door and was totally sure it was locked. Like he could have walked through it anyway, not to even mention Ben who would probably faint the moment he would try to sit up.

 

“Do you know where he is?” Sam asked weakly, looking back at Ben. Ben shook his head and grimaced at the movement, like every motion hurt. Which was probably true. Sam closed his eyes again and tried to make his mind work. He had to figure out something, anything, but no matter how hard he tried, all he came up was nothing. Despair was starting to take over. It was obviously daytime, not that Sam would have known unless the sunlight filtering to the half rotten shed, and by now... Dean had to be terrified. The thought filled him with guilt and sorrow, but when he had left it had seemed like the only option. To leave Dean behind. And now? Not only was Sam getting himself killed, but Ben too. He had achieved nothing. Will was going to kill them both, and Dean... God, Dean would spend the rest of his life not knowing what had happened, just like Will had promised.

 

Suddenly the door opened and Will walked in, taking a good look at Sam but only glimpsing at Ben before looking back at Sam again. 

 

“I see you're awake.” Will said with a toneless voice. “Time to go, Sam.”

 

Sam was being dragged to his feet, his knees feeling like giving up any second but Will was strong and dragged him outside. The light made Sam groan, the pain inside his skull exploding to whole new level. 

 

“You promised to let Ben go...” Sam panted, even the slightest movement making him feel exhausted and weak at knees. 

 

Will smiles cruelly. “And I will. As soon as you're dead. Let's go then...”

 

Sam tried to talk some more but it took all his strength to just keep up with Will. Sam had no idea where they were when Will shoved him down to the ground, and Sam collapsed like a bag of stones. He took a deep breath and looked up, only to realize that Will was holding a large knife, a machete of some kind, on his other hand.

 

“Told you...” Will said casually when he noticed what Sam was looking at. “I need that photograph and it's pretty hard to pretend of being beheaded.”

 

“Don't do this...” Sam swallowed and continued: “If you do this, there's no going back. You can still end this, right here, right now... it's not too late yet...”

 

Will huffed. “You can beg and plead all you want but let me tell you Sam, anything you might say has absolutely no meaning to me. Let me tell you something else. I'm sick and tired of this life. Fucking for money, being somebody's bitch. You got away, and like that wasn't enough you did it with the one person I have ever loved. Its all. Your. Fault. You did this to me, Sam. You. So just shut the fuck up because I don't give a shit about anything that comes out of your mouth unless it's blood.”

 

Sam swallowed again. That had been quite a tirade. If he could only keep Will talking, then maybe...

 

“So all these years?” Sam asked, bitterness now coloring his voice. “These five years... just an act? You were never my friend, were you?”

 

Will laughed like Sam had just said something hilarious. Then he grew serious. “No. At first I liked you. I really did. Even had a crush on you once, but hey, why dwell on the past.”

 

“So... what happened? What changed?”

 

“You think I don't know what you're doing, Sam? Buying time.” Will shook his head. “It doesn't change anything. You have been lucky so far, but this time no one's coming for you. And I already told you why. You stole everything I was supposed to have. Dean. A new life. And since I can't get that new life with Dean, I'm getting it with the money I get by killing you.”

 

“You really think so?” Sam smiled a little and pulled the last card from his sleeve. “Fine, go ahead. Kill me, take the photo and go get your reward. I bet there's only a bullet waiting, and it has your name in it.”

 

For a split second Will looked insecure. Then he seemed to get back in balance and grinned. “Nah. Those people are reliable. You're just trying to fuck with my head”

 

“Reliable?” Sam almost laughed. “Reliable like you are?”

 

“Fuck you, Sam. I was never loyal to you but you gotta admit, I got you played pretty well.” Will looked smug. “You are so fucking easy.” He sighed like he was bored. “Enough talking. Let's get on with the progress. On your knees.”

 

“Make me.” Sam growled, the sudden burst of anger surprising even himself. But it was good. Anger was good. It helped him to focus, and it also made him feel stronger. Will would not get away with this, even if Sam would kill him himself.

*

By 3pm Dean had made at least hundred phone calls. He had been up for twelve hours now, waking up at 3am only to find Sam gone. And since then he had been on the phone, at first calling Miami-Dade PD but they had just told him that with so little information there was practically nothing they could do, and because Sam had only been missing for an hour or so, he had maybe just went out for a walk or something. They told Dean to call again in few days if Sam wouldn't show up.

 

Dean had almost screamed at them, telling that a fucking psycho had kidnapped his life partner, but that hadn't helped squat. Sam had walked out of the door voluntarily, so it wasn't a kidnap case. There was no proof that anything had happened to Sam, so the police couldn't help until Sam had been missing for 48 hours. 

 

Dean had hung up. Sam didn't have 48 hours. What if he was already... No. No, Dean couldn't think that. He felt equal despair and rage. Despair for feeling totally useless and rage for the police who didn't even try to understand. And yes, he knew that Sam had walked out of that door himself, but freaking blackmailing someone to leave against their will? That WAS a fucking kidnap!

 

At some level he felt rage towards Sam too. Why the fuck had he left alone?? Yes, Dean knew why Sam had done too but it didn't make him feel any better. 

 

God, he just wanted Sammy back... Safe and sound... He just wanted Sam back...

 

Next Dean had called the FBI. They had taken him a little more seriously, but because there was absolutely no clue where Sam currently was, then... Not much help from there either.

 

Dean had called pretty much everywhere, but the situation seemed helpless.

 

Unless...

 

Dean wanted to smack himself for being so fucking stupid. 

 

He grabbed his cellphone and called his dad.

 

"John."

 

"Dad!" Dean tried not to yell but he couldn't help it. "I need your help. I really, really need your help!"


	37. If Miracles Exist...

  
Author's notes: I'm so sorry for the long period of time I haven't updated but I've been really sick for three weeks and only now starting to feel even slightly better. My apologies, hope you guys still enjoy the chapter. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


* * *

By the time John arrived with Caleb, Dean was ready start climbing on the walls. He couldn't stay in one place so he just kept walking around in circles, and when his Dad finally arrived Dean sighed out of relief, still praying it wasn't too late already. 

 

John wasted no time, just asked where Sam's laptop was and then handed it to Caleb.

 

“Caleb can hack into Sam's email account in few minutes, then we get the coordinates and everything else is already arranged.”

 

Once again Dean was more than glad that his father was an ex marine who could call few favors now and then. A helicopter was already waiting nearby, all they needed now were the exact coordinates. Dean didn't believe for a second that Sam and Will would be there anymore but they couldn't be too far, and right then he had to hang on to every little piece of hope he had left. 

 

“Got it!” Caleb said, wrote the coordinates down to his cell phone and got up. “Let's go.”

 

Dean followed his father and Caleb outside, sat on the backseat of the car and they drove to the place where a chopper was already waiting. All the time all Dean could think was Sam. He had never believed in God but now he actually prayed. Prayed that they would get there in time, that they would find Sam and that Sam would be okay. 

 

'Just a little longer...' Dean thought in his head, hoping that somehow Sam would sense his thoughts, even when Dean had never believed in such things either. 'I'm coming, baby. Don't give up. Fight! You have to fight! I love you. I love you so much you have no idea and I'm coming for you. Just hold on, I'll be there and I'll take you home and then make sure that no one will ever hurt you again. I love you, Sam. So, so much.'

 

***

 

“Get on your knees.” Will repeated his command but Sam didn't move a muscle, just kept staring at Will who was quickly losing his temper. “Get on your knees goddammit!!”

 

“Make me.” Sam repeated, voice calm and not a sign of fear in it. If he was going to die, then at least he wasn't going to give the bastard the joy of seeing him afraid. Which, strangely, he wasn't. In fact Sam felt almost peaceful, like some invisible force was protecting him and nothing Will threatened to do held no meaning because it wasn't going to happen. Or maybe Sam was just numb. Accepting death could work that way. No fear when there was no hope, but still Sam felt like there was hope, no matter how insane the feeling was. They were in the middle of nowhere, nothing but marshlands around, and even hikers didn't come to places like this. They were alone.

 

Finally Will got enough. “Fine. I'll drag you to your knees and...” He shook his head, looking almost amused. “You know what? I don't need to. You can just lay there. I was going to do this as fast and painless as possible, but you? Being suck a prick, I think I'll cut your head off nice and slow. How 'bout that?”

 

Sam didn't answer. A small movement had caught his eyes and now he could only stare at what was right beside Will's foot. It was unmoving, blended pretty well to it's surroundings, but it was clearly a snake. A thick, olive ground color, overlaid with dark brown blotches, and even when Sam didn't know almost anything about snakes, that one looked venomous. It was staying still for now, but Sam was quite sure that if Will moved--

 

”Will, listen to me.” Sam said with low voice. “Stay very, very still. There's a--”

 

“Fuck you...” Will huffed. “You've played your cards and now your sleeve is empty, and now, now I'm gonna--” Will had only lifted his foot about two inches when the snake stroke. Sam could only stare. Will was screaming, kicking his leg in the air but the snake held on and through his shock Sam realized that if the snake let go it could land right on top of him so he crawled as far as he could. Will was still screaming but he was also coughing now, screams turning to wheezes as he stumbled backwards, not realizing he was backing towards a riverbank before it was too late. Will fell in to the water, snake's teeth still deep above his ankle, and what happened next was like from some bad horror film.

 

There was a huge splash when Will fell backwards to the water, followed by even bigger splash and Sam wanted to look away but his eyes were like glued to what was happening. He saw glimpses of a large reptile, -alligator, his mind whispered through the horror- heard Will's screams when ever his head came above the surface, saw the water turning red, and then, just as fast it had started it ended and Sam was alone, only the red shade of water being a proof that what he had just saw had been real.

 

Sam sat there like he was paralyzed. His mind was totally blank and his eyes stared at the water, knowing that Will wouldn't climb up the riverbank, but still unable to move, unable to process his feelings.

 

After some time, Sam had no idea how long, he got up and started walking. His feet were still weak and his body hurt, but after the numbness subsided he knew that his body was working on adrenaline. He didn't think, just tried to remember the direction from where Will had dragged him to the river. He had to get Ben. That was priority number one.

 

Then what? He had no idea.

 

***

 

Dean was fidgeting on his seat on the flight to Florida. The sound of the choppers motors was loud but did nothing to drown his thoughts and fears. He couldn't relax, couldn't do anything but think of Sam and pray that he would see his lover one more time. 

 

John was awake and stared out of the window beside him. Caleb was dozing off on the other seat, and Dean had no idea how someone could sleep in a situation like that. For a moment it made him angry -Sam's life was on the line!- but then realized that sleeping or not, there was nothing Caleb could do while they were in the air and his thoughts returned to Sam. Sam's chocolate brown hair, his sparkling hazel eyes, slightly slanted. Sam's dimples when he smiled that smile that was able to light the whole room up. Sam's hands, his body, the texture of his skin. Soft lips that Dean would have paid anything to kiss again... 

 

Dean sighed. He was torturing himself, and for a while he was jealous of Caleb's ability to rest practically anywhere, but no matter how hard Dean tried to relax, he just couldn't.

 

In Dean's opinion, the flight took forever. When they finally landed, Dean was ready to jump up and down, he was anxious as hell and everything seemed to happen too slowly. He knew he was acting like a ferret on meth, but he just couldn't help it.

 

Caleb had once again used his contacts and tracked down the taxi company Will had used to pick up Sam. He had already spoke with the driver, and at least they now knew where Will had taken Sam. It was a snowball's chance in hell that they would have stayed there, but it was a start, and it meant that they were one step closer to-- 

 

Dean's thought processes shut down at that point. Finding Sam. Yeah. But finding him... in what condition? Alive? He didn't even think about the other option.

 

Suddenly a man approached them. He was slightly taller than average, had long black hair and brown eyes that looked almost black. It was obvious that he was partly native American.

 

“This is Jake Whitetree, the best tracker there is.” Caleb introduced the man and suddenly Dean felt hope blooming in his chest. He had never seen that man before, but his instincts told him that if anyone could find Sam, it would be this man.

 

Jake was obviously a man who didn't waste words. “Hello.” Was the only thing he said before walking towards the road, inspecting the gravel road for a moment and returning to the car. “The gravel is damp and there are only one tire tracks going deeper to the Glades so this is easy. It would have been harder if there had been rain. Let's go.”

 

All four man stepped inside the car, Caleb on the driver's seat and Jake next to him so that he could trace the car tracks. John sat on the backseat with Dean and looked at his son, seeing worry and fear written all over Dean's face. “We'll find him.” John said quietly. “We'll find Sam. I promise.”

 

Dean didn't answer, just stared out of the window. Right then words meant nothing to him. Only having Sam back in his arms did.

 

***

 

Somehow Sam managed to find the shed. The door was unlocked, and Sam rushed inside, even when every muscle in his body protested against fast movements. Ben seemed to be unconscious and Sam checked his vitals quickly before turning to find something to cut the ropes with. The only thing he found was a fairly big shard of glass. It wasn't the best thing he could think of, but it would have to do.

 

It took time, but finally Sam managed to cut the last shred of rope and Ben was free. 

 

Now what? 

 

Sam sat on the floor and massaged his temples with his fingertips. Now that the biggest adrenaline rush was over, his headache was returning, and he knew he had to think of something really fast before the lightning inside his skull would make thinking impossible.

 

Then he remembered. On the canoe, Will had used a row, which meant that they had traveled against the stream. So, if he could get Ben and himself in to the canoe and let it just flow along the stream... There was no guarantee where they would end up, but it was still better than laying down and dying here. 

 

Soon Sam noticed that an unconscious person, no matter how badly underweight, was really hard to move, especially when Sam himself wasn't in too good condition, but he managed to half carry, half drag Ben to the canoe and laid him on the floor of the small wooden thing. It took all the power he had left to push the canoe to the water, and the sudden image of reptile's tail and bloody water made him shiver, but he didn't give up, just pushed harder and used the last remains of his strength to jump to the canoe when it was on the water. After that he slumped down to the bench on the other side of the canoe and closed his eyes, letting the stream carry them where ever it would.

 

***

 

Jake was frustrated, everyone could see that. They had followed the tire tracks as long as they went and found an abandoned Jeep, but that's where the tracks ended. Jake had found different kind of tracks by the riverbank and told that after the car Will and Sam had continued the journey with a canoe, and there was no way to track someone down by water.

 

Dean was ready to scream. John, Caleb and Jake were talking and arguing, but Dean didn't pay much attention to that. Not when the last remains of hope had just been taken away from him. He wanted to cry and curse and throw himself to the ground like a five year old having a temper tantrum. 

 

And suddenly everything went silent,

 

Dean turned to look at what had caused the silence and saw his father and the other two man standing by the river, staring at something. He walked beside them and saw what had made them shut their mouths. 

 

There was something on the river coming towards them. It was still too far to see clearly, but it looked like a boat of some kind with a human figure in it. And Dean knew. He could have seen Sam's figure a mile away and still recognize him.

 

“It's Sam!” Dean breathed because he had suddenly lost his voice. “It's Sam!” He repeated, louder this time, and when the canoe came closer, John and Caleb now saw it too. 

 

“Sam!” Dean yelled and waved his arms. At first there was no reaction and Dean felt cold hands of fear gripping his heart, but he kept yelling Sam's name, and finally Sam's head moved slightly and he turned to look at Dean. Dean saw Sam's lips moving but couldn't hear the words. Still, he knew that Sam had just said his name. God, Sam was alive! What had happened? Where was Will? What about Ben? Dean had million questions and zero answers, but all that meant nothing, because soon the canoe was so close to the bank that Jake stepped in to the water and pulled it on dryer land. 

 

They noticed a young boy laying on the bottom and Jake started inspecting the damage done to Ben, but the only thing Dean could do was to help Sam to the river bank and then they both collapsed down. Dean held on tight, as tight as he dared since he didn't know if Sam had broken bones or something, and when Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and held him just as tight, Dean almost broke down.

 

Sam. Alive. Holding him. 

 

For Dean it was the best feeling in the whole world.


	38. Coming Back Home (With You)

“Are you okay?“ Dean whispered against Sam's neck, unable of letting go of Sam for even a second. “Broken bones? What happened back there? Where's Will?”

 

Sam closed his eyes and inhaled Dean's scent, so grateful of being alive because if anything was worth living, it was this.

 

“I don't know...” Sam finally whispered. “I'm just so tired and my head hurts. I'll tell you everything when-”

 

“Sure, no hurry. Just take your time.”

 

Little farther away Jake was talking with John and Caleb. Ben was in really bad condition and needed immediate help, but that required a helicopter and there was no place where it could land. So Jake decided that he would take Ben to the nearest place where the helicopter could land, and reminded that Sam needed a physical check too. 

 

The car was too small for six people, so they decided that Jake would drive Ben to the landing place with Caleb. Jake would go with Ben to the hospital and Caleb would drive the car back. To get the rest of the men. They looked at Sam and Dean, still on the ground holding each other and decided that Sam's condition didn't seem to be life threatening, and they would drive him to the hospital after Ben was on his way.

 

Jake and Caleb settled Ben on the backseat, trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible. Then they left and John looked at Sam and Dean again. He could see how they were wrapped around each other, and the sight was so intimate that John didn't want to interrupt them. Instead he sat down on a big rock and started thinking. He was sure there were still people out there who wanted to hurt the boys, and so he started making plans...

 

“I swear...” Dean choked out, all these feelings overwhelming him, “that if you ever try to get yourself killed again I'll chain you to our home for the rest of your life. I as so fucking worried about you... and mad at you for taking off in the middle of the night, but that doesn't matter anymore. I got you back, and nothing else matters.”

 

Sam moved his head slightly so that he could meet Dean's eyes.

 

“No more running. No more stupid stunts. I promise.” After a silent moment he continued: “The only thing that kept me going was you. The way Will told me that he wouldn't kill you because it would be much more cruel punishment if you never found out what exactly happened to me. I couldn't let that happen. And suddenly I just felt calm, like I knew you were coming and everything would turn out fine. It did.”

 

Dean was quiet for a long time, and Sam was almost ready to ask if something was wrong, when Dean finally spoke.

 

“I prayed for you.” A pause. “I have never believed in God, but I still prayed for you.”

 

Sam was out of words. And then he didn't even have time to say anything but a silently whispered 'thank you' before Caleb returned and herded them all into the car. Dean supported Sam on the short walk to the car and claimed the backseat for them. Caleb drove and John sat shotgun.

 

The drive was spent mostly in silence, but at one point Dean looked at Sam and asked just one word: “Will?”

 

“Dead.” Sam answered, something in his expression changing, like a dark cloud had just covered his beautiful features. Dean didn't ask for details. Sam would tell when he was ready for it.

 

***

 

The doctor checked Sam, and everyone was relieved when all Sam had were few bruises, cuts, and a mild concussion. Cuts and bruises would heal on their own, but the doctor made very clear that there had to be someone with Sam at least for couple of days because of the concussion.

 

Dean looked at the doctor like he was out of his mind. There was no way Dean would let Sam out of his sight! Okay, maybe to use the toilet but Sam was definitely not going anywhere else without him. Dean felt so protective towards Sam, and once again he was amazed how much falling in love with Sam had changed him. Before Sam Dean had been careless, only settling for one night stands, not even believing he could actually get into a steady relationship with anyone. Until there was Sam. And now he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. Sam had really saved Dean from himself.

 

“Okay.” The doctor's voice interrupted Dean's thoughts. “There's no serious damage but someone has to spend the next couple of days with him, and if he starts getting headaches and blurry vision, take him to the hospital right away. Is there anyone you know that you could go to for few days, Sam?”

 

“Me.” Dean said right away. “We live together. I'll take care of Sam.”

 

“That's good.” The doctor smiled. “If there's no questions, I would like to go and see how our other patient is doing.”

 

“The last time Ben was kidnapped from the hospital...” Sam said quietly. “What if...”

 

“I have read his files, and I am aware of those things. There is 24 hour surveillance outside Ben's room until he's recovered enough to be moved to a hospital closer to where you live. I understood that that was what you wished.”

 

Sam nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”

 

Sam was exhausted, Dean could see that. But there were still things that needed to clarified before they could leave Florida.

 

***

 

Jake was waiting outside of the hospital. He had some questions for Sam, and even when Jake could see that Sam needed food and sleep, he needed to know what had happened back in the marshes. Had Sam killed Will? 

 

“Sam!” Jake called when he saw him coming out of the hospital doors with the two Winchesters, Caleb following few feet behind them. “I'm sorry about the time and situation, but I need to ask you one question.” 

 

Sam looked tired but nodded.

 

“What happened to the kidnapper?” Jake asked. “Don't worry, whatever it was, it was self defense. No one is accusing you of anything. I just need to know.” 

 

Sam was confused. “Why? I mean, I was told that you're a tracker. The police will question me later anyway.”

 

Jake sighed. “And that's why I'm asking you now. Yes, I'm a tracker, but I also work for the Miami-Dade Police Department. And If I can get your statement now, it will much more easier and I don't think you have to come back here to answer those questions.” Jake looked at Sam. “Please, Sam, tell me what happened.”

 

“Okay.” Sam's voice was quiet and Dean noticed that right away. Jake pulled a recorder out of his pocket.

 

“Mind if I record this?” He asked. Sam shook his head. He took a couple of deep breaths and started telling everything that had happened ever since he had got out of the plane. His voice was monotone and he didn't express any emotions, not even when he got to the snake and alligator part which made the other men either widen their eyes or move a little nervously. Sam told everything, and when he was finished, he just stood there, staring over Jake's shoulder but not really seeing anything. Dean went by his side and placed his hand gently on Sam's shoulder. The things that Sam had described were shocking, but Sam looked like he wasn't even there, didn't even flinch when Dean's hand landed on his shoulder. 

 

It kind of scared Dean. He had seen how Sam acted when he shut out the rest of the world, and he could only hope that this wasn't that kind of thing. Maybe Sam was still in shock too. He was acting way too calm, considering what he had gone through and the thing he'd had to witness. 

 

“Can you describe me the animals?” Jake asked and Sam didn't move, didn't look at Jake, just kept staring at somewhere far away.

 

After hearing the descriptions Jake sighed. “My guess is it was a Gator, American Alligator. It's quite rare that they attack people, but since the guy fell to the water where the gator was already, my guess is it simply defended itself, feeling threatened. The snake was without a doubt a diamondback.”

 

“Diamondback?” Dean asked, his expression confused. “What kind of a snake is called 'diamondback'??”

 

“It's Crotalus adamanteus, Diamondback rattlesnake, name coming from it's patterns that are much like diamond shaped. Diamondback venom is a potent hemotoxin that kills red blood cells and causes tissue damage. Bites are extremely painful and can be fatal to humans. However, antivenin is widely available throughout the snake's range, and bites rarely result in death, but considering how far in the marshes you were, he was a lost cause even without the alligator. The gator actually did him a favor. He would have died anyway, in this case it just took minutes instead of hours.”

 

Sam still didn't show any reaction to anything Jake said, but Dean couldn't help himself. Oh how he would have wanted that bastard suffer for hours, the venom eating his flesh away... 

 

But Will was dead and that was what mattered, and Dean didn't feel even slightest guilt of being pleased thinking how horrible Will's death had been. It was everything the fucker deserved.

 

“Was that all?” Sam asked with quiet voice. “I'd like to go home now.”

 

“Sure, sure, I got it all on tape.” Jake said and smiled for the first time during this whole time. “Just don't get yourself in trouble anymore. Okay?”

 

Sam actually managed to smile a little too and Dean breathed out a breath of relief. Finally a sign of some emotions...

 

Sam turned to face Dean, the empty look in his eyes gone, and bent down to kiss him softly on the lips. “Thank you for coming for me.” He said quietly. “The thought of you kept me alive.”

 

“Don't ever think that I wouldn't.” Dean said, voice serious before softening, barely a whisper against Sam's lips. “I love you more that you cold understand. To me, you're everything.” 

 

“Right back at you.” Sam smiled gently but it was so visible how exhausted he was. “Can we go home now?”

 

“Yeah...” Dean smiled back. “That sounds good. Perfect, actually.”

 

***

 

Sam slept the whole flight across the country, leaning his head against Dean's shoulder and snoring quietly. Dean decided that Sam was in no condition to cook, and since Dean's own cooking skills were limited to barbeque, it would be takeout for at least few days. But not Chinese or any of that. Dean would get them food from proper restaurants and nurse Sam back to health. 

 

When the flight landed, Dean had to wake Sam up. “Hey, buddy. We just landed. Let's go home.”

 

They took a cab and as soon as Sam was out of his dirty clothes, showered and swallowed down at least a gallon of water he headed to the bedroom. “You coming?” Sam asked and Dean smiled and followed, stripping off his clothes on his way and not caring one bit where they landed. 

 

“I feel like sleeping for a week...” Sam murmured and Dean kissed him softly. 

 

“You can do that if you want. Let's get to bed. It's been a long day.”

 

They crawled under the covers, and Sam was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Dean stayed awake for a while longer, just looking at Sam.

 

He decided that miracles existed.

 

He was currently looking at one.


	39. Good Morning Sunshine

Soft morning light filtered through the curtains when Dean woke up. To be completely honest, he hadn't slept much, first unable to stop looking at Sam and thinking how close he had been of losing him and again, and then waking up every single time Sam had made even a slightest sound or movement. Still, Dean didn't feel tired at all. In fact he felt like his whole body was filled with energy. And joy. And gratitude. 

 

Dean sighed, gently brushed a strand of hair from Sam's forehead, placed a soft kiss against his cheek and reluctantly got out of bed. Sam would be hungry when he would wake up, so Dean closed the bedroom door behind him as silently as possible and went to the living room, opened his cell phone and ordered breakfast from the nearby Deli. After the call he just sat on the couch with his cell in his hands and thought. 

 

Sam had went through hell -again- and there was no denying it. Dean wanted to do something to help him, but he was no therapist. All he had to offer was his love and support – and the fact that he really would chain Sam to the bed for the rest of his life if his lover even showed a slightest sign of doing something like that again. But then again, Dean understood why Sam had done it alone. He knew, that Sam had left without him to keep him safe. But what Sam obviously didn't understand was that the prospect of living without Sam was just as same as pointing a gun straight at Dean's heart and pulling the trigger. And that right there was something that Dean had to make Sam understand. 

 

What had Dean had before Sam? Really? Work. One night stands. Coming home alone. Not even visiting his parents or his sister that often. 

 

His life had been just an endless row of empty days.

 

And then there had been Sam. Sam, a hooker that Dean had seen walking down the street that one night driving back from the office. He still didn't know why he had slowed down and stopped the car. He didn't do hookers, he didn't have to. There were escorts, high class company, and even more surely that didn't explain why he had picked Sam, because Dean didn't even have to pay for sex if he didn't want to. Sure, it was easier with escorts. No strings attached, no 'I call yous', no complications. But when he had seen Sam, something inside him had made him stop the car. 

 

Maybe it had been work. All the pressure, the deadlines, the stress. Maybe Dean had just wanted to have some insane relief from someone who didn't expect to be treated with silk gloves like they were world's most expensive treasures. Yeah, that was it. He had just wanted to fuck and get it over with.

 

But when Sam had smiled...

 

Yes, Dean had needed someone for the business trip, but a hooker?? Still, he had went for it, asked Sam about his education and parents and stuff -just like he would with any other other person he would consider hiring- and to Dean's honest surprise Sam had turned out to be highly educated, smart and witty. Not at all what Dean had expected. Nor had he expected the insane pull he felt toward Sam. Sexually, yes. At least at first...

 

So, he had hired Sam. And not only hired, he had wanted Sam to stay for a night. And the next one, and the next... and Dean Winchester had never before wanted anyone to stay til morning. But there had been something about Sam; how honest he had been, how open. Nothing like those statue-like escorts or needy pick ups from bars or nightclubs. Sam hadn't asked for anything, hadn't demanded anything, not even his name, and that right there had been something Dean couldn't understand, because everybody in this world wanted something. But not Sam. Meeting Sam had turned Dean's world upside down, and for the first time in his life Dean had felt like he didn't have to pretend to be perfect, that he had a permission to be... human.

 

And then he had fell in love with Sam. And it had been the best thing that had ever happened to him, because now when he looked back, the person he had been or pretended to be... Dean didn't even recognize that person anymore. It had been just a cover, a shield to hide his fear of getting hurt.

 

“Jesus!!”

 

Dean nearly jumped off the couch when the intercom rang and he rushed to it.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“The breakfast you ordered is here. Should I send it up, sir?”

 

Dean sighed. “Yeah... Yeah, send it up. Thank you Andrew.”

 

“Who's Andrew...?” Came a sleepy voice behind Dean as soon as he had ended the call. Dean turned around and couldn't help but smile as he saw Sam, leaning against the bedroom door frame wearing only pajama pants and his hair a ruffled mess. 

 

“Andrew...” Dean smiled as he made his way to Sam and kissed him softly, “...is a guy who's sending breakfast up here. Hungry?”

 

“Starving...” Sam muttered and scratched his belly. “I didn't hear you getting up.”

 

“I was trying not to wake you up.” Dean reached out his hand and touched Sam's temple carefully. “How's your head?”

 

“Better...” Sam leaned in to the touch. “Even better after I get something in my belly...”

 

Dean laughed a bit. “Already arranged. Come here.”

 

Dean took Sam's hand and led him to the kitchen table just as the elevator doors opened and food was rolled in. Sam tried to get up and help as soon as they were alone again but Dean sternly guided him back to the chair and started setting the table. 

 

“You. Sit. Eat.” 

 

Dean smiled as he saw Sam smirking and making a mock salute. “Yes, sir.”

 

“And don't call me sir.”

 

“Yes, sir.” Sam grinned and dug in to his food. 

 

Dean snorted. “Brat...”

 

Sam just smiled as Dean walked behind him and hugged him. “But you know what?” He kissed Sam's earlobe before whispering: “You'll be the world's most pampered brat from now on.”

 

As they ate, Dean came to a conclusion that picking up Sam from the street was the best thing he had ever done.

 

He also knew, that at some point they would have to go through what had happened in Florida, but when he looked at Sam, and Sam caught him looking and smiled...

 

Yeah, they would have to go through it, but not today, because if there was heaven on earth... This, seeing Sam smile was it, and they both deserved a little bit of it.


End file.
